/cripplingdepression/ general

I'm here. Like always. Contemplating suicide methods for when I off myself next year.

>>38336617
why next year? Any reason in specific?

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>you will never rise above

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>>38336557
Caffeine abuse surely brings the edge down.

Popping 500mg every morning even makes me want to life at peaks. If only I didn't develop tolerance...

>>38336635
what is there above? like, personal growth or something?

>>38336654
caffene gives me panic attacks like crazy so i dont do it

I still have energy for work somehow but I'm doing a shit job. Couple friends I have are starting to get tired of me. One only keeps me around because I'm the only who listens to her complain about her boyfriend, the rest have moved on. It seems insurance is about to decide that me potentially having better mental health isn't profitable either.

im tired too

anyone else feel like dying half the time and then feel really good the other part of the day without any changes to make it happen and think about suicide alot but too afraid to do it?

I see people say rifles and shotguns are instant death here if aimed right but what inyou just aimed up and back in the mouth or even on the center forehead? like would it be like turning off the lights or if when people come towards the sounds would it be likely you would survive but eat through a tube. thats a terrible thought

wouldnt do it though for some reason its just a nice thought that "hey there are ways that are instant i guess"

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Doing good, stay strong skelly jelly.

>>38336674
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHR-rzUjCzU

>>38336632
I'll be 35, with no girlfriend or any friends since I was a child. Anxiety keeps getting worse, depression keeps getting worse, bills and debt piling up, can't get ahead in my job.
I realized over the years that I don't actually have anyone that loves me and that life is literally pointless.

So 35 seems to be a good age to do it at.

do any of you believe in a god or afterlife? i just want to hear some of your reasons not in an argue way. i dont see how there could be but at the same time i dont see how i can be and think and stuff

>>38336675
what job is it stressful

was it hard to get?

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my mother made shitty baked potatoes and now i feel like puking.

fucking missed you skelly, I feel like shit as usual. Finally got a job at Wal-Mart, it's okay I guess. I work in the morning tomorrow.

I want to get into a hobby like drawing but I'm too scared to start and don't know how to start learning

>>38336721
how is your job? was the interview scary and do they train you how to do everything? ive only had a job changing oil and stuff and would be nervous about an interview

is the job hard or stressful

>>38336557
awful, i wish i could break out so i could get on with my life but i feel trapped and am to scared and dont feel deserving of help, plus seeking help would remove my second ammendment rights wich bring me the little joy that remains. quitting drugs probably isnt helping but also thinking about existance as a 23 y/o virgin who missed chances and having zero relationship experience makes going on nearly pointless when my hobbies like playing music,hockey, and cycling bring me no joy. Existance is soley for my parrents, younger brother,and probabaly my abusive better in every way frateral twin.

>>38336675
whats your job? Why would your friends get tired of you?

>>38336676
I want to die anytime i'm idle
its not great lmao
i dont think i'll ever wind up killing myself but who knows

>>38336677
thanks i appreciate it but shits hard my dude

>>38336693
neighbors bumping black flag
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwUWTut1bh4

>>38336706
You've seen professionals i assume?

>>38336713
i wish i did
i wish i believed in a god to take me in

>>38336718
how do you fuck up baked potatos

>>38336721
its been rough for me so i havent been aroundmuch
wal mart isnt too bad, i worked there. the management was just garbage
I'd love a non computer hobby that i could do on my own but idk what to do either

>>38336763
They dont automatically take away your guns when you go to therapy. I promise you my dude. Get help

>>38336713
It's a long story and I don't have the energy and am also paranoid about saying too many details of my life so sorry.

But yes it's a stressful job. It has objective social good and justifies me being alive, but I have done nothing else since I started. I gave up my mental and physical health, friends, and any chance I ever had at losing my virginity. In a few years though real people will benefit from what I'm doing and at least I'll die knowing my life wasn't a complete waste.

>>38336795
like i said about a shotgun though wpuld it actually be instant like people on here say? it seems likenif you live around people you could end up a vegetable.

think you would be unconsious instantly or would you feel the pain

>>38336795
>They dont automatically take away your guns when you go to therapy. I promise you my dude. Get help
they really do though, atleast where i live, which is fucking lame. i really dont want to do more drugs or talk to people in person but thank you

>>38336825
i dont think death by firearms is instant because the brain does not instantly shut down and hot molten copper cased bimetal severing brain cortex's and other parts of the cns actually sounds comprable to a shit existance to me

>>38336795
See post above for all I can say about job. And because they can do better. They know said job takes precedence above everything else in my life and I guess normal people only want to deal with so many cancelled plans. I miss them but I don't have energy for them, they deserve better.

>>38336760
meh it's alright for a first job, if you ever get a call back from walmart, tell yourself you pretty much got the job. I didn't get formal training.

>>38336825
Not always my dude. Its not a guarantee. Buddy of mine works in an ER and has seen a man survive a shotugn suicide attempt, he said it scarred him for life

>>38336833
Where the honk do you live? And you're welcome, always feel free to talk here

>>38336877
Is there anyway you could switch jobs? Change to something less taxing?

>>38336905
Going to grad school to advance in the field, so this is my life plan more or less. I don't dislike it, I usually take responsibility for my choices, but some nights things catch up with me.

And I already promised myself I'll kill myself if I'm ever not doing this work. This is the only way I justify what I take from others just because I exist.

>>38336976
i said something like that, if i didnt graduate i would kill myself. but i did so i didnt. I dont know what my new out condition is
sorry if thats not really helpful. Your existence is important on its own

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>19
>poorfag
>start uni
>apply for federal loans
>give school 500 dollars for a meal plan (that was my life's savings at the time)
>have to live in the dorms because no car to drive back and forth
>was going to use loan to buy a cheapo car but the school took all of the money to pay for the dorms
>dorm life was absolute fucking trash, could go on a tirade about that alone
>for example got a knife pulled on me by some nigger
>drop out
>hole in my life ever since

its a fucking two year school and I had this much fucking trouble, I hate my life

I have two dollars in my bank account, no job, I sleep on an air mattress at my mom's apartment. she lives on disability because she got stage IV cancer.

don't take what you have for granted anons. you'll only realize you had it when its gone.

>>38337005
It's all just a big balance sheet to me. If I'm either working or shitposting with a phone made from child labor, my work better be fucking worth something.

>>38337064
i really would like to find something that brings worth to me. i'm glad im at least working now, i felt like a shit person when i wasnt working

It's like I can feel my mind fragmenting further just a tiny bit each day. I used to think the whole "I'm screaming inside my head thing" was just 2edgy5u stuff, but I get it now. It's just what happens when your mind keeps bombarding you with negative thoughts and you need to do something to drown them out. I know how to begin fixing my problems, but it's like I'm too afraid to change anything while also not giving enough of a shit to try. Just needed to vent a bit here since I've no plans to tell anyone anything any time soon.

>>38337114
i know that feeling my dude, most of my problems are self caused and like, i can fix them but im so scared and tired
hope things get better for you my dude

>>38337157
Thanks man. I don't keep up with these threads too much, but from what I've seen of them, you seem like a good guy. I hope things are going alright for ya.

>>38337209
i dont do them a whole lot due to me struggling to exist, but i try it when i can. THanks my dude