mental illness thread

>>38655382
Being hurt enough to die inside and not care anymore.

>>38655382
Good old fashioned depression. Therapy never actually helped me, but antidepressants most certainly did. Can't wait to get back on them after the MDMA afterglow effect wears off.

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>>38655382
Major depressive disorder, anxiety

opiates and alcohol although my digestive system has been fucked lately so now im not only in psychological pain but also physical pain. Think about ending it daily. So in that case idk if anything has really helped.

Clinical depression and slight anxiety.

I was on cilift until my parents suddenly decided that they don't want me on them anymore.

Will resume therapy next month.

Nothing has worked so far.

Borderline and bpd

nothing, i just try and live with it

sucks having the 14 year old girl self diagnosed meme illness though

Depression, tried to kill myself in 2013-2014 (new years)
Doing really good right now, 120mg of Cymbalta. I've dipped and dived for the better part of a year and after loads of therapy and a doctor's appointment every 2 weeks for 6 months I'm feeling great.
Been dealing with this shit since I was a kid, so I know this is just the calm before the storm, but I'm enjoying it.

>>38657391
are you literally self diagnosed? bpd is a pretty big diagnosis, you should really have a doctor do it instead of an online test.

>>38657468
of course im not, this isnt fucking tumblr. its just that every thot thinks it's trendy to call themselves bpd, borderline or depressed. it's the new thing I suppose

>>38657493
if you have a legit diagnosis why aren't you doing anything about it? The Land of the Free 'healthcare' system or you just cbf? Mood stabilisers and lithium work pretty well.

>>38657391
but it is a 14 year old girl self diagnosed meme ilness. borderline girls are just the female equivalent to psychopaths. thats why those two get along together so well.

>>38655382
Panic attacks

What helps is having loved ones close by. Reading about panic attacks to understand what is going on physiologically helps too. It's by far the most important thing. Breathing helps when I felt an attack coming on. Breathe in through the nose for 5 seconds. Hold for a sec and then breathe out through the nose for 10 seconds. Talking to someone about the attack while it's happening helps. Of course, general lifestyle improvements help too (no sugar, no caffeine, better sleep, etc).

>>38658576
This is tied for most important thing. See a doctor. Say you don't know if you're having panic attacks or have heart problems. They'll do a full range of tests and send you home with a clean bill of health (aside from anxiety). Having that really helps neutralize panic attacks.

>>38655382
>diagnosed bipolar at age 14
>GAD
Drugs are my only escape from the outside world. No Medicare or anything so I probably will have to continue self medicating with needles for a while

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>>38655382
>Clinical Depression (runs in family)
>Mild Schizophrenia
>Acute Insomnia
>Be me
>Sleeping pills failed to help insomnia
>started smoking weed, helped immediately
>only ever smoked weed before bed
>did this for 2 years
>now the same problems I had as a kid are resurfacing being
1. seeing shadow people
2. seeing unhappy faces in anything with a irregular pattern
3.nightmares that only end when I kill someone in them
4. New addition of voice of suicide.
>discover that weed can highten the onset of schizophrenia
>stop smoking weed
>literally just woke up. (8:52AM)
>went to bed at 1am only.got 4 hours of sleep
>rest were spent with eyes closed brain off. Unable to sleep.
contemplate saying fuck it and smoking weed just so I can sleep. Saying bring on the schizophrenia it's only a matter of time anyways.
>life is cruel

>>38655382
ASPD and SPD, nothing I've tried really helps, I use drugs to pass the time.

>>38655382
apotemnophilia. i'm working on a "cure" for it

>>38655382
Bipolar.

Very depressed and suicidal at the moment. Nothing I do seems to work, I don't understand why. The stims I'm taking seem to be wearing off, and now I'm getting fatigued again and depressed and all I'm left with is a jittery anxiety from the stims.

It's very frustrating. I just want to stop being a slave to my emotions and live my life, but I don't want to be a medicated zombie either.

I think I'm going to kill myself soon to make it stop. My life isn't going anywhere, my cognitive and bodily decline is going to start up soon, and I can't deal with the roller-coastering like I could when I was younger. I'm exhausted and everything feels so empty and bland. At least my world was colorful when I was younger. As I get older, the more I seem to suffer emotional blunting and I have funny feeling it's permanent, which makes me cry sometimes.

I have no motivation to do anything except eat and walk around aimlessly and post on here. I don't feel connected to anything or anyone. I don't see any way out because I've tried everything.

>>38655382

mainly just aspergers, no therapy or anything

>>38655382
Not feeling as depressed after making a huge change in my life and moving abroad to work for a while. Now I am miserable and tired, but not depressed.

>>38655382
ADHD, Anxiety and bipolar depression

Drugs is the only thing that works for me

>>38660747
Also forgot to mention insomnia

Typical day consists of speeding off my face through most of the day at work then when I get back taking an ecchie or two and feeling happy and then taking valiums, codienes or xans to get to sleep

I have a terrible life and I will die at a very young age

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>aspergers syndrome and depression
>nothing really "works" but I'm less depressed when I'm high
>tried different kinds of meds but nothing worked (antipsychotics included)

Bipolar, OCD and paraphilia NOS

Lithium completely killed my manic episodes, but nothing really helps with the depressive episodes. It's more like constant depression with no relief than episodes. I have to work though so I suffer through it to pay my bills and eat.

Exposure therapy did amazing things for my intrusive thoughts but I'm still as obsessive as ever. Every time I develop a new compulsion I want to fucking shoot myself. Meds helps a tiny bit but overall it feels like I'm not doing anything anymore to work on it.

I want good mental health but it feels like everything is working against me. I drink pretty heavily to deal with it but now the effects of it ruining my health are manifesting and soon I'll be left to do things without it or die self-medicating.

I mean things are going well in my life despite all of this because I work so hard, it's just the internal shit that's killing me, you know?

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depression, social anxiety, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type-II. my issue is that i fantasize a lot about things that would make me unhappy, but the fantasies kind of take over me and i get genuinely mad or upset IRL and i end up talking to myself, yelling, and threatening the people in my fantasies. sounds kind of silly but when i'm in that mood, it gets really hard for me to calm down and just be """normal"""

i'm taking risperidall for the schizoaffective and benztropine to curb the side effects. i think it sort of works.

been in therapy for the past year and a half or so but i've just been temporarily discharged because my therapist is going to go away for the rest of the year. which is fine by me. i really like her but i pay $60 out of my pocket every time i go see her since i have no insurance. i'm a poorfag already as it is and i barely have any income. as for natural cures, i've been taking steps to calm down and not get upset over my fantasies, keep reminding myself that none of it is real and thus it can't really affect me. in addition, i've been taking some steps to improve my mental state, like trying to go to bed earlier and getting better sleep, because i also have insomnia. i've also been trying to make an effort to socialize with people more because that really helps as well.

Avoidant personality disorder.
Been on therapy for six months but it didn't help, nor any medications.
Some improvements I made, I suspect are due to my brain being tired of constant worrying and anxiety.
Still terrified of anything girls related so obviously 25 khv.

>>38660687
How old are you?
I am too, plus ASPD. In a relationship. Like all my relationships I start off great and then I just get bored. Same with hobbies. Ill enjoy something for about a month then I resent it. It sucks donkey dick. Endless cycle

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>saw a shrink for 2 years hoping for help with Crippling Depression
>endured myriad side effects, such as peeing cum while shitting for some reason
>had to wipe cum off the toilet bowl bottom at work so noone would think I was jacking off in there
>never gave me anti-anxiety meds, even though I was in dire need and couldn't go for a walk in the park. guy was fine with giving little kids speed though
>last session he says there's nothing he can do for me. he also asks me if i'm Gay
>brain zaps and nausea months and months after trying to taper off cymbalta
lol

>>38655382
I drink myself black out drunk. I want to die everyday. I've hurt myself too.
I need help but my parents always told me as a kid that my problems were fake and never took me. That attitude has now extended into my everyday life and I can't care about myself and find self-worth and value in others and how they interact with me. Thinking about going to see a doctor is so foreign to me that I immediately give up. What will they do for me other than put me on pills? Those don't work, I've tried them very briefly. Are they going to talk to me, then? That doesn't work either, everyone tells me my problems are fake and gay. I must have done something very bad in my previous life to suffer like this, but considering that, I deserve all this.

>>38661750
Protip: you need to be on most meds for at least a month, and rarely shorter than 2 weeks. Alcohol fucks with their effectiveness as well. Guarantee you that you're shooting down meds without actually giving them a chance to help. Not that theyll be a cure-all, though, you've obviously got other problems that can't be medicated.

it just chaps my ass when I hear people slam medication when they don't have any real experience with them.

>>38661477

I'm 27. I've been trying for about two decades now to get my life in order, and I cannot. I know I'm reaching reaching the point where I just have to admit defeat because I don't want to be more and more of a loser and have more and more declining quality of life as I age with nothing to show for it except a growing sense of emptiness and regret at a wasted life.

I tried at least, but it just didn't work out. That's what I think I'll tell myself right before I blow my brains out.

I've never had any significant relationships in my life, so at least that's something you can think about even if you get bored with them. I'm just going to think about some drug experiences I've had and the fun I had on here before I shoot myself. That's all my life has been anyway. My experiences with other people has been overwhelmingly negative. I've always been ostracized and gotten in trouble with authority figures wherever I go. For what, I'm not sure. I just give off a vibe people don't like.

It's unlikely I'll be able to complete my master's program either because I'm already losing motivation to do anything when I told myself I can't be like that. Once that ends, I'll be forced to work some dead-end bar or something, going nowhere fast. Then I get to sit there and wait to die of old age as my life continues to decline as I get older and crazier. Fuck that.

>>38661992
I tried it for a month, and all I felt like was that my real self was trapped inside this lifeless husk. I would literally just chuckle at everything, it made me slow and feel fat. I wanted to scream the entire time, but all that would come out was a medicated laugh.

>>38662093
28, really. My birthday's in August. So far I have nothing to show for it. My grades in college were far from good, so I don't even have something like that. I literally have nothing to show for it, and now I can expect it to get worse because of my age. Don't think I can handle it. I've never felt this way before.

>>38662422
What medication did they give you, and do you remember the dose?

>>38655382
Weed and my own desire to not be a pussy or a coward

>>38662499
bupropion xl, I think the dosage was 300mg, taken twice a day? It's been a while.

depression, dysphoria, insomnia (if that counts) and possibly other stuff that i haven't been diagnosed with.

when i was a teenager my parents forced me to have regular therapy for two years. it was entirely awful and left me worse off. i had (and still take) sleeping meds and they get me maybe an extra hour or so of sleep when i can be bothered to take them.

ive never tried antidepressants. i was actually thinking about trying to get some in september.

>>38662552
I don't believe you've ever taken meds. Bupropion is a stimulant. It helps you lose weight, get energy and feel like a human. The side effects you're describing are typical of SSRIs. Medication affects everyone differently but come on

t. been on 450mg of wellbutrin for over 4 years

>>38662451

That's going to be an especially fun birthday. I've spent every single one of my birthdays alone. This one's going to be brutal. Not sure how I'm going to get fucked up yet so I don't have to think about it.

I'm hoping this will be the last one or second to last one I'll have to endure that. 30's going to be an upper limit for sure because that I won't be able to take.

>>38662721
What about meds? I'm on sertraline and amphetamine salts and it seems to help a bit. On my downs it doesnt seem to do much but my manic it helps a lot. I find something I like, and I enjoy it as much as I can before I no longer do. I've come to accept thats how my life is and I deal with it the best I can. Yeah it sucks that I can't be "normal" (reee) but I learned how to get by and enjoy what I have. Sometimes other people think they can't find something they enjoy out of life, but it takes time. Take risks, leave your comfort zone, don't give a fuck what people think. If you have to, become a bit narcissistic. Fuck other people. Learn to make YOU happy. That's all that matters in YOUR life.

>>38662714
I'm take 450mg too and I'm still finding it hard to focus even though my fatigue has (or at least had) died down. My brain fog is mostly gone, but I can still feel it on some days, I think, especially when I'm tired. Some days I can think better than others, like crystal clear versus a little bit of a distracting filter over my thoughts, and I don't know why.

I cannot take it when I'm tired either because it makes me feel super jittery and anxious. I feel overstimulated a lot in general like the cracked-out feeling you get on too much amphetamine. I'm also having sexual dysfunction (increased goal-oriented sexual desires) and the impulsivity that you also get on too much amphetamine, which I'm not at all pleased with.

But it has (or at least had) been helping with my fatigue, which was absolutely crushing me like almost nothing else. The last couple days I felt the efficacy for that take a hit, so I'm not sure what to do now. My depression has also come back very strongly even though I thought the Bupropion was working well for that for a while.

All of this has made me lose hope that absolutely nothing is going to work, and I'm doomed no matter what I do.

>>38660975
keep trying your best necrofu

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>>38655382
Drug addiction, major depression, anxiety, occassional drug induced psychosis. Attempted suicide twice.

I've actually been in a psych ward and rehab for psychosis.

Shizoaffective, bipolar type, and a immense hatred of people. Abilify (Aripiprazole) to a point, but honestly beyond my blatant insanities I really, really fucking hate all of you. I hate humans on principle of their sapience though I don't lack for other reasons. Even subdued I don't agree with this world and its lack of permanency and that ultimately makes it next to impossible to function in it. The only true cure for my problems is to avoid everything and distract myself as much as possible. Short of lobotomization I will continue to get worse.

>>38662944
>increased sexual dysfunction
I'm on a pretty high dose, would you mind elaborating a little more on this? I think this may be a problem for me too.

>>38663013
Bro, I'm saying this as someone who has suffered a lot of mental illness in my life (social anxiety) - just get out there and try your best. You may think you hate the world but have you really experienced it? Take the fucking rope off from around your neck and put it around a shark and fucking punch it in the face, walk into a bar and just go up and talk to the hottest girl there man. Just get out, workout, be yourself and you'll feel a lot better. This goes to everyone in this thread btw.

>>38662884
I'm on lamotrigine and bupropion. The lamotrigine is pretty much essential, but it's given me worse emotional blunting and makes everything feel even blander than it was before (perhaps close to what most normal people feel, I don't know). My mood swings are not as intense, at least, and I don't scream in anger every day anymore. I feel like I can actually have stable relationships because of that now because people have always gotten turned off by my emotional intensity and irritability/argumentativeness eventually.

They also loved me when my hypomania was positive though, when I'm experiencing waves of euphoria. I still get a little bit of that and giggle uncontrollably. Anyone who giggles out of nowhere like that, especially guys, has hypomania. That's easily the best part of the condition. It feels like a drug with structural similarity to cathinone (i.e., the infamous "bath salts"), which is, strangely enough, what bupropion is.

When I first started bupropion, it felt like doing lines of coke, and my mania went off the charts and I had to drink heavily to sedate myself every day, like I craved it. Now I think I've substituted nitrous for that, but the overstimulation isn't that intense anymore.

>>38663314
Not the guy you're replying too, I have ASPD and Schizoid and wanted to try bupropion since I heard it helped with schizoid, but in my country they only prescribe it for quitting smoking, I'm pretty pissed.

>>38663180
I'm having increased goal-oriented thoughts and impulsivity regarding sex. For years on this website I never made one post about sex, really, but now at my current dose, I post all the time about it. It might be just because I'm posting on /r9k/ when I never had before though.

I'm fantasizing about hooking up with strangers a lot more too, although I still never actually do because my impulse control is iron clad, always was.

It's the same thing that happens when people take too much (meth)amphetamine and they masturbate for hours. I don't do that, but I think it's similar because of the way it stimulates the CNS. Funny how that works. It isn't fun or amusing though.

>>38663314
Damn. Have you considered other meds? Those are some pretty intense side effects. Do you think maybe your dose was too high to start? Then again I don't know too much about that drug

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>>38662960
Meant psych ward for psychosis, rehab for drugs.

>still snorting cocaine through the whole day
>still drinking+weed+analgesic at night
>still doing more shit in the weekends
>still want more

The only thing worse than addiction is being actively psychotic. I think psychosis is actually worse than death.

>>38663378
>helped with schizoid

Never thought about it, but I think you're right. My paranoia has significantly decreased since I've gotten on the 450mg dose. It was really, really bad there for a while. Very intense.

People think I'm drunk when I text them or post on here sometimes (when I started my 450mg), but it was just the bupropion making me act wacky and free-spirited.

>>38663431
What was your psychosis like anon? I came very close to becoming psychotic but think I managed to scrape through it and recovered. Had audio and visual hallucinations, became incredibly paranoid in public, there was a voice in my brain just constantly spewing out random information and I was starting to believe that some sort of shadow creature had reached out and taken control of me, used to leave the house in the middle of the night to go looking for it or cry because I thought it was eating my brain.

>>38655382
>what do you have lads?
AvPD, BPD, depressions, schizophrenia
>what has worked for you?
meds and therapy
Especially antipsychotics
>therapy? drugs? natural cures?
currently not going to therapy because reasons
Venlafaxine, Mirtazapine, Clozapine, and Propranolol

If you've never been forcibly restrained and injected with haldol you aren't really bipolar.

It's pretty normal to experience moods as events that come from outside, it's normal for them to be pretty strong too.

But true manic depression is when the ups are so up that you straight up stop sleeping and think you're the son of God.

Real mania is taking off your clothes and running down the street, not spreading your legs and drinking too much.

Source: I got naked and ran down the street

>>38663429
I'm on max dose for bupropion now because I was still depressed on 300. My psychiatrist said she wanted to lower it back down because I'm starting to act wacky at this dose (I understand why it's max now), but I told her I needed help with my fatigue to be productive because I thought my fatigue was the thing killing me. It was killing me with work, but my motivation still hasn't increased and neither has my productivity. When I feel good on it, I sort of aimlessly wander around bouncing off the walls. When I feel bad, I just sort of mope and post about suicide on here.

>>38663477
I really need something to give me some get up and go or something, I can be pretty good at dealing with people but I just have no desire to be around anyone or do anything but drink and take drugs and sleep, doesn't seem like they give anything for schizoid in the UK.

>>38663489
Mine were drug induced. It felt like being stunned by something and I was very scared and had a fuckton of ideas that didn't make sense and I couldn't speak plus the visual and audio hallucinations. Then I randomly snapped back to reality for seconds, only to get lost again.

>>38663563
Bipolar 1 and 2 are different. Hypomania is absolutely real. It feels like you're being possessed and you start giggling like a school girl, uncontrollably. It's a giggle too, not a laugh. People will look at you and ask why you're giggling like that because there was nothing external motivating it.

I've had full blown mania before though when I was on one of the many SSRIs I was given.

>>38663622
sounds shitty, mine seemed to start out without any drugs in my system but then I started smoking massive amounts of weed and it just got worse and worse until I eventually got my shit together and it went away. I think I spent something like 7 months completely out of it.

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I am >>38662960

>>38663516
How does schizophrenia feel like? I do drugs, have had some drug induced psychotic episodes, been to a psychward (almost tied up, got injected lots of times).

The whole drug abuse + the depression and isolation and having already experienced psychosis scares me, been told I am at a higher risk of turning crazy. I thought psychosis was bullshit until it happened to me. Also I am 23.

>psychotic delusions
>want to kill people
>want to kill self
>compulsion to eat but still really thin
I j8ust want to die

>>38663662
Or if you're under stress, you'll scream your head off out of nowhere. I've gotten in a lot of trouble because I would scream when I got stressed out and the anger suddenly emerged. During school last year, it was near constant. I would scream in uncontrollable anger every single day because of the hypomania.

Not fun. It feels as angry as you can get when it's at its worse.

>>38663582
Have you tried any CNS meds? It doesnt exclusively motivate me, but it helps me get there. When I'm on it and need motivation to do something I kinda just think about doing it in my head. I'd think about the actual process in my head. For example i was working on my car and I really didn't feel like it. But I got to thinking about the process such as "okay I need to first pop the hood, unplug spark plugs, unscrew them, etc.." after doing that the CNS that I'm taking helps me focus on running the task in my mind that that gets me up and going. Half the time my mind will be elsewhere while doing the task. I just do the task on autopilot, kinda like highway hypnosis. Then when I'm done I feel good that I actually finished and the satisfaction boosts my mood.

>>38663602
Yep, those are my problems too. I sort of have an avoidance issue with people. I don't know what "disorder" that is or whatever, but it's definitely a huge problem for me. I also don't want to get rejected and fall into a suicidal depression where I'll obsess over it and my life for months on end.

So I'll do what you do and get intoxicated by myself most the time.

Bupropion probably won't help you with the avoidance, but it'll help with the get up and go. It doesn't help with my focus or motivation much though.

>>38663816
Actually what you're saying makes a lot of sense; that's my experience too so I'm not just saying that for the sake of agreement. Once I get into something, I enjoy it even more than if I weren't taking the meds. I can think much more clearly (and have been for the most part recently, shocking myself sometimes), so I don't get as frustrated as I used to. I still have motivation problems when I get depressed though (like I have in the past week or so), so I never get into that focused state of mind. If I could, I would be doing amazing, but right now I'm just scraping by by doing the bare minimum. For my last test, for example, I studied 3 hours before taking it on the morning of the test. I have a test tomorrow, so I'm trying not do that again.

>>38663835
If you avoidance stems from anxiety or a fear of rejection then it could potentially be avoidant personality disorder, or just social anxiety maybe. With schizoid it's more just a complete lack of interest in interacting with people, I don't get nervous around them, I just don't want to be with them in the first place which obviously makes it tricky to fully integrate yourself into society.

>>38664009
>interact with people
You mean like you're doing now?

Real schizoids don't reach out to people like r9k "schizoids" do. Maybe y'all are just snowflakes

>>38664034
that's pretty much a meme, I post online to pass the time and I presume lots of other schizoids do too, armchair psychologists don't seem to understand that a personality disorder is a spectrum of traits and rather it's just a binary. People with ASPD can display empathy, BPDs can occasionally be calm and rational, schizoids might have a small group of people they interact with online, it's not uncommon at all.

>>38664009
I used to have bad social anxiety, especially when I was a little kid. I would refuse to go into crowds.

My anxiety, social and general, has all but disappeared. I don't really get anxious around people so much as I rather not go through the trouble of dealing with them or chance being rejected and feeling like shit. But the rejection thing isn't really spurred by anxiety per se, but being safe and avoiding the potential of having yet another thing to ruminate about.

I've been ruminating a lot again recently. That's definitely a major sign of depression for me. I think the bupropion has cooled off after the initial high, and my body has adjusted.

>>38663563
I've never been forcibly injected with anything but I've been restrained. Never ran naked down the street but I've literally stabbed people and had to sit in a cell while manic. Four psychologists and two psychiatrists diagnosed me, bu t I guess since I don't meet your arbitrary standards I must not have bipolar.

Lithium for type i bipolar.

I've had two serious manic/psychotic episodes requiring hospitalization, bad depressions, and long stretches of normal, healthy mood. It's a myth that bipolar people are always up or down, even off meds you can go for years without an episode.

Lithium gives me bad tremors and pseudoparkinsonism but that's honestly a small price to pay for sanity.

The most remarkable thing about mania to me is how your mind destroys itself. The second mania I knew what it was, I thought if I just kept my wits about me and took common sense measures to fall asleep I'd be fine.

I ended up drinking a case of beer every night to get maybe an hour or two of sleep, eventually no sleep, and I completely lost my grip on reality, paranoid delusions, grandiosity, incoherent speech, etc. etc.

>>38664087
>just a binary
Hmm really made me think.
Saying you're a schizoid that often interacts with people is like saying you're an emotional psychopath, a happy depressed person or a rational person who suffers from histrionic PD.

>>38664154
Yeah I kind of get where you're coming from, if I start thinking about something depressing I usually just workout or go to bed depending on the hour, I used to be pretty bad at getting into these massive months long depressive bouts where I would barely eat or drink, nowadays I can usually get over things in a few hours or a day or two at most.

>>38664266
if you count shitposting on /r9k/ as interacting with people then it's hardly a contradiction, and psychopaths/ASPD people can feel emotion. No comment on the histrionic one.

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>>38663300
DO NOT SPEAK OF ME IN THE SAME SENTENCE AS YOU. YOU, WHO DARE THINKS THEY COMPARE TO ME AND MY. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF TRYING. THAT ALL I DO IS. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF MY HATRED. HOW DEEP AND EVERLASTING. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME AS IF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED THE WORLD. AS IF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED LIFE AND OR LIVING. YOU, A CHILD. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF MY OWN LIFE. HOW POINTLESS IT IS. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF WHORES AND HARLOTS AND LOVESTRUCK CHILDREN. 'TIS A FOOL'S NOTION AT THE VERY LEAST AND NEXT TO WHICH IS TANTAMOUNT TO SUICIDE. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF OUTSIDE. HOW IT IS FILLED WITH IGNORANCE AND FLEETING DREAMS. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF THE SWOLE. SOMETHING OF WHICH I KNEW BEFORE THE LONG MONTHS HOMELESS AND WEEKS STARVED. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF BEING MYSELF. WHILE I AM THE ONLY ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE WHO EVEN DARES TO DREAM OF SUCH.

I HAVE RESIDED IN MILLION DOLLAR HOUSES AND I HAVE LIVED LITERALLY ON THE STREET. I HAVE TASTED THE FINEST CUISINES AND I HAVE EATEN LITERALLY GARBAGE. I HAVE LIVED FROM PENNSYLVANIA TO TEXAS AND PLACES IN-BETWEEN. I HAVE BEEN BEATEN, RIDICULED, DRUGGED, MOLESTED, SO ON AND SO FORTH. I HAVE SEEN PEOPLE I CARED FOR KILLED IN FRONT OF ME. ANIMALS AS WELL. I HAVE HELD THE LOVE FOR ANOTHER. NOT SOME LUST FULLED RAGE BUT A PURE AND FAULTLESS THING. SHATTERED IN EVERY CASE. I KNOW SUFFERING AND DEPRAVITY OF WHICH SOME LITERALLY ARE INCAPABLE OF DREAMING. I'VE BEEN ON DEATH'S DOOR TWICE. TWICE. YOU DARE. YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME AS IF YOU HAVE SOME MODICUM OF MERCY TO BESTOW. AS IF I WOULD WANT IT HAD YOUR LIZARD BRAIN THE CAPACITY. I HAVE GOTTEN BACK UPON MY FEET HUNDREDS OF TIMES. I SHALL CONTINUE TO DO SO. NONE ARE MORE AWARE OF THEIR PLACE THAN I. OF THEIR STATION. OF THEIR WORTH. YOU ARE A BABE COMPARED TO ME. LESS THAN EVEN A CHILD. FIND YOUR FEET, YOU FOOL, AND BE GONE.

>>38664204

Nah that sounds like legit bipolar go me, I didn't mean to be taken literally. Just that there are a lot of people who act out or are unstable in various ways who get the bipolar label when it really doesn't fit.

>>38664309
can feel emotion =/= emotional
A more apt description would be a psychopath that empathises a lot.

Still, stop self-diagnosing. Head doctors love pushing pills to marks like you. There ain't anything wrong with you so there is no need for these dumb meme descriptions of your personality

>>38664267
My moods will rapidly cycle sometimes, and other times not. I think I've been in a bout of depression after my body adjusted to the bupropion. I was really disappointed with how my summer turned out, and it's making me ruminate.

I'm getting more sold on killing myself by the day, so my motivation is slowly deteriorating. I don't really have anything to motivate me because my life's so empty anyway, and I kind want that extra push to finally kill myself.

>>38662714
Original anon you responding to here

Probably, that's what my doc prescribed me along with adderall when I told him I was depressed. I was on prozac a long ass time ago before that, but my moms bf got me off that shit because it made me too artificially happy or some bs

The problem with overdiagnosing bipolar disorder is it leads to wrong treatments.

You go into a foster home, half those kids are supposedly bipolar and they're on hard drugs like seroquel and abilify.

Most of them are emotionally disturbed, not mentally ill.

You can treat bipolar disorder with lithium or other drugs pretty effectively. But people with emotional problems, trauma etc need therapy not depakote.

>>38664432
I'm not self diagnosed I got my meme diagnosis from some dumb whore middle aged general psychiatrist. They also don't prescribe anything for schizoid or ASPD, read a book or something my man.
>>38664534
Yeah I don't really have that issue, my mood is pretty stable for the most part. I was suicidal for a while but I kinda snapped out of it after doing some crazy shit.

>>38664619
I have rapid cycling, which I guess not everybody with type 2 has. I was lucky enough to get it.

That's partly why I thought my diagnosis was fake for so long because the idea of "rapid cycling" sounds like normal mood changes that anyone experiences.

I thought that diagnosis was fake up until I started taking the lamictal. Then many of my symptoms stopped almost over night.

>>38664619
>They also don't pescribe anything for
schizoid or ASPD
They don't have to, you marks will go out and buy them on your own. See
>>38663477
>>38663378
>>38663602

Keep lining those pockets, mark. Keep chasing that brain chemical you lack.

>>38664729
Sorry pal but I live in the first world so I do not pay for my medications

>>38664775
>I don't get pescribed anything
>I get free meds
Pick one.
Yeah, this sounds like bullshit. If it's legit then your gravy train isn't going to last long before it gets changed. Gotta pay those bankers' bonuses somehow y'know?

>>38664775
Free meds without a pescription? How does that work?

Can I just go into a pharmacy with a trolley and get fuck loads of free drugs?

>>38664729
What's your point? Do you think they're all placebo and not actually helpful in many cases?

>>38664848
The point is you're paying to change your personality despite you not being a threat to anyone or your life being disrupted. Its a personality quirk and you're playing right into their hands by giving them free money.

I have aspergers syndrome.

I'm one of the only people with Aspergers that doesn't give a fuck about it. I'm fine with being autistic. I've adapted to the world around me and the negative effects of my aspergers syndrome faded away long ago. I'm just a normal human being now.

Psychosis
Depression
OCD
GAD
Social anxiety

Therapy does fuck all for me. Its antipsychotics that have worked, nothing else not even my own willpower.

Im also going to a big mental institute in a few days. Wish me good luck

>>38664907
My problems have seriously affected my quality of life ever since I was a little kid, and I'm very close to killing myself because of this.

>>38664974
What do you have that makes you suicidal?

>>38664818
>>38664846
I got prescribed valium before even being diagnosed or speaking with a psychiatrist, all I had to do was fake anxiety and now I can get high whenever I want for free, stay mad plebs :^)
>>38664907
> despite you not being a threat to anyone or your life being disrupted
a personality disorder by definition impacts the quality of life of the afflicted, if it doesn't effect their quality of life, they don't have a personality disorder.

>>38658712
This. I actually didn't know I was having panic attacks and thought I was having heart problems when I suddenly began experiencing them. They tested everything out which made me feel better that it was truly mental.

>>38665038
Psychs will diagnose with personality disorders despite your life not being disordered to sell you pills, this is what I am saying.

schizoid, "depression", "anxiety" are all super easy to get diagnosed with, you even say it yourself in your post lol

>>38664995
Rapid cycling bipolar 2. It has the highest rates of suicide of any mental illness that I'm aware of.

We'll see how long I can last. Maybe I'm an interesting case study for that reason since I haven't killed myself yet. I don't think I'll ever be able to own a guy though because I think that would be the end of me not long after I buy it.

I can't really function normally at all. I have bad bpd, adhd. I don't think it's possible for things to be normal or to help, but lately weed and acid have helped me feel great.

>>38665121
Shit luck, must suck having the PD that tumblr teen girls always self-diagnose.

>>38665121
*gun

Oregano

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Schizoaffective.

I don't do shit but drink until I live alone in a van.

>>38665120
You strongly lack reading comprehension, I got free pills without a diagnosis, I was not given pills for either of my diagnosis. I agree that personality disorders are given out too easily though, but it's not a conspiracy to sell pills when there are disorders which explicitly state there are no viable medications, lol.

>>38665184
I know, right? That's why I didn't believe I had it for so long, exactly that attitude. But after I kept being diagnosed for it, I looked up the symptoms for the first time and they perfectly match what I had been experiencing for years. I took what's usually prescribed, and the symptoms were severely undercut.

>>38665235
>free pills without a diagnosis
Yeah, I don't believe you.

>>38665297
if you complain of depression or anxiety you don't necessarily get a "diagnosis", you get something like "reactive" depression or "depression NOS" that doesn't actually mean anything, unlike seeing a psychiatrist and being diagnosed with GAD or major depressive disorder.

>>38665235
>You strongly lack reading comprenhension
Wrong. You're a brainlet that cannot articulate himself properly and keeps bringing up irrelevant points.

Why mention faking anxiety for pills if it has nothing to do with your made up meme personality disorder?

>>38665362
what country are you from that you can get free happy pills? I want in

Basic anxiety with panic attacks and fear of death 24/7

Resulted in severe depression and wanting to kill myself and creepy as fuck dp dr disorder

DP DR is literally the worst experience I've made so far in my life

>>38665371
I mentioned it because you were talking about people "selling me pills" so I pointed out I didn't have to pay for any.
>>38665402
Scotland

>>38662950
I'll keep doing my best, thank you. This response is probably hours too late but it means a lot.

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can anyone tell me if there is any hope

>23
>lives in parents basement
>been deeply depressed since I turned 14
>had a few months every once in a while where things have went okay and I haven't had suicidal thoughts but out of nowhere things get bad again and it lasts for a year or more
>been smoking weed and hash ever single day since I was 16
>recently started drinking a six pack daily too
>6,2 and my weight is at 60 kg
>sleeping 4-5 hours every night
>always feeling tired and terrible
>cannot even think about anything else than how much life sucks and how I hate everyone and everything
>never had sex
>no girl ever seem to like me after talking to them for 5 minutes
>no friends
>even parents hate me and are nagging about me looking terrible and frail

what do I even do at this point
obviously I have to stop smoking and drinking - working on it right now

anyone here who has been in the same shit and raised above???

please

I have always made fun of people who self harm and cut but the other day I felt so terrible I just had to put out a cig on my arm so now I have tons of blisters and burned skin on my arm

have to wear long sleeves even tho it is summer and hot as hell

>>38665965
it's okay I'm still shitposting away

>>38665998
I haven't been in that exact same situation, but I know what it feels like to feel everything is miserable and that there's no getting out of it. Things aren't perfect now, but after working hard, they are a lot better and I'm glad I made the changes I did.

It's cliche advice, but try not to fault yourself for your mistakes or if you ever mess up and do something you were trying not to anymore. Self-improvement is gradual and you can't put yourself down when you fail or you'll never get anywhere, since failure is part of improvement. I really struggled with this since I've always been hard on myself.

Apart from that, try to cut down on the weed and drinking, help yourself health wise so you feel less tired and less like shit. Get a proper 8 hours every night, never much more, never much less. And have you considered seeing someone about your depression? Antidepressants can help, you don't want to start getting better and then let things get bad again and wonder why you were trying.

>watch awkward part of movie
>get up and sprint to other side of the room and back again

>have to make a phone call
>nervously pace around the room for 10 minutes thinking of exactly what I'm going to say, rehearsing it out loud several times, as well as any possible directions the conversation may turn
>get more anxious the longer I wait holding the phone in my hand
>finally decide to make the call another day and go back onto the computer

What the fuck is wrong with me.

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>smiling is the same as being happy

normies actually think this.

i smile and laugh at shit i watch all the time and i am depressed. i feel dead inside despite all the laughter