Why shouldn't I kill myself right now? I have been apart

Go join community college. It's a lot of fun.

University sucks. The amount of work they expect you to do is absolutely insane, and 99.9% of it is pointless bullshit that has nothing to do with the job you think you'll get with your degree.

Community college actually helps teach you some useful stuff, with only a normal amount of homework (like 1-2 hours a day, nothing insane).

Philosophy class is incredibly fun if you get a good professor that doesn't push his opinions TOO hard.

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>midget

The manlet of the past.

I can not put myself in your shoes, it's too different and I don't know the details anyway but my reason to not killing myself was 'maybe I can make it better or die trying'. I mean, like a video game. The worst case is you will just suffer more(which I don't know how severe is in your case, again) . Note I don't mean 'it will get better', no one will do shit for us but us.

Anyway, could you possibly elaborate on your reasons?

>>38579252
>Anyway, could you possibly elaborate on your reasons?

I don't what to say man. My mom never abused me directly, but she let other men rape me.

I never met my real dad, so I never had a father figure.

All added up, I find it impossible now to trust anyone. My past means that I am certain everyone wants to use/ hurt me

>>38579069
Create mems, find a hobby, join a (community) group, join some random discord and talk with other anons, find some friend sto with, do something you've never done before (killing/hurting yourself does not count), explore, create a YT channel where you cook and do the weirdest shit ever, film when you jerk off and post it to PormHub... Too tired to think about more stuff.

>>38579352
I was abused as a kid too, and what I try to do is to constantly remind myself of how unlikely it would be for me not to only be abused twice (it's already not common to have it happen once) but now twice as a grown man. Men past their twenties and especially 30's are almost in no risk of any sort of sexual abuse, you're more likely to die from a heart attack at this point. Getting to the point, what I try to do is to simply rationalize things, because human psychology is too impressionable, and this creates too many irrational thoughts and fears. I rationalize this stuff a lot while simultaneously seeking relationships with others, even if there's this irrational fear in the back of my mind that it may happen again.

>>38579352
That's horrid, I can't really understand how that feels. But looking at this logically now that you're out of it, people aren't more likely to want to abuse you than anyone else. World can be a bad place and it was pretty bad for you but there's no reason to think it has to continue being that way.

>>38579605
OP here, much respect to you.

How do you deal withe memories, nightmares, PTSD level shit. If I may ask?

Much love. Sorry that happened. I know it's fucked up.

I'm drunk, and I'm high BTW, sorry if I'm a bit "eccentric"

>>38579069
There's literally no reason not to kill yourself besides you feeling like life's worth living a little longer. If you're in a lot of pain and don't feel like dealing anymore, now's as good a time as any to end it, it's only going to get worse from here. Don't let anyone bullshit you with apparent consequences because nothing actually affects you after suicide because you're dead.

Ultimately it's up to you. If your life is too shit to salvage, I'd say do it. If you perceive anything improving soon, get yourself a reliable suicide method but hold off until you're certain nothing is left to try.

I've lived with chronic pain and depression, probably bpd and some other stuff for many years, but I don't want to die still. It's weird, I just care about health and the struggle for being ok. I've been a heroin addict for many years and now that ive stopped that I'm extremely even more depressed and low energy than I was before. Even then I'm still not at the point of suicide. I'm dedicating myself to art and love. I figure I'll get killed by some jihadists one day anyways.


I will say though, I am getting sick of certain memories that make me feel very anxious and sad. I just think of something and BOOM I feel horrible. I'm getting really sick of it, part of me wants to go back to drugs but I know it makes it worse.

>>38579889
Thanks man. I know you're not saying "go do it" by the way.

I wouldn't want to lay that blame on you. It's up to me, and how I evaluate life. You're right.

Me asking for people to tell me what to do was perhaps short sighted. It's not up to them, or you. It's up to me, as tough as that is

>>38579069
Well whatever youre planning on doing i wish you the best of luck man. Youre a real fuckin hero, good luck

>>38580026
Honestly, if you're contemplating it this hard you probably have at least a little life left in you before you call it quits. I'd suggest my second option, have a plan set if everything else fails but give living a shot for a little longer so you can be certain.

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>>38579069
take the blackpill, nothing in this life matters. I dont want to live nor die. it's a strange feeling really.

>>38579069
I'm not good at things like these and I don't have a personal story similar to yours so I can share my experience, but you really shouldn't leave things like that to people on the internet, no matter how much you appreciate them.

I love 4chan users too. But things like this are very personal. If you're asking people why you shouldn't kill yourself, this means you don't want to end it yet and just want someone to stop you from doing it. I'm not going to moralfag and tell you "suicide is selfish" but the way I see it is this. Give yourself a certain amount of time maybe 1 week or 1 month or more just give yourself a limit, I think the longer the better but you should decide it for yourself. If by the time you reached that limit you still don't feel any better about yourself or how you're living, do the deed.

Right now you have nothing to lose, killing yourself means you don't have anything you'd regret. So go out there and do shit you want to do. Do you want to try and get a gf? Just try a bunch of shit, what would you lose? Get some friends? Go to some conventions or something. You don't have anything to lose so just do whatever you think you need to have a good life. Just try and not do things that'll keep you from killing yourself once the limit comes like getting in jail or get killed yourself.

If by the time you reach the limit you think "Maybe I'll add just 1 month and I'll be able to x" or "I can't do it now" it should mean you feel better about it all. However if you truly feel like no matter how much time you add you won't feel better just do it. Don't let anyone stop you. It's your decision and yours only.

>>38579741
Usually by staying as long as possible up at night (ie. 5-8am) and just compulsively browsing 4chan or other forums to keep my mind distracted. I only go to sleep when i'm completely exhausted and my mind doesn't have the energy to fuck with me anymore. After so many years this only affects me when i spend too much time alone or strictly at nights, so working and staying busy throughout the day helps me out a lot too.

Good luck.

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if you have the will and courage to do it you should cause it doesn't get better. You can only get better at accepting and adapting to the excruciating painful reality set in front of you. Its an exercise in futility, we all must work hard and maintain ourselves somewhat to just to stay somewhat afloat, acquire whats within our reach and pretend its a meaningful thing, then in the end we die and lose it all, we return to the dirt with the rest of the dead

The truth is we all get swatted around like flies and treated like dirt, but all of it doesn't matter and it won't hold any meaning overtime due to our existence merely being a passing phenomena in the universe. If you do still plan to keep living you just gotta make the best of it and at least try to enjoy what remains of it are left.

>>38579069
I didnt read any of your post. Do whatever you want to. Before making the decision look at implications you show through your deed and look at the effect of others. If you believe that the benefit of those around you is certain given your death do so, if it is the other way dont.
Nearing your death, at least try to be a person someone would want to remember, even for a day, often a day is all that it is enough. Wouldnt you give it all for a good day?

>>38579069
start doing something which affects the outcomes of others besides yourself

volunteer at a non-profit of whatever type you wouldn't mind working at

if you don't want to try something different, then killing yourself is efficient at least

OP don't do it. Life is like a video game. You started on hard mode but that's no reason to give up. I almost did and I'm so glad I didn't.

You will not get another shot. Challenge yourself to have a slightly better tomorrow and keep building on it.