NEET Diary: Day 8

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I am changing up my diary format as I found it boring and limiting before.

In a lot of ways, I have not been very productive this week. I spent a lot of time bullshitting/procrastinating and produced almost no art stuff at all. In other ways I was productive. I saw a lot of friends and I had some really intense therapy (particularly today).

I need to figure out how to be productive. I got prescribed vyvanse, which I think will help, but I wish I was able to output more without help from drugs. Its embarrassing to not output. I think a lot of people think I am smart and creative, but its not always reflected in what I have done. I spend way too much time consuming: reading, watching, listening.

Therapy was really intense today. I saw for the first time that, basically, its possible I could become a normie. All my life I have rejected normie-dom, but now I see a way to go there. And I am afraid. I'm afraid to leave behind such a large part of myself. Its terrifying to think about deeply changing in a way that makes me less isolated, less angry, less negative. I know that sounds stupid, but there it is. I am afraid.