So, what is YOUR major malfunction?

>>38520341
i'm constantly chasing a fantasy that will never come true
also i have a harmless but creepy fetish
i'm also chronically depressed and have an extremely negative mindset that spirals down into an endless cycle

>>38520341
Depression, social anxiety, gender dysphoria
:)

I have a large cock and bunch of clingy exs chasing after me

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>>38520368
What fantasy? You shouldn't be entertaining bad thoughts, it has been very self destructive for me in the past.
>>38520377
When did you get the diagnosis for the depression? I feel sorry to hear it. How much trouble has gender dysphoria put you through? You can explain in a quick greentext if you want.

>>38520341
schizophrenia I guess, I would it call it hilariously mentally enhanced, rather than major malfunction though.

>>38520341
Depression, probably ADHD, I will have that treated.

>>38520449
I was diagnosed for all three by two doctors (a general internal medicine doctor and a psychiatrist).

I don't want to talk too much about my gender issues but basically I feel like my body is a prison trapping the real me inside. I've kept it to myself though, except for my feminine behavior--I get told a lot that I seem like a "feminine" or "sensitive" guy which is surprising to others because I look so not like that. I only crossdress and that sort of stuff alone. I'm way too scared and anxious to transition.

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>>38520527
I have ADHD aswell. I struggle to concentrate greatly, and can't keep up a conversation. I know your feels on that one bre.
>>38520510
So you are content with it? rather interesting.
>>38520445
direct some here.
>>38520537
That must be horrible. I can symphatize on the sensitive part, I am a complete whimp to words despite my size.

>>38520449
well i don't want to get too into detail but it involves my fetish and a certain lifestyle that i would like
i found someone that's completely into it as well but she's already taken and it's destroying me inside, and i'm too much of a coward to step away

>>38520537
this might be a meme response but i think you should honestly go for it
if you don't go for it you're going to feel like you're in prison forever, don't let the real you die inside your meat shell, just take it slow and get used to the light and just start on your way to becoming the inner you that you want
once you see progress it'll be easier i promise

most trans people i've talked to reflect kind of a sentiment that if they didn't transition they would've offed themselves, some that did weren't satisfied at how they turned out but they were glad they took a chance anyway

>>38520606
Not necessarily happy I have it, but I made my peace with it, and I choose to see the good as the bad sides of this condition. Helps that my psychosis was always kind of an awesome mind blowing experience that I mostly enjoyed, in a fucked up life shattering, getting admitted against my will in the end of being highly psychotic and out of my mind way, but still.

>>38520341
>So, what is YOUR major malfunction?
Type 1 diabetes and depression
Plus I work a lot so even if someone wanted to hang out and be friends, I'm pretty much constantly working, sick or too depressed and tired to want to do anything.

Also I'm trans but that doesn't affect me much

>>38520674
If I transitioned, my life would be over. The only people I have left to support me are my parents and they definitely would not accept this stuff if they found out.

Also I have a really masculine physique. I don't think I would turn out well at all.

And the major thing is that I'm scared because it's such a final and risky thing to do to yourself and I'll have to live with it forever. I really don't know what to do. I hate how I am now and but it's too frightening to imagine what could happen.

>>38520341
Schizoid personality disorder.
I have no friends, and I can't make any new friends.
I don't leave my house, and don't work.
I am 26.
I guess, no one, except my parents even know I exist.

Erectile dysfunction.

One hell of a bitch.

Bipolar affective disorder, type one.

I don't have the drive to improve my current conditions.

>>38520746
then take some time to get some different perspectives, start on something and get yourself out of that depressive state so you can think more clearly and make a better decision then. think about some ways you can lessen the self hatred without taking that final step
also think about the future too, honestly i carry this sentiment- i'm going to live hard and fast and then kill myself once i'm burned out
maybe that'll work for you too as morbid as it sounds

also having a masc physique haven't stopped people before, but those people have discovered a way to cope and be self confident even if their self image doesn't match their outward image, but i know that doesnt work for everyone

i def think finding ways to kind of lessen the self hatred somehow, maybe trying something different would help a lot and help you to reach some sort of decision

>>38520746
Not that other anon but that seriously sucks about your situation
I'm sorry it's too big of a risk right now
I'm sure you'd be cute as heck though
I love you, anon.

I don't know where and how to talk to women

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>>38520674
I can understand that decision.
>>38520677
I see, I see. Best of luck to you. Are you taking any medication?
>>38520745
doesnt diabetes interfere with hormone consumption? What do you do for a living?
>>38520783
Have you considered therapy?
>>38520814
Causes by what?
>>38520870
Does it affect your life heavily?
>>38520888
How come? nice trips btw
>>38520993
You could always try zeemaps threads or other online/discord things on /soc/.

>>38521055
Yeah, take my medication daily, 35 mg of abilify. Made me really fat in the beginning, still loosing the weight I gained from it, but apart from that no side effects anymore.

>>38521055
>Have you considered therapy?
No, SPD is not a disease, there is nothing to fix in me.
I'll live until my parents die, then suicide.

>>38520341
Laziness and lack of discpline
The worst one

>>38521055
Well, between this and my minor malfunctions, I'm on lithium, Neurontin, Zyprexa, Klonopin, and Seroquel. So, I'm gonna go with "yes."

At least I'm still alive and trying to push through my depression, though. My sister killed herself.

>>38521055
Yes and no, it fucks with certain parts of the body that have small blood vessels. When your blood sugar is "high" it means your body isn't breaking down sugars you ate so there's just a bunch of Chuck's of sugar (basically) flowing around in your blood. In the smaller blood vessels it cuts up the insides. That's why people who've had it for a long time lose feet (they lose feeling, get a cut and don't feel it and it gets infected and by the time it's found it's too late) or go blind.

I've been on her for 2.5 yrs and it's going finei got that qt smol tiddy

Also I'm a community organizer. Work is complicated but if you wanna know more I can explain

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>>38521093
Awesome to hear about the weight loss.
Where did you start and where do you stand?
>>38521116
Why? are they the sole source of your livelyhood?
>>38521127
I used to suffer from these aswell. I cant really give good advice other than the just be confident bro here, sorry. For me though I broke my lack of drive because I was pursuing something and still am.
>>38521147
Thats terrible to hear. Were you close to her? Why did she do it, if you dont mind me asking.
>>38521160
Sure, do explain. Where do you live? Do you live i n a country with good health care?

>>38521055
>How come? nice trips btw

I have this mentality that I am likely to fail in whatever I pursue, so most often I don't end up making any progress towards said goal. I wish I didn't do this, but I don't know how to fix myself and build some sense of motivation and consistency.

>>38520341
>phimosis
>crooked teeth
>being sociopath

>>38521202
>Why? are they the sole source of your livelyhood?
They provide me with food and internet. I can't function without them.

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Dysthymia
It's a special kind of hell.

>>38521202
Yes, we were close.

She did it because she kept getting rejected romantically, and when she finally did get a boyfriend, he dumped her within weeks, shortly before Valentine's Day.

And no, she wasn't fat or ugly. My sister was very conventionally attractive. Like many people on here, she suffered from severe anxiety that made everyday life difficult.

At the time of her suicide, she was seeing a psychiatric nurse, a psychotherapist, and a life coach. She was also on her third medication for anxiety, but she said it wasn't working.

She hung herself from her closet with a scarf.

>>38520377
well would this be an example of gender dysphoria: "when i was a kid i would think about how i wished i were a girl, it didnt really cause me any significant problems, but recently i have been feeling bad because i am not a girl"? does gender dysphoria get worse over time? or is it always bad and just stays the same?

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>>38521274
Isn't there a chance at neetbux in your country?
>>38521253
You can atleast fix the sociopath part.
I dont know how you could as I always was the opposite of one..
>>38521211
maybe you too should consider professional help.
>>38521416
What is troubling you?
>>38521453
That is fucking horrible to hear. Did you talk to her ex? I would legit beat him up with mates. or even worse

>>38520368
Strange. I dont remember typing in this thread. Are you me?

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>>38521500
>What is troubling you?
I wouldn't even know where to begin with such an unspecific question.

>>38521558
How did school end up for you?

>>38521500
>Isn't there a chance at neetbux in your country?
Nope.

>>38521202
I live in the us, my insurance is adequate but could be much better.
They don't cover insulin pens unless you have a medical need for it (fucked up hands, nerve issues etc)
So I have to use syringes

As for my job, I do independent contracts through the county. Right now I'm the youth coordinator for this coalition doing work to make the ghetto less ghetto here. It's an area that the state sends a lot of refugees and it's the most densely populated area of the state (more people in just that district than in lots of the other cities here)
We put up makeshift street lights in people's yards (with their permission, of course) cause the city won't do it
Host community events
Table at various other events
Put on workshops for folks
Create programs/aide in programs
My job is mostly outreach to young people and trying to get this free workshop space up and running. It's gonna (hopefully) be like a free tools and materials place to make shit and take/teach classes on various crafts and stuff

>>38520341
noises make me want to kill people

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>>38521618
Where do you live, originally??
>>38521648
That sounds interesting. I am sure the people of your community apreciate your work for them. Do you like it yourself?

>>38521587
School was terrible, I had been bullied the entire time. University is a bit better I guess, at worst nobody pays any attention to me, at best I smalltalk a bit with the other students. No friends though. My former best friend who really gets me is a chinese guy of a successful chinese family basically works 24/7.

>>38521555
yes hello nice to meet you, me
how am i doing today??
thinking about it not even meeting a female version of myself would help

>>38521692
I live in russia.
Hope to die soon.

>>38521500
I didn't talk to him, and I honestly have trouble blaming him. He felt that they had gone too fast and just didn't want to be in a relationship with her.

I dumped my first girlfriend because she was too clingy and she put her fist through her TV. Was that my fault?

He had the sense of honor not to come to her funeral, so it's not like he was disrespectful to our family. Unless he's a sociopath, he's going to be drowning in guilt for the rest of his life, and I don't think there's anything I can do to him that could be worse than that.

>>38521692
I fucking love it. The bureaucracy of doing contracts, and through the county nonetheless, is dreadful though. I have to submit an invoice explaining all the work I've done for the past however-many-days (usually 30), account for all the hours I worked and justifying the pay, and then wait 30 days for it to be processed and receive a check.

Sometimes takes longer. Right now im between contracts. My last one expired and the new one is still being processed. It's been a month and it's still not done. Then I've got to work for 30 days, submit, and wait another thirty days to get paid. That's like 3 months without pay, two of which I'm still actually doing work.

Worth it tho they pay a lot and I primarily set my own schedule.

>>38520341
If any sort of minor inconvenience is placed in my life I'll keep thinking about it until I've completely misinterpreted the situation.
i.e: someone doesn't respond and I start going off in my room pacing back and forth trying to figure out what I did wrong that made them not respond

It has crippled me

>>38521786
Ohh. Yes, I used to have this problem too, still kinda do. I got over it mostly by stopping caring. I just accepted that it isnt meaningful anyway and I shouldn't put deep thought into it.
>>38521774
Had the slow administration ever caused major problems? How much do they pay if you dont mind me asking?

ADD and i had my life ruined by a jew so i went full 1488. I also hate niggers with a passion.

Bubby been a bad boy

>>38521725
Im awake at 2am playing titanfall 2 since i cant sleep due to pre-mentioned negative thoughts

>>38521990
i'm awake at 12 and im tired and i want to sleep but my heart fucking hurts inside and i want to die

titanfall 2 looked p cool but man that pricetag

>>38521920
They have. I'm actually like way overdue on rent (although that's mostly because I'm depressed as shit and just didn't take the rent in, it's sitting on my desk right now)

28 an hour but I only work 10-15 hours a week
Still really good tho

My cock is about 9" and I almost never get hard properly and when I do I ruin some of my underwear if it's positioned wrongly... When I don't I just have a 7-8" of jelly like tube in my pants and it's a hell.
Also I can barely jerk off when I want to because I need to go through 20-30min of warming up to get mostly hard and even then it'll take me an hour or two to cum but that's probably because of my SSRI antidepressant....

What should I do..

>>38520341
I'm not very good at spelling and wrighting.
because of that I have to google the words i spell all the time and I have a lot of trubble wrighting anything longer than 2 sentences.