LONELINESS

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>have been literally alone for like 4 years
>By alone I mean 4 years of house>work work>routine with literally no contact with anyone other than work related people

>I suddenly receive a call from a "friend" after 4 years of no contact
>He asked me to help him in his food stall at the festival
>I accepted because I had nothing else to do
>The day comes.
>The place so fucking crowded families and music everywhere
>I was working non stop, it was pretty exhausting while the friend was talking with customers
>When things calmed down a little bit, I looked around and something hit me
>Every one around my age is walking around with families or friends
>They were laughing, joking, so fucking happy.
>Suddenly I started thinking about how lonely I am and about the events that led me to this lonely shitty life
>My anxiety suddenly went through the roof
>I went to the toilet and stayed there
>My eyes started watering, thinking about the lost years that I will never get
>Thinking about how things will be like that forever
>The urge of going back home was unbearable
>I called my "friend" and told him I don't feel well
>The train was full of couples and families
>That sight became like suffering for me
>I just put in my earphones and looked at the ground until I reached home
>When I went back I just lied on the bed staring at the roof for about 30min
>Sadness is killing me.

I wasn't like that before, but after so long being alone, being around people became pure suffering for me.


Who is like me here?
How do we change this robots? Please I don't want to end alone, it is killing me.