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Anonymous
Letters you (probably) won't send 2017-07-08 10:43:40 Post No. 38240175
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Letters you (probably) won't send 2017-07-08 10:43:40 Post No. 38240175
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Hey Dad
I understand why you arent happy with me and what Im doing. Mainly because Im unhappy for the same reasons. Im sorry I didnt achieve the things I could have, and for not doing the things I should have, maybe if I had I wouldnt be in the pit I am today.
I appreciate you had a hard time growing up. I did too. Im sure you know this, I wish you could have acknowledged it in some way, let me know that you knew itd been tough, maybe that wouldve given me the courage to talk to you about how I felt. You didnt, and I didnt, Im not sure if that means youre to blame, or I am, or both. Either way I could never approach you and talk about the things Im going to talk about now. Maybe its still pointless, but I want to try and make you understand.
I dont remember much of my early childhood, barely anything. Ive been told that was when you were a good Dad to me, looking after me, taking me places, all while Mum was in hospital. I hope its true, it would mean that you have at least some good memories of me. The first real memories I have are of you. Shouting, hitting, emotionally abusing me. I remember it very vividly, I remember quaking in fear at the age of six every time I heard you coming upstairs because I was sure you were going to start hitting me again. I remember sleeping with a knife under my pillow at the age of ten because of your repeated threats to kill me and Mum in our sleep.
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Have you ever noticed how boring it is to read or listen to someone who makes an argument and then in the same breath makes a counter argument apologetically?
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>>38240175
I know this is not really a write a letter thread... but I'd like to bump my previous one since I know she might actually read it >>38222003
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>>38240175
Maybe you dont remember that. I envy you if you dont.
When you tried to kill yourself and I was put into care I didnt feel too worried, it made me realise we are arent close at all. You financially raised me sure, but you were never a Dad, just a father. I never understood what it is I had done to make you hate me so, I was a fucking kid. I was happy in oster care, and I regret not staying with them. Do you know, I came back to live with you not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had a duty to you because you were my father. You who has led to me being the miserable montrousity I am today inspired loyalty in me once. Fucked up isnt it.
I thought Id have more to say, that I could explain in detail all the ways youve ruined my life but its not coming. If you had just once told me you loved me, or that you were proud of me, or even just a pat on the back, that might have been enough to remind me that you were my Dad and not just the man who created me.
But you didnt, and here we are. Ill be dead if you are reading this. I dont want you to blame yourself, because ultimately the responsibility is mine, Im intelligent enough to know I have total control over the outcome of my life. I just need you to know how you impacted me. I need to know someone knows before I go.
Your son
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>>38240175
"Do you feel safe?!"
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