what's the worst thing you've ever done in your life?

Spent my entire life pretending I didn't have psychological wrong with me and that I was just lazy.

Only recent got on autism bux after finally seeking professional mental health assistance in my late 20s.

I could have been on autism bux for 10+ years now if I went in earlier.

not get in front of that train.

File: fds.jpg (36KB, 482x427px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 482x427px

Didn't end myself

that's the worst, and the fact that I still haven't ended myself and probably never will even though I should

File: maxresdefault.jpg (132KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

132KB, 1280x720px

>>38497141
how I ended up living with my grandma is a story in its self that I don't want to get into

>be 19-20
>living with grandma and great grandma
>having cigarettes with them with door leading to backyard open
>somehow discussion about my father comes up
>they both fucking hated my father
>tell me he used to hit my mother
>say that he put my aunts cat in the microwave(how it became her cat)
>father died of cancer when I was 12 and never did fucked up shit around me and was always very loving to me
>sperg the fuck out
>tell my great grandma I used to cut the the heads off mice

cont.

>>38497362
>grandma gets quiet
>I go on to tell her I did it in preparation to see if I could take a human life and they were practice
>grandma starts crying and telling me im a good boy and I cant let the darkness take over
>my rage subsides and I realize what the I just said
>start crying with grandma and tell her im sorry
>we don't talk about it ever again
>not even a year later she falls ill and dies
to this day I feel like me saying that shit to her might have contributed to her death and ive never been able to forgive myself.