Psychological Issues #117

what up, my lack of lying streak didn't last long but it was interesting while it lasted, it gave me time to look at the less apparent parts of my personality and my avoidance especially, I realise that i almost never take risks for fear of failure, even what most people don't consider a risk, like talking to strangers or going out to the shops.

>>38917151

You'd benefit from failing things. You should almost try to do things you know you'll fail, just to see that failing is OK.

Do you want to learn chess and learn to fail against me?

>>38917151
>lying streak
What drives you to lie? What do you seek to obtain out of lying constantly?

>Never take risks
I can understand that mental roadblock entirely. It is quite the gamble, especially since you will see that it often backfires on you. The best you can do is test the waters, see how much of a risk it can be as you go along, and hope in turn it is safer than you originally hoped.

This fucking faggot again. Kill yourself, nick.

>>38917187
>Do you want to learn chess and learn to fail against me?
i wan't to learn chess, i LOVE to be good at things, i probably won't play against you until i am at least proficient for fear of making a fool of myself, I've beaten the level 1 computer a few times but never though strategy, only though taking every other piece and then cornering the king, i need to learn more of the patterns etc.
>What drives you to lie? What do you seek to obtain out of lying constantly?
I love praise, even though i find it very hard to accept it, I want people to like me, to admire me etc, like a narcissist but without believing I "deserve" it, i just want it, so i lie to make myself seem interesting, to make myself seem more knowledgeable, to make myself look more competent, because I am quite smart as far as I know but that only puts the bar higher for people that know me
>The best you can do is test the waters
the best i've found for that is anonymous dating apps like tinder and the *other* one, all that has done is compound my fear due to a lack of success, making me think i will be even less likely to succeed. same with social interactions, with talking through text I have plenty of time to think through what i can say and instant replies are not expected, and i still manage to put my foot in my mouth more often than not.

>>38917039
Hello lads.

Are everything you find despicable in other people projections?

I just can't help that think that I'm living with David Brent (Mom and Dad). They both seem to be preoccupied with being my friend as opposed to my parents. Cringeworthy situations ensue.

>>38917345

Did you miss me?

>>38917360

Do you have a lichess account? I can make you vocaroos for chess, kek.

might even use the voice room, so you can ask questions and such, by typing. I don't do conversations for known reasons.

>>38917381
>Are everything you find despicable in other people projections?

No, not unless everyone is perfect.

Parents who reject their role as parents can lead to consequences for everyone. In time, it forces you to act like the parent, which you aren't.

>>38917415
>Do you have a lichess account?
yes, as i said I've completed the "chess basics" and have played against the level 1 computer a little.
>I can make you vocaroos for chess
maybe, don't know how much help it would be.
>might even use the voice room
no i hate voice chat with a passion, I hate my voice and I again fear people will also hate my voice.
>by typing
sounds more my speed
>I don't do conversations for known reasons.
what are those?

>>38917360
>Learn chess
I am nowhere near as competent as Nick, often struggling against the level 1 computer. Would I be more to your level to work with?

>I want people to like me
Logical indeed. You need to find more that is good about you for people to appreciate. Either that or find people who can better appreciate who you are, what your identity is about. Everyone has different tastes, what one person may heavily dislike may be praised by another. You need to find someone that praises you highly and learn to dismiss others.

>Lack of success
Sounds almost like Dan. You see failure, you halt yourself before you get the ability to succeed. All I can say is that success can only be achieved by trying. You may just get lucky, but there are times when you may find some success.

Try not to put your foot in your mouth, speak genuinely. Many won't accept it, it isn't the most desirable trait for those who seek to take advantage, but it will draw other genuine people to you.

>>38917415
Idk if you read the rest of my post, but I compared living with my parents as living with David Brent. It seems my parents are more concerned with being my friend as opposed to being my parents. I as a result have no idea how to conduct .myself as a man

>>38917473
>no i hate voice chat with a passion, I hate my voice and I again fear people will also hate my voice.

Like I said, I don't do convos, I'd speak and you'd type.

Secret reasons. I'm a better teacher of chess than a player of it.

Is there a cure for anhedonia? I don't care about anything. I have many goals but I don't bother reaching them. I hate myself

>>38917489

I did, but I have never heard of David Brent.

>>38917510

Anhedonia is a basic component of depression. Take a name and give us some background.

>>38917514
You know what I'm trying to get at though? I Have an dared why my parents are the way they Are, my latest conclusion is that they simply didn't want to get too close to their children (because they would inevitably leave, avoidance), now they would rather be a mate than a parent. I need a parent because I want to take responsibility for myself, ya know?

>>38917487
>i might play against you, sounds more my speed, I don't mind losing games as long as i give it a decent attempt but i love winning.
>You need to find more that is good about you for people to appreciate
i don't know what people would appreciate, most people think I'm weird at best, so you're probably right, though i do a great job at selling myself when i'm dishonest.
>Sounds almost like Dan
yes, though i know my outlook is irrational to a great degree, I'm generally very defeatist, i will get very excited about an idea or project, but before investing money into it i will over think it, realise why it wont/wouldn't work and then end up not doing it, things i have done successfully are normally a result of me just charging in without thinking about why it won't work. So i know the obvious answer is to not over think things but i have a very active mind, if i could just turn it off i would.

>>38917527
I'm basically afraid of anything and everything. My parents were overbearing and my dad had a hot temper. I never really had self-confidence and I've always been pretty anxious. I live in the suburbs and I don't have any friends. My days remain the same. Wake up late, browse r9k for 3 hours on my bed. Pace around the room thinking about how my goals are too difficult and how I shouldn't bother.

>>38917505
sounds like something i could enjoy but I think i'll try to learn a bit more first.

>more than 2 weeks have passed
>still nothing from her

2 more weeks and I'll contact her. Should I do it earlier?

>>38917578

That's pretty sad to hear.

How old are you now?

>>38917620
>i don't know what people would appreciate, most people think I'm weird at best, so you're probably right, though i do a great job at selling myself when i'm dishonest.

Dude, I saw you, you sound badass to me and very likeable. I don't know why you worry. I'd go drink with you and see your flamethrowers and all.

>>38917643

Richard... the troll?

>>38917647

Learn with me.

>>38917698

We don't have you in the group, Dmitri.

Contact her to be sure, expect it to be over. You'll need our support, join us.

>>38917718
What group? also

>Contact her to be sure, expect it to be over
At the 30 day mark or earlier?

>>38917620
>Selling myself
The problem? People eventually find you out and dislike you for being dishonest or you feel alone because nobody is accepting you for your own identity.

>But I have a very active mind
Not sure how to help here sadly. This is a great part of my problems as well, I overthink everything and yet at the same time tend to have a weird perspective with my thoughts.

>>38917718
Nope I'm not a troll.

>>38917745

Whenever you feel ready, but expect rejection.

We have a Discord. That's where most stay now. Nobody can delete our thread there and nobody can troll either.

There's enough drama without needing trolls. It's WAY more dramatic now.

Shit is explosive. Coats isn't even my friend anymore, to give you an example.

>>38917701
>see your flamethrowers
only if you pay for the propane, it's like 10 pounds for 5-6 shots ;)
>you sound bad ass to me and very likeable
i'm not going to lie, it feels very good to read that, however i have not found that to be the norm, i have autistic interests and little in common with most people, for example i have read all of British firearms law for fun, I love talking about it, most people don't care and/or think it's weird. Maybe i need to watch more TV like GOT so i can talk to people about that stuff.

>>38917785
Oh. Alright then.

It seems so strange, even on the day that we broke up she was the one who texted me first.

Does distance make you miss someone or will it make someone move on?

>>38917813

I like people who know something about something.

I'd find British firearms law interesting.

You have very good presence in your videos. Everything you say here is surprising.

Hey Nick I know I was supposed to be back with some gay shit but honestly I'm not interested in that so I'll get down to business right away.

First of all I really don't believe I was obese even at my worst and that's when I kinda had a double chin and maybe small tits. I did get mad at my mother for buying chocolate and shit sometimes. She bought that shit because she lacked self control when it came to buying and I lacked self control when it came to resisting the temptation to eat. Also my home wasn't really even cluttered. There was some old unneeded shit in some corners and in our second bathroom and I didn't even realize that we had problems with dust or mold until we moved. My father wasn't angry often as far as I remember and even when I as a little kid went and kicked him straight in his ass he was quick to calm down after shouting "Fuck!" or something like that. I have some unreliable memories of him shouting at me and my brother but I can't remember any specifics. Also I remember spilling a fuckton of juice inside our fridge and my mother did get angry I think. I think it works like that in every family. Getting slightly angry over shit like that has to be normal.

You asked me how I reacted to people shouting. I think if someone I don't know is shouting in public (especially with a low voice) I get uncomfortable and may even feel threatened. If someone I know is shouting at me I generally respond by not caring or by getting angry at them. I tend to avoid confrontation. When I was like 12 my mother hinted at me being gay so I started pushing her. At that very same age and still a couple of years after that I would run to my brothers room to throw small items or pinch him to make him angry after which I would run away. I was always expected to be nice and behave myself and to some extent do well at school (especially the school thing might've been for my own good).
More text incoming and sorry for typos

>>38917826
>Does distance make you miss someone or will it make someone move on?

Out of mind, out of sight.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

So both. It depends.

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Posted this in another thread today, might as well post it here

This seems like a good thread.

My entire life I've been weak. Both physically but even more so mentally. I had very little friends when I was little, because I was afraid of other kids and I didn't like sports. I started becoming very introverted and started spending time watching TV and playing games. I got tired of it and I'm willing to bleed and break to change myself. I want to be a man. I started training a martial art and lifting. I'm much stronger and healthier now. I now have a small amount of friends (in comparison to what I had before this is a fairly large improvement). My grades had gotten worse altough it was worth it. But I am still mentally weak. It's better than before but still nowhere near my goal. I'm more rational and logical now. I don't complain anymore, I get things done. I have somewhat better self discipline. I'm willing to make compromises yet not be walked over on. I'm working harder than ever to achieve what I want. But I still break and cry easily. I can carry a stone up mount Everest, sweating like an ape, not complaining and not breaking under the pressure and finally achieving my goal. Yet it's so easy for me to spiral into deep self hatred and depression out of which I try to break out but I simply don't know how to properly fight my emotions. This leads me to humiliating moments in my life when I break. Then I will keep on reminding myself of this failure in my life time and time again which is counter productive and only leads me to spiral into this cycle time and time again. I lost the first girl I have loved in my life because she lost atraction to me, which at this point I think is because of me being this pathetic. I want her back. And I want to learn how to properly control my emotions rather than have them control me.

How do I do this? How do I become a man?

>>38917854
>You have very good presence in your videos
I work immensely on how i am perceived, the amount of cut takes is astonishing, it's like the video editing equivalent of my lying, i try to make myself look as good as possible, even then i still give off a lot of odd vibes.
>I'd find British firearms law interesting.
maybe it's because i haven't talked your ear off about it, the main reason I find it so interesting is how poorly it is thought out and how large the consequences for those poorly thought out laws are. I'm rambling again.
>I like people who know something about something.
i find that to be the case a lot but with one minor adjustment
>I like people who know something about something I like
people love to find someone knowledgeable out stuff that interests them but my interests and fields of knowledge are often dry and alien, so i lie to seem knowledgeable about stuff they are interested in.

>>38917860

http://vocaroo.com/i/s039wllyvpAm

part one, the rest is coming.

I was only really temperamental at home because there were no real consequences. I couldn't get angry at school because like I said before I was afraid of teachers and other adults with or possibly without authority. At 6 I would flip off, cuss or straight up attack family members who mocked me.

An example of my reactions to strong emotions and anger today: I was on a walk and stumbled upon a private property. An old man started yelling at me for being on his property and told me that it would be the last time I passed through there. Like a fucking cuck I just said "Ok thanks..." and moved on. After that I broke down to tears of bitterness and anger and started planning out some kind of revenge and thinking about the things I could have said.

Btw sorry if my text is slightly incoherent again. I'm just typing out what comes to mind.

>>38917860

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1dcuyJf8vsV

second part, with some questions.

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>>38917876
Vlad let me help you, i want you to improve
Add on disc Chris#0919, i have been training for 4 years i can help you with that. I can also help you with girls. I have been a robot up until a year or two ago where i made a huge turn and improved myself.

>>38918064
I can relate to you a lot.

>Like a fucking cuck I just said "Ok thanks..." and moved on.
This is actually the proper response. He's elderly, you should let it go. This will also piss him off even more because you showed how little of a shit you give about him and his authority.

>>38918209
That's actually not the correct response. Should have told him to fuck himself. If he doesn't want people going on his property he should make a fucking fence.

>>38917876

http://vocaroo.com/i/s09b3a62EOf3

long response

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Talk to me about this, talk to me about that...
Why do u robots trust hes qualified to give any advice

reeeeeeeee

[]when will this suffering end...[/spoiler]

>>38918201
I'm glad to hear, my friend. But I can't add you now. I'm in a bad financial sittuation now and I only have this shitty phone. Could you give me some tips now though?

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>>38918305
>tfw cant even spoiler properly

>>38918112
>>38918050
I'm not that guy.
Yeah I meant a deep voice.

My mother hinted at me being gay because I was teasing my brother in a "cutesy" way. It was nothing sexual believe me. My mother didn't really seriously hint at me being gay but she told me to stop touching my brother and the word she used was something with a slightly sexual connotation. It could be that she said something else relating to that too but I don't remember. I'm not gay like I said before I'm most likely bi and back then I was jacking it to female video game characters. I'm the guy who was trolling you in a gay way every day ever since these threads came back and a bit before then too.

An example of my aggressiveness: When I was in the middle of a tough as fuck final boss in a video game and my mother came to my room to ask me something I shouted "Go to hell!" as loud as I could at the time (12 or 13 can't remember exactly.)

>>38918209
Didn't make me feel any better even though I might have known in the back of my head that it was the right thing to do. I wish I had made some snarky or straight up angry response.

>>38918258
Good point actually. I had passed through his property countless of times before without even being sure it was private. There was some fence but it was inconsistent and it could have been there for any purpose.

>>38918027

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1NPh3AGpWEN

Vocaroo for you too.

>>38918064

http://vocaroo.com/i/s000DE6uHLiv

here you gooo

>>38918201

Who might you be?

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>>38918327
Hmm i dont really know what i can sum up in a single post.

>>38918349

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1X5x4gmmtwm

Answer to previous posts and this one.

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>>38918617
>http://vocaroo.com/i/s1X5x4gmmtwm
Oh my

fucking god I

can just feel that autism

and it is painful

!

>>38918548
Maybe most important things. I've found that cooperation, self discipline, logic and physical health are all very important virtues. What else should I strive for? How do I achieve those things?

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>>38918704

Why do you suck so bad at trolling? I'm serious. How come you didn't give up years ago?

I'm on the polar opposite of autism. Can't say as much for you, though.

>>38918714

Do you want my advice or his? I won't interfere.

>>38918294
Thanks, but I still feel that the way I express my emotions is very unhealthy and childish. I do agree that everyone is human, and whilst I should be human I do not want to be a child.

>>38918747
How about both?

This is original now.

>>38918749

Detail how you express them.

>>38918774

Aye, coming right up.

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>>38918411
everyone gets a vocal response
>video editing
i guess, but that's why i come off with energy and presence, normally i behave like that but only occasional sentences and comments, i tend to be quiet unless i can add something valuable.
>antique guns
that kind of works here, though the loophole was closed to a large part a few years ago, you can still own them but it's much harder to do so and you cannot own anything resembling compatible ammunition, as for using that as a loophole for home defence, while it's not as bad as the anecdotes make it sound, if you shoot someone who enters your home you will be charged with:
>reckless discharge of a firearm (if you own it legally, like on a gun license)
>illegal gun ownership(if you don't, which also carries a much greater minimum sentence than burglary)
>attempted murder or assault with a deadly weapon (again much greater sentences)

you can generally go ham with an improvised weapon and you'll probably be fine, even most prepared weapons like a bat or something and you'll be fine, but something more serious like a gun or crossbow, you're fucked if you have to pull the trigger.
cont
>ask people questions
I do try, but most people are either empty headed or avoidant, providing short, uninteresting answers that halt the conversation, i'm not sure if that's my social retardation or if i have just met the wrong people.

>>38918783
Either I hide them or I make a tantrum.

Im going to go and do a few things. Ill be back in a couple of minutes.

>>38918714

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1f0f7DyCzpJ

And here you are.

>>38918818
>the law in general
the problem is that it's a patchwork, it was never thought out as a coheasive whole, just a collection of bans and regulations, for example, while describing "prohibited firearms" or firearms for which it is almost impossible for a civilian to own it states:
Any weapon which discharges any noxious liquid, gas or any other thing.
obviously that is mean to ban poison and acid based weapons, but by not repeating the term "noxious" it has left prosicuters to ban any weapon which discharges a "gas" or "any other thing". meaning a weapon which discharges... something, could be classified as a section 5 weapon for which the minimum sentence is 5 years. I hate ambiguity in such serious legislation as it is my life, liberty and freedom on the line.

>>38918818
>or if i have just met the wrong people.

It's this.

You'd be fine with me.

>>38918866

Seems obvious that the adjective "noxious" also applies to gas, because otherwise any deodorant would be a section 5 weapon.

>>38918617
I think if I flipped off my mother she probably would have raised her voice and said that it wasn't nice. Nothing intimidating really. I can't really remember a specific example of that. I'm having a hard time remembering how all this shit ties together but my father might have just smiled or said something in a funny voice. I do remember my sister mocking me once for looking at pictures of me as a baby (I was really fucking cute as a baby) and I chased down and probably started hitting her. I don't know if I'm defining angry correctly in my mind but reactions to aggression were milder perhaps?

Saying ok thanks was all that came to mind at the time. My brain just went blank after that guy yelled at me. Honestly it might sound badass. I don't talk to people a lot and wouldn't have known what the proper response was.

Btw I remember you asking me why I didn't see my father often after my parents divorce. My mother got full custody I guess. My father asked me to do some active, healthy things with him but I was too lazy. I had video games after all. Also I never visited him until recently because I didn't want to see his companion. I didn't hate her or my father but I just thought it would be uncomfortable and awkward meeting a new person especially considering the circumstances.

Also two more things:
At 16 I got drunk a couple of times and smoked weed occasionally without telling anyone besides my brother. If my parents had known they probably might've flipped their shit.

>>38918617
Wasn't poking his asshole just wrestling him basically. I didn't get a hardon or anything I was just a retard back then because I had been coddled and I thought I was being cute. Giving the exact word would be pointless as it isn't an English word. Translations I found: paw, fondle, grope. I can't remember the full context because it's been such a long time. I'm afraid of confrontation though. I never express my racism or other extreme views in public or even at home.

>>38918918
their justification is the prerequisite "weapon" if it's not a weapon then you're fine, they like to leave it as ambiguous as possible to give the gudge the greatest room for manuver, that means there are little loopholes and situations where the law has obviously fallen fowl can be dealt with but when it's years of prison on the line then I would much prefer to know if what i'm doing is legal or not.

>>38918994

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1absoQBEuW2

Another long one, here you go.

>>38918860
You misunderstood me. I've already achieved the things I said, I also achieved them much more from dedication rather than motivation as youve already stated.

What I meant was

>What other things do I need to achieve
>Those things that youve stated, how should I achieve them?

Also
>virtues
Sorry, I'm retarded

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>>38919141
http://vocaroo.com/i/s10AQmeOoEch

Kill youself nigga

>>38919166
>What other things do I need to achieve

The things you want? What are some projects you have?

>>38919290

>youself

Aren't you tired? Shit's boring.

>>38919317
I'm not sure. That's why I'm asking. What are some good traits that men should have?

>>38919353

They should know what they want from life.

>>38919379
Ok, give me some more.

>>38919411

Projects and passions. Find some. Work on it, get better, etc.

Cooking is cool.

>>38919450
Fair enough I guess

>>38919353
>>38919411
fuggin name

>>38919141
I never said that I came from a broken home where I got yelled at for everything now did I? I just have memories of people being angry at me. Sometimes with context and sometimes without it. My sister said something like (as in quoting me) "Oooh I'm so cuute!" which got me really angry (I was 6 back then as well). My parents did expect me to be nice but mayeb they thought that me flipping them off was nothing serious. They never did ground me or limit my access to games or anything. I don't think I'll follow your advice on apologizing. I don't want to apologize to some random old fuck. I did stop walking through his front yard though. I don't know about the custody thing because when they got divorced my mom just came to my room and said "Me and [father's name] are now divorced". I never cared. I can't really distinguish between laziness and not wanting to here. I didn't want her to pity me and I didn't want her to think that she could be a new mother to me and I would visit them or some shit. Being around an adult I didn't know and who didn't know my routine would be like I said uncomfortable and awkward. They would have lectured me about how it's bad and maybe about me breaking their trust (I had to lie after all). I was maybe jumping on him with some pillows and maybe hitting him. My views on race alternate between "the niggers are trash and should be exterminated" and "they are a lower race but have a right to their own country". This can happen at its fastest within a matter of minutes even. I have a hard time describing my views on things because they aren't consistent.


One thing on the side:
I was sensitive as a kid though. When some niggers mocked me for having an action figure (those monkeys called it a doll which it wasn't) I was afraid to walk through my yard for a long time. This happened way before I got into racism.

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>>38919317
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1dhlmPWa67E
Listentothisitisvery improtant mesegedixD youneed to contentratedeeep xD ednyourlife faggoy

>>38919540
>>38919141
Also I wrote this as I listened so it looks very incoherent. Apologies.

>>38919540

And another one.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0gBtU5iWD42

>>38919554

I like pointing out your misspellings: it makes you upset.

>>38919554
>implying Nick countered any argument
>implying you had an argument
>implying Nick didn't just tell you you were boring and got upset by your dyslexia

how do i get over insecurities, i don't want to sound like dan but i'm not the most gifted genetically, so how do i let that slide?

>>38919798
I'll quote you to make the text more coherent.

>be polite
It's not like I'm going to actually yell at some random person. Most likely I'll go with the "Ok thanks..." approach

>obviously private property
You underestimate my autism. There was no sign right next to his yard. Also I had been told at home by my mother that it wasn't private property and passing through it was cool. She was obviously thinking of some other place.

>laziness or not wanting to
Maybe both? I wasn't interested in doing active shit outdoors when I had video games. I was mostly too lazy to do a lot of other things too I guess. This is irrevelevant I think.

>They would have lectured me about how it's bad and maybe about me breaking their trust (I had to lie after all).
I was talking about the drug and alcholo use thing. Like I said: incoherent text.

>why are your views inconsistent
News articles don't change it so much because I can shrug it off as jewish propaganda or something. It's mostly based on emotion maybe. Just how I feel at the time. Music from a country can certainly change my views. One moment I can think that I have to save my race and people by getting into politics someday and a moment later I see something that makes me give up on humanity entirely. It's kinda hard to describe. Maybe it's normal?

>the niggers
They were screaming at me from their window. They were kids too so they had grown up here.

>>38920115
Also Nick another random thing I'm remebering from my childhood: When I didn't get my way I would sometimes threaten suicide (It was never serious but my parents took it seriously of course)

>>38920115
>>38920951
Forgot the name and the trip of course.

I'm going to bed now. Nick it would cool if you could post your response to the two last replies. I can read it tomorrow.

>>38920115

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0x6hX3XRDjo

Tehre aya go

>>38920991

Sounds BPD to me, but kids can't really have it, since it's essentially kid traits in adults. To some degree.

>>38921668
Bpd guy here. Kids can't have it? What? Come on now dude lol. Body dismorphia as early as 7-8 years old is a solid indicator early on.

>>38922124

Read:

>>38921668
>since it's essentially kid traits in adults. To some degree.

It's never officially diagnosed in children for that reason, because it's maintaining kid-like traits into adulthood.

They can have it, that's when it starts, but it won't be diagnosed officially until later. Not sure I'm getting my point across.

I'm out, Coats is on the air, and he's something.

[email protected]

If anyone wants to write to me for anything, and if you're interested in joining the inner circle of this thread.

Night everyone.

my walls continue to encourage me to take my life, but I think they are only afraid of my achieving my potential?