Self-Hate Thread

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>>38768690
You fear intimacy.

She was fucking people locally the entire time, she wasn't your girlfriend

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>be a big guy NEET
>don't even lift

What am I doing with my life?

>>38768744
I guess so, but that doesn't mean I had to fuck it all up for myself.
We had a good thing going just being long distance and all that. There is less intimacy there. Though I will admit I shied away when she mentioned meeting.

>>38768793
Yeah, nice try woman-hater. Not every girl in the world is a cheater. I know for a fact that she wasn't. She was a terrible lier, she didn't really go out much, and she rejected a lot of guys, I know for sure.

>>38768821
What do you mean by "big guy"? Do you mean you're a fat fuck?
Or do you mean that you're tall? Don't mince words.

I hate myself because I'm the biggest beta I know of, have no self-esteem whatsoever and constantly need other people's approval to do anything, I sometimes take pride in being a nice person but I'm really just too shy and afraid of people to try making any interesting or relevant comment on about anything.

Fellow anons who hate yourselves: do you cut yourself? I'm asking because I've been cutting myself in my left thigh for many years now. It makes me feel less like shit and no one's gonna see my thighs anyway. I ask mostly because some months ago I read a self-harm thread here, and I was surprised to find out almost everyone who replied to the thread said they only harmed themselves for attention.

>>38769210
Better to be a nice guy than an asshole.
And I know there will be scrubs that think girls only like assholes, but there is a difference between someone being slightly uncaring, and someone ACTUALLY being an asshole.

I'm ACTUALLY an asshole, and let me tell you, i wish I was nicer to people. It would really help me keep relationships with other people. At the moment, I can hardly keep a friendship going for more than 1 year, let alone 2.

And as for cutting, I never really saw the point in it. I don't think anyone would pay attention to me even if I did cut myself. And as for making myself feel better, i'm the type of person who just never thinks about things, and hope that they go away. Pure, unfiltered distraction is my vice.

Out of interest, how does cutting yourself make you feel better? I never really understood it.

I repeatedly make friendships with folks online or get involved in communities and then get overwhelmed by the relationships really fast. Then I'll stop using all account associated with those people/groups and silently remove myself without explanation. I want to experience socialization and affection and friendship but I can't handle what that actually entails so I ghost people. I have no real life friends either.

People don't end up with no friends for no reason. It's because of being a fucked up person.

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>>38769493
I do that all the time.
It's like I'm fighting with myself. I want to be better, and i want to have a good life for myself, with good friends, but I self sabotage at every chance I get.
It's some true bullshit, being a terrible person.
I have no idea how to fix myself, or even if I deserve to be fixed.
Why do I have to be this way.

>>38769370
I guess it's a matter of finding the middle ground. The few times I've tried not to be overly nice I feel like I came out as an asshole and I stopped trying it.

Wish I could say the same about not thinking about things. I never let things go and have a really hard time distracting myself from things I get angry or sad about. Sometimes bad things that happened years ago just come back to mind very vividly to me.

For me the pain helps relieve some stress or anger, I think. I only really do it when I'm feeling really bad and it makes me feel a bit less so. Again though, if the thread I saw was accurate most people do it for attention, which I find weird since I imagine most people would avoid someone if they saw they had cuts in their wrists.

>>38769493

insecure attachment

your "self-sabotage" is actually a self defense mechanism. for whatever reason, your deepest wish is more to avoid rejection than to experience rejection

imo this is the the true heart of a champion, the tom brady's and steve jobs' who clearly care not so much about success as they care about being denied success, or being involved in a competition they don't win

if you can sublimate your overwhelming fear of losing away from avoidance and into proactive goal setting and goal directed behavior, you can use this addiction to "never lose" to very powerful ends...

This is difficult though, because you have trick your mind into ignoring the easier option. The easiest way to avoid losing/rejection is to avoid situations in which that is possible.

You have to figure out how to co-opt your fear or get lucky enough to have it co-opted for you...

I wake up at 430 am every day and go to the hospital even today because I was afraid of the fact that I was just like everyone else in general chemistry freshman year who was pre-med because of some TV show they liked to watch. My fear of being exposed for what I am pushed me to be something I never was (a good student) and now that I am a resident my fear of still being exposed for being a poser airhead who did this because of tv show he watched in high school motivates me to never be "exposed".

If you get lucky you may find something as well. A vice you can use to your advantage. For me, it was just dumb luck.

>>38769868

your deepest wish is more to avoid rejection than to experience rewarding interpersonal intimacy

>>38769840
I don't let things go either, and things from my past hit me randomly, making me hate myself or whatever, but I just try to quickly distract myself with something. I play a lot of games, and consume a lot of writing, tv shows and cartoons. Sometimes I even run out, that I have to watch, read or play things over and over again. Constant stimulation is hard to keep up, and is really not healthy, but I have no other way of coping with my problems.

Not that i've learnt anyway.

>>38769868
>>38769888
I don't know, I relate a lot to self sabotaging to avoid actually being rejected, but often times it feels like you're being rejected anyway, even if it IS because of what you did to make sure you were rejected on your terms.

It's like a lose-lose when you have a toxic personality like that.

And as for using that to channel it into something productive, i've never really had anything. I'm kind of a waste of space, and i've never had any drive to do anything in my life.

I've never actually LIKED anything, like a hobby, or a subject in school. Nothing like a dream or a goal to move towards.

I just hate myself and my inability to do anything productive or good, or even at least, keep a functioning social life.

>>38768690
Some people don't deserve love. Exhibit A

>be 28
>be kissless virgin
>only GF dumped me before we could get anywhere
>cute chubby girl now dating feminist Chadcuck
>I wanna die

>>38770094
>Being this much of a salty beta

I may be a terrible boyfriend, but at least girls actually like me, and aren't grossed out by me.

Stay mad that I can get a gf, but you can't.

>>38768690
>almost got arrested because I drank too much
>won't drink anymore ever again because of it
any sensible person would stop drinking so that's what I'm doing
depressing as hell though

>>38770117
Don't give up after just one try. Seriously, you could probably be a way better person to date than me, and if I can get someone, so can you. And YOU can probably keep them.

Never get oneitis, it can be extremely debilitating.

>>38770330
Why do you hate yourself for that though?
You're changing yourself for the better! Learning from your mistakes is something to be proud of. I wish I was able to do that, but i'm way too lazy.

Sure, maybe not being able to drink away your troubles will suck, but you can find other pursuits, and maybe one day, when you feel up to it, you can try to drink again, but that time, in moderation.

>>38768690
OP I do the same kind of shit, with girls, with teachers, anyone and I have no idea why. Something eats away at me if I don't. I need help, is there a name for this condition?

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>>38770433
Yeah dude, it's called being an asshole. Welcome to the club.

It sucks to admit it to yourself, but it's the truth. We are just assholes who are sadistic enough that we can't resist pushing people and just being toxic pieces of shit.

>>38770423
Mostly the thought that if I hadn't fucked up I would still be able to drink
Thanks for the encouragement anon

>>38768690
This relates to me so much. I have such a similar situation.

>be me
>meet girl online who is perfect match with me
>somehow I was able to start arguments with her on a weekly basis.
>I constantly told her I wasnt good enough and that i worried that she would leave me for other guys or cheat on me
>Her anxiety gets really high and I get on that subject again.
>She says she is done and I can't repair the damage.

She broke up with me just last night. I'm gonna wait it out and call her soon because I don't want to give her up. I sincerely thought she was the one and can't lose her like this. I just wish i could watch myself better.

>>38770538
No worries. Everyone makes mistakes. As long as you are working to fix those mistakes, and learn from them, you shouldn't really beat yourself up over them.

It's said and done. The only way to move now it forward.

>>38770571
I wish you luck. I can't call her because she blocked me, and I don't have her phone number (we live in different countries so the rates would be insane), so I can't even try to fix it like you can.

But even if i could, I don't know if I would. I'm the type of idiot who just packs up and leaves at the first sign of trouble, because I have no guts.

Hope it goes well for you though. Rooting for you.

I'm just so fucking useless. I'm 21 years old and probably have the life experience/emotional maturity of a 15 year old. I'll be graduating college in a year with a mostly useless degree and have no clue what the fuck to do with my life. I've never even had any kind of a job because I'm such an anxious pussy. I'm just a burden on my family and society and I can't even imagine a future where I wouldn't be.

Of course it follows that I'm a kissless virgin who has little to no real friends. I'm just boring as fuck and have nothing to offer any other person (also a 5'4" manlet). The only actual hobby I have is songwriting, and even that I'm embarrassed by and only hesitantly commit to. I'm just an empty shell of a person which even in itself is a boring platitude to describe myself by.

I'm fairly drunk right now so I'm probably being especially whiny but goddamn I fucking hate myself.

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>>38770433
Not OP but im the same way, ive always told myself that others cant handle my banter but its always been a coping mechanism

>>38770719
At least you'll have a degree. I'm about to fail my second year of university for no other reason than I'm just lazy.

I couldn't be bothered doing the coursework. I'm smart enough to actually pass the year, but I was just too lazy to do it. I know for a fact i'm going to fail, and then i'm going to be stuck in a dead end job at a supermarket for the rest of my life.

I'm even too lazy to commit suicide, I feel like it would be too much effort.

Fml.

>>38768690
It's your fault you're such a fucking waste. You should have been a better person. No wonder everyone wants you to fuck off and die. Fucking loser.

>>38770871
Lol, did you read the title of the thread?

Don't reiterate shit, dumbass.

>>38770678
Thank you brother. I hope that you can recover and that you find someone new. I can tell by the way you talk how you feel, and I know things will get better.

>>38768690
I'm not a good person.

I have friends, a sex life, I'm reasonably successful in terms of school and work. I try hard. But I'm selfish. I'm egotistical. I take things from people. I don't give people the affection or even the attention they deserve. I drink like a fish. I haven't slept without passing out from the drink for three years.

I might be called a Chad, but fuck it. I've been on 4chan since I was a tubby awkward little 14 year old who couldn't talk to women. Now I'm chiseled, extremely handsome, and I don't say that to pump myself up. I'm short too, and still kind of fat. But women like me, even love me. But it's never enough. I'll chase after a woman for years, idealizing her. When I get her, reality crashes down.

They're never enough and neither am I.

Ive been rejected by my oneitis so many times. It really fucks with my head because she will let me touch her, shes kissed me before and low key obssess over me. But she has never let me fuck her.

Last night was my birthday so my friends and i went out drinking, including my oneitis. She shows up wearing the skimpiest outfit, short shorts and this top that might as well have been a bra, she looked fucking sexy. later on in the night, we were in the backseat of my friends car. I decided to put my arm around her and grabbed/caressed her thigh to see how she would react. She put her legs up agasint mine, held my hand as i was carressing her and had her head on my shoulder. Should i try getting with her again? I might just get rejected yet again,she plays a lot of games

>>38768690
>be me
obviously you're you faggot

>>38771401
You forgot a comma there pleb.
Good to know Hartman's law is still in effect with idiots.

>>38771356
Maybe just ask her straight out.
Women often like guys who are straight with them, know what they want, and will take it.

So just ask her outright if you want to get together or not. Did the kiss mean something, could something happen between you in the future or not.

Ask for an answer, and tell her that if you don't get one, you aren't going to waste your time on her.

You say she plays a lot of games. So don't play those games with her. Take that power away from her, and YOU will be in control.

Good luck dude.

>>38771187
Thanks man, i'm sure things will get better for you as well. You deserve it a lot more than me.

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I have small everything. I wear a fucking size 7 shoe. I'm 100% certaim U will die alone because I'm miniscule compared to adult men

>>38768690
>self hate thread
>thread
I thought that's what the entire board was for.

>>38771900
Geez how tall are you? I'm 5'4" but even I wear a size 9.

>>38771998
No, it's more for whiny bitches to talk about how much they hate normies. It's more of a normie-hate board than self-hate board.

>>38772119
Same height as you friendo

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>get short qt gf
>she doesn't put out, wants to wait for marriage
>bang ex gf
>short qt finds out and acts heartbroken
>realize I fucked up and miss short qt gf
It's been almost a year since I fucked that up

> be me, roughly three hours ago
> playing vidya
> decide to eat dinner, which is half a bag of Puffcorn since I have no money
> crumbs all over my barely-fitting "SORRY, not everyone can be me!" shirt
> how ironic
> little sister walks in
> "anon, do you have my phone charger?"
> give her the phone charger
> she closes the door
> look down at my body wondering how I got to this point in my life
> look to my left and right
> room is dirty
> I am dirty
> please end me

>be me
>like grill
>talk to girl
>get along
>notice signs that she doesn't like me that way
>fuck being friendzoned, not doing that again
>stop talking to her
>it's awkward now
>miss talking to her

feelsbadman

I think I fucked up

>I had a runescape gf

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>>38768690
I hate my life because i have absolutely no purpose or reason. I hate my job, i dont find my hobbies much appealing anymore, hell it feels like doing chores when i try to do my hobbies i once loved. If im not at work im either drunk or high to try and keep my mind off how shit my life is. And to top it off my gallbladder recently took a shit and now i need to figure out when the hell i need to get it removed. Fuck. Wish i was fucking dead.

>>38770571
I was in the exact situation as you, Anon. I got played, though, and she revealed herself to be a manipulative cunt who herself is just as insecure, yet she chastised me for the same thing. I can't seem to forget about her, even after deleting all the pics I had of her. I don't know if I should unblock her and talk to her after 3+ months of no contact. What do I do?

>be hapa.
>underachiever in everything.

turned 30 and watch as normies have successful relationships and all this happy shit.
I realize I was never good enough to be loved like that.
I ruined the few good things in life I had.
I hate myself.

Nothing I do is ever good enough.