I want to become a necromancer. How do I do it?

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First you have to give me your social security number and NIP.

Gotta fuck a corpse, anon.

>>39049363
Necromancer sounds like a 30+ y/o virgin in prison for life.

>>39049439
Nice try NSA. I am going to kill your wife, resurrect her and fuck her for eternity

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You travel down a dark path.

>>39049363
i know this is bait, but just in case someone out there is dumb enough to think this possible, it isn't stop wasting your life

>>39049363
All wizards operate with the help of a higher power. To get necromancy you must really want it. There are two types. The holy route and the dark magic route.
The holy route requires vigourous meditation and prayers to God. Prayers to see and hear from your beloved once more...
The other route is one of suffering. This will force the rattling of bones and the disturbance of spirits. It will bring great curses to those who lack a strong will.

>>39049523
You mean a dork path

>>39049759
I want to have undead army and shit. Can God give me that?

>>39049834
>Undead army
For what purpose?

>>39049363
Well you've come to the right place. You must have known there are a handful of PHD certified necromancers lurking here on this very board! Let me get you started.

So first you're gonna wanna go to necromancy school. Aka get a degree in mortuary science. DO NOT get a physician's degree, that will warp your thinking trust me I promise. I had a friend who wanted to go down the same road as I did but that faggot got brainwashed by the commies to "help" people and prevent them from our ultimate goal: fuck with the dead!

Got that necromancy degree, anon? Ok, GREAT, now there's some voodoo spells worth practicing. You find these recipes in elderly homes and amongst disguised lumberjacks. I can only help so much, OP, the rest you have to discover on your own. Why? Well, fuck you, I worked HARD to find these. But I'm wonderful and pristine and will enlighten you.

You'll need a dead body. Doesn't matter if it's buried or not. It'll get itself outta there :)
Also obtain a plant from the family rosaceae, pluck the thorns. Stick them into the tips of your fingers. With mammal blood of your choice, draw the Chinese character for "bring forth" above the resting place, or directly on the corpse. The first necromancer was a weeb like us, go figure.
Say these words. The pronunciation isn't as important since the language is dead now. Try your best.
>O hominem excitare. Aut mulieri, Im 'non poneret aliquid ...
>Evenire, obsecro
>Venite ad iurantis testisque
>Sentit malum, homini
Then, place your palm to the body or above the resting place, and release your inner strength to animate the deceased.

The body will burst through the ground, or simply get up, and furthermore will await your orders. This is a beginner's recipe, so this will last, well... 5 minutes? A few minutes if it's daylight and the sun's out.

Oh, and your requests can be in any language. Necromancy reanimation has been updated by the board of necromancers, and there shouldn't be any bugs...
Good luck!

>>39049363
Level up your conjuration

I want to become a negromancer

>>39049363
Find chaos emeralds. Your final opponent is me.

>>39049759
>great curses
who are you talking to? who do you think you are talking to?
someone opens their door and gets rattled and you think thats me?
i am the one who rattles.

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>>39050571
You're going to need lots of watermelon, fried chicken, and free gibs if you want to pursue that route. You'll want to go to the DNC where they house the most powerful Negromancers in the world.

>>39050652
I was trying to make a joke wizard pepe, i am deeply regretful for wasting your precious time. My true desire is to become a shitposting mage. I have a decently sized folder of reaction images and particularly smug anime girls and make regular use of argument fallacies in order to upset either my opponent or the bystanders. I think I'm on the right path but do you have any more tips?

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>>39050813
Remember that if you're in an argument, and they come up with a good counterpoint to what you're saying, make sure to infer that you're previous posts meant something completely different than what you said to confuse them.
Also make sure to use samefagging to make it seem like other people agree with you, especially if you're arguing something blatantly retarded. The person you're talking to will become infuriated thinking that this many people are this stupid and leave.

>>39050947
Wow, i never thought of that. Moving goalposts to such retarded extremes and samefagging is surely going to infuriate people. Thank you your Highness

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>>39050248
Or alternatively you could pray to some idols gotten off the blackmarket.
>Being this much of an acade-mancer