Draw a line.
>>38515310
The scales probably all off.
compressed time from 0-10 bc eh not much that could feel awful then
>>38515422
kinda looks like a heartbeat
>>38515464
>have never attempted
Wow, it's a fucking faggot.
>>38515462
Yeah it kind of does, especially with the green line.
jane get me off this crazy thing
Pay no attention to this, just look at the image
It's hard to exactly graph something like this but I tried
things have definitely improved
y=x^2
>>38503860
Depression 38 Extremely Severe
Anxiety 33 Extremely Severe
Stress 41 Extremely Severe
>>38515585
youtube.com/watch?v=KYgEn_xQQKI
the motivation part was just me in denial
I'm not good at any of this
>>38516471
You are really bad at suicide. Should probably just give up on it.
>>38516471
The parts that dip below the graph I assume mean you were dead for a while. You're not a skeleton are you?
>>38515422
This looks like classic bipolar behavior my dude
>>38515310
>tfw no drawing apps for phone
>>38515310
bleep blapp boop kek beee praised
>>38515310
I had a short momen of relative content in my life. very short.
>>38516980
there is still hope anon
Maybe I should have saved the image blogging text to avoid the robot, or maybe this is just enough. org
>>38517228
here's mine, learn from it
>>38516661
>bipolar
Maybe, but when I'm feeling down I don't want to talk to anyone, and when I'm feeling good I don't think anything is wrong with me. Plus a bipolar diagnosis seems like a terrible liability.
>>38517290
desu what you've just described fits bipolar pretty spot on. I'm somewhat similar and was diagnosed with Cyclothymia (ups and downs cycles like bipolarity only milder)
>>38517320
How and why did you get diagnosed?
>>38515310
This feels accurate
>>38517187
Underrated & Capped
>>38517365
I've been seeing various therapists for years ever since my parents made me go when I was a child and didn't do well at school.
My current therapist, who's trying to help me out of NEETdom simply pointed out that I have a up>ok>down cycle that he's been observing for the last couple of years.
>>38517443
That was nice of him to notice, though I suppose that's his job. Did the diagnosis help?
>>38517324
ours are kind of similar
Coasting through life but recently my life has began to take a turn for the worse
still going pretty good.. for now.. but we'll see in a few years
>>38515310
Shits got pretty good recently
>>38515310
who /emptylife/ here?
>>38517484
Well it does kinda make you more compassionate towards yourself because you think "I got this shit I deal with that most people don't therefore I can't expect myself to be fully like them". On the other hand it intensifies the feeling that you're down on your luck and you're pretty much fucked and will never lead a '''''''normal''''''' life. Idk really, life is pain and I'm simply trying to accept it.
>>38517583
Thanks for sharing. Good luck Anon.
It's hard to mark short important events in a long scale.
>>38515310
this sucks man
shit
The last two years of my life have somehow been the worst, and there's no sign of it getting better in the next five years, even.
ok mommy im done what now
>>38515310
Pretty simple chart.
>>38515310
Pretty simple chart. I never even made a plan for suicide.
>>38517635
This line really speaks to my soul.
>tfw spent way too much time on this graph
4: move to US, start school, live in apartment complex with lots of other kids, make friends quickly and am popular and happy
6: move out of apartment complex, still go to same school, see friends less
7: move to new house, new school, am that weird nerd at school, barely see old friends anymore
10: make a few friends at new school
teens: angsty unrequited crushes, acne, not doing homework, kind of a social ghost
college: live in a dorm, make great friends, study things I'm interested in, go out on a date for the first time, doesn't really go anywhere though
grad school: hang out with college friends, make some new friends, study interesting math, teach classes, still tfw no gf
23: move out of parents' place, lose KHV status, get gf shortly thereafter, make some new friends at work
>>38517530
same here shit wash cash lately
>>38515310
bipolar as fuck
I'm 19yo if that matters
that moment when you left school and realized you are an adult and you could "have it all"
real life kicked in
>>38517855
You are like me but i havent fully recovered from my dip.
>>38518491
Why did my post got removed?
I've never had any friends, happiness, sense of self-actualization, or relationships in my life. I'm also poor.
This wasn't intended to be a fuckhuge blogpost but that's what happened. Helped to write it all out
Birth - 4: Who knows I was a baby/toddler
4 - 7: Pretty happy early on, remember my sega megadrive (britbong) and going places with my Dad/Brother.
7 - 11: Primary school sucked, remember getting bullied a lot (ginger/chubby), but otherwise pretty smart and schoolwork was easy and boring.
11 - 14: Entered high school, sucked harder, bullied more whilst being spergy and kind of a pussy.
14 - 15: Met a good group of friends, grew to 6ft 5", no girls interested in me but happy with just having a social circle. Spent most of time with vidya, even with friends.
16: Get a gf, made out with her and touched her diddies :DDDDD
16 (later): Get dumped, learn she was cheating on me the whole time. Get new friends at least (our school takes in new students at 16 years old). Also found 4chan.
16 - 18: Coast through the rest of school. Friends become really shitty, constantly complain about their lives and are really negative despite me being the only single person without any romantic interests in the group and with the worst grades/future. Parents constantly on my shoulders, can't really get along with them anymore.
18: Ditch all friends, not really bothered as the circle was just bitching and whining. Start browsing /fit/, start soaking up those beginner gains. Started university and lost virginity to a thicc girl who later becomes my fugbuddy :DDDDDDD
18 - 20: Do well at university so far, working a shitty retail job but coworkers were fun to hang out with. No romantic interests beyond a couple of dates that went nowhere. Fuckbuddy leaves to live on other side on country. Starting to realise that I am 'different', can't really socialise like other people, come across as too rigid and wondered if I had autism or something.
(1/2)
>>38519459
20: Start seeing a girl, completely gives me the pseudo-gf treatment for two months as she was on the rebound. I should have steered well clear but I wanted to bang. I did but it wasn't worth it. The dissolution of this, along with the 'different' feeling led to being depressed for about half a year. Almost get fired from work, can't stand customers anymore, no friends, felt like family hates me.
20 (later): Rock bottom, quit job, starting reading PUA stuff. Tried everything to enter social circles. Parents on my ass even more. Eventually start to improve my mindset.
20 - 22: Go from depressed to kicking ass. Life practically switched to being amazing. Do very well at university, get internships, go travelling, fuck a lot of girls. Get a qt gf.
22: Finish uni, no jobs, struggling to learn to drive. Working shitty bar job. Dad gets lung/brain cancer and I have to care for him as he loses the ability to walk and eventually speak. gf is being an utter cunt but didn't have the energy to end it. Dad dies at the bottom of peak. The relief of him not suffering anymore improves my mindset greatly. Situation with gf improves and life gets better, though still no decent jobs.
23: Break up with gf. Started masters degree. Felt like I did at 20/21 again, great friends, bright future.
24 - present: Finish masters, started PhD, immediately felt out of my depth and constantly stupid. Contemplated quitting but stuck with it. Settled in now with a grasp on project and with direct contacts to get a job afterwards.
(2/2)
flat-lining
forever
suicide dosent help, im already dead inside
Not terrible desu
>>38515310
>no proper X scale
Something like this I guess
I really fell down since I attempted to go to college
>>38515310
Life sure is fun
>>38519969
>abhorrent trip to germany
Lol, what happened?
this isn't looking good boys
things looked good again for a minute there
And I'm only 19 guys
im doing great compared to you bots
hope you rise above this and have a better life/ending
GOML robotlosers.
>>38515310
This pretty much describes it, don't want to die rn but we'll see again in a couple of months
>>38520220
bump I want to know as well lmao
>>38520220
>>38520347
anon here, give me some minutes
>>38520220
Please tell us anon, PLEEEAAASE!
>>38520347
>>38520220
>me and my cousin (both 15 years old) go to Germany with her mother, my aunt
>stay at a nice village up north
>I chose to go with them because I wanted to learn german
>my aunt pays an old woman to teach us german and be her friend (literally) becuase she has no friends
>my aunt is crazy on the head, diagnosed with some shit
>also obese
>she sleeps until 7 PM and her mood is as terrible as unexpected, bipolar disorder perhaps
>the au-pair woman teaches us german whenever she wants, not really into it
>She cooks for us but then she closes her room and drinks a fucking bottle of wine everyday
>I buy a comic in german and ask her to translate some parts for me
>she is angry
>she is literally payed for this stupid whore
>I try to talk to her about my country and languages
>she tells me to fuck off after 20 minutes
>a little bit shocked but whatever
>she stops teaching us anything, just drinks
>my aunt is sleeping all day
>we have to eat shitty rice with sausages and burgers
cont
>my aunt decides to go to a classical music festival inside a church
>tickets cost 100 euros
>me and my cousin stay at home playing vidya, and she goes with the au-pair woman
>3 hours later
>we open the door
>my aunt is pretty happy
>the au-pair woman is fucking devastated, her eyes are out of orbit and she goes direct into her room for the rest of the day
>whathappened.jpg
>because my aunt is obese, she thought the fucking church was too hot for her and she started to fan herself with a hand fan
>she makes a fuckton of noise in a classical music concert
>some germans start coughing to make her stop
>she doesn't
>some german goes full blitzkrieg and breaks it throwing it to the ground
>then my aunt starts shouting "YOU FUCKING NAZIS LEARN TO BE DEMOCRATIC, BUNCH OF FASCISTS. THE FUCKING DDR MADE YOU EVEN MORE NAZI, YOU JEW KILLERS"
>I am not fucking joking
>the old woman was pale as shit according to my aunt
cont
>me and my cousin cook dinner
>some pasta
>my aunt suddenly wakes up
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING LITTLE PRICKS"
>she tells us not to cook because we may leave the kitchen dirty
>I tell her we won't
>"SHUT UP. NO MORE COOKING"
>she gives me a salad
>"I'm hungry"
>"then eat this sandwich"
>cheese sandwich
>I fucking hate cheese
>argue during 5 minutes about she letting me eat the fucking pasta
>I had to eat the sandwich
>I ended up sick for 2 days
>Another day the old woman cooks dinner
>my aunt wakes up
>ohshit.jpg
>"Mmm that looks delicious! Save some for me"
>wtf you stupid bitch
>"You kids have to cook more, don't make her do everything!"
>goes back to bed to play solitaire on the computer
>fucking nigger
>>38515585
you had suicidal thoughts when you were 5?
>>38517734
why the fuck are you on this site?
>>38520875
My thoughts exactly desu ne
>>38520875
>>38520910
Why the fuck are YOU on this side? Fuck off to wizardchan, thanks.
>>38520940
No, you fuck off to normiebook faggot
>>38521026
Nah, I'm doing great here, thanks.
>we go to Warnemuende
>far away from our home
>I get a panic attack
>"I...I don't feel too well"
>I puke
>"Ca...can we go home...?"
>my aunt starts to shout in the middle of the street
>"THIS LITTLE SHIT IS NOT GOING TO RUIN MY HOLIDAYS, WE ARE STAYING HERE BLABLABLA"
>my cousin cries and helps me
>my aunt continues going fucking mental
>I have to call my uncle to calm down a little bit
>we go to a restaurant
>I take out my cellphone to play some games so I can relax
>still nervous
>suddenly the old woman hits my hand strongly and throws my cellphone to the ground
>"no cellphone during lunch!"
>fuck you bitch you are not my mum wtf
>I got ultra-nervous
>I puke again
>I only eat some shrimps
>my aunt is fucking happy at the end of the day because she got to see the sea
>fucking walrus shit, I am pissed as fuck
>get home
>storm
>we are on the bus and I miss the bus stop button because I don't know german
>"you idiot,useless boy! Now we are going to be wet"
>shouting on a quiet german bus
>shame
>I would have puked but I had nothing on my stomach
A lot of terrible episodes more occured.At the end, for example, we had to close the door of our room because we suspected that the old woman was drunk and wanted to steal us our money.
I ended up with some kind of minor schizophrenia: I feared seeing myself on the mirror, specially doing some gestures. I also got the urge of jumping out the window and I nearly had to tie myself up to the bed not to do it. I feared wounding someone whenever I held a knife too.
Luckily I am cured for the most part, but holy fuck.
>>38515310
Feeling kinda good at the moment
>>38520593
>>38520718
>>38520833
>>38521080
Holy shit dude. Christ.
>>38515310
Explained it in the pic.
>>38515422
wew.
>>38515668
Shit, what happened?
The shittyness of life dawned on me fairly quick.
>>38521414
It was terrible and I didn't learn german at all during that trip. Another one explaining the end:
>We only have 2 keys to the apartment
>1 is always with my aunt because she went mental one day and demanded it
>we (4 people) have to coordinate with only one key
>the au-pair woman tells us that she will make another copy of the key so we all can enter the house freely
>I am a little suspicious
>"Shouldn't my aunt know about this? She pays the rent"
>"No, she is crazy, she wouldn't let us do it. Don't tell her!"
>my cousin agrees with her
>I wash my hands from this
>later, at dinner
>my aunt tells us that the woman has to teach us more german or she would get fired
>in fact, she plans on firing her the next day because she didn't go to the zoo with my aunt (my aunt was sleeping for fucks sake)
>the woman didn't make the copy because it was a special key
>my cousin SUDDENLY shouts "She made a opy of the key mummy"
>jesus fucking christ here we go you retard
>my aunt goes CRAZYYYYYYYY
>start shouting the woman
>fucking chaotic
>Shouts in german everywhere
>aunt closes the doors and she tells us not to leave our room until tomorrow
>"she was going to steal us! Dirty old hag!"
>I have to pee, open the door silently on the middle of the night
>the 2 bottles of wine have dissapeared
>She is at her room drinking them
>next day she is not at home anymore
>>38520593
>>38520718
>>38520833
>>38521080
>>38521644
Holy moly what a story
>>38521644
How long was the trip from hell?
>>38521922
10 or 12 days
>>38521956
Jesus :D :D
Your aunt deserves to be out into a psych ward
>>38521984
It was not the first time that she fucked me up. When I was 6 I got a virus that made me puke constantly, and, instead of taking me to the hospital, she took her dogs to the vet because "they were a little bit sick and vets close on sundays".
My uncle had to leave his office to come and help us.
Crazy woman, I've got a lot of stories from her, I could nearly write a book. Another day she accused me and my cousins of "wanting to rape her daughter", all of this during lunch in front of the whole family. Literally she said that "someone should go with my daughter because if these guys team up they could force her."
>>38522092
What does your family think about her? (Will repsond later have to go for now)
>>38522092
Dude, I hope you realize that what you endured is child abuse. Your aunt deserves to hang.
>>38522120
I have to go now too, but my family hates her for the most part. Or at least they can't stand her. His husband is the fucking best to be honest, probably one of the nicest people I've ever met, he is like a second father to me and always takes me to really cool places and nice cities.The rest of their daughters are ok too.
Lately she has been saner, maybe because now I speak german and so she entertains herself speaking to me in german too. She does more sport too.
Basicaly everyone stands her only because of my uncle.
>>38522136
Yea I know, even if she is mentally ill (diagnosed or not) she was terrible. My mum hates her.
I've got terrible memories of her, but the past is past. My problems now are unrelated to her to be honest. It's not that I am traumatised.
I've been pretty stable until recently...
Rate my life chart lads
>>38522383
Just a bunch of stuff having to do with my early childhood is starting to surface, combined with the fact that I thought going off to college would magically make me a social and well liked person. I shit you not, when I tried to kill myself, no one even knew. That's how isolated I was there.
>>38522441
fucking hell
were you adopted? what's starting to surface? Losing your parents that early looks horrible man. We are here for you.
Everything I need to an hero is ready.
I'm just waiting
>>38522477
quick rundown
>mom and dad aren't married, get pregnant and have me
>dad is a failure at life, dropped out of college twice but he's well liked by the family so he manages to get by with their help
>mom is a druggie wiccan freak who lives with her sisters
>they take turns having me at their houses until mom is demonstrably unable to care for me (shooting up while I was there, self harm, etc)
>dad and I move in with my well-to-do grandparents
>mom and dad still talk and fight a lot
>I see him hit her several times
>dad has been sick for a while, but it wasn't supposed to be serious
>one day the bomb drops: cancer, and his doctor had been misdiagnosing it for a year
>at this point it's too late for him
>mom hears this news and dies of an overdose a few weeks later
>dad and his family sue the doctor for malpractice
>I get adopted by my uncle
>dad dies
As a result of all that mess I have a deep distrust bordering on hatred of women, as well as an inferiority complex that stems from abandonment. I've been to several therapists, but they just tell me what I already know. I can't be helped desu. This is why irresponsible jackasses shouldn't have kids.
i hope i did it right
>>38522654
>shooting up while I was there
>dying of overdose
jesus fucking christ anon.....................
>>38522637
So you're 40 years old and have been waiting for 20 years? Shit, dogg
I think it'll probably stay pretty stable at this point
>>38515310
here ya go fella
>>38522934
/brainlet/
fugg me
If you never attempted suicide you probably shouldn't be browsing this board.
>>38522834
either bipolar or multiple personality disorder I'd say
>>38523550
>suicide attempt at 6
Story?
>>38523999
Parents were shitty. Basically did nothing but feed me and take me to school. Mom stayed in a room sewing all day, dad went to work and came home and drank himself to sleep. We had tons of VHS tapes and my parents didn't restrict what I watched at all. Saw one movie when I was about four where a guy tied a noose and hung himself by kicking out a stool underneath him. Then when I was six my sister told me to throw rocks into the neighbors backyard. I did it and the neighbors noticed and came up to my door and told my parents. My dad got so angry that he beat me until I stopped even trying to protect myself, then he told me that he'd beat me more when I was up to it. When he left the room I took a rope I had, put a chair on my bed, and tied a noose around my overhead fan and jumped off my bed. I guess the angle was off or something because it didn't catch on my neck right. I hung around for a few minutes just crying until I eventually gave up on killing myself and untied it.
Nice trips btw.
started taking anti depression pills and read alot of useful books.
did someone just delete my post
>>38524938
Avoiding the filter. You'll get a warning in a few minutes.
>>38515310
I got bullied at an early age because of the gf meme.
>>38520833
wait a minute... you went from a Nazi insurrection to cooking pasta? That's it?
Bad stuff happened to me, no one believed me. I turned very jaded. The quality of all my relationships is poor. I find most people boring, annoying, or completely disgusting. I find my happiness in reading.
I hate Februarys...
I think my botched OD's at 11 and 15 left me slightly retarded, as a result my attempts to live a normal life have failed, I'm starting to lose it.
FUCK EVERYTHING.
>>38515310
DRAW A LINE
LOVE ISN'T ALWAYS ON TIME
A line, you say?
>>38517530
>>38517855
>>38518507
>>38520344
>>38521258
>>38524888
>>38524938
Let's make it robros
>>38515310
High school didn't treat me well but I love college and I'm an chad now.
My life is basically over now.
>>38524136
That's a sad story, but thanks for checking my trips. I didn't even notice them.
Too pussy to die, too shitty to live
We're all just depressed degenerates.
i dont know what the fuck happened i was doing so well
The line is my life in a nutshell
>>38515310
*not to scale
the 4chanX dev really need to add a text tool
>>38527496
Chart explained/fixed it up a bit
>>38515310
Excuse the shittyness,
It just gets worse
>>38515310
life is for retards boys origaroli, also i'd like to note i didn't get caught with my suicide attempt. Tried to OD and went into day coma but parents were away
>>38515310
Realizing I'm never going to acheive any of the dreams I had as a child.
>>38515310
Puberty is a hell of a drug
>>38520837
Child abuse is a hell of a ride
Here we go AMA
id say this is pretty accurate. childhood was the best, man.
KV but I'm optimistic by nature, excluding >tfwnogf almost everything in my life is good
>>38529709
shit forgot pic, hate when this happens
why are you guys so low?
fucking hell my life is a roller coaster but unlike a roller coaster this ride will never end
crap i forgot the pic
>>38529904
>>38529921
why the fuck am i such a fucking retard i want to kill myself now
20
friendless nutcase
>>38515712
>attempting suicide at birth
top lel
added the timeline
>>38530012
>crawls back inside
pc/online addict since 12 also nicotine addict since 13,
socially incompatible kinda autistic i never talkd much, kurt cobain was my youth role model,
in school very anxious depressive potato sack, although nobody really harassed me.
wasted most of my youth years in front of pc,
no real friends now i could relate to, virgin
also dep autistic beta fag NEET with 22 years
i want to go back in time and kill myself
the scale is off on this probably
>>38515585
That better not be you Paul, because you've got a good life you bitch.
Did lines for all of em.
>>38515422
guy is 7 years old and loves the summer
>>38531910
no I'm not paul
>>38515830
>approaches, but never reaches 0