Looking for any and all greentexts

here's an original
>be me
>4th grader in elementary school
>my black friend tells me that he wants to hump this one girl that my group knows
>she's a huge bitch and snitches on us for all sorts of shit
>tell friend group about how my friend wants to smash the one girl
>"dude we gotta tell her"
>4-5 of my douchebag elementary friends start speed walking over to her
>fuck.jpg
>stop them
>turn to them and say "dont tell her that was me who said that"
>what i meant was "don't tell her that i told you guys about my black friend tryna smash"
>they thought i meant "don't tell her it was me who wanted to hump tf out of her"
>had to wait a whole year to clear up the whole situation after my friend left the school in 5th grade
>ended up seeing her at my middle school for a year or two

File: swastikaflaghitler.jpg (24KB, 250x234px) Image search: [Google]

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>>38513805
>be me
>be trump supporter
>go to a trump rally
>"desu trump?" i moan into his ear
>He shoots back a look of anger and surprise
>ohno.jpeg
>He kickswipes me
>I fall to my feet
>he kicks me multiple times in the chest
>he grabs me by the scruff of the neck
>he upper cuts me and pushes me to his sons
>one of them grabs a chair and hits me on the head
>the other one that looks like a humanoid mole body slams me
>my nose is bleeding profusely
>they pull out a crowbar
>fuck.png
>djt calls them off
>i run home
>masturbate

>be me
>working, as usual
>come home as usual
>come into my bedroom and theres 4 fucking chicks waiting with an orgy for me
>im actually a virgin, but fuck like chad i just found this out
>actually headbanging 4 of them right now
lol, feels good to be robot.

>>38513805
bump while I type up a story
might be boring

>>38515582
be in 11th grade or 12th grade, chillin' wit my ex friend who's dead named Alex
go into this Chinese food place
ask to use the bathroom
open up cupboard and piss all over the place
right after I finish, some guy walks in

>>38515601
same friend brings us to a partay
I drive this one dude home and return
i'm talking to this one girl named autumn
then i'm talking to two girls
and I invite them upstairs or maybe they invited me
so we're making out on the bed
and the girl atumn starts biting the hell out of my neck
have black hickey for like a week after
so i'm goin' back and forth on the girls
the door busts open and this fugly manwoman is standing there with a condom in her hand
I get up to get the condom and she dodges
the girls get up
outside, the paparazzi are taking pictures of my hickey

>>38515636
we go to autumn's house later like weeks later
I bring this bottle of alcohol and my friends drink it all
I notice in her cupboard is the exact bottle we just finished
switch them
we finally dip out of there
feel like king

>Be me, 17 years old at the time
>I'm smoking bud with my friends at night, in a house under construction inside a closet under the stairs
>We go to leave and I shit you not there's 6 squad cars, 2 police SUVs, an ambulance, and a firetruck sitting out front across the street
>Immediately start sprinting as fast as I can outrunning grown ass men (thanks African-American genes)
>Go to scale a stone wall but I don't have enough strength to scale it after running as fast as I did
>Start running diagonally away from the wall, towards the direction I came from.
>I keep tripping in potholes in this dirt field
>The boys in blue finally catch up to me
>Get on my stomach put my hands behind my back and start yelling "I'm not resisting!"
>The cop with the canine right next to me loosens the slack on the leash and lets this big ass german shepherd bite me on the thigh
>Meanwhile I'm screaming out "Fuck get it off me!"
>Dog stops biting me after 30 seconds, and I had to go to the hospital before jail to get the wound clean
>Get booked and processed, then released
>Turns out the police thought we were stealing copper wire from the house that's why they rolled in so heavy (I live in a town with a population of 60,000 or so, cops have nothing better to do)
>End up having to take two 3 hour classes to expunge it from my record
>So I go to these classes with my friends and we would all dab wax before, during, and after the class
>The instructors didn't care for whatever reason

This is a true story about me, I know it was a stupid decision to do what I did in retrospect.

>>38515865
Alex & I are smoking pot with some dudes in a car outside of this big arcade with a ferris wheel called "Fun World"
we end up smoking pot on the ferris wheel as it goes round.

File: robot is in a band.png (115KB, 890x587px) Image search: [Google]

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let's just get real sad