Describe a possible early cause of your robot/cyborg mind. I

>>38448751

Having a father who was a complete robot who never showed me how to express emotions properly and marrying a Stacy type woman because he made a lot of money, meaning she can't connect to me on any emotional level either.

So being a shy kid with an extremely emotionally distant father and an unrelatable mother definitely wasn't a good start. Made me an avoidant idiot and now I'm finally trying to figure out solutions at the age of 20

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>>38448751

My mother was always more of a silent, introverted woman but she thinks she is overly smartwhich simply isn't the case as I see her now. Basically my father and she decided to let my mother completely control how I grow up. The only thing that he did was sometimes point out things he didn't approve of and told her to fix things. Now they give each other the fault for me, being such a huge failure and being stuck with me. I'm simply baffled how they both thought that would be a good idea. I remember once being a normal kid once but today I got like these thoughts in my head man. I sometimes punch myself or spontanously shake my head to shake off these thoughts. I try to cope with being such a freak with alcohol and vidya but it simply doesn't always work.

>>38448751
Being put in a christian private school from pre-k to 8th grade with the same class of 30 kids the whole time who bullied the shit out of me. To explain, these kids come from money, lot of it. My family wasent bad off or anything but the kids at that school were majority spoild rich kids. They always got kicks out of preying upon my naturally introverted nature. The torment was rarely physical, mostly emotionally heres an example: One time a girl in a class below me and i had a mutal crush on eachother, even that was taken from me when they started to bully her for being nice to me. She approached me after school one day and said "i dont like you" out of the blue, i knew what happened and i replied "i know" her friends made her tell them about what i said and then suddenly i was the but of every joke

Being raised in a family where everyone was the opposite gender of me.

>Parents never pushed me
>Very few neighbours or relatives my age, so was only around peers during lunch/recess

>>38449344
Huh, I went to private Christian schools from K to 12 and was never bullied despite being the fattest kid in the whole school.

>>38449376
Wouldn't that make you BETTER with women though? I'm 24 and still scared to talk to girls who are younger than like 40.

>parents bought house in the middle of the fucking woods
>literally nothing within walking distance
>even drives are tedious to go anyways
>as such any socialization prior to age 16 would have required rides from parents
>parents were always at work after-school so I didn't go out as a child
>interaction with others limited to school
>by the time I could drive had no friends to hang out with anyways

>>38449386
different anon same situation. its actually fairly crippling as you have no masculine role models at all so you have zero idea on how to jackshit.
took years of self-conditioning to not instantly come across as supremely beta or gay. i only just recently found out my voice is naturally several octaves lower and i've just been subconsciously matching pitch. imagine having no one there to teach you how to deal with emotions and generally "man up" because those are foreign concepts to your role models entirely unless they're expecting it from you but again never elaborating on what it is they're actually expecting.
i'm a massive ball of insecurities because of this. fuck being able to talk to anyone in general let alone girls.

>>38448751
two main things gave me issues as a kid that I would be more normal if they didn't happen.

thing 1
>live with grandma but grandma gets sick so I go to live with my aunt and uncle.
>cousins are horrible but ignore them and just try to stay with friends outside until dinner then stay in my room
> a year after staying there the cousins start thinking it's fun to blame me for stealing things
> they put things like games, money and jewelry under my bed and tell my aunt that they found them there.
> uncle already dislikes me because he hates my mom, I hear them fighting at night over me a few times. aunt eventually stops defending me and believes my cousins
> Day after Christmas watching tv with grandma when aunt comes in and tells me that I'm going to live somewhere else.
> leave the next day(I'm in 2nd grade at this point), I'm in disbelief that my aunt wouldn't believe me and I feel like trash that got thrown out

(continued)

>>38449828
thing 2
>be put in foster care by aunt and uncle who didn't to raise sisters kid
> Go to foster home who adopts me two years later.
> I makes new friends but non of them close like old friends, I'm sad sometime but moving on
> 2 years later in 4th grade, meet this kid Alex also who is obsessed with Narut o and we quickly bond over that and become best friends and start going over his house to play videogames and shit.
> probably in November start getting a weird gay crush on him but ignore it because I'm scared
> December in school year adopted mom decides to throw "adoption party" mom decides to make me give out invitation to best friend at schoo. makes me give him invitation when she comes to pick me up from his house
> I feel slightly embarrassed because I never mentioned I was adopted because it was weird to me but forget about it until we go back to school
> see alex and talk to him, he asks me about the invitation thing. the way he asks about is in like a kicking way.
> randomly says that he gets my mom found me in the dumpster and I'm a probably a crack baby.
> I'm really hurt by him saying that like want to break down and cry but somehow talk him out of believing I was adopted.
> Go home and cry for two hours when I went to sleep that night wondering why my best friend would say something like that.
> start avoiding him for almost a month with makes him up we and eventually stop avoiding him
> drift apart from him in 6th grade but what he said sticks with me and I never tell people I'm adopted ever even to this day


there are other things that definitely affected my mental state but for reason these two things in particular fucked me up the most with anxiety and depression

>>38448860
my father just had anger issues and would break chairs and punch holes in the wall