>the only thing I look forward to in life anymore is getting

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>scared and on-edge all the time

i know this feel too well

how do you get high with no job?

Maybe you should go to a facility. It's only for a short time, right? And it might do some good. Worse thing that happens is that you're bored for a couple weeks. Guess your only options are that you keep trying some stuff, or you try to get used to your current condition.

>>38372578
I'll skip a dose of a prescribed benzo occasionally and when I have a bunch saved up I take them all at once and feel happy and calm and relaxed and carefree for a whole evening. I actually enjoy things and when I finally go to sleep it's wonderful--no waking up every three hours, no bad dreams, and when I wake up the next day I'm refreshed and energized and calm. It feels great, like what I imagine a normal person feels like. Then everything goes back to being shit a day later. Before the benzos I did Ambien and the three months I did it were the happiest, most creative, most soothing, and most productive months of my life. I'd like to get marijuana but I'd have no way of hiding it from my mom and I have no idea how I'd buy it despite the fact that there are probably dozens of people within a few blocks from me who would sell it. I also can't drink alcohol despite being 21 because I'm on antidepressants and benzos and my mom won't let me because of the interactions. I suppose I could buy a bottle myself and hide it from her but I don't know if that's such a good idea. Writing this post out really hammered in how pathetic my life is.