Do you wipe your ass the normie way or the patrician way?

i don't need to wipe because i shit the patrician way
squatting

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>>38477874
How do you wipe sitting down? That seems really impractical.

>>38477874
Wouldn't standing close your buttcheeks together and smoosh poo all around? sounds uncomfortable and messy.

>>38477874
I do both, wipe sitting then a few times standing up, so I can ensure total cleanliness through visual observation of the fecal residue, or lack thereof

>>38477874
I stand up and bend over

>>38477961
It is, but I'm too autistic and fat to wipe while sitting down.

>>38477961
This. I can't understand why people wipe their ass standing up.

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>poop in shower
>water disposes of the evidence
>don't even have to wipe

The perfect crime

>>38477960
How do you wipe standing up? Do you put your arm between your legs?

I use a $20 bidet and have to use like one square of tp while sitting down because it cleanses me so well

>when will you faggots get on my level

>>38478052
>drain clogs
>sir, we found an unusual amount of feces in your pipes, can you explain this?

>>38477874
I kneel

>>38477961
Mate, what the fuck you eating or do you just stop mid-shit and begin wiping

Only fat people wipe standing up. That is disgusting. Sitting is retarded, but still a few billion times better than standing. Squatting is master race.

>>38477874
i do it both ways. depends on how I'm feeling. doing it standing up feels kinda embarassing tho

>>38478002
>>38477924
>>38478002
Thank you, I have never seen anyone else describe what I do.
Sitting is fucking retarded
Standing all the way is ok
But the squat is the patrician method

>>38477960
Just lean to the side? How do you wipe standing up without smearing shit everywhere?

>>38478594
What you describe is not the squat. >>38477924
means actually squatting. Not standing up like a fat disgusting piece of shit bending over and trying to remove other pieces of shit from their shit.

>>38478618
By arching your back? Not exactly rocket science although it may as well be if you happen to be a sit wiper lmao

>>38478675
Why not arch more by sitting down?

>>38478503
Agreed brother, squatting is the one true way to properly wipe.

I used to be a stander but transitioned to a sitter. Sitting is better in public restrooms, which I became accustomed to using due to my budding alcoholism and daily rot gut.

>>38478699
I know right? In fact why don't I just sit down to pee, too?

>>38478061
I have a plecostomus that lives in my toilet suck my ass clean you plebian

>>38478746
How does arching your back help you pee? Is your penis so short you can't aim it?

Only Jews need to wipe. Real men shit where ever they please to show their dominance and keep moving.

>>38478052
This
>>38478126
You use a strainer made for catching hair. Then throw it in the toilet after you're done.

Pol stomping is if you've really soft shit and high water pressure. I've done both.