How unhinged have you become from isolation?

sometimes the mind goes numb that you lose track of what's going on

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I used to be a pretty nice guy back when I had friends. Now I'm antisocial drunk addicted to amphetamines and I'm pretty sure I hate most people. Also I cut and burn myself a lot. I'm about ready to kms.

I've always been alone, so it's just normal to me at this point, to be all fucked up and into some hard shit. Everyone else is unhinged, not me.

I've started conversing with myself with different goofy voices frequently, each voice being a different personality.

I've spent years as a normal fag and years as a NEET loser with a vidya addiction.
Lost two of my closest friends for no good reason. I'm feeling like I am utterly unlikeable.
Sometimes I depersonalize and feel like a ghost in a crowded room.
When I do try and make new friends it feels like I'm just a third wheel to everything.

>>38554184
Here's your (You), you bleed like a stuck pig

>>38553514
I have been a NEET for 4 years and have been outside about 20 times all together. I think I'm still pretty mentally stable and still with it.

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>>38553514
I am beyond salvation.
I haven't had friends since I was a small child. Then we moved. Everything I ever had torn away by the doctor's medication. Which led me to the edge of suicide at the age of 7. More meds, more time in the hospital. When I was finally free after years of abuse by the hands f the sadistic staff, my only friend in my entire life was a little bird, given to me at 13, only to die a few years later. At night, thoughts haunt me. What is a "human"? Why do they expect these social constructs of me? Why do they laugh and point at me like some kind of freak or monster? But is that not what they have created? I wonder what color they bleed.

Scared of outside like what if I run into some MS13 punks or Hell's Angels? I'm happa but pretty cute so they might assault me just because. Once I take Tae Kwon Do I will be super strong and defense myself! yeah. I dono what to do lol. I'm pretty sure I sat across from some gangbangers on the train once. Well I'm cool with dying I guess, I suppose even torture would be okay if I die relatively soon, so not sure what I'm too worried about. Humiliation? I guess.

I fap like five times a day and don't drink water it tastes like nothing. Hmm can't think of anything else. Don't drink and drive kids.

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I live alone in a small flat with no friends or family (my 1 parent is 1000+km away).

Honestly, you don't really think about how lonely you are. Regardless of what anyway says, your mental state takes a hit though. I have noticed through the years I have increasing OCD and paranoia tendencies. Its at the point where I constantly feel uneasy about something 24/7, although it differs. Generally its trivial things that will never happen in reality, like your house will burn down because you forgot to turn off the towel rack, so you constantly check it.

I study but can not talk to anyone well because I fear anything I say could be used against me.

I believe all of this stems from isolation, and more directly, from having way to much time think and dwell on things.

There is not much I can do about it though, I don't believe in meds or psychologists (Have tried when I was younger). I am contempt that this is my life, and try my best to enjoy the small things. Sometimes I see a really beautiful part of my city, and this always puts a smile on my face.

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a lot of people think I'm extremely strange so there's that

>>38553514
Actually, the isolation helps me, not making me mentally fucked up.

A big amount of people are false. Not sure how to explain but you know the drill. Fake people that working for a good look and for good reputation.

I'm not gonna be one of them, gonna fuck the society.

I've lost the ability to form relationships, and generally feel detached from everything. Everything seems so trivial, from current events to day-to-day occurrences that would trigger some kind of emotion in a healthy mind

The only thing that keeps the numbness palatable is my medication (which was originally prescribed for anxiety, but I'm now more prone to depression)

>>38554184
Please let me take care of you

>>38556509
Pretty much me. Anxiety plagues my life in all directions. Scared to hold a baby like what if I trip or drop it, scared of tripping in general like what if I crack my skull open, scared to run into hustlers, scared to drive, scared of life basically and everything you mentioned I am also afraid of. I guess I dwell on a bunch of sort of bad experiences in addition to what you've said about isolation making me dwell or something. Dunno. I think isolation makes you feel tiny because of a lack of exposure, and then you dwell on things and that blows the dread out of all proportion. But I like to stay inside so, hah. Nah not really I dislike it. I want to walk around and shit.