Most autistic thing you've ever done?

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>april 1st
>put rubber band around sink sprayer
>grandma comes over to visit us
>keep telling her "hey gramma i think the sink is broken wanna look at it for us?"
>shes a 64 year old woman, what the fuck would she know about sinks?
>she tells me she cant help me
>tell her to look at it anyways
>literally nudging her into the kitchen at this point
>walks up to the sink, turns it on
>fuck, my experiment was unsuccessful, the rubber band fell off
>"I don't see nothing wro-"
>I take the sprayer and literally start spraying her with it
>APRIL FOOLS!!!1!

I have the 'tism.

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>>38489881
reply to your post

>>38489881
>pick up my dog
>start running around carrying her, yelling "mosquito, mosquito!" and making buzzing sounds
>put her down
>start running around again
>she starts to chase after me
>lay down and let her nip on my arms
>yell "AAH! I'M BEING EATING ALIVE BY A MOSQUITO!"

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>be me
>16 (then)
>sister is off to summer camp
>forgets to do her laundry
>1 am
>thisismychance.jpg
>go to her room, turn the light on
>go rummaging through her panties
>jackpot
>a few different pairs, she has a pink one with hearts and a white lining that i really like
>put it on, it's a little tight around the junk
>take another one, also pink
>overwhelmed by lust, instant bonor
>lay down on her bed and start wanking it
>stick a finger in my ass, moaning loudly
>start to hear footsteps in the hall
>shit
>cover myself with her blanket
>mom comes through the door with a baseball bat
>:anon, why are you in your sisters room?"
>silence
>"uhh, her bed is softer than mine"
>she is still staring at me, heart is pounding
>she looks over to the hamper, it's all messy
>"anon, what the hell is going on here?"
>still staring at her, mind and heart are fucking racing
>"get out of the bed"
>don't know what to do, say "uhh mom im really comfy"
>"oh for heavens sakes are you naked?"
>still staring at her, not making a word
>"alright, you know what, fine."
>she shuts off the light and slams the door.

The next morning I was escorted by the cops to get checked out at a mental hospital, they diagnosed me with autism, been living on neet bux ever since, and yes, I did finish.

I maintain dignity in knowing that she didn't see me with the panties on.

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>>38490426
What the fuck

Orangutan

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>>38490426
Holy fucking hot poker cock gobbler shit anon what the fuck

>>38490426
>>mom comes through the door with a baseball bat
So you dont have a father.
Also how old is your sister??

>>38490162
that's not autism that's just hanging with a dog

>>38490837
sorry for the late reply, my post made me horny

my father was the one driving her to camp
my sister is older now, not gonna say any more

It may not be the most autistic thing in my life, but I can't think of anything else right now.

>Shut-in weeb, haven't gone to a grocery store in over 4 years
>Go to buy something the other day
>Awkwardly stare at the ground while the cashier is ringing my items up; pay for them
>"Thank you and have a good day"
>Instead of saying "You too" or something, I deeply bow to the cashier

Fucking hell. I've watched too much anime.

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>>38491291
>I deeply bow to the cashier
What's that?

>>38491751
Not sure if I'm a retard, but to bow means to lower your head as a sign of respect, no?

>>38491949
Oh, you srsly fucked up then

>>38491221
Come on why not??
This is why 4chan is anonymous. You are safe, anon.

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>>38489881
>be young 11 yr old me
>semi-retarded at the time
>talking with counselor
>sperg out
>start reee-ing and pick up a chair
>realize I'm being retarded
>am basically put on supervision for the rest of the year, don't go to as many classes either

>>38489881
>get a prostitute for $80
>take to my home because parents are out of state for the weekend
>pay extra $30 for coke she's selling too
>we do bumps before sex
>she did too much and feels like a heart attack/panicking happening
>steal beers from my dad (which I got in trouble) so she can mitigate feel
>she doesn't want to have sex anymore, but will still fool around
>end up sucking her huge tits and licking her big ass
>do this back and forth while I'm jacking off
>cum in napkin
>really wanted to cum in her face
>she leaves
>technically, still a virgin because my penis didn't penetrate anything
>tfw she was a 42 year old grandma (as told with small talk) and I was 19 at the time
>tfw this actually gave me confidence
>mfw I'm 31 now and have had a sexual body count of about 43+ woman and she was my first and only hooker

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>>38492130
>>tfw this actually gave me confidence
Wow man. Nice.

>>38489881

I made a crudely made KKK uniform out of construction paper and strolled through a majority black high school in it, miracle i didn't get beat.

>i was a dumb fucking kid

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>>38489983
Holy fuck I'm dying. WHAT possessed you to do this?

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>fall in love with a russian 'girl' from a gaming forum in 2007 or something
>she wants to live with me in australia
>wants me to come to russia for 2 weeks to meet her parents first
>my parents say 'no'
>they keep insisting it is a scam or a prank and wont allow me to leave
>buy plane ticket anyway and get my cousin to drive me to the airport at 3am
>fly on a shitty muslim borat tier airline for 3 days
>have to change planes several times and wait for hours in each airport
>the plane is filled with africans and arab immigrants literally standing in the aisles and praying and chanting in arabic every few hours
>finally arrive in russia
>tfw she doesn't respond to my text or calls now
>tfw all her social media and forum accounts are deleted
>tfw traveling on the bus to her town and walking around for hours trying to find her house by comparing to pics she sent me
>tfw sleeping at the airport until my parents can organize a flight home

>>38490426
FUCK thanks for reminding me of a very similar story
>11-12 at the time
>only me and my brother home
>super duper horny
>kinda learned how to masturbate
>in bed completely naked, humping matress to JC Penny's bra section
>Brother bursts through door
>blankets only covering lower half
>asks me why i'm half naked
>I tell him I'm just really hot
>"what's under the blanket"
>he comes near me and tries to pull off blanket
>freak out, say that he's actually pulling my pants down
>he laughs at me and leaves

holy kek that is some intense autism

>>38492351
It's true, getting physical contact almost cured me if my social awkwardness. Just a few months of forced talking with the opposite sex afterwards, helped me develop the lack of social skills at an astonishing rate, that I neglected being shut in vidyas connoisseur throughout 6th to 12th grades.

>>38492604
You were asking for it man.
Are you clinically autistic? Its common sense not to do that.

>>38492130
>>she did too much and feels like a heart attack/panicking happening
>>she doesn't want to have sex anymore, but will still fool around
you got ripped off, boy. She played you.

>>38492639
that's your brother being a fucking sperg not you

>>38492897
It still instilled confidence inside to never use a hooker again and I've had sex with 40+ women in the last 10 years

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>in vegas with my parents
>one room with a king sized bed
>dad calls downstairs for a rollaway bed
>both parents go down to the casino
>latch the door after they leave
>stay in the room watching adult swim
>an hour passes and still no bed
>figure they forgot, too autistic to call back
>relieved that I won't have to open the door and interact with someone
>fall asleep
>wake up to knocking on the door
>hear someone say, "we're here with the bed"
>ignore it
>knocking persists for 5 mins
>hotel phone starts ringing
>ignore it bcuz I'm terrified of talking on the phone
>they call 3 times and eventually give up
>fall back asleep
>woken up again to voices outside the room and knocking on the door
>ignore it
>suddenly hear that mechanical buzz the precedes the opening of hotel doors
>realize the staff are trying to get into the room
>the latch on the door stopped them
>ignore that shit because I was too deep in at that point
>hear the guys talking in spanish, one of them radios someone else
>a third guy joins the mix
>hear the door open and get caught on the latch again
>light clanking sound of metal hitting metal
>realize they brought a guy with a tool to undo the latch from outside
>realize I'm fucked
> "o shit what do I do"
>panic
>pretend to be asleep
>hear the guys enter the room, chatting with each other
>suddenly go silent when they see me
>fake snore so they don't think I'm dead
>they say some shit in spanish
>sounded very confused
>eventually they walk away
>hear the door close behind them
>get up and see the rollaway bed pushed into the corner
>consider hanging myself then and there

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>>38492953
>autismoniliani

>>38489986
THIS was oreganigglet?

>>38492953
>too deep in at that point
holy fuck this is something I'd do

actually it is something I did but not as bad. my first year in uni I was in the dorms and I got one to myself and the RA wanted something from me lately, like to sign some kind of paper or something stupid shit and I was avoiding him. during one of the countless days I was sleeping on a nocturnal schedule rather than actually going to class he knocked on the door. this sometimes happens, so I ignore it. he knocks again "you in there!?" and I'm still silent. he fucking knocks like 4 more times over the course of a couple minutes and then out of nowhere just fucking unlocks and opens the door. and I pretend to be asleep. and then he goes away.

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>>38489881
>Nice religious girl in Spanish who sits in front of me flirts with me for an entire school year before class starts
>Gets her friend to ask me out to homecoming dance because she's too shy
>I laugh and say no because I think she's joking and is going to just make fun of me if I say yes
>"Wow you're so mean"
>Play vidya all night
>Foreveralone

>>38489881
>In a shared dorm without another guy in the other room
>We share a kitchen
>His family comes over and they hang out in the kitchen talking
>I assume they'll go soon so I lay on bed reading internet on phone
>I'm starving and have to take a shit but I continue laying on bed not wanting to make a single noise so they'd know I'm in there
>They end up staying there about 4 hours
>I don't move a muscle because I don't want them to hear me
>Once they go I desperately shit

Fuckin chad

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>>38492130
I'm not even a virgin and I haven't had any female friends aside from the one I've fucked since I was a teen

>>38492604
maybe get the address first before going to some random fucking russian town?
going to some random person you don't know is already bad enough man

well lets see one time I smoked my own puke

and one time I grabbed my ex's ankle and said you have to be with me when I was crying on the ground

also one time I lost the game

>>38493526

>the game

WHAT GAME ASSHOLE?

>>38493473
Well, roastie my man.
>live in OC (SoCal)
>half paddy, half spic
>23, handsome and /fit/ (ninja warrior obsession)
>social skills of a 12 year old girl
>go to roastie bar in Newport Beach
>these MILF are loaded (alcohol and money)
>tfw never strike out with big tit, nice ass, /fit/ roastie divorced MILFs
Plus, I love Arbys.

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Obsessing over a tripfag who used to post here.

>>38493526
Hey Thereon, btfo 4chan it's cancer and you have a bright future ahead of you

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>>38493624
Cioro?

>>38493722
who is thereon

>>38493526
damn I had a pretty good streak going

Stole about 500 paper cups from my school a few years ago, lemme know if yall want the story

>>38492921
thank god
probably the time i got caught watching porn in class then

>>38494142
Why would we not want the story of you stealing 500 paper cups? Greentext now

>>38489881
>be eastern european kid
>love smoked sausage
>see black man for the first time in my life
>every time i eat smoked sausage i imagine myself eating a black man

>>38493750
The guy who taught people about pheromones.

>>38489881
>tfw memory is too shit to remember any of the autistic crap i've done

>>38489881
>be me
>live in some third-world country
>be 4 years old
>probably autistic
>in kindergarden
>leave the kindergarden and follow some random girl back to her home
>her mom sees me
>she takes me back to the kindergarden
>dad finds out and goes to the kindergarden screaming and yelling at everyone in a fit of rage
>don't ever recall this happening to me
>don't remember anything that happened
>only know of this because my mom told me

Because i don't remember anything nor any details of this incident, I could have been kidnapped or lured and sold into slavery.