>open frozen pizza >the paprika is all on one side

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>>38616790
Fuck you, this is my thread now bitch
>be moving out of my house w/ my parents
>they hire somebody to go through our shit and help us throw stuff out, b/c mom is a hoarder and also retarded
>be home alone
>she arrives 11 am (am awake somehow)
>qt3.75
>tattoos make her look like a niggress, but idgaf
>she comes in and sorts through my computer room/office first, since she assumes i'm the only normal one and it will bet he quickest
>but little does she know i have weapons-grade diagnosed ass burgers
>i like to think i can hide it pretty well at this point though
>things go well
>i make a few remarks and she laughs sincerely, and i dont chimp out and keep talking like an ass
>sorting through my papers while she helps put some books in boxes
>see a familiar scribble
>fuck.pdn
>scribble of a troll face
>captioned "PROBLEM?" in toddler-esque handwriting
>dated 2011
>too recent to say i was just a little kid
>quickly throw it in a trash bag
>she doesnt notice
>cuban missile crisis avoided
>an hour later
>still going on
>ive been inhaling so much dust that im getting physically ill
>its been too long
>you wouldnt like me when i sperg
>find her bottle of clear gatorade
>yell out to her "im going to the men's room"
>"men's room" i say
>like a true gentleman
>take the gatorade into the bathroom
>rip off a fat load into it
>my sperm is clear, im pretty sure i have a disease
>but at least it blends in
>put it back in its spot
>continue for another hour
>things continue to go well
>she leaves
>notice the kitchen counter
>the gatorade is gone
>remember what transpired over that sweaty old shitter an hour before

Well guess I'm no longer a virgin now, I'll keep in touch from the other side

Poopy poo

>>38617011
you actually ding-dong diddly did it didn't ya? Oi pinhead you got that girl pregnant ya hear. Now she'll want ya money for your strangely black kid.

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>open frozen pizza
>eat without cooking it first

>squeeze out too much toothpaste
>can't get it back in
>tfw on the verge of suicide