/feel/ thread

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>have to study because I'm retaking 9 exams for classes I've failed the past 3 semesters
>after studying for half an hour I lose interest, think of how little I care about my future and call it a day
>no way I'm passing any of them if I keep doing this but genuinely don't care
>only thing i care about is that I'll disappoint my parents again
still can't bring myself to do it, my chest feels so heavy and tight with anxiety

i've got a severe obsession with the thought of dying/death, probably stemming from the nihilistic viewpoints i've held since i was about 11. i habe fantasies of literally killing every single person on the planet along with myself. i have to push away my more direct homicidal thoughts so i can fit into society like a functioning human.

i want to get in a nuclear war, not because i'm "too pussy to kill myself", but i would honestly love to be alive during the end of the world. endless lawbreaking, no one gives a shit, we can prepare for our last moments with the people we love and whatnot. the human race is far too gone as far as i'm concerned. we've fucked up too bad and there's no point in fixing anything anymore, we're meaningless

work a job I hate, have no hobby, have no friends, have no girlfriend. i guess that's what most people here feel though. i just keep living a life i hate so i can keep living a life i hate.

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>>39029090
Since i believe in god.
Death isn't the answer, i will still be alive somewhere out there.
What i truly want is to not exist. I don't wanna play this game anymore, i hope god grants me the wish to end my existence (probably gonna send me to hell desu).
>the ride never ends

Also as a khhv friendless 23 yo, years of negative reinforcement set my road to constant suffering and neglect. I dress nicely, i groom myself, i try to be social but for whatever reason people avoid like the plague.
Idk maties, it's a curse.
>the ride never ends

it's my birthday today. im pretty much celebrating by myself

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>>39029343
>i just keep living a life i hate so i can keep living a life i hate.
this is exactly what it feels like, it's been around 5 years I've lived in pretty much isolation, even before that I felt miserable though and I don't understand why

When I see people out who seem joyous it seems like they're from a different universe

>>39029509
happy birthday, anon. buy yourself a nice little somethin'-somethin'

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>>39029296
>i want to get in a nuclear war, not because i'm "too pussy to kill myself", but i would honestly love to be alive during the end of the world. endless lawbreaking, no one gives a shit, we can prepare for our last moments with the people we love and whatnot.
Yea, I want that too but also the too pussy part

>the human race is far too gone as far as i'm concerned. we've fucked up too bad and there's no point in fixing anything anymore, we're meaningless
I feel similarly, but also from a humanitarian standpoint I don't see how anyone can argue against voluntary human extinction, no more suffering for anyone, no more poverty, disease, depression, just the sweet nothingness of nonexistence

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>>39029343
>i just keep living a life i hate so i can keep living a life i hate.
Stop pushing to the edge.
It's been 2 months and a half i didn't go outside except to buy food in the local grocery. I refuse to see other people happy enjoying the summer with their gfs and friends.

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>>39029406
I don't even try any of that, there's two funny guys in my class who like me and have invited me out a few times but I always say no because socialization makes me feel nothing, I used to think it was the answer but other than a little temporary comfort it does nothing for this constant anxiety and endless self-pity I feel compelled to experience

>>39029509
happy birthday anon, if it's any consolation I've spent every birthday alone since I was 11-12 (other than my mom wishing me a happy birthday)

lately, every time I think of how much I hate my life, I get this sort of light-nauseated feeling in my stomach. and I keep thinking about it because every little thing reminds me. I wish I could tell somebody, just anybody, and I wish that they could help me in some way but that isn't possible. Last night my mom asked if I ever get lonely and I said "no, never" like I always do.

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>>39029509
By yourself and me anon.

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>>39029509
happy day of this your birth.

My skin hurts from being out in the sun and I'm coming off an alcohol high. I want to die.

>>39029576
yes, exactly. what would the earth lose if humans left? trick question, we're the only species who's smart/dumb enough to have these conversations. fuck us.

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>>39029711
>every time I think of how much I hate my life, I get this sort of light-nauseated feeling in my stomach.
You might not believe me anon, but I feel that too

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>>39029908
>yes, exactly. what would the earth lose if humans left?
fuck earth too, shit planet, as far as I'm concerned we should be accelerating global warming to spare all living beings from existence

I can't stand vegans who pretend to care about animals but want them to keep living, the only true sympathy for any living being is extinction

Imagine being a baby gazelle, you're born, you've got some semblance of self-consciousness, probably somewhat "confused" in a primal way, your instinct tells you to learn to walk and feed, you survive a few months like this, instinct driving you to feed and follow the pack and eventually you get torn to shreds by some lioness in a horrific manner

is that an existence worth living

>>39029090
im so lonely... i have nobody
And my comment isn't even original

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>>39029090
I had a date to kms a few weeks ago, got put in a mental hospital for a two weeks. I gtfo as soon as I could, I have been in one before but it was in a cahms one (for kids). I kind of enjoyed it, it was one of the fullest experiences of my life. But it haunts me now.
I thought I`d actually try at life, give it a go for once. But everyday the past just weighs down on me heavy. One of the best things that can happen to someone is a second chance, one of the worst things that can happen is if they ruin it. My mistakes... just..... I could have been someone else. I coulda been me. But I fucked it up. And its what I deserve my mistakes are my own. I`m in constant limbo everyday half of me wants to commit suicide, the other wants me to live. And a bit of both just want me to suffer.
The worst part is, seeing the people you screwed it up with. I lost all my friends, and I see the occasionally on Facebook and maybe Instagram if I have the balls to go on, but theyre always happy or doing something. being themselves. I`m not thought of bitterly, or fondly, the worst thing is not being thought of at all. I`m forgotten. I`m an anon in my own life.
>I dont want a reply or anything, it just feels a little better shouting into the void, feels less lonely just typing it out for people to see.

>>39030040
100% agree with you, but sparing earth and only purposeful extinction of humans seems like the bare minimum we could do that would ever have a chance of being accepted by mainstream society. a very miniscule chance. fucking idiots, desu

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its saturday night and i dont have a single friend to spend it with
im gonna drink and play video games like i do every night

>>39030150
B my fran ploxxx

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>>39030128
Even that is a reach, it'd have to be involuntary but really it's not our problem, we'll eventually die and the rest of the world can keep breeding and doing what they 'want', following their animalistic instincts, here's a song for this mood that I'm listening to rn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGXBuhpMJ00

>>39030150
Same, but I can't imagine I would feel any better, I used to spend some time with friends when i was 14-15, made me feel very little honestly

>>39029509
happy birthday, Anon. I hope you're having a nice day despite it all

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>>39029509
Happy birfday anon!

>Be to neet to go to a good psychiatrist
> first psy don't look at or take notes, past medical records, or gives two shits
> take medicine that causes me to have pain. I have to deal with this for months.
>Finally gets new psychiatrist she seems to give more shits about me
>she can't seem to get old medical records for me.
>she has me try some meds and says if anything just stop taking it.
>take new meds
>I'm excited and think to myself this is going to be a new beginning for me, I'm going to start living my life fully.
> lying in bed right now because I'm in so much fucking pain because of the meds she gave me.
>just end me already.

>>39029509
Anon, you got a steam wishlist?

>>39030178
whats ur steam or something?

>>39030242
yeah, i gotcha. also, can't say i'm really too into your music taste to be honest. here's what i'm listening to rn, try it out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M08xwotJrT4

>>39029536
>>39029642
>>39029723
>>39029732
>>39030261
>>39030296

Thank you all anons. I'm not alone when I have you guys. My day has been made!

warning, tl;dr ahead

I wish I was part of some kind of team doing something worthwhile.
Whether it was a crew making a movie, or a group of scientists on an experiment, or a group of entrepreneurs building a business together, anything really. As long as we were all passionate about what we were doing, and could bond over it, and look back on it years later and be like "yeah, that's something we did, and it made life worthwhile". And then we could tell others about our big project, like in interviews or blog articles or movie commentary, whatever is relevant.
I always feel jealous when I look at the credits of a game or movie or TV show, all those people working together on something they love for years, with stories of good times and bad times and how they pulled through. Sometimes I almost cry watching a commentary on a movie thinking, why can't I have something like that?

I work in a store and it's not the same. None of us working there really like it, it's just a way to get enough cash to get by. People here just come and go, there's no attachment or love for the work. We're just a bunch of jackass losers with no drive or fire or passion or promise or soul or anything worth talking about.

>>39030360
awwww fuck, reading that made me sad. i feel the same way but i never put much thought into it. i long to be part of some sort of community. i'm in a band, i guess, but we don't really share any of the same other interests and we're all pretty much together because we met in music classes.

I haven't been home for a few years now, and even when I talk to my family, it feels like they are distant and I don't really feel a connection anymore. I haven't left the same square mile for probably 8 or 9 months now, and although I am taking medicine for the depression it isn't helping. I tell my doctor and the people who ask if I'm any better, and I give them a smile and tell them I am. It hurts that wherever I go I don't feel like I'm home, it hurts having to move so much and not having sincere relationships with anyone. It seems like everyone just pities me, and I can't take it anymore. They look down on me, and I know it, but I can't do anything about it either. I haven't felt the want to do anything for a long time, sleeping for only 2 or 3 hours a night and working for 16 hours to come home to only have to do more work before I lay in bed for hours contemplating how I got here and where I am going. I don't regret what I have done, this is just how life has been dealt to me and I am sure things will get better sooner or later. If I don't believe it will get better, that will be final straw. No matter how much I do keep pushing though, I still haven't seen a light at the end of the tunnel and no matter how close people say they are, they still leave me alone to sit alone by myself. I just want to have someone, just a single person that I can share how I feel to, because bottling it up makes me wont to explode. I ramble sometimes in places like this, hoping that someone will see it, but no one really cares and I don't expect much really because everyone has gone through what I have, the existential difficulty that we likely aren't as important as we hoped to other people. I just hope that someday soon, my work will pay off and that I don't have to be so alone anymore, or maybe just so I don't have to incoherently rant like I did here.

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>>39030360
I have a similar feel except I want to create something impressive or valuable completely alone, I hate working with others and sharing credit, but I want to have something I'm proud of

No point either way as I lack any motivation to do anything other than sit on my ass playing vidya all day long

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>>39030081
>I`m in constant limbo everyday half of me wants to commit suicide, the other wants me to live. And a bit of both just want me to suffer.

>>39029509
happy birthday buddy. i just wanted to write that but this fukn bot mutes me for being a normie

>>39030081
I know it doesn't mean much from the void, but the void would like you to stay here a bit longer.

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>tfw go outside once a day to get coffee
>could order it but i want to see other people for two minutes before going back home
>get my coffee and spend the rest of the day on my computer
>hate other people but being around them for those two minutes makes me feel more alive than i feel the rest of the day
>why couldn't my cancer have been terminal instead of the pointless kind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PabxhKTkE0U

>>39029090
I have no foreskin and I must scream

Today is one of the better days, but a lot of the days I really feel like my life is a fucking train wreck.
I'm full of anxiety all the time. A lot of the time I feel like everyone is looking at me when I'm in public. I feel like everyone thinks about me badly. I feel terrible even when I say "no" instead of "no thank you" to someone. I overthink all my decisions. All my opinions. Everything. Whenever I have or voice an opinion I feel like I'm actually wrong, thinking egoistical, said something extremely stupid or just made a fool of myself. It feels like everything I did from the time of birth until two years ago was a huge mistake. I regret so many things and I can't let them go, they always get a hold of me again. I make fun of my problems, but I cannot get over them. I feel like I'm never good enough for anyone, whenever I accomplish something it feels like I didn't really work for it and it was just luck.

Also, I have some (three) friends but I feel like I am always the second choice. I'm never the person that gets asked to go out, I always have to ask first, and when I ask, I'm asked to join something they're doing with other friends.
I have a bf who truly cares about me and is nice to me, but I feel like I'm hurting him because he has to listen to all my fears, calm me when I'm crying uncontrollably or having an anxiety attack.

My mother is an alcoholic and I rarely see her. Even when I see her, I see how much the alcohol has altered her personality and how drained she is and I know she will never be the person that gave me love and support as a child. Still, even though she treated me and my father so badly and was a terrible mom sometimes, I can't get over it and still want the person back that she was when I was a small kid. It's ridiculous and pathetic, but I don't know what to do.

I feel like I'm just too pathetic to be a normal human being.

>>39030553
I have phimosis if it's any consolation to you

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>work in pensions
>Discovered I made a mistake about a year ago
>switched some guys money into a certain fund when I shouldn't have
>guy actually made 3k more being in this fund than the one he wanted.

Will I be ok lads? We are probably going to have to tell him about the fuck up, but I'm thinking he might be chill as the mistake made him more money? What do

>>39030570
Just stretch it m8, you can actually fix your problem.

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>saturday night, no friends to go out with
>pissed off by everything on the internet
>think it's a good idea to go out by myself and relax
>see bunch of normies in groups having fun, feel worse
>no money to soothe my emptiness with a shopping spree

It's the only break I get after months of bitter suffering and I can't do anything besides lying on my bed feeling sorry for myself.
To make it worse I'll move to a different country in a few weeks and will have to be an adult for the first time in my life. I'm also broke af. Dad gave me one of his book comissions to translate, but can't make myself fucking sit down and work on it.

>>39030572
can't see why he'd create an issue

>>39030560
I'm gonna let the bf stuff go and not call you a normie since your first paragraph reminded me of the intro this song that i like
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QymktuloQ4o

I'm sorry about your mom, that must be awful since my mom is pretty much the only person in my life that's positive to me

>>39030613
yeah I just wanted the circumcised guy to feel better about himself

>>39030416
Anon I'm sure people don't look down on you. And I'm sure you will find someone who truly wants to be with you and support you one day. It's good that you haven't given up on life yet and I'm sure you'll never do.
And of course people care about you, and one day you'll find people who you mean a lot to. I hope you'll find them soon

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>>39030626
I feel that greentext every day, I felt it even stronger reading it just now
I'd say something like "make the best out of your move to another country" but we all know that's normalfag shit with no basis in reality, what you can control is the translation job, though, you need to discipline yourself which of course is easier said than done, but try anyway

I wish I could kms but I've been a student/wagie my whole life and I don't want to die knowing I've had basically no neet time

>>39030649
Thanks anon, I sometimes just need someone to help me burden the load.

>>39030633
thank you anon, it is a nice song

>>39029157
What degree are you studying for anon?

>>39029576
>>39029296
This. I wish the human race just went extinct. It's going to happen eventually anyways, I don't see why it should happen later rather than sooner and prolong the cycle of death and misery. Might as well end everyone's suffering now. I know I sound like a reddit edgelord but I think it's undeniable that the human race as a whole is fucked.

>>39030691
Thank you for responding, anon. I'll start translating tomorrow, wouldn't want to disappoint dad.

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>>39030986
Yes, it's a terrible feeling to disappoint your parents, every time I fail at something I feel this deep regret thinking "if only I had made more of an effort I'd feel less bad about myself right now", you can do it

>>39030820
cs pleb, 3rd semester was the first time I failed a cs related class though, went downhill from there due to my physical health, now I have to muster all my energy for this September and try to not let my lack of ambition consume me again

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>>39030917
reddit normalfags don't understand this feel, anon, they might pretend to for edge points, though but it doesn't make it any less true

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The government wants me to write them a letter explaining why I have low grades before they give me students loans. And the entire truth it I was too busy shitposting on /pol/ and did poorly in my classes. What do I tell the government?

>>39031350
tell me the truth and you won't get in trouble, I promise.
As long as you tell me the truth, nothing bad will happen to you, we're just going to have talk, ok?

>>39031350
I'm not American so I can't help you with that but I'd suggest living the NEET life instead

When you think, all men are just transgendered lesbians