Psychological Issues #94

>>38345791
How'd you learn to argue so well?

Not taken off yet, I see. Therapy was somewhat interesting today. The wolf spoke, as did she and also the child. Though the former took up the time. Also, there's a bit of something going on between the angel and her. Feeding off her. I mentioned that that was somewhat congruent with what had happened in the past: namely, whenever he's been in control I've been absolutely drained afterward. Have had to have a lie down sometimes, or general recovery time.

>>38346140

I've wondered, because I argued a lot on this website for various things, including Christianity. I think because of my parents' mental illness, I was immersed into all sorts of fallacies on a daily basis, and had to unravel that crap on my own, once I was able to trust my own opinion over theirs, around age 11 or so. After that, it was years of undoing bullshit.

I also studied philosophy and read my fair share of Plato, though I'm not sure that helped much. I never let down anything or anyone in an argument, so that forces things to get to the end. The sad thing, for years, was that I never actually believed I was right or argued well unless someone else told me (inherited this from never being valued in anything I was or did during my childhood, even when I know I'm right, I won't feel good unless someone else validates me, it's shit).

The rest comes from the same thing that prevented me from becoming like my parents, or ending in prison, or some institution, or dead. A strong urge to make sense of everything. I grew up in a world of nonsense, rituals performed for no obvious reasons, and no explanation for anything. My parents didn't understand why humans did certain things, but mimicked them to the best of their retarded ability, without the heart of it, which made me wonder. This made me resent artsy music videos as a kid because I had no idea that something didn't have to make sense and could just look nice; I was addicted to finding meaning in everything, or else it was a frightening world, something like that. Rhetoric is also about making sense, together, I feel.

Did you read the Coats/Nick exchanges?

>>38346152
>also the child

The new guy?

>>38346238
Nah, younger still. About 14 or less.

>>38346265

Are we up to 6 people now? The Chinese one, who is that again? My therapist actually asked the number.

>>38346273
>Chinese
Wtf?

I'm scared of talking to people and so I cut off conversations before they begin, I haven't had a proper conversation with my friends in weeks and I thought I was happy since I have nothing majorly wrong with my life only to realise my whole life is what wrong and I kinda wanna cease to exist because I have no purpose. Basic shit

>>38346313

His name sounds like a Chinese name.

>>38346379

How easy is it to communicate with your parents?

>>38346394
I literally haven't spoken to my father in years, despite him texting me and even to the point of offering to give me videogames in order to talk to him, I feel like an asshole for rejecting him. I never speak to my mum despite living with her. I'm not sure whether she likes it that way or not but sometimes I feel she hates me because of my "wasted potential"

>>38346449
>I literally haven't spoken to my father in years

Red flag count: 1

>>38346449
>offering to give me videogames in order to talk to him

Red flag count: 2

>>38346449
>I feel like an asshole for rejecting him.

Red flag count: 3

>>38346449
>I never speak to my mum despite living with her

Red flag count: 4

There's a lot that's wrong here. I'd wager that neither of your parents has any healthy ways to behave and communicate with others. As such, you never learned to socialise with normal people and now you're all messed up and scared of others. Good news, they aren't like your parents and you shouldn't fear that the rest of the world is like them. This may not be conscious, but I had to tell you.

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Still sick, not posting today. Just so you don't wonder. Have a good day, Facet, Nick, and everyone else.

>>38346227
>Did you read the Coats/Nick exchanges?

I did, though it was a bit of a mess.

>>38346479
fuck, you just blew my fucking mind dude. I'd never considered that. Is there anyway to fix it or am I just going to have to live my life in spite of the fact I'm """"broken"""" so to speak

>>38346449

If your father offers vidya in exchange of speaking, he must have a very trade-based mind, which is typical of low-empathy cunts who can't enjoy doig something with someone else for the sake of togetherness. It also shows he doesn't mind that you don't want to talk to him, and perhaps has no understanding of what goes through YOUR mind, and maybe he doesn't care.

I'd feel like a whore if my parent offered games for talking. I'd ask my father if I get add-ons for swallowing and if a subscription to my ass means I can play WoW for however long he pumps me anally. That's how you probably feel too, so let these feels out, they're justified. You're not a whore. Don't be bought.

You feeling like an asshole is the intended goal of his actions, consciously or not. So don't feel bad. Respect your feelings and intuitions. He makes you feel that way. You are under no obligation to spend time with people who are toxic and whose presence is not enjoyable. You are under no obligation to take even a second of shit from someone you don't want to be with.

The absence of communication with your mother suggests the same. People don't get together for no reason, and your parents' union sounds like it was for unhealthy reasons.

More details will be helpful, but we can already see where your own issues take root.

>>38346485

Nah, I want you to post. I'm stubborn. We can just play chess too.

>>38346486

If you read all that, I'm impressed. Are you a regular lurker? Lurkers fascinate me. I always wonder how many lurkers are lurking around and why they aren't saying anything.

>>38346517
>fuck, you just blew my fucking mind dude. I'd never considered that.

That's already a major step right there. You've just saved yourself 2 months of therapy with that post of yours. I'm not even kidding. One of the main things in therapy is getting a third party's opinion, to show what's hidden in plain sight. I had my mind similarly blown by my fiancee and my therapist about comparable topics, some even more obvious, that I somehow didn't see normally.

Don't worry, from now on, it's all positive. Uphill, but positive. It'll also be easier.

You aren't broken, you've been raised weird, like I have, but there are ways to improve a lot.

OK?

There's work to do, but we can do it.

Meta, my man, I will be waiting for your posts!

>>38346540
My mother was a depressed cancer survivor and my dad is a mother's boy who left the navy because he was missing home. He probably actually left because he like me fears the unknown and often revert back to places/things/people he knew as a kid. My only memories with him are based around TV, Games and Movies. As a child I used to stay really attached to arbitrary things that make me a child again, I was in a pram/pushchair until I think 6, I always had a blanket with me, I until very recently still play with toys and I have a great imagination. I watch wrestling because I liked it as a kid. This isn't just nostagia for me as I actually honestly get upset when I think of my childhood. There's more examples but you get the picture.

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>>38346701
>dad is a mother's boy

Would you say his mother is controlling or possessive?

Is your father able to have a conversation about interesting things with you and listen to you as well as discuss himself?

Read picture related and tell me if it speaks to you. Nevermind the Borderline deal in said pic.

>>38346556
I've been following these threads for a good while now. I enjoy reading about the individuals and their problems and seeing how you tackle them. I don't speak because I usually have nothing to contribute to the thread.

>>38346784

Cool! Don't hesitate to comment or even just say you're around lurking. Even just posting a lizard that monitors is fine. It always gives me a boost if I know there's more than just the people posting.

>>38346556
I lurk, but have nothing relevant to talk about so I don't post.

>>38346810

Lots of lurkers. Same comment as before, don't hesitate to post if only to say you're lurkin'.

Appreciated.

>>38346765
I can't remember having an interesting conversation with my father ever, my grandmother isn't so controlling/possessive but is overly caring towards me and as such I'd assume that's how she dealt with him. Stuff like asking if I want food despite declining previously. As for the picture, I didn't notice anything that particularly speaks to me

>>38346893
>Stuff like asking if I want food despite declining previously.

I hope you realise this is the opposite of caring. Caring is when you actually care what people say, enough to remember. It sounds a lot like my own grandmother, and father, to whom words that come out of your mouth have a life expectancy of about 3 seconds.

I thought maybe familiar objects and settings were comparable to needing familiarity to feel safe.

I'll assume your parents don't have many friends. Right?

>>38346956
They have friends but my mother hardly goes out and meets her friends. The thing about familiar objects would be correct but it isn't about remembering another person's love or whatever. Also seperate note I always used to play games (video, board, imagination) by myself because no-one really wanted to play with me. My parents divorced when I was a kid and there is some bitchy tension there mainly from my mum's side. I have an older sister

>>38347060

Does your sister have comparable issues?

I have two younger brothers. They're both fucked.

>>38347077
No, she seems fine. She's a complete bitch which stems from her being my mother's 'carer' and believing anything I did would in the end be bad for my mother. I began to hate my mother because of it. I thought I was normal but typing this out, this isn't that normal is it?

>>38347140
>No, she seems fine. She's a complete bitch

See that? She isn't fine, or she'd not be a complete bitch. No one is born a bitch. Her way of handling your odd education is different from yours, I'd imagine.

>>38347140
>her being my mother's 'carer' and believing anything I did would in the end be bad for my mother

Probably what your mother herself would think, right?

>I began to hate my mother because of it.

This only makes sense if indeed your mother somehow leads your sister to think badly of you.

And no, that's not normal. Something is up.

>>38346388
Ah so. Not sure of the number. Aside from myself, it must be 3 'main' ones, 2 or 3 others not including ones I haven't heard from in ages. So yeah your guess was about right.

>>38347181
I don't think so, but I don't know. I just wanna leave it, what ever the fuck this is. It's fucked me over for so long. I've been suicidal since I can remember. I don't wanna be me anymore. Fuck this, cheers Nick but this ain't for me, i'm gonna go to sleep.

>>38346485
Thanks for the update meta, hope you feel better soon.

>>38347274

Take your time. But have no doubt that the way you were raised is what caused your current condition and difficulties. Come back whenever you are ready.

Here's a test!

http://www.elometer.net/

I got 1318.

>>38346556
I mostly lurk now simply because I've gotten too busy with work and preparing that quest, and switching names back and forth is too big a pain in the ass. Plus side, my depression is mostly gone even though I have no free time anymore.

>>38347741

Hardcore role playing.

>>38347865
Haha yes, being two people is too much work.

>>38347655
>http://www.elometer.net/
I'm about 18 through, dunno if I have the patience for this.

>>38348106

No need for patience, just play as if it was an ongoing game. You're not supposed to checkmate in one. I never did.

>>38348119
What takes patience is taking in the board, assessing all the threats and what each individual piece could do about it. Time consuming. I'm not much of a player.

>>38348153

Just do lil' by lil'.

>>38348119
It does take patience though. Every single page has a brand new situation that needs to be assessed entirely from the top to the bottom and there's 76 of them. In an ordinary game you'd only build a single view of the situation, that you elaborate on as the game goes on.

>>38348280

Some have less than 6 pieces.

>>38348299
Yes, some.

Half way through now.

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I don't play chess. Have played maybe 5 games as a kid.
>Based on your move choices, our estimate of your Elo rating is 1493, with a 95% confidence interval of [1334...1651].
Is this good or bad?

Hey everyone! Just popping in to say hi.

How can I accept that there is somethings I can never have? and how to stop feeling guilty about not trying hard enough to get those things?

1219. I'm extremely bad it seems. But then I got bored after about 10. It's not really for me. I have a headache now. Fuck chess. Chessfags should try shogi though.

http://japanesechess.org/shogi2014/

>>38347655
This takes forever. On 31/76 now.

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>>38349528
>>38347655
Well I finished. I've played less than 30 games of chess in my life, Dad taught me to play waaaay back.

I hate being bad at things. Even things I don't care about or enjoy.

>>38348815

That's genius. I'm 1318 and I've played for years.

>>38348955
>How can I accept that there is somethings I can never have?

You focus on what you have and what you can have. Besides, there aren't that many things you're certain that you can't have.

Remember, where there is no solution, there is no problem either.

>>38349073

It's not bad at all. Intermediate player.

>>38349893

Not bad either!

>>38350006

You need to chill. Games don't reveal secrets about your worth as a person. Chess is very much a learned and practiced set of skills.

>>38350068
>Games don't reveal secrets about your worth as a person
No surprise that that's exactly how I was taking it.

>>38350089

I used to think chess was pure intelligence. Then I realised you could learn tricks and tactics and strategies. The fun is in improving. Chess is just how good or bad I am at chess, nothing else.

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>>38350032
Me am smart then, I guess. Now if I only did something else than rot in front of my computer.

>>38350132
Mahjong is more my speed. I like games that are part luck, part skill rather than one or the other.

>>38350154

Too smart. That actually pissed me off. But that's OK, I'm not very good at chess. I have to do something right now but I'd like to play against you.

Are you down?

>>38350170

Last year, I played mah jong with my parents. Their narrow rules. It's the last game we ever played. I just liked touching those tiles in the summer evenings.

>>38350209
>narrow rules
Did they play a reduced set of hands or something? But yes, the tiles are very nice in the hand. Feels good to snap them down as well.

>>38350248

The game seemed shit, so I'm pretty sure that's not how it's played. The way they play, you have no reason to get complicated combos, just whoever gets a whateveryoucallit wins.

It's like bingo. They made menus with the various hands you could get. I imagined ways to improve the way they played, and maybe what I imagined is actually part of the real game. I don't know, it seemed fucked. You couldn't go back once you chose certain things, etc.

>>38350294
Sounds like they were playing badly. Specifically, sounds like they weren't using sticks/ betting. You start out with 25000 points apiece. So 100000 at the table. It would be a somewhat sound tactic to go for shit hands and come out 1000 ahead. So say, I hit you each turn for a riichi only. After a couple of games I'd be on 27000 and you'd be on 23000. If I could sustain that lead for 4 rounds then yes, I'd have won and that would be that. But imagine I went for the same and in the third game you hit me with a mangan - a respectable hand but nothing stellar. Things would chang iirc to your lead of 31000 to 19000. Now, let's say you went for something really impressive such as a yakuman. You could more or less wipe me out in one round. So yes, low scoring safe plays are one way to do it but it's far better to go for something that isn't trash.

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>>38350209
>Too smart. That actually pissed me off. But that's OK, I'm not very good at chess.
Neither am I. I just could read the possible moves slightly, probably due to military and shitloads of RTS/Milsim.
> I have to do something right now but I'd like to play against you.
>Are you down?
Some other day, probably. It's late, I'm drunk and getting drunker. If I'm still up to something that sociable when sober, I'll call you out in the thread.
Fine by you?

>>38350395

We used sticks to show victories. You won once, you got a stick.

>>38350419

Fine by me! Fine by me. (That wasn't original enough.)

>>38350442
That isn't how the game works. There are points and some hands are worth more sticks, by a large margin. Low ball plays speak of someone who's frightened to lose, rather than someone who's going all out for a big win. And remember, if you were playing for money a person who went for a cheap win and came out by a nose might add a fifth to the money they paid to get in. A player who cleans up could expect to double, even triple their money. That's ignoring minus sticks if you hit someone hard enough. They could buy in for 25 bong and end up owing 60.

>>38350504

I must admit that game has too many fucking rules. What the fuck... I guess it takes a month just to know the hands that you can make, and why so many goddam exceptions? And why the need to fucking change winds every turn, why does it matter? And what of that ritual at the beginning? It makes no fucking sense (then again, that's how my parents played it). And they also wanted each wall to touch another wall at the corner. It was autistic.

LO and I were going to buy a set, a nice one. I like those tiles. Now I have nobody to play anything with. Thanks Obama.

>>38350590
Ritual, I have no idea what you mean. The walls need to touch because it bears relation to where you draw from. You change winds because everyone has a turn at being the dealer. The significance of that is that you, as the dealer, can score double points for using your seat wind in a hand. But yes there are a great many hands. That's the fun of it though: picking what you're going to go for. A trash hand is easy, but an ambitious one takes planning. Not to mention, you have to be willing to change it up at a moment's notice if it isn't panning out.

>>38350650
>Ritual, I have no idea what you mean.

The flower bullshit.

>>38350650
>The significance of that is that you, as the dealer, can score double points for using your seat wind in a hand

News to me.

It seemed very much based on luck. Go for an ambitious hand, and midway you're fucked because you already know you can't complete it. Wat do.

>>38350679
Ok, to use an example: Let's say you're going for 13 Orphans (the highest scoring hand). So you need one of each wind, dragon and 1 and 9. The game draws on and it's not happening. Mummy and Daddy have both thrown out all the winds meaning it's impossible for you to claim that hand. You have nines of one suit, you have 3 winds x 2. You throw out your other terminals and go for terminals and honours i.e. pungs (triples) of the various winds etc. Do that and you'd get: Terminals and honours, All pungs, possibly your seat wind, dragons, so you end up with 4 anyway. Throw in a riichi (a bet thrown in when you're a tile away) and that's 4-5 fan. A mangan. So yes, you might not be on a murderous 12 fan but you're still looking at a very respectable win.

On top of that there's reading your opponent's discards. You can make a good guess at what they're going for and thus avoid being hit and potentially deprive them of the tiles they need to win. There's definitely luck involved but with skill, you can sabotage the others and make an educated guess at what other tiles are left to come out.

As for the flowers, you must have been playing Chinese rules. There are even more hands in that, plus no Riichi rule.

>>38350780
>13 Orphans

The rival band of 21 Pilots? I'm down.

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>>38350780

Do you know all this because of your Chinese cartoons? This seems awfully complex. Chess is a deep game but with simple rules. It doesn't fuck around and rare rules are very few. This Mah Jong stuff... I think I prefer the Windows version, now that was ace.

Hello guys. Former lurker here, im really thinking about getting a gun and killing myself. I dont want to deal with anything anymore, a couple of months ago I lost my job due a psychotic breakdown, i broke up with my fiance (8y relationship, only one i had), i have no friends, i feel so fucking lonely and hopeless. Im 31 yo, and things are going from bad to worse. i have some money and im thinking in getting a gun and shot myself. I lie to my mother about how i feel and i know my death will crush her but im just tired. I want to rest.

>>38350906
Why waste the time and money? Use a knife or ingest all of the medicine and chemicals in your house instead.

>>38350864
That game's mahjong solitaire. I'm not too keen. Anyway, it showed up as a minigame in a video game. I learned the hands there. Then Chinese cartoons gave me a deeper understanding of the game, tile reading and strategy. Then I read up on it to develop further tactics etc. I'm not sure why, but it really clicked for me.

>>38350906

All right, stay right where you are and breathe.

Explain what your psychotic breakdown was like.

Tell me why you broke up (I had a fiancee too, 7 years together, supposed to get married last December, I feel you). I also don't have many friends at all. Don't give up. I know it's hard to believe, but it's only a phase.

Stick with us for a while, stay.

>>38350938

Do you have a real set of tiles? LO and I watched a documentary on a lil' old lady who made them by hand. It was fucking impressive. She had so many tools to make every tile. The tiles were perfect. I was truly impressed. The Asian often impress me.

>>38350969
I do have a real set, though I've had occasion to use it all of once. I don't know a lot of people, much less people who either know the game or have the patience to learn. It was pretty expensive but worth the money to me.

>>38351012

You and I should be more than enough to play that game.

>>38351012
You might want to look on /jp/ or even /a/ if you're interested. There used to be threads on mahjong in the latter.

>>38351085
Cool, thanks. I might give it a whirl over there.

>>38351051
Well, it wouldn't work exactly but I'd be more than happy to teach you the fundamentals. It sucks that your parents tarnished your appreciation for it. If you can find somewhere on line, sounds good. Though obviously it'd be better in person. That said, online takes care of some of the more complex rules to do with scoring. And of course, I could recommend some cartoons if you fancied it.

>>38351129

I love games, so I'd not mind. Another Asian game I have a hard time with is Go. I liked it originally, I even bought a badass set, but I fucking suck at it. I have no idea how to improve at that bitch.

>>38351202
>>38351202
I did think about learning at one point but never got round to it. Honestly though, I'm sure as a chessfag you'd like shogi. Did you know that shogi and chess share a common ancestor in a much older Indian game?

>>38351239

You told me about it before, I remember. Yes, it clearly looks like the same game in essence.

I'll look into it at some point.

>>38351283
Do you have a Playstation by any chance? PS3 or PS4. There's a game that's the best introduction to mahjong you could want.

>>38350953
My psychotic breakdown was weird you know, the first symptom was getting delusional thoughts about a lot of stuffs, my exfiance having a second life while she was with me, thinking stuffs like, she have another bf, me being her old town bf and her living and seeing someone else, seeing patterns in word and actions, thoughts about being chased by the police, feeling they watch me trough my mind or something. I ended up in a mcdonalds beated by 5 cops, after that they took me to the psyquiatric ward of the local hospital.
I not sure why we broke up, women i guess, she told things like, "you was someone i need at one stage of my life, we need to move on, i want to go out with my female friends, i want to travel, i need to find myself, I have some much rage and pain inside of me I want to heal wounds (family, father, etc), I love more than anything in the world but i dont have the strenght to be with you now, maybe i regret in 5 years, i dont know."
I heard that before, things get better, but im just tired you know, i dont want to deal with anyone anymore. I dont want to do it.

>>38351332

I do actually have LO's brother's PS3. I played some Star Wars game on it, the one with an interesting story with Vader's apprentice.

>>38351389
Well if you have time for such things you could pick up Yakuza 4 dirt cheap. You'd miss only a little context since it has a full cast of new characters. Probably my favourite game of all time.

>>38351379

Have you seen a psychiatrist about it?

Have you ever been in therapy?

>>38351500
Yes. I was diagnosed with brief psychotic disorder due stressful evenst, i was taking risperidone and valprote for 3 months, the side effect was awful (feeling like a zombie, no erections, sleeping like 18 hours a day). Im seeing a psychologist once a week, cool dude I learned a lot from him.
I have a past of sexual abuse too, i was sexually abused when i was 5 by some gay guy (friend of the family) who "take care of me" when my mother work, and when i was 7 again by my sister. I was always a quiet person, I never complain about anything, I never tell anyone how I feel beside my exfiance, for a long time she was the only who knew about that.

>>38351673

Considering your past, medication may not be the best solution, and may only make things worse.

What was the stressful event of your psychotic breakdown?

Have you ever harmed yourself on purpose, to feel better?

Is this really what I am? Someone who spends their time complaining about non-issues to strangers on the internet and the rest of their time trying to forget?

How exactly does the chess thingy rating work? I got 1486 but I picked the last 30 games at random because I got bored of it.

>>38351785

No, it's not. You're not complaining, and your issues are real issues. And I'm no stranger.

Trying to forget may be the only real thing, but I doubt you actually manage to forget.

>>38351711
Telling my mother about the sexual abuse (she didnt believe me), i cried like a child and she didnt believe me
I had a nice part time job i guess, but i was so unhappy in there.
I had plans to go to live with my exfiance, making a family and things like that, so the break up ruins everything.
I never do that.

>>38351834
>I got 1486 but I picked the last 30 games at random because I got bored of it.

You get a better score than me by being random? What the fuck is this shit...

it's the Elo thingy, from Mister Elo, it's used in video games too. It's complicated mathematics.

Basically, if you beat someone better than you, you get more points than if you beat someone lower than you, etc.

>>38351888
>Telling my mother about the sexual abuse (she didnt believe me), i cried like a child and she didnt believe me

That is traumatic, but don't blame yourself. I'm not your mother and I believe you. Keep in mind she may be in denial more than just not believing you. Maybe she believes you but doesn't want to face facts.

All my plans died too. Family, kids, etc. All gone. But don't give up! OK?

>>38351894
>You get a better score than me by being random? What the fuck is this shit...
Well only about half of my answers were random. I'll probably try doing it all tomorrow.

It was strange, in some situations I just saw the solution where I knew I can win, in some I was just trying to choose the best situation without checkmate and in some it seemed I could only choose turns that would buy me some time.

>>38351953

I want to fight you at chess. I'm pretty sure you're a superior player. I'm not very good but I lose with grace and I'm stubborn as fuck.

I'm almost done with my task.

>>38351988
Well I only play chess when I'm for example at a vacation and there is nothing to do, so I pretty much only remember the moves.

But yeah, we should play sometimes.

Anyways, good night everyone.

>>38351923
Thanks Nick.
I think that too about my mother, I dont blame her tho, she was also really shitty when i was a child, but our relationship got better in these months.
Sometimes I miss my exfiance so damn much, her face, her hair, talking to her, tell her jokes, her hugs, everything, and i feel so empty and sad. Like a void in my life. And since 2 weeks ago im crying every night before sleep.

>>38352056

Nighty! Nighty night.

>>38351876
>your issues are real issues
I appreciate that you listen, but looking around I may as well just be a normie. I was never abused, neglected, or even bullied. I just feel like an ungrateful rich kid complaining because they don't have the newest IPhone.

>And I'm no stranger.
Thank you for saying this, and while this may be true I also post a lot outside these threads overnight. Hell, I even go the extra mile and rephrase and omit bits and pieces to try and ensure people won't recognize me as Charlie.

>I doubt you actually manage to forget
I can't seem to anymore lately, and it seems I'm remembering more things I would rather not.

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>>38352087

I understand. I understand only too well. : (

It's time to post sad frogs. I don't have any sad frogs to post.

>>38352127
>waking up nice and flowery
I'm jealous.

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>>38352127
>waking up with a smile
I can't say I've ever done that before. Also have a sad frog for future posting.

>>38352122
>but looking around I may as well just be a normie.

That's the secret that will kill /r9k/. Everyone is a normie. Chad doesn't real, Stacy doesn't real. Robots don't real either.

>I was never abused, neglected, or even bullied. I just feel like an ungrateful rich kid complaining because they don't have the newest IPhone.

That remains to be seen. Some types of abuse are more vicious and less obvious, and have worse consequences than straight molestation. I've seen it with my own eyes.

>>38352201

Awww... that Pepe is adorbs. I hated nu Pepe, but I dig this one. Whatever they call it.

>inferiority complex
>constantly insecure at work because I feel like all my coworkers are better at the job than me

Can anybody relate?

>>38352239
>Everyone is a normie
Yeah none of the memes are real, but I hope my point still made it across.
>That remains to be seen
My family are good people. I was fairly well liked throughout school as well. If I could I would love to say that the problem wasn't me, but I just don't see it.

>>38352327

Yes.

Prediction: you'll agree that, while growing up, you were only valued on things you did and not who you were, that your parents probably don't really know who you are as a person and aren't very good at finding cool Christmas gifts for you without asking you want you want; you probably also say "I'm sorry" a lot and constantly seek to make sure that you don't offend or bother people; you'll try to help others in ways that you don't expect others to help you with.

So far so good?

>>38352327
Yeah, I think I know this feel. I was in college and I felt the same way about my peers to the point where I didn't think I truly belonged there. Now looking for a job I can't help but belittle my skills while looking at job requirements and duties.

>>38352343
>If I could I would love to say that the problem wasn't me, but I just don't see it.

Make a bullet list of symptoms you have. Rest assured that such things don't happen from nothing, even if they seem to, which was my case, before I found out.

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>>38352127
My mother tell me things like "There are plenty of other women, she will regret it, youre still young and handsome you will find another woman you only need to wait" and things like that.
But I dont want to deal with relationship crap anymore, you know, one of the things my ex told me was something like this (not in english so my translation could be crap).
"I feel like I will end up next to you, haha, i dont know, like having 35 years and marrying and having children with you"
"I honestly feel that if we the both of us make the right things, grow up, learn and all that. we could have a beautiful future together, but not like this, more evolved"
And those words haunts me.

>>38352595

This could mean she'll come back. It almost sounds like she wants to be "free" for some time and then come back to you. Not necessarily a good thing, I think.

Nevertheless, you should do the same and be free. Focus on other things, not necessarily women, but things that you can be immersed in. I play a lot of chess lately, now that I can. Before, I was too depressed and stressed out to do anything fun. Watch movies, read, talk to anons, keep busy! Work out, even.

Your mother is right.

Right now, give yourself time, don't worry, relax, breathe, and let everything go.

Is the Facman around here?

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Hey Nick. I realize I am a bit late to the thread, but I think I express dismissive-avoidant attachment behavior and would like some advice on how to get over it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults

>>38352746

That interests me. I have a hard time relating to that type.

What keeps you from relationships, or involvement? I'm familiar with attachment theory, but I'll need to hear it from you. Describe some relationships or lack thereof, or anything.

>>38352458
I'm sure I've gone over these before, but here it goes.
>depressed
>high anxiety
>a splash of paranoia
>frequently tired
>everything feels futile
>feeling that I'm not good enough
>some degree of perfectionism
>intimacy issues
>keep people away regardless of how much I want to reach out
>bottle up as much as I can
>don't feel as if I can trust anyone
>feel as if I should have done much more by now
>feel like I've a disappointed or failed everyone I know
>don't really know much about myself
>>38352444
>while growing up, you were only valued on things you did and not who you were
I don't quite know what this means, but I actually agree with most of the rest.

>>38352727
I'm still here, sure. What's up?

>>38352818
>I don't quite know what this means, but I actually agree with most of the rest.

For instance, your parents would be proud of good grades, but fail to see the beauties of your personality. They'd not compliment you on your generosity or kindness towards others, for instance, mostly because they don't see that, whereas good grades are more obvious.

>>38352712
Thanks again Nick.
I think that too, and make me feel like a backup plan or something, shes 24, 35 yo her means 11 years in the future.
You know, i feel like a beta for this, but thinking about her having sex with other men tear me apart too, and i know i cant do anything about that, and its problably happening.
I was really fit back then, but the medication makes me gain a lot of weight and the intravenous drip fucks up my left bicep, im still going to the gym tho.
Im thinking about buying a electric guitar (that or getting a gun), I would like to play cool heavy metal solos.

>>38352838

Want to play chesss?

>>38352894
I'm afraid I'm in my cool down period, i.e. nothing that is engaging. Just watching shitty TV.

>>38352892
>You know, i feel like a beta for this, but thinking about her having sex with other men tear me apart too, and i know i cant do anything about that, and its problably happening.

That's not beta, man, that's alpha. Alphas don't share, because it makes them feel bad. Don't worry about that beta/alpha crap, it's not real, but your reaction is normal.

In time, you will detach from her, slowly, but it will happen.

The guitar is a great idea! When I was 17, it was the first project I started for myself, from my own idea. It was my first success. Do it!

>>38352918

No prob. I'm eating pizza at 1 am. Am I becoming American? Can I get a visa for that?

>>38352444
Pretty much, although I would only say I'm sorry if somebody outwardly acted offended or bothered. I like my job a lot and it's the only thing I really love doing, but the insecurity just kills me. And I would never expect other people to help me with anything, since I'm too focused on my own performance to think about if anybody else should be doing something. It sucks knowing that the problem is with me and not with my job, so these issues would follow me no matter what job I tried to do.

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>>38352981
Only if you applaud the pizza before and after you eat it, and if you cooked it you must tip yourself generously.

>>38353007

Give me concrete examples of things that happen at work.

>>38353027

That's some heavy clapping... Maybe those fat hands, I suppose.

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>>38352780
Well I guess to start I've never been romantically involved. For the longest time I had a sort-of internal conflict going on where I desired a partner but I hated the idea of being controlled by my emotions. I felt (and still feel) like my emotions are just a flaw in my emotional armour that could be exploited if I didn't safeguard myself. After a while I started to develop the habit of repeating "I don't want a relationship" over and over in my head (I still do this sometimes). I on a cognitive level strongly do not want a relationship, yet on an emotional level I do. This is compounded by the fact that I am not very attractive and I don't think I could even get into a relationship if I wanted to.

>>38353030
What do you mean? Like what types of things?

>>38352884
Oh. I think they valued and appreciated my personality, or at least what I had before I started avoiding myself.

>>38353075

The fact that you repeat this to yourself means you're trying to convince yourself, which means you want a relationship, and you should, it's normal. Humans are made to go in pairs.

Don't worry about being attractive or not. Women don't care too much about it. I've seen the ugliest motherfuckers end up with the nicest women. You don't have to be perfect, you only have to have something to offer.

Take a name!

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Hey Atlas! Do you have a favourite food or do you lose track as you shovel it in? Burgers, pizzas, milkshakes, ice creams, small dogs, it's all the same to you right?

>>38353123

Problematic things, or situations you don't like. Your insecurity and such.

>>38353175

Atlas' favourite food is carebears, kisses, hugs, and smiles.

>>38352933
I will.
You know, I dont hate her, and i wish for her happiness. My psychologist told me "You cant know the future, you dont have a magic crystal ball, being uncertain of the future is a part of living"
Maybe someday day she'll come back to me, i dont know, maybe she wont but for now she's gone and thats what i have to deal with.

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>>38353196
Jesus, he even eats stuffed animals now? That's a pretty serious eating disorder. Anyway, I've got my daily shitpost in even if it falls on deaf ears. At some point I'm going to go back through the threads and note down all of my insults. There again, I'm probably too lazy.

Hasta manana

>>38353203

Maybe you'll find a better woman. Expect it!

>>38353246

Good night, dearr.

Time to sleep for me as well. Night!

>>38345791
I don't feel anything anymore. My thoughts are nothing but spiraling panic, rage, the mild impotent destruction of mixed-mania but there's no physical component this time; no compulsion.
I had a spirited internal debate over using a piss bottle this morning, the crux of the disagreement being the diminishing effort needed to get to the bathroom once I've already sat up. Ultimately, I've been sitting here uncomfortably for an hour instead.
An endgame of sorts would be nice given how ridiculous this whole thing has gotten, but I don't even have one creative or satisfying thing that I can think of to do with my life; regardless of constraints.
I'm not going to pretend that I'm actively ready to kill myself, because I keep that option open to myself at all times, and don't utilize it. Myth busted. Just the same, I really have no desire to do anything but wither.
I'm spent, done; and there isn't anyone in the world that I can tell, either because they wouldn't care, or would make it worse; except for this thread.
Even drugs aren't working today, none of the normal oblivion makers. The thought of my body and brain cooperating to exercise is laughable. I don't orgasm with ejaculation, even if I had the energy to piss, much less cum; also, I find both my hand and women irredeemable. The thought of eating makes me sick, so comfort gluttony is out, I'm in that special spot where I'm ready to break, but I know that any weird escapade that I take as a flight right now will end in really awful consequences, ruining the rush before it even starts.
Where do you go from here, besides the outstandingly obvious an hero? I can't even cope with the most basic of IRL cheat codes anymore and there's definitely nothing substantive going on.
Fortunately my housemate will be back and can take care of my dog, because he's just watching me spaz in bed/make insanely right feeling noises, and he looks really worried and it probably fucks him up.
Why does anyone love anything?

>>38353397
Oh, I didn't see the thread was ending when I wrote all that.
I think I'll just take some more sedatives and this will probably run its usual course.
Rain check?

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>>38353174
I hope this name is okay.

I don't think my problem is that simple though. I strongly desire not to care about it, even though I know I should. I don't really trust others either and seem incapable at keeping anyone closer than arms length. The reason why I wanted to start talking is because this behavior has caused me to lose the will to be sociable. I probably speak less than 100 words a day. I don't know how to change or even if the world will let me change.

>>38353174
I work at a daycare center with school age kids, before and after school (5 hours a day) but right now I'm full time since the kids aren't in school for the summer. I'm studying elementary education and want to teach 2nd or 3rd grade when I graduate. I first worked at summer camp when I was 12 and I've known I wanted to work with children ever since then. I've never had a job that wasn't in childcare. I'm a KV who's never been in a relationship and I don't really have any friends, so I don't have much of a personal life and my job is pretty much the only thing I have.

One big thing is that the kids don't really listen to me and don't seem to respect me as much as the other teachers. If I talk to them nicely they ignore me. If I raise my voice they still ignore me. It's really frustrating and I don't know what to do about it. Today while the lead teacher was putting on a kids' sunscreen (since they're not allowed to it themselves for some reason) and I was supervising the kids on the carpet, he asked me to switch out and do the sunscreen because I guess he thought he could handle the kids better than I could. Even though I'm legally allowed to be alone with the children, he seems to take every possible opportunity to avoid having me alone with a group to the point where I have to question if the director told him not to let me be alone if he could help it. The only time I've gotten to be alone was when the autistic kid started having a meltdown, and I had to take the rest of the kids to another room so he wouldn't try to hurt them. Sometimes they've asked me to move to another classroom so that a more experienced teacher could come in and I wouldn't be left alone with just another college student. They didn't really explain the reasoning to me, but it kind of seemed like a vote of no confidence in me that they didn't trust me to be the lead teacher in a classroom.

>>38353464
It really doesn't help my self confidence that the directors don't seem to have any confidence in me, and it really doesn't help that they won't be forthright and admit they don't trust me. It sucks because I don't have any skills and I'm not passionate about anything other than working with children, so I can't really see myself in another career. Plus, like I said before, these issues would follow me anyway no matter what I did.

>>38353180
I originally meant to reply to this

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>>38353425
Not Nick, but even though I don't have an answer, I just wanted to let you know I understand.

>>38353389
Good night Nick. Thanks!

>>38353518
Thanks. I know intellectually, usually, that it's not just me. Still, when you only look at/experience the vaguest shadows of life, that's can be a very abstract distinction.
>dismissive-avoidant attachment behavior
>I hated the idea of being controlled by my emotions. I felt (and still feel) like my emotions are just a flaw in my emotional armour that could be exploited if I didn't safeguard myself. After a while I started to develop the habit of repeating "I don't want a relationship" over and over in my head (I still do this sometimes).

Check. Check. Even being aware of some of the reasons for my *pretty apparently* maladaptive behavior doesn't help at all though. Is there really a "getting over it." You can try to compartmentalize the thoughts, brainwash yourself or shut it down with pills like I've been doing but I don't think your fundamental world-filter is going to shift.
I don't know, I didn't really mean to spout my nonsense so much as to say that I know at least some of where you're coming from too.
Just because it isn't useful to think like this, doesn't mean the premises are wrong.

I wish I could help you all, but I'm not even close to as good as the other regular posters.

>>38353439
>I hope this name is okay.
I don't think anyone else has taken it, so you should be good to go.

>>38345791
Found out a few years back that I'm related to Hitler. Apparently my great grandmother was something closer to a cousin but at the same time not that close to him. So obviously not directly as he didn't have children but still there. I don't feel much about it, aside from the whole "what a small world it is" feeling, as I had nothing to do with him, so why should I feel guilty? At the same time it's weird, and I pretty much told no one about it for obvious reasons. I know it's not a psychological or whatever thing, just feels nice to be able to say it.

>>38353932
You shouldn't feel guilty. Even if you were a direct descendant of Hitler you shouldn't feel guilty. None of what happened was your fault, so there is no reason to feel guilty over it. That being said, I still wouldn't go around telling everyone as I can imagine some people would easily get triggered about it.

>>38354143
Oh I don't feel guilty about it, if anything just a little weirded out. I never really believed in the sins of the fathers. But this is definitely one secret I'll have to keep with me, I'd imagine not too many would react well knowing the current climate of things.

>>38354332
Oh alight. I think I just misinterpreted something. I agree, that is something I would keep to myself as well.

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>>38354466
>tfw I was doing so good with keeping my name up today

>>38354512
You'll get em next time champ. This is also original for those who didn't know, like a certain bot for example.