Self Hate Etc

>>38488049
So here it goes; about OP himself:
I fucking hate my face, my sound, my body, etc. Literally everything about my physical manifestation. If I try to look at myself very objectively, I consider myself average. Normal face (except my slightly uneven eyebrows), normal slightly long hair, above average (but tiny bit under the "optimal male") height, etc. But this doesn't change anything, especially the fact I fucking can't stand myself. I cover my upper face with my long hair (not like an emo, I split the hear from the middle so my mid-upper face including my eyes show), I constantly grow a beard to hide my lower face, but that's only during holidays as I'm supposed to shave on other days.

Every time I see my face I try to look away. Some days when I go to wash my hands I keep looking down so I don't see myself. I can't stand taking selfies, and when someone tries to take one with me have to force myself really hard to actually pull through, and when the person who took the selfie tries to show it to me, I decline (which normies find very odd, I can't even explain why I hate seeing myself in the first place).
Worst part is that people find this weird. They feel like I'm attention-whoring, but they know damn well that I'm not that kind of person, so they get confused.
One time my friend did me a man-bun, and people all around told me how much better I looked, and that I even look like some weird actor I haven't heard about. I believed them- I thought it was entirely possible I looked "good". But I got rid of the normie-bun because I never wanted my face to show. Because I fucking hated it no matter how "good" it looked.

>>38488128
I sometimes edit videos when we're gaming with friends. Small time, private, meme-rich videos. But it has become so very hard for me to fucking edit them as I keep hearing my voice over and over again. I fucking hate my voice. I can't even describe it to you because I'm at a point in my life where I have no idea how it sounds like.
Some friends were also talking about how soothing my voice is- and how I can use it very well sometimes. A friend told me once that I should do vlogs or podcasts, and one day a fucking roastie (mind you- she was AT LEAST 8/10) told me that my voice was very charming and that maybe I could do talk shows one day (which is odd because I secretly fucking admire talk show hosts- not the new shit like Jimmy Fallon but the old ones like David Letterman and even Conan).
Even the roastie couldn't change my opinion. I cringe out of control when I hear myself. I can't even stare at my body in the mirror without realizing how retarded my fucking posture is.
Is there an end to my suffering?

Started taking meth every day. Kept getting all these heart problems, but I wanted to hurt myself. Then I dropped out of school and became homeless. Feet got so swollen I thought they'd fall off. I felt like I deserved it, so I never asked anybody for help. Only handout I got was some guy who forced a fifty into my hands on Christmas Eve.