Fatherless

>>38969853
My dad killed himself when I was 8 years old. My mother was unwilling to say no to us. I never really had a father figure, and so I never learned how to be a man.

If I look people in the eye for more than a few seconds, I start crying. I also have been hospitalized twice in the past for various reasons.

I don't even know how to fix this. Its like this whole thing is just a long joke: "boy grows up without a dad, never learns how to be masculine and then has to become a man anyways."

But the punchline never comes...

Any other anons feel like this?

>>38969853
Robots with fathers who were present sporadically, did a shit job as parents, or were mostly absent can also post ITT

>impact
Hard to say.

>robot
Being a poorfag limits your opportunities.

Story:
>mom was a young punk for New York, drug dealer, protest kid, in a band
>shares complex with my future Dad
>he's a genius, but also nuts, believes in Reptillian FEMA camps run by commits, basically /pol/-tier
>she thinks he's wacky, eventually feels sorry for him and cleans his place, cooks him meals
>he likes her vitality and genuineness
>they get "married" in that they exchange rings but he doesn't want it on the books in case the Jews try and get him or something
>bunch of shit happens
>my dad gets arrested for murder before I'm born
>mom is like "fuck this"
>goes back to Poland for a bit
>finds Jesus
>moves to Canada
>meets my stepdad
>he's a deeply religious music teacher
>they get married
>mom is housewife, teaches guitar and piano out of house
>brother is born
>has autism, ADHD, epilepsy
>but he's super smart and cute and I love him so much
>stepdad dies in car crash
>just me, my brother and mom

We're a genuinely happy family, despite everything.

>>38970049
that's one of the weirdest stories i've ever heard.

Nevertheless, I'm glad that you and your family are doing well, anon!

>>38970049
>Jews
My biological dad wasn't outwardly racist in the "niggers and kikes" sense, but he was paranoid of (((((the tribe)))))). Jokes on him, when my mom went back to Poland, she discovered that our family does have Jewish ancestry, we just converted to Catholicism. Also my stepdad is black, lol.

>>38969942
>how to be a man
Well, in the words of the Kinks, I'm not the world's most masculine man, but I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man and so is Lola (male). I don't really get what you mean by "how to be a man". I wake up. I have a cock. I'm a man.

I can get the part about the never saying no, thing. My mom was a pretty tough cookie but she always felt really guilty about how she had to go back to work, my stepdad's traumatic death, my father's inprisonment, etc. She often compensated with food and gifts.

>around anniversary of stepdad's death
>mom keeps pestering my brother about going to this butterfly exhibit / Marine Land.
>he's usually fucking hype about this sort of this
>he throws a tantrum
>throws his backpack and starts punching it
>"I don't want to go on vacation, I want my dad!"
>my mom cried so hard she got a headache for two days and I had to make dinner (and then she tried to pay me).

I usually contextualize dysfunction like this as imperfect people trying to love each other. Porcupine's dilemma.

>>38969853
My household wasn't a single mother, she had help from lots of people, family and all that, I grew up in a house with more people than just my mom

I honestly never gave it any thought, I don't consider it the cause of my robotness at all. I used to care when I was a little kid but as time goes on I just didn't give a shit at all, this is what I got and I don't want anything else, I'm happy with my ignorance

>>38969853
>>38969853
I don't know whats worse, growing up without a father so you could find your other father figure, or having a father that was completely distant and just didn't give a shit at any point whatsoever. I had the latter and I always thought to myself it would be so much easier to just have had no father at all and be able to find one through sports or something instead of being stuck with one who openly hated you

>>38970192
Its not just about having a cock between your legs.

Think about it this way, if you don't know how to use your dick, its as though you never even had it in the first place.

>>38969853
My father was 17 or 18 when I was born.
Several months later he went to prison for murder.
He got a 30 year sentence.
My mom was 16/17 i dont remember don't feel like counting the years.
Growing up she was emotionally abusive and physically, and we had little money.
We moved a several times and when we moved to a new city i couldn't connect with my peers which started in middle school.
Now I'm 20 and my life is fucked
Yes I think it contributed to me being a robot.

Why even live?

>>38970341
I don't know what to tell ya, anon.

Sometimes things get a lot better, sometimes things get a lot worse. As to the question of which way things will go for you, I cannot answer that.

IMO, irresponsible and absentee parents should be castrated and shot.

>>38970096
Dude, it gets weirder.

>mom goes to Poland for funeral
>didn't know the guy, had exams, stayed home
>brother is afraid of planes, also babuskas and people with chickens in their backyard; he stays with me
>8pm
>he's tired
>bedtime
>tuck him in
>put Adventure Time on my mom's laptop near his bed for him
>sneak out of the house after an hour for some DUDE LMAO with my friends
>get there
>brother texts me
>"anon, banana slugs mate by throwing their dicks at each other."
>friends have shrooms
>brother sends me audio of him singing the Adventure Time theme
>eh, why not do shrooms
>going up
>brother texts me
>sends me one of those audio messages of him singing the Garro Garro Po theme
>Put phone on silent because looking at the screen is starting to make me nervous
>am high
>phone keeps vibrating
>"anon, get your phone, dude."
>"no it's just Zach sending me pics of tarantulas again."
>keeps buzzing
>29 missed calls
>call back
>"SWEET JESUS IT'S RADIOACTIVE I AM RADIOACTIVE WE ARE FUCKED THIS BUILDING IS FUCKED I JUST HAD TEN SEIZURES AND SPAGHETTI IS EVERYWHERE. KEEP AWAY FROM
ME, YOU CRETIN. KARL MARX IS COVERED IN SPAGHETTI AND THE CARBON MONOXIDE ALARM IS
FUCKED. There'S A HOLE."
>"guys.... I think I gotta go home...."

>>38970214
More people as in relatives?

>>38970339
But it's easy to figure out how dicks work, it's vaginas that are complicated.

I don't know, dude, I feel you're hung up on this idea of what a man should be and attributing it to your father's absence. It probably plays some part since single parents are subject to
neuroses, but you can be whatever person you want to be.

My mom left my father as soon as I was born because he liked tarot cards. She is a complete insane nazi christian and didn't raise me at all.

I'm tempted to go and meet him honestly. I know where he lives but I wonder if there's any point.

>>38970449
>go home
>several neighbours outside
>brother is sitting with paramedics
>he's wearing a onesie that's caked in sauce
>he has an Afro because bc he likes the story of Samson
>its full of spaghetti
>he's holding my expensive university textbook
>covered in spaghetti
>his vitals are fine, no need to go to hospital
>I take him inside
>neighbours are fucking furious

>>38970475
Maybe he's a wizard.

>>38970449
you can't just undo social anxiety and a lack of confidence...

>>38970537
My brother's account:
>he's hungry
>like five cans of ghost shaped spaghetti-os in a pot on the stove
>he see a wolf spider in the bathroom
>his next half hour is fucking booked
>element BURNS HOLE THROUGH POT, spaghetti everywhere
>smoke alarm doesn't turn off
>coincidentally, the carbon monoxide alarm does
>brother assumes it's the smoke detector
>tries to turn off
>it's not on so nothing happens
>he's autistic, sensory overload
>starts crying
>tries to turn off stove
>spaghetti everywhere
>MORE upset
>smashes smoke detector with broom
>breaks open
>Americanium
>which is radioactive
>brother assumes that his 6 year old, crying, autistic self is now radioactive
>start screaming
>neighbours tell him to STFU
>they think my mom is home
>brother calls 9/11
>they think he ingested part of the alarm or something
>brother decides to evacuate himself and the tenants
>runs through halls screaming to run for your life
>doesn't want to be bored while waiting for paramedics, takes my economics textbook
>spaghetti everywhere
>sits on front lawn
>neighbours that get out realize it's CO alarm, thinks 911 has been called for that
>brother smears spaghetti on Karl Marx's face and cries

>>38970572
I get that too, but you take baby steps. I was a full NEET two years out of high school. I didn't want to go to university or get a job in case I ran into someone from high school. Now I'm working and doing my thesis. If you think it's something more than baby steps can fix, consider medication. It makes exams a breeze.

>>38970666
>instead of smoking weed and doing shrooms with my friends, I pick spaghetti-os from an Afro for two hours
>give him a bath
>clean kitchen
>carbon monoxide alarm wasn't going off, it was beeping because low battery, as the superintendent explains
>entire time brother is talking about Keynesian economics verbatim from textbook
>tuck him in
>"anon, the Great Depression..."
>I'm still high as fuck
>mom comes back two days later
>wish I was high as fuck