Tell me about that time you were caught masturbating. Greentext it.

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>>38342857
>Be me uni retard
>hired a old woman to clean the apartment
>while she is cleaning, I've found a very good hentai and decided to fap

>Hola senor pod....
>Closes the door

That's it.

>>38342857
>playing GTA SA
>go to the strip bar
>whip out my 10yo dick and fap
>mom walks in "what are you doing?"
all blank from there

Haven't been caught since, trauma teaches well.

>>38342857
hahahahahAHHAHAHHAH you just had to post that photo didn't you

>>38342857
Whoah. Who is that thicc beautiful woman? Reverse image search is not helping.

I have genuinely in my 28 years never been caught masturbating, pretty close calls occasionally. I don't think,I could take the shame.

>>38342857
>working security
>in a shack in the middle of nowhere
>supervisor comes and checks on me once or twice a night
>usually just play video games for the whole night, turn away cars
>decide to rub one out
>jerking it, nowhere close to cumming
>have pants unzipped but not pulled down
>see something in the window
>quickly pull pants up, shove dick away
>no time to button up or put belt on
>door opens
>supervisor walks in "hey how's it going? here's some uh, some coffee I... uh.. I brought you"
>"th-thanks" don't want to stand up because pants are still unzipped
>passes coffee over
>stare at eachother awkwardly for a couple seconds
>"alright well I gotta go check up on jeff he was saying something on the radio"
>he usually stays for 20-30 minutes and we shoot the shit
>"o-ok cya later thanks for the coffee"
>he leaves and I look down to see my dick hanging out of my pants
>we never speak of it again
used him as a reference to get my current job so at least nothing bad happened. He was actually gay and would always subtly hit on me so i guess it could have been worse. never jerked off at work since that though.

>>38342959
Some fatty from twitter some Anon was trying to bang.

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>be 14
>masturbating with a Ken doll on my bed
>creepy older brother walks in
>Ken is swimming waist deep in vagoo
>brother doesn't even leave, just sits there staring
>yell at him to leave, but in the commotion Ken's head breaks off in vagoo
>try to fish it out but can't
>need to go to ER

Life is truly suffering

>>38342916
>>38342938
Why would one fap when other people are home?

>>38342951
>>38342959
Only true robots understand this pic

>>38343047
Thanks anon, it was a nice read, but you are retarded.

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>>38343140
>it was a nice read, but you are retarded.
thanks but im a recovering retard

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>>38342857

> be me
> 12?13? cant rmb
> fapping it to world of warcraft porn
> i think it was draenei or some shit
> dad barges into room
> fuck
> 'm-my friend sent me a virus'
> 'i don't know how to get rid of it!'
> bought it
> that was close
> goddam ellowas

>helping dad scan old pictures into computer
>come across one of my mother fro a vacation about 20 years ago
>bikini, on the beach, tanned, legs slightly apart
>I know I shouldn't be turned on but I am
>few days later want to jerk off
>pull up picture of my mother
>start jerking off
>those tits, that flat stomach, those thighs, that smile
>my father walks in, sees my cock in my hand and a picture of my mother on the screen
>turns 360 degrees and walks out
>later tells me jerking off is OK, but jerking off to my own mother is not

>>38343103
>woman
GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW REEEEEEEEEEE FUCKING ROASTIES NOT WELCOME

>>38342857
>at home from uni in the summer
>middle of night
>jerking off
>dad drunkenly stumbles into room
>sorry thought this was the bathroom
>walks out
Pretty sure he didn't even know I was jacking it, he was wasted enough to be slurring and he walk into the wrong room

>be 14 or so
>jerking it to some porn on my laptop
>2am, parents always hated me staying up late
>headphones on
>squeaky chair
>dad opens door, dick in hand
>"turn that shit off, this is getting ridiculous!"
>closes door
>close laptop and go to bed

>>38342857
>Summer before 7th grade
>Cousins come to visit and we have a ball, going to movies, going go karting, cook outs, etc.
>they stayed at our home for like 3 weeks.
>Dad works year around and mom teaches kids at a catholic summer day care
>cousins leave and I'm all alone
>play Xbox 360 all day, ghost recon and perfect dark
>There was this sexy Asian in perfect dark, would always get me hot
>some dude online mentions porn
>look it up for the first time
>google it and watch some videos
>penis swells, was scared and that something bad happened to my penis
>start googling lesbian porn and all the good stuff
>would manually delete what I type in google by just pressing the X button next to the search in the google search bar
>Dad goes to Google and for some reason types a couple letters of what I searched, something I forgot to delete shows up
>Tells my mom and they start asking who searches that
>Say it wasn't me and that it was my cousins
>They start calling my cousin(girl) - pervert
>They start grilling me and asking if I did it, yelling at me
>Asking me where I heard these words before
>Both of them yelling at me and making me cry

Fuck them btw

>Mom takes me to her job everyday of the summer
>Couple days after it's thundering outside and my mom says
>"God is mad at you for what you did"

>>38343206
He's only mad because he can never jerk to that photo again.
You ruined it.

>>38343403

>7th grade
>xbox 360

Something is not right here...

>>38343500
The Xbox 360 came out in 2005...

>>38343500
>>38343555
He's right, the kids that had the 360 in 7th/8th grade are 20/21 this year.

>>38343589
>22
>been here since I was 11
>4chan practically raised me
I should probably just end it

Never caught but
>be 12
>just learned the word porn
>on the family computer
>think "i love cartoons and now i love porn lets add the two together"
>google comes up with disneypornland
>spend next hour chopping that wood
>wipe up but forget to clear history
>later on mom calls me to the room screaming, calling me a pervert
>next day i over hear her on the phone with someone telling them i was jacking off to mickey fucking minnie.

>>38344118
>>think "i love cartoons and now i love porn lets add the two together"
My sides

>>38343282
>>dad opens door, dick in hand
Did you disturb his masturbating?

>>38343475
he's probably still fucking the real thing (my mother aged pretty nicely).

>>38344118
>>next day i over hear her on the phone with someone telling them i was jacking off to mickey fucking minnie.
at least it wasn't to mickey fucking another mickey

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>>38344154

or donald duck over--MODS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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>>38342857
>tell parents i'm gonna go study in my room
>go and start jacking off
>keep jacking it straight for half an hour
>finally cumming
>older sister walks in
>she freaks out and goes crazy "omg omg omg"
>runs to the bathroom and literally vomits in the sink
>i freak out and am apologising and shouting at her for not knocking at the same time
>she literally does not even speak to me or look me in the eye for a full week
>eventually things gradually go back to normal like nothing happened and we just never talk about it
>tfw this was 4 years ago and it's literally never been mentioned by anybody since

>be me
>fapping furiously
>hear mom come home
>finish, clean up

Only idiots get caught

>>38342857
>Jerg Benis
>Mamma comes in
>''Mamma pls leave''
>''Oh sorry didnt kno u were jerging off, ok I leave :-D''
>Fin

>>38343195
Sorry to say this but he didn't buy it.

>be 15
>morning shower
>do the do in the shower as usual
>dat showerhead
>older sister decides it's a good time to just barge
>shock, scream, slip, land on my butt
>sister is laughing her ass off

>>38344648
Why was that her reaction? What Puritan shithole are you from.

Closer i ever got was like 8-9 years ago when my sister ran in my room in the middle of the night for no reason. Covered it fast enough but i'm pretty sure she knew what was going on since all she said was "oh okay" then walked out and closed the door again.

>>38343403
Your mom sounds like a retarded psycho and your dad is the typical bible thumping tyrant. I hope you don't talk to either one anymore, what sick fuck would forbid their kid to explore all the new teritory that puberty brings with it?

>>38344648
>>runs to the bathroom and literally vomits in the sink

this unironically made me topzozzling thinking how you are absurdsly disgustful to woman's eyes