>decide do do an Ironman triathlon in a couple years to fulfill my childhood dream
>start running
>a few months go by, times improving, sticking to schedule
>start swimming again (swam a lot as a kid)
>shortness of breath because stopped smoking not long ago, but feeling better each time
>start cycling again, do a couple road races, realize bike cardio is fine
>really feel that I can do it, training is the only thing that brings me joy
>one day depression suddenly hits me hard
>smoke a pack of cigarettes in 24 hours
>feel like shit, think my plan is bullshit and there is no point
I don't know if it's worth it, I really want to do it but I don't see the point now... I think it would at least make me temporarily happy, but my brain is my biggest enemy...
Shit that sucks man. Have you considered an hero? Your local bridge is usually a free and fun way.