Personal Issues Thread

I feel like my so called friends secretly hate me. I cant stop thinking that theyre all talking shit and laughing at me behind my back. I dont want to bring it up in case im wrong because that would definitely make them dislike me. Wat do

>>38772926
What makes you believe that they hate you? Do they actually display any behavior consistent with that hypothesis? Are there any things about you that are truly worth hating in your opinion?

>>38772952
Well, im kind of an autist and I say stupid shit all the time so its no stretch to think that theyre making fun of me when im away. It just sucks cuz I really like them and theyre all ive got. My family is shit so i look to friends for support

There's this chick that is really pretty in my French class and I have no idea how to trigger her route

>>38773004
>trigger her route

Not familiar with this terminology. Do you have any current friendly relationship with her? Conversations and the like? If not, strike one up and get to know her. Don't be impatient, you're just laying the foundation to see if anything more can blossom.

>>38773047
In visual novels involving romancing up girls, you usually "trigger a girl's route" by choosing specific options in pivotal points where you're given the opportunity to do so

put more simply, you do thing and the next thing you know you are falling for sum chick

>>38772981
If that's all the evidence you have, you should try not to worry about it. You can't make negative assumptions about your friends and expect to retain them. I know it's easy to be paranoid when you're insecure, but you can't put that on your friends if they're good in every other respect beside your suspicions. Why do you think you're an autist? You haven't really said anything stupid imo.

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>>38772801
My PTSD is like a chain wrapped around my neck. I just go fired from yet another job because of my weird dissociation behavior. I'll literally never amount to anything at this rate. My PTSD controls my every action.

>>38773085
If I knew a foolproof way of doing this, I'd be out doing it right now. Sorry, but I can't give specific directions beyond the old, tired cliches. Just put yourself out there incrementally and see if she likes you. If not, it's probably best to find another cute girl rather than get hung up on this one.

>>38773127
What was your job? What caused your PTSD, if you don't mind sharing it?

>>38773161
I was a night auditor. Very basic shit. The computer did most of the leg work you just have to make sure your numbers aren't incorrect. And you have to file. But one little trigger and I go into a dissociative state and just stare into space for 30 minutes to an hour, sometimes longer, getting nothing done.

I won't delve to deep into. I had to watch someone die.

I can't maintain relationships or open up to people. I just derive no pleasure from interacting with people. It just drains me so much and stresses me out to the point where it doesn't feel worth it and I never reciprocate attempts at communication. I want to get better but I am so paralyzed by fear that I don't know how.

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>>38772801
Nothing seems to go right. I used to have a job at a cafe and things were starting to look up for once. Now im out of money since i got fired in march and im back to square one. This isnt the first time this has happened. Finding a job is impossible in this city and i'll probably need to move out soon since my mom is moving and i can't go with her. My only option is to keep looking for work and hope to god I can pay my bills next month. Any brobots have similar periodic downward spirals?

I feel really shitty about what I did to my brother when we were kids. I was rough with him and he got mild brain damage and has to take special classes. I wasn't trying to hurt him but I can't change what happened. I know my parents try not to shove it in my face, but I know they blame me and would rather I had not been born. I wanna kill meself desu

I am completely incapable of taking care of myself. I am nearly completely sure that I have autism spectrum disorder as well as learned helplessness and extreme stockholm syndrome, although I try and bury it deep down and pretend to be OK. I want to scream or cry every single day because of the position I was born into that I cannot escape, but I hold it down and keep on going as a cold as ice motherfucker that doesn't feel anything because that's the only way to survive day by day. I haven't cried in over two decades. I live with my parents to this day in my 30s, although they completely drain me of all my hope and life force with every word they speak, with every action they take. Just existing in the same wave length as the people who gave birth to me completely kills all of my spirit and hope when I wake up, when I go to sleep or when I breathe. I was born a happy, curious child with a desire to pursue music and humor, and now I'm dead inside, trust nobody and can't even break a smile without feeling like I deserve to be murdered. I cannot show a single emotion. My parents never taught me anything, only that I was garbage and that I should kill myself. I think I'd live better if I went homeless but I would only serve to burden others, and I don't want that. I don't want to hurt anybody or be a problem. I just want to commit suicide at this point to escape the place I was born into. The only way I could ever live as a free human being is if I killed my parents, but I'd rather kill myself than be a murderer.

>>38773268
you should probably talk to a shrink or find that one person you're not afraid to talk to, to try and start opening up

>>38773240
Do you see any mental health professionals for this? If not, I strongly urge you to seek out help. You're not alone and if you'd ever like someone to talk to, I can give you an email address if things ever become too difficult. I'm sure you probably won't want to get into email convos with a random anon, but social support can often be helpful and I just want to put this offer out there just in case. Hope things will get better for you, stay strong. Think you can find another job pretty easily?

>>38773272
I've never been high enough for a downward spiral. Do you have any other people you could stay with?

I cant watch porn anymore because it gives me flashbacks.

I can't even jack off anymore.

>>38773381
I'll probably call my dad, If thats a no go, I have a "secondary" mom i could potentially stay with until i get back on my feet.

>>38773291
That's really horrible for both of you. I'm so sorry, anon. However, you can't torture yourself over an accident. You were children and this was just a hideous misfortune. Your parents are wrong for holding a grudge against their own son. It's sad that they seem to want to cause more harm to one of their children for no reason.

>>38773413
Flashbacks of what? What kinda porn do you like?

>>38772801
>no friends
>no purpose in life
>keep writing shit and watching movies all day
>am actually getting published on sites, but otherwise NEET
>still feel no pride or joy in this
>also a trap
What can I do /r9k/?

>>38773305
You're not garbage, you're a human being who is struggling and I genuinely feel for you. Assuming you could do anything, what would you like to spend your life on? What prevents you from doing something with your interests in music and humor? You don't need to kill anyone, there are surely options for you besides what you assume. Please don't give up.

>>38773421
Maybe try that. I'm sure you can find your way. Some of us have never had jobs at all and are envious of even something as simple as that.

>>38773463
I get flashbacks of my brother telling everyone I ordered dildos when it was just clothes I ordered (that made me depressed for like 2 months lmao) , him seeing my history, and I get flashbacks of my ex ):
im really sensitive so the little things are terrifying for me
i fucking suck so i like hardcore bdsm or just heavy moaning

>>38773496
If you're writing, getting published and enjoy the activity, you should try to position yourself to make a living from that. Can you describe your traphood in more detail? When it started, etc.

>>38773553
By trap I mean passing tranny, it started when I hit puberty.

>>38773530
You're brother doesn't sound too nice. Even if you had ordered fucking dragon dildos, that's nothing to be ashamed of and neither is your internet history.

I like your taste in porn, those are both cool. I could blow a load to some simple audio of intense moaning.

If I may ask, what happened with your ex?

>>38773563
That's very hot. Are you ashamed of it? Do you spend a lot of time working on and fretting over your appearance?

>>38773599
Not really, I don't go out ever and I look good.

>>38773586
my ex is a super popular chick, she pretended to love me for months and had a fit of rage telling every one of her thousands of fucking instagram followers that i cheated on her and that i was evil.

i literally cant look at women in a positive light anymore

>>38773645
So there's no problem with it, right? Wanna grace us with the sight of your aesthetic physique? Just kidding, of course. U-unless you want to...

>>38773665
Remember that she is just one woman and her behavior doesn't represent the entire sex. And if she managed to convince some people with what she said, their opinions obviously don't define you. Do you ever try to seek out a new relationship?

>>38773666
I-I'm not that confident about myself sorry.

>>38773758
That's ok. It's easy to decline the request of a man with satanic trips. You have got me pretty curious, though. Are you gay?

>>38773793
If by gay you mean likes men then yes.

>>38773810
So you see yourself as a girl? Are you satisfied with having a dick? What type of guys do you like?

>>38773839
I see myself as a girl yes and I'm not satisfied with having a dick but also wouldn't be with an ax wound. My standards are p low desu I just want a strong guy to take care of me and beat me up.

>>38773873
What physical aspect of a guy do you usually notice first? Can you describe some of your romantic fantasies, if you have any? What do you masturbate to most often? Sorry if you find all these questions off-putting, I just find this interesting. Are you quite sure you'd really like to be beaten outside of fantasies?

>>38773921
I usually notice the face first and check if he isnt fat right after that. I have so many romantic fantasies, literally anything will do if its cute. And prefer not to answer the sex questions.

>>38773721
I would probably try and seek out a new relationship but I'm just really scared, and I don't know where to start

>>38773947
That's fine. Are you comfortable saying why you aren't comfortable with sex questions? It's cool if you aren't, I just don't really relate. Do you want to start going out as a girl?

>>38773986
I already go out as a girl, I just don't like being outside.

>>38773976
Do you have a group of friends? Can you go out and get involved in social activities? I'm sure some opportunity will present itself.

>>38773993
Why not? Why stay inside? Have you ever had a relationship?

Had a Significant other who live me unconditionally. I fucked it up cause I'm an idiot, blamed it on them, decimated the relationship to an unsalvageable level. They were pretty much my only friend outside of the internet so now I'm truly alone and only have myself to blame.

>>38774023
I had an e-boyfriend but that didn't work out. I'm anxious and not social at all so I don't like being outside.

>>38774034
Try to see that past version of yourself as an entirely different person. You can learn from that guy's mistakes, but you don't need to carry his guilt with you forever. The only thing you can do is look to the future and plan to make it a better one.

I'm willing to listen and respond to any further details should you be alright with sharing them.

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I dont know whenever i'm asexual or deeply repressed heterosexual. I had crushes on girls but i never initiated or had a thought about approaching one. Sex and kisses seemed gross (to a slightly lesser degree now) I'm trying to guess because i've never had close female relatives or friends in childhood. I've always spent my time among boys therefore i've become alienated from other sex. Even now, the mere thought of putting my penis into vagina makes me afraid.

>>38774040
Is there a specific source of your anxiety that you can identify? Something you're worried about people assuming of you?

Would it bother you if someone were interested in you solely because you're a trap without knowing much else about you?

>>38774081
Do you watch porn or masturbate? Do you every find your mind wandering into sexual fantasies of any kind?

my iq is super low. wat do

Man, I just wanna get a job. But my problem is, I don't know what to do with my 2 years neet gap on my resume. I started to feel everything I do now feels boring and is not satisfying me at all. I feel like shit nowaday senpai, what do?

I'm 27 and a unigrad third-worlder

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I have a fucked up disc in my spine and it makes my leg hurt. I haven't been able to sleep properly in weeks because of the pain.

>>38774062
Not many details to be had. I was focusing on work too much and it lead to us talking a lot less. Because of that, I convinced myself that they didn't really love me all that much and ended it. A day later I realize how bad I fucked up and tried to mend it, but they were so hurt by what I did that I couldn't even get througu to them. Eventually my temper got the better of me and I threw every insult in the book at them, even cutting into deep stuff that I knew they were sensitive about. After that they blocked me on every site or app we chatted on and stopped talking to me outright. We live somewhat far away from eachother so it isn't like I can just talk to them in person whenever, so I guess it's all just done.

>>38774130
I'd be willing to bet you're more intelligent than you think. If it truly is "super low" the solution is still the same; you have use what intelligence you have to the best of your ability to improve your life and the lives of others.

>>38774111
>Do you watch porn or masturbate?
Yes, I masturbate each day.
>Do you every find your mind wandering into sexual fantasies of any kind?
Sometimes but very rarely. I usually dont have sexual dreams.

>>38774093
Not really I've always just been uncomfortable around people and the trap thing really really doesn't help. And no it doesn't bother me if someone likes me solely because I'm a trap. It's not like I'll find love any other way.

>sort of attractive so get atared at a lot when taking care of myself
>start dressing lazily and don't get a haircut in months to be as invisible as possible
>go to class
>girl on the left and right to me get all giddy
>girl on the left starts resting her butt on my knee
>drop pencil accidentally
>girl to the left immediately picks it up
>give her a smile
>her face lights up and makes the biggest, brightest smile ever
>on the subway back home
>three girls get in staring right at me
>on of them stands right next to me and puts her hand near enough mine in the handrail that we're making hand contact
>her friends tease her while she laughs
>get home horny as a motherfuck and start breaking shit
What the fuck I just want to forget about girls why do they tease me like this. I wish I wasn't such a pussy.

>>38774154
You should probably get that job you desire. I've never had a job, so I certainly can't help with any specifics or resume stuff. But while you look, you could try to add structure to the off hours of your life. Master a skill, study a subject you'd like to know more about, exercise, etc.

>>38774164
Very sorry to hear this. Your doctor hasn't prescribed you anything for the pain/sleep?

ever since i was reject by my old group of "friends" i've found it really hard to connect with people.
it's not so much the talking part but me abandoning them in an act of avoiding being abandoned later on.

how do i get over this?

>>38774232
Abandonment is always a hard issue. What's your usual thought process when you do leave the friends you've made? Is it along the lines of "they'll just leave me too", or is it something else?

>>38772801
Do I unironically have autism? Whenever I have a conversation with someone who isn't a close friend, I start sweating and shaking, forgetting to breathe, and stuttering while desperately trying to end off the conversation. It feels like all the pressure is on me to think of something interesting to say every 5 seconds when in reality my mind just goes blank and in absolute chaos.

>>38774176
You should definitely work on the temper and ask yourself why you so quickly jumped to the conclusion that they didn't love you. But aside from taking an objective look at your behavior and the thought patterns that caused it, it doesn't do much good to dwell on what a scoundrel you were. Instead, think of it as a mechanic trying to find the part responsible for the critical failure.

>>38774226
I'm a neet right now so I can manage with advil and I'd rather not deal with any stronger drugs. The pain is slowly going away with rest and I have a spine steroid injection thing in a few weeks that should help more permanently.

>>38774186
What are you masturbating to? Anything in particular?

>>38774263
i dont even make it to the friend part. i usually feel like they won't actually like me the more they know me, and cut contact there.

Everything i've taken shelter in is being infiltrated by normies.

>>38774270
Maybe, but the solution is probably to just talk to more people. I've known a literal retard autist (like has a part time handler) who got a lot more socially passable just with time and practice.

>>38774278
Yeah, you're right. I think my issue is just a constant need for validation and just a general stubbornness and refusal to admit my wrongdoing. Thank you for this though, it means a lot

>>38774232
did they reject you for anything in particular? Maybe you should focus on avoiding people similar to them or work on whatever fucked you over.

>>38774194
Don't be too hard on yourself. It would be difficult to identify causes of a person's affection in this situation, but I bet you're a wonderful person with positive aspects to you aside from the trap thing. That's merely tangential to your personality. I hope you'll find as much enjoyment in your life as I've had in our brief conversation. I'd be glad to continue it.

>>38774331
they were passive aggressive about it the whole time, so i really dont know why didnt like me.
i assume i was just boring

>>38774302
Well that's probably not as true as you think. Some people may leave, yes. But if your first impression was strong, they may find your actual personality to be just as good, if not better. Maybe some of them even feel the same way. Even if it's how you feel, sometimes it helps to take an objective look at it, or just do a trial run and see if somebody does stick around.

>>38774298
>What are you masturbating to? Anything in particular?
Usually the 2d girls sometimes 2d guys if they're crossdressing . Sometimes i watch porn but not that much.

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>try and make an online friend
>havent had a friendly conversation with anyone in 10 years
>get their discord
>they immiediately stop talking after a few messages because I am unable to relate to anyone or converse beyond "hello I am"
Why can even robots have robot friends, I can't even get you guys to like me.

>>38774206
Why do you dislike the attention? A lot of people would be jealous. Make the most of it, man.

>>38774374
Guess what? You just made a friend, if you want it.

>>38773497
Listen. I love you regardless of whether or not you feel sorry for me. I am helpless, I don't want you to feel sorry. I want to be a regular human being. My interests are dead. My life is dead. It's not an option of giving up or pursuing my interests, I am defeated. Defeat is objective and measurable. I have been defeated. I rely more on you continuing the world than me merely existing. You're doing me right just by being a good person. PLEASE, continue.

>don't take antipsychotics
>feel horrible
>take antipsychotics
>be fat
REEEEEEEE

>>38774380
Cause I can't talk to them. I'm too much of a pussy. I don't know how to be more invisible, I look like shit compared to a year ago.

>>38774355
am i suppose to keep failing until something sticks?

>>38774395
I'm not that anon, but you're an asshole for baiting like that.
Does it really feel good?

>>38774359
It sounds like you like girls. Do you experience arousal if you try to watch real porn? Do you remember anything ever happening that might have made you afraid of physical intimacy?

>>38774411
yes, that's pretty much how everything works unfortunately

>>38774430
>Do you experience arousal if you try to watch real porn?
If by that you mean erection then yes.
>Do you remember anything ever happening that might have made you afraid of physical intimacy?
Actually no there wasnt any event that led to this fear. I think it happened overtime like you dont understand girls, they avoid you, you become even more clueless and they avoid you even more.

>>38774412
How am I baiting? I'm serious, regardless of your assumptions.

>>38774411
Failure can be surprisingly uncommon if you play the cards right. You don't have to accept the first person who makes your acquaintance, just the first one you'd be interested in becoming friends with. Even then, worst case scenario, you'll just be in the same position. But best case scenario, you'll come out of it with a friend and somebody to talk to who can maybe even introduce you to more friends

>>38774460
>worst case scenario, you'll just be in the same position.
my fear is that my already crushed self-esteem will be crushed even more from failure, and i honestly can't imagine feeling worse. i'm already suicidal

>>38774294
I hope everything will be alright, dude. I hate that people have to experience pain.

>>38774460
I like you, guy. Good on you.

>>38774453
no one offers something for nothing, even friendship; anyone who tries to spin tales to the contrary is a predator or a blowhard
you know what you are

>>38774483
Trust me dude, it's worth the attempt. I get that it's hard to look at the positibes when you're suicidal and pretty much ready to end it, but if there's even a chance that you can get yourself out of that rut, you gotta take it. We all end up dead anyways so why not try to make what life you have enjoyable? Failure can be crushing and damn near soul-sucking, but when it just makes the success feel so much better. If your self esteem is low, try and do things that'll raise it. Exercise, proper sleep, a curriculum of some kind to schedule your life around, and some attempts at making friends can really turn your worldview around.

>>38774517
I may or may not know what I am, but you certainly don't. I understand why you might draw negative conclusions, but you're wrong. I offered friendship because I am willing to communicate with him as much I am able to ease his loneliness. I suspect I won't change you're opinion, but I'm telling you and him the truth.

I am a 23 year old burnout who could of had everything. I could have gone to college, I could have had friends, I could of had love but like I always do I get in the way of myself. I fucking hate it and I just want someone to help, but I push everybody away. All I do is sit in my room thinking about offing myself, and the only reason I don't is my dog who is 14. Once he goes I am out.

>>38774554
You could still have it. It's not to late for college and not too late to stop pushing people away. Why do you think you tend to do that?

>>38774316
Yeah I've been thinking of just going out more with friends. I use to be able to have enjoyable conversations with anyone but now I dont know what the fuck is going on. My mind is in space and I can't get a grip on reality, I'm slowly drifting farther and farther away from who I use to be.

>>38774553
sure.
what are LARPing for? what fucked up IRL thing are you trying to forget?

>>38774452
Sounds pretty non-asexual to me. Can you put yourself into situations that will acclimate you to females?

>>38774623
Not larping my friend. Since you're making assumptions about me, I'll go ahead and return the favor by assuming your intention is not productive conversation. Now you get to have the last word. I hope you enjoy it.

>>38774673
I will, cheers.
I'm not your friend, Guy. God has an infinite capacity for forgiveness but you have to ask him.

>>38774637
>Can you put yourself into situations that will acclimate you to females?
Not really, i graduated from uni so no new situations. I'm just neeting away. I once asked a girl to reject me because i couldnt deal with emotions.

>>38774622
You really should. I've been pretty much holed up in my room these past few weeks with health issues and I feel like I'm mentally deteriorating. It's really not healthy.

>>38774601
I was sexually assaulted from 4-6 and when they told my parents they didn't believe me. I have such a self defeatist personality I don't know what to do anymore. Life just feels like a race to get to the end at this point.

>>38774407
>take antipsychotics
>be fat

i just got back on seroquel (im on that as well as Risperidone) and went from (in kilograms) low 80s to mid 90s. being fat is better than having delusions and hallucinations though.

Sorry to all who may feel their posts were ignored (I assure you it wasn't my intention), but I, for one, have to be off. I wish you all well and hope you will be attended to by someone with legitimately good advice to give.

I'm just thirsty.

>>38772801
My head hurts right now

is this a psychological issues spin off?

>>38776198
Shhhhh, we don't talk about that! The meanie mods could be listening!

I'm really lonely but thats pretty much it

So about 3.5 weeks ago my first gf broke up with me after a 3 month relationship. I'm 26 years old. Although I am still gutted by it, the wound is starting to heal.

I think that this experience has changed me as a person. Before the relationship I spent entire weeks alone without any problems. Now, every moment I'm alone I find myself trying to find distraction from the fact that there's no one around.

I can't immerse myself in a video game or movie anymore. The inactivity kills me. I've joined a fitness club, but that's only 3 times a week for 1.5 hours at a time. When I'm bored I go out for a bike ride, just going in any random direction. It might help me get my fat ass into shape, but I'm still alone.

I guess the upside to being a KHHV is not knowing what you're missing, but that's out the window now. I hope I'll find another girl somewhere down the line, but that's not gonna happen if I waste away inside my room all day.

I'm no good at starting conversations or approaching strangers. This might be a strange place to ask, but how do I meet new people and keep myself occupied?

Ive been rejected by my oneitis so many times. It really fucks with my head because she will let me touch her, shes kissed me before and does seem to really care about me. But she has never let me fuck her.

Last night was my birthday so my friends and i went out drinking, including my oneitis. She shows up wearing the skimpiest outfit, short shorts and this top that might as well have been a bra, she looked fucking sexy. later on in the night, we were in the backseat of my friends car. I decided to put my arm around her and grabbed/caressed her thigh to see how she would react. She put her legs up agasint mine, held my hand as i was carressing her and had her head on my shoulder. Should i try getting with her again? I might just get rejected yet again,she plays a lot of games

A girl I used to be really good friends with has been trying to hang it with me because she recently moved close to where I had moved. Now I am starting to not reply to her and pulling back for no reason. Nothing changed really, she is still the same person and we get along and like a lot of the use stuff. I just don't like being around people anymore, I though she'd be an exception.

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>>38772801
>playing legos with little sister (7)
>brings up that I will be moving to a different town soon to start uni
>suddenly she asks me if I have a girlfriend and if ill get one there
>her tone has a mix of condescension and outrage, like me not having a gf is a horrible, disgusting crime
>uses really strange speech pattern and words not fit for a child while asking
>mfw my parents and grandparents are talking shit about me behind my back for being a virgin and my little sister is parroting it back to me

>>38776882
Sounds like you need to be upfront about it. Talk to her. Lay your cards on the table. If she can't be honest with you, she's not worth your time. If she outright rejects you, you need to stop wasting your time on her. Stop seeing her.

i fuk my cat

I've been seeing a girl for about 5 months, she has anxiety and mild depression and is a virgin. I really enjoy being with her but the lack of sex and affection is taking a toll on me, everytime we go to try she gets too nervous and has said that "she never feels up to it ever", I think she wants to try it but just gets so nervous, we've tried getting drunk and even then the nerves get too much.

What can I do? She likes taking drugs and so do I so I was wondering if there were any drugs that would help with the nerves maybe, or if there is something I could say/do (I've tried a lot)

>>38777008
Also, when I say "Stop seeing her." I don't mean you should start hating her. You (both) need to come to terms with the fact that your relationship with her is not healthy for you. Seeing her might make you feel good, but it'll leave you feeling unsatisfied. That's not what a healthy relationship should feel like.

Maybe I'm just projecting, but I've been in a similar situation.

>>38776953
>my parents and grandparents are talking shit about me behind my back for being a virgin
Why would they care about you being a virgin?

Shouldn't this thread be on /adv/ or /soc/? Shouldn't we be talking about Chads instead?

>>38777137
you're free to talk about chads.

>>38772801
I have abandonment issues and I desperately just want a grill to cling onto me and never let go so I can feel like I'll never be alone again and so that I can be motivated to do things. I feel so isolated and alone and I just want to die because I have literally no reason to live.

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>>38772801
>tfw watch so much anime that real women are no longer attractive to me
can this be fixed?

People on this board don't want help: they want comfort in misery, the reassurance that they can't improve. They want excuses, not help.

There is no point in discussing their problems. Robots should be assisted to their early graves.

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>>38777198
Same here. Kinda feels good but I do worry what I'll do if I get lonely and want to try dating someone someday. Probably would be better off not bothering desu

>>38777218
I want help but i cannot find answers in myself.

>>38777198
Accept the fact that you are a gross disgusting 3d pighuman so you can then accept other gross 3d pighumans. If one of them can look past you being flawed and gross, you can accept their being flawed and gross.