Cucking yourself

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>Very good friends with qt3.14oneitis
>She has a pokefag boyfriend that i only find out about after I fall for her.
>10 months later I realize its killing me.
>Went on a bikeride to a cozy meadow
>Decide to finally take some action and say we should cut contact and say how I feel
>do it
>instantRegret.png
>she says she had no idea about it because she thought no one could like her other than pokefag tinder bf.
>she starts hugging me and we cuddle for like 3 or so hours (spooning sounds gay).
>I think this is a good sign
>she says "I cant give you what you want and its not fair"
>feels bad because im pretty certain she likes me, ffs she was just spooning with me for 3 hours in a shitty meadow
>I am btfo but try and play it off.
>she says "maybe we should just take a brake"
>"nah my feelings arent going to change, I think this should be permanent"
>I walk off without looking back

Deleted all forms of contact with her and told her not to message me.

>tfw you cuck yourself.