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Anonymous
My relationship with my father 2017-07-27 12:52:23 Post No. 38658719
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My relationship with my father 2017-07-27 12:52:23 Post No. 38658719
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Our family was split years ago, thought it wasn't ever functional.
I promised myself I'd make him change his mind, but it could backfire on me and gain me a few problems. Him and his wife are pretty similar, so they side with each other whenever a family issue is brought up. It's seems as if they're formed a fuck-everybody alliance. Both me and my sister have gone through mental illness born out of the turbulent nature of our family. We've always been given the stink eye by our paternal family for being the children of my mother, and he's hit the three of us. My sister used to fear him and began being able to talk to him at 5 years old. He's also blamed me on not having him supported me in tough times as a child, when I really was there for him, I just was child who didn't understand what was going on. He never taught me anything nor told me much about his problems, and I don't think anything I could've said would helped him. I just hugged him and accompanied him. In fact, he's even thanked me for having done so and painted my sister as a heartless monster for moving with my grandmother and mother when my maternal grandfather died. Since my mother is a stay-at-home mom, she can't help me in any way, and she doesn't have the guts to. I understand that. We are all thankful for what he's done to us, and no one can tell me I didn't worship my father as if he was a saint, I used to idolize him. So him taking this pretty wild turn just because he's found a wife that ''gives him what none of us gave him'' is pretty wild to me. This woman has attacked my mother and entered our lives in 2012. Everything my father could've told him is HIS version of the story. They're both attorneys with similar tastes. They're cut from a very specific cloth.
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Thank you for this thread, OP
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(Cont 2/2) We all know that things with him are a slow process and you've got to flick the right switches to get him to understand some things, and since he's been hurt (mostly by people outside of the family) he's become resentful and proud. In the last 5 years I've discovered some dirty laundry I never expected from any of them, so I don't understand why he can't just acknowledge his sins as we do ours. It's not like he's Jesus Christ. My sister is the one that has taken the wildest stance against him, now they both hate her. It makes me sad, because I really believe she's the one that was hit harder by all of this. I've seen them take her in a direction I never thought she's gone, it seems they just wanted to pass the problem to another person without a care about her future. And now her life's ruined, and she doesn't care nor know how to change that. I wish I had hit him back, but his family would side with him and I would be in my sister's position. We're dead to him.
I don't want anger to make the worst of me. I'd like him to put himself on our shoes as he's always asked us to do. At least we don't have a relationship with him based on interest, like my uncle, aunt cousins and grandparents do. They're his parents though, so it's justified. They've bullied us and hated us as kids, and given the children of people who care only about your money preferential treatment. And we've never complained about that. What do you want from us? What is it about our demands that make them invalid? You know school and early 20s were hell for me, I never had much friends and never gotten into trouble. I just sat there inactive. And now that our relatives are dying, you do this? And I'm the selfish one?
I can't understand what makes him so blind, I never expected this from him. And I don't want to treat him like shit in return, because I'd feel horrible (and die bitter) . This is a nightmare i never thought would come true and I don't know what to make out of this.
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What should I do? Is money the solution? I hug you, kiss you on the cheek, and show you that I love you when I can. Do you want me to switch careers and work with you in your office? No matter what I do, I'm always the one to blame, the selfish, lazy son of mom whose opinion doesn't matter. At least make your mind and decide if I'm a devil or a goodie. I've even let him take choices for me to be on his good side, choices I knew I didn't want to take, that didn't satisfy him. Heck, you aired my problems in a way you'd killed me for doing. I have been treated better by childhoood friends (which he also attacked)
I felt some of you would understand. Thank you.
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>>38658814
I'm sorry, I just needed to vent out. I was nervous and wanted input and I wrote it as if it was a blogpost.
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>>38658719
Tldr ?
No offense but i am too tired to use my mind.
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>>38659107
Don't worry, at least you read something. That's enough.
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>>38659210
*Some part of it
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I hate to tell you this, OP, but this is word salad
I can't tell you what to do, but I am sorry
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Gotta stick with your sister and always be there for each other
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