"Of course we're still going to Chick-Fil-A, Champ.

I actually got a job this way.

I'm a barback at a popular college bar. I get to deal with Chads and Staceys all night.

File: 1499214017138.jpg (36KB, 351x500px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 351x500px

>>38680086
See, Champ? Persistence pays off.

Oh god stop OP you're bringing back memories

>>38680051
don't I also need to look them in the eye?

>>38680051
Thanks dad i appreciate your support. I really do. I will do my best to become a productive member of society and stop mastrubating to my chinese cartoons.

File: 1499877980903.png (99KB, 300x211px) Image search: [Google]

99KB, 300x211px

>>38680162
"Champ, getting a job is a part of growing up. And you're not gonna grow up by spending your time on that Frankish basket-weaving eWorld collective. Now get dressed and meet me in the car. I'm gonna drive you around town to look for a job, and we're not stopping until someone hires you on the spot. All you need to do is show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. It's that simple, Champ."

>>38680051
But dad, I already have a job and I am the manager, do I have to shake my own hand?

>>38680051
>calls you Champ constantly, infantilizing you
>expects you to get a job
Glad I never had a dad desu. I'd deck a cunt like this

Thank you Mike Pence, btw when are you going to fry the faggots?

File: 1500190861632.jpg (52KB, 693x719px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 693x719px

>>38680051
I got a job a week ago but quit because it was shit fuck your advice dad im getting back on my computer WHICH I took back from your room you crusty boomer faggot.

File: 14998779809021.jpg (16KB, 211x300px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 211x300px

>>38680179
Good for you, Champ. Now get another one. You can never be too busy.

>>38680182
Champ, you could either sit there and blame someone else for your problems, or you could grow up, dust yourself off, and dig yourself out of this mess. Now all you need to do is show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you want the job. Four simple steps, Champ! I didn't raise a quitter."

>>38680176
>using that meme that describes 4chan as anything other than a simple image board
Youre a fucking faggot and i no longer support your "champ" meme

>>38680203
This shit makes me reeee like no other. I've already got a job anyway making $33/hr

>>38680203
But dad, I don't need another job, I have chores around the house that need to be done, and your birthday is coming up, so I need to start flying family in from around the country and setting them up at my place to throw you a killer birthday party.

>>38680051

Sir, if you send your genetic trash in here again we will sue.

>>38680213
I like it

He is the father to me i never had

File: evilhandshakeman.png (93KB, 255x239px) Image search: [Google]

93KB, 255x239px

>>38680200
>>38680213

"That's UNACCEPTABLE, Champ. You hear me? UNACCEPTABLE. Now you march back in there, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. I raised a man, not a wailing woman, Champ."

File: handshakedadbanecropped.png (501KB, 404x408px) Image search: [Google]

501KB, 404x408px

>>38680219
"Procrastination and excuses, powerful agents to those who wish to spend some time being idle. But you're still going to show up, speak with the manager, and give him a firm handshake, Champ."

>>38680233

Sir, this is a restraining order. Stop sending that dumpy retard in here to eyefuck the female staff and slobber on everything.

But Dad, there is no point to get a job anymore. The only reason people of your generation got a job was in order to find a mate and get laid. Now since harem culture is in full effect, no girl gives a shit about what job you have or if you have one. Why should I work for a society that treats me like shit?

>>38680247
I think after your birthday, we're putting you in a home dad, I am the manager, and I have chores that need to be done. Perhaps I can give your nurse a handshake instead, when we drop you off.

>>38680233
Oh yeah dad well watch me go in there and tell them my dad is a queer that wants me to talk to mr wagie so i don't sit around all day. Fuck you im staying up all night again too!

File: 1499527016565.png (202KB, 351x500px) Image search: [Google]

202KB, 351x500px

>>38680268
"Champ, I know things are tough, but that's no reason you can't find work. When I was your age, I marched through a blizzard to get to the interview, and the people there were so impressed that they hired me right on the spot. It's simply a matter of picking yourself up by the bootstraps, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. Can't get any simpler than that, Champ."

>mfw my female boss calls me "my dear" and such things
I like being here thanks Dad.

File: 1499103173716.png (203KB, 612x408px) Image search: [Google]

203KB, 612x408px

>>38680173
It goes without saying, Champ: Stand up straight, maintain eye contact, give a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. What've you got to lose?

>>38680051
>All you just need to do is walk in, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there.
Seriously fuck boomers, I hate how they think the world hasn't changed since the fucking 70s. Blind and fucking ignorant people, the entire lot of them.

My mom went through a phaze where she did this. It was in the mid-oughts, and craigslist wasn't as well known as it is now. I've still never got a job this way. It was always online, or in the case of my current decade long tenure of my current job, by having the owner of the business be a family friend.

File: ดาราหนังเอวี-6.jpg (80KB, 550x733px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 550x733px

>mfw got a job after only 9 tries
Feels good man

I would put out my hand and say "You wanna shake my hand that bad? Give me the job."

And I don't make eye contact with people that have ugly eyes.

>>38680432
>he took 9 tries haha
superior 3 here

File: handshakedad.jpg (12KB, 211x300px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 211x300px

>>38680432
>>38680447

See, Champ? There's nothing that a little bit of persistence, initiative, and elbow grease can't solve. Two more boxes of Chick-n-Strips comin' right up!

>>38680200
just show up and sweep outside the front, eventually they'll HAVE to give you a job

>>38680331
>just print out Resume's and go around and hand them to stores
>"sorry, you need to apply online"
>"eh... we'll take your resume but we aren't hiring at the moment"

File: handshakedaddealwithit.png (539KB, 351x500px) Image search: [Google]

539KB, 351x500px

>>38680517
"You can't give a firm handshake online, Champ. You've gotta go in there, speak with the manager, and firmly -- and I mean firmly -- shake his hand there. If you don't get the job, we'll just go someplace else. What've you got to lose?"

File: 1499107773226.png (168KB, 658x415px) Image search: [Google]

168KB, 658x415px

>>38680517
>print out resumes and hand them to stores
>hand them to stores
>hand

guess which part of the process needs a bit more work, sport?
Firm it up, champ we're going again this afternoon

>>38680051
Ok dad, i did it, but they said they only take applications online

File: 1499468456989.png (748KB, 612x408px) Image search: [Google]

748KB, 612x408px

>>38680566
ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FOLLOW MY DAMN ADVICE, CHAMP!

>>38680612
B-but i did dad... i even offered a firm handshake but they just laughed and told me to go on the computer

File: FIRMHANDSHAKEIKARI.png (377KB, 416x296px) Image search: [Google]

377KB, 416x296px

>>38680632
Get back in there and shake the manager's hand, Shinji.

>>38680647
Ok.
But what if they tell me to do it on the computer again?
Whatever.
Brb

File: 1495671950067.png (24KB, 299x249px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 299x249px

>>38680632
heheheh... no work experience on this one either..
he has his hobbies listed though...
HAHAHA likes computers, yeah ok we could really use him alright, post this one up in the lounge coffee break just got a little looser

File: images.jpg (6KB, 275x183px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 275x183px

>>38680667
>"Oh, and get this, Jim: Here's another loser who bothered to write 'task-oriented.' Who the hell isn't? Into the trash this resume goes."

File: 731.jpg (43KB, 486x409px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 486x409px

>>38680557
>>38680550
I haven't posted here on /r9k/ for well over a year, is this a new meme, if so i love it.

File: HANDSHAKEDADINSPACE3.png (1MB, 768x549px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 768x549px

>>38680693
"It's not a meme, Champ. It's just helpful advice."

File: 68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f7336596476546a484632786b38413d3d2d3230343438383738322e313433343436363437626232306538652e6a7067.jpg (45KB, 1077x807px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 1077x807px

>>38680086
Then you work for someone that likes overbearing idiots, of which might not be a good thing.

You two idiots should go bowling and leave the rest of the world that is actually considerate rather than polite and sane, alone.

>>38680705
In all honesty I'd take a job at Chick-Fil-A. The one in my town has very friendly employees. It'll be fun working with a ton of normies over cooking the carcasses of dead birds dad.

File: 2154841 - Ishanah Personalami World_of_Warcraft Yrel draenei.jpg (1MB, 2560x1439px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2560x1439px

but dad, i have autism

File: 1499991567162.png (186KB, 310x266px) Image search: [Google]

186KB, 310x266px

>>38680882
"Good. That's the spirit, Champ. Now get in there, speak with the manager, shake his hand firmly, and tell him you wanna work there. Champ, I'm proud of ya."

File: George-Costanza-OCBD1.jpg (46KB, 394x370px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 394x370px

>>38680911
>911
The digits decree it dad. I'll do it.

File: GoodLuck.png (184KB, 658x415px) Image search: [Google]

184KB, 658x415px

>>38680896
Next time you spank it, make sure it is a nice blonde girl your age. Champ, better yet once you get some money coming in you can take that Stacey girl who walks our dogs out to the pictures.
Visualize it, then actualize it. Step-by-step along the path, every move forward gets you closer to your goal.

>>38680911
>>38680972
papa I have gotten another job (this is my 88th) so, now I must ask if YOU have gotten a new job yet? I hear that you aren't bringing in enough money to satisfy mother or her new BLACK LOVER D'marcus. All you have to do is shake the owners hand and ask for work. Hell I'll even drive you old man...

File: handshakedad.png (2MB, 658x600px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 658x600px

So... how's the job hunt going, Son? All it takes is a little initiative.

File: 678jn.jpg (58KB, 549x767px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 549x767px

i got an promotion! i finally understand the joy people feel when working!
sorry, i just wanted to brag a little. but i feel so proud!

File: 1449253345117.jpg (51KB, 450x539px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 450x539px

>>38680051
>mfw this how I got my first job after dozens of attempts around city
>mfw my sister just applied online, got an interview, and was hired right after the interview
Why...

File: 1491807343701.png (474KB, 644x617px) Image search: [Google]

474KB, 644x617px

>>38681003
You let that string bean talk to you like that in your own house?
Holy smokes, I'd spank him. There is no such thing as too old. That type of uh, "humor" won't fly, not around his dad, and not around his boss.

>>38681020
>>38681054

dad, you're unemployed. Tyrone is getting impatient and wants his gibs. What's wrong, you a racist or something?

>>38680051
Why do parents like these believe all jobs these days are jobs for life like they had? With full benefits.

Even if they get a job in a shit place, they won't be better off and move out? Probably just have a bit of extra cash after they pay thier way in the house

Does anyone know if Reddit and 9fag have stolen these memes yet?

File: KISAMA!!!!!.gif (750KB, 501x502px) Image search: [Google]

750KB, 501x502px

>>38680667
>>38680687
WHAT THE FUCK ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT ON A RESUME WHEN I HAVE NO FUCKING WORK EXPERIENCE, YOU FUCKING BITCHES!?!??
HOW CAN I GET EXPERIENCE UNLESS YOU GIVE ME SOME!?!?!
FUCKING CUNTS LIKE YOU SAY YOU'RE HIRING BUT TURN EVERYONE WHO NEEDS THE FUCKING WORK DOWN

Its actually really fucking hard to get a job CHAMP. But now that I've got a job at a grocery (no experience, 2nd year uni student) I'm fine. It's a shitty job and I only get paid 11 but when I think about how shit it could be without a job, I feel kinda fortunate. I'm only working at the store for 1 more month before I fuck off back to uni anyways

>>38681054
admit it dad, you hate blacks. How many times do I have to hear you use the 'n' word.

>>38681082
instead of worrying about reddit or 9gag, perhaps you should get a job.

File: 1500758640311.jpg (205KB, 1080x1536px) Image search: [Google]

205KB, 1080x1536px

>>38681070
"Champ, you can't fix your problems by pinning them on other people. All it takes is showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you wanna work there. There's nothing to it, Champ. I didn't a raise a quitter."

>>38680051
That Pepe made me laugh my ass off in the back the ways you guys worship that neet shit and actually think it's good is so funny to me

I mean I'm neet and you're right but it's funny

>>38681122
Oh nvm that's a boss that's so gay it would be so much funnier if it was a neet looking st him while enjoying his coffee and unemployment while the other ones getting a job

>>38681116
so why have you given up trying to get a job then you RACIST quitter...

Yelling at blacks over the internet wont make your wife love you. Have you prepped the bull today father? I hear that your prep work has been sub-par and you know how L'shane gets when he isn't prepped right.

>>38680182
>Glad I never had a dad
Are you a Negro, anon?

>>38681160
maybe anons dad died and his mother never remarried.

File: 1493603475524.jpg (189KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

189KB, 1280x720px

>>38681158
Oh. My. Gosh.
Is this kid serious??

No, no uhhh uh. I can't hear any more of this, we'll see you at the Sport's Bar, Saturday, and if not then Church on Sunday.

You've gotta learn the difference between funny jokes, and weird jokes, kid.

>>38681214
I NOW KNOW WITHOUT A DOUGHT THAT YOU ARE A BIGOTTED, NAZI RAICIST WHO IS A KKK HITLER.

Oh yeah and you have no job. Speaking of which, how many managers have you seen today? if it's less than 20 then I will get Kendrick, Kenton and Kenyata to have a word with you in the cuc... I mean "man cave"

File: FIRMHANDSHAKEIKARIreversed.png (378KB, 416x296px) Image search: [Google]

378KB, 416x296px

>>38681095
"Raise the LCL compression density level to the limit..."

>>38681214
SHEEIT NIGGA I JUT REALISED N SHIT DAT I HAS BLCK SKIN! M MOMMA MUSTAV FUKKED A NIGGA. U A KEK NIGGA U A KEK

>>38681095
You're supposed to work for free first, by volunteering.

File: grandpareversed.jpg (153KB, 670x375px) Image search: [Google]

153KB, 670x375px

>>38681356
"No, Billy. The best way is to walk in there, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you wanna work there. Sweep the floors and rearrange the shelves for free if you have to. That shows your level of commitment. Do it for your grandpa, Billy."

>>38681432
FUK YOU OLD MAN U RACIST N SHEEEEIT. I'MA BE BAK JUST GOTTA HUSTLE FO A BIT NIGGA

But dad, this was ten years ago. You're in a nursing home now... you have alzheimers... do you remember?

>>38681482
As someone who works in one, no, no he doesn't.

>>38681095
Here's a little secret I'm gonna let you in on;
Don't apply online, go directly to the companies you want to work at, speak to the hiring manager and ask them if they have any entry level positions. Make sure you offer to work for free for 2 weeks to "try you out", this is actually important because employers won't care to hire a inexperienced worker anyway, and free labor is pretty much the only way to get their attention.

>>38681505
You ever grab their Johnsons through their PJs, just to see if they still have some fight left in them?

File: 1499446731168.jpg (142KB, 2400x1600px) Image search: [Google]

142KB, 2400x1600px

>>38681522
And top it off with the handshake, Champ. But it's gotta be firm -- like I showed ya.

File: 1490498768470.jpg (69KB, 900x900px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 900x900px

>>38681547
Doc, that was beautiful

File: 505727551.jpg (22KB, 612x408px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 612x408px

>24 yo wheeled into the ER
>Victim of assault and battery
>Deep cut from the upper chest to the lower abdomen
>Recommend surgery immediately
>Drive him around town to look for a job instead

>>38681561
Thanks, anon. These youngin's have to learn what it takes.

File: 1499104403060.jpg (56KB, 300x250px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 300x250px

*sees you meekly and nervously walking into the store after your dad gave you last minute job-seeking advice*

>>38680051
>Be manager of a panda express.
>Autism NEET in his late 20s came in with his disappointed father on Wednesday
>The father asks for manager(me)
>Father glares at his son
>Son hesitates and speaks up when he sees me.
>"I was wondering if you had any jobs available."
>Cringeworthy smile and offers his greasy hand.
>Shake his greasy hand because I honestly feel sorry for him.
>Tell him we currently weren't hiring and apologize(We really weren't.)
>Father eyes look like he is mad
>Ask if they would like to order something while they are here and offer a discount for their trouble
>Fat neet eyes light up
>Father leaves with NEET
>My employees make fun of the guy for about 2 hours straight afterwards

This shit isn't funny OP. It is sad and depressing that it actually happens.

File: 1500227380993.jpg (185KB, 1080x1536px) Image search: [Google]

185KB, 1080x1536px

>>38682043
"On the bright side, Champ's dad probably took him someplace else to apply because he had nothing to lose by simply showing up, speaking with the manager, and giving him a firm handshake."

>>38680317
Is she hot? Does she calls other employees the same?

>>38682043
What were your employees saying about him?

>>38682043
It's to the point where actual rehabilitation camps need to be implemented to not only help them lose weight, but also give the therapy on this shit.

It's becoming too frequent to ignore now.

But dad, I was just laid off because according to the god emperor trannies arent allowed in the military even though my area was related to accounting

>>38682382
Trannies are a sin. Repent your sins foul faggot.

>>38682292
>loser
>pathetic
>daddy has to help him
>fat fuck
>obese
>virgin
>kill himself

>>38682342
I agree its going to take government intervention at this point.

File: handshakedadtrumppence.png (750KB, 612x408px) Image search: [Google]

750KB, 612x408px

>>38682382
"Handshake Mike, hand me the taser"

>>38682382
You know he still hasn't signed the executive order to effect that right? He is probably only removing them from combat roles anyway which they have no business doing. At worst you will get an honorable discharge and keep all the benefits ex-military get.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/presidential-actions/executive-orders

File: grandpa.jpg (7KB, 290x174px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 290x174px

Herro, grandson. We take you to appry for job now at rocar Engrish schoor. Remember to rook manager in the eye, bow to him, and give him your biodata. See you.

>>38681053
People want women to work for them more than men unless the job is physically demanding or important.

>ask for application
>told I have to apply online
And then you gotta do a 100-200 question "assessment" and if you fail, it won't tell you that you failed, your application will never show up in the manager's system, and even though the site will let you apply again, it actually blocks you and won't actually send your application ever again. And then you call to "follow up" and the manager has no idea you applied because the stupid thing blocked you and all he has the power to do is tell you to "apply online".

>attempt these steps
>the manager is younger than you and give you a "is dis nigga serious?" face as they say
>"uhhhhh... You have to apply online."

File: 1499188092171.png (69KB, 862x503px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 862x503px

>>38682826
"Champ, here's the thing about online applications..."

File: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.png (31KB, 128x125px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 128x125px

>>38680086
Holy shit anon, I truly do feel bad for you. Would kill myself in a week unironically.

File: handshakedaddealwithit3.png (205KB, 500x351px) Image search: [Google]

205KB, 500x351px

>>38682852
"Then we'll try somewhere else, Champ. All it takes is showing up, talking to the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you want to work there. What've you got to lose?"

>>38682412
>calls random guy >pathetic and >loser
>is on the worst board on this website
Pick one normie

>>38682907
He said his collegues were calling him that way, not him. Learn to read, robot

>>38682907
He didn't say he was calling him those things you retard. It was the other employees.

This technique still works pretty reliably if the place's manager is a whie male boomer, actually. If you ask to see the manager and they're a millennial, a minority, or a woman, just turn around and leave. You wouldn't want to work there anyway.

>>38680632
This happened to me too. It also took me 18 tries until I actually got a job. I didn't even get any calls back from other places either.

Oh well, I like my job so I guess it worked out.

File: IMG_2283.jpg (114KB, 1080x1350px) Image search: [Google]

114KB, 1080x1350px

>drying yourself off after you get out of the shower
>putting on your clothes, starting with your pants, then pulling your shirt over your head and adjusting the collar
>looking in the mirror and trying your best to ignore how sad and uncomfortable to look
>look out the window, girls hugging their boyfriends on the sidewalk
>no girl to take showers with, nobody to wrap you up in towels or adjust your collar for you
it just keeps coming lads

>>38683369
Have you tried handing women your resume and giving them a firm handshake?