Assisted Squirrel Homicide

Just poison that fucker

>>39052562
It only eats chestnuts from a neighbor's tree, which is beyond my reach. It drops them all around the yard but never retrieves them, nor does it frequent any other place where I could leave it a laced substance.

I will try placing some traps in the trees though, any suggestions on what household products make a potent poison?

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>>39052547
Bait him into a corner or something and then beat it with a blunt object. Or use an improvised flamethrower. Just make sure you have something to put out any fires that the flamethrower or little fucker starts.

>>39052547
Dress up like a squirrel and relax in your grass and pretend to eat a big acorn. The squirrel will come over and thats when you start to conversate with the squirrel and gain its trust. Invite the squirrel and its family over form some acorns, BUT, what the squirrels dont know is that the acorns are drugged and they all go to sleep. You tie each family member To chairs and thats when the REAL fun starts. You take off your squirrel head to reveal that you are actual a human and start to go on a rant about how much you hate that squirrel. Then you untie his wife and beat her brutally and begin to rape her infront of the squirrel and his kids. Then you cum the dad squirrels face and smear it all over with a knife and then you behead them all. EZPZ

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Here's the target.

It goes from Redwood to redwood, which are quite bushy and makes tracking difficult.

My phone camera is not the best I am afraid, nor am I the best photographer.

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>>39052547
Talk to your nearby birds, cats and dogs. Plot together to overthrow the little bastard from his high tree.
Be sure to state to the horde that you want to be the leader. You don't want the cat to be in the high tree.

I used to shoot at squirrels a lot as a kid, and here is my advice

Set a bird feeder or any kind of bait

Get a more powerful weapon

Have you tried 00 buckshot?

>>39052835
>get a real BB gun, not a plastic pistol
>pump that fucker up
>sit in your backyard patiently
>wait for the squirrel to stand still for one second
>slowly raise your BB gun
>aim for the head

Another weapon you could consider is a bow and arrow, but you'll have to wait until he's on the ground for that to be safe to use.

>>39052882
>>39052967
I'm a califag and live in a crowded area. Last thing I need is a cop knocking again because the neighbors heard a loud noise.

>introduce new squirrel to backyard
>squirrels are territorial
>they will fight
>hopefully cunt squirrel dies and new squirrel wins
>simply return the squirrel you purchased to your nearest squirrel shop

Update:

Had 2 run-ins and both times it escaped. Baseball bat is too short, so I'll have to adapt to a medium range combat.

Electrocute it by assembling a deathrap of metal wires spanning across your yard.

Go outside when you smell burnt fur.

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>>39052547
get a powerfull air rifle or use a bottle silencer on a 22 short / use 22 ratshot

>>39053024
The BB gun guy is right, but a warning:

Getting hit by a BB will kill the fucker, but not right away. He will scream for a while.

And it will haunt your dreams.

>I did this when I was 8 and it still haunts mine.

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Fission Mailed.

The fucker climbed out of our yard and into the largest tree in the neighborhood.

It'll be back. I just know it.

I set out some pesticide laced peanut butter, but other than that, the parameter defenses are minimal at best.

I have not given up though. Next attempt in approximately 2-3 hours for psychological preparedness.

We'll get him next time.

>>39052547
OK one quick question:

How is the squirrel tormenting you?

I assume my yard is full of squirrels, but I barely notice them 99% of the time.

Did this squirrel rape your mom or something? Does he play loud rap music?

>>39053708
The squirrel represents all which opposes mine own ideals, and for that it must be eradicated from existence so I may know peace.

I have a lot of squirrels in my neighborhood, and I practice "trap and release."
>be me
>have a squirrel sized live trap
>bait it with peanuts, squirrels live peanuts
>squirrel goes in
>eats peanuts and trips door
>squirrel is trapped
>bring trap to garage
>shoot little fucker in the head with crossbow pistol, one shot right at the base of the skull
>this releases the squirrel into the afterlife
>wrap squirrel corpse in olastic
>put in freezer
>sell squirrel corpses to people tithing big hungry sneks
>feels good man