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>numerous medical problems and operations that ruined confidence around people
>parents used to mock and laugh, say I'm crazy when I showed them the doctors report saying I need surgery
>grow up with dysfunctional family, absent parents
>dad is alcoholic who is emotionally abusive to my mom, and sleeps around with prostitutes while filming it and running a fake porn company
>discover films as kid
>get fucked up by it but say nothing because mom would off herself if she knew
>fastforward 10 years, parents divorced
>grandparents of dad start making up crazy lies about me to defend my dad
>lose contact with that entire side of family
>never had relationship with mother's side
Sitting here on my birthday, never had a gf, the sum total of my gifts is a candle and a pair of socks, one friend only, only person who remembered is my mom.
I constantly feel like shit, spaced out, dysfunctional.
The question is: Is it over? Each year I think I'm going to have a turn around, and sometimes I make a little progress, but then I realise the progress I'm making is nothing compared to what I should be. I don't see how with all my problems I'll ever manage to finish college, find a gf, wife, and become a normie.
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ive seen what u can do on those computers son, your gonna grow up to be a big sucess. just you wait! The world aint gonna know what hit him!
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Who gives a fuck? Just make through college to make some money to pay for some degenerated hookers and bust a nut on their faces, maybe do coke once in a week, and carry on.
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Bruh, I feel you. I've gone through similar things in life and I've dug a pretty big hole for myself that sometimes seems impossible to climb out of. Nowadays, it's really hard for me to envision a happy future and I've been having suicidal thoughts.
The one thing that I would recommend is to just get moving. Set some goals for yourself, and work on them everyday.
A lot of people in our situation just want to sit around and over analyze our minds and do tons of introspection. Well, some introspection is fine. But introspection without action is not only useless, but I think it makes things worse. Just gets you too lost in your head.
Get moving. Find out what you need to do to improve your life. Create a plan for how you're going to do it, and work towards it like your life depends on it.
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>>38289871
Thanks for the sound advice. I might have to seriously work on a plan, write it down, and stick to it, rather than keeping vague plans inside my head only.
My only issue with all this is that my doctor claims I have CFS, which tends to result in me having zero energy and crashing out if I over do things. That has been a big part in why I find it hard to get ahead, I simply lack the focus and energy most people take for granted.
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>>38289871
Not OP, but I feel like this was written for me. I really needed to see something like this. Thanks man
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