/feels/ thread

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>have opportunity to talk to people and make friends
>go to act on that opportunity
>quickly realise that I'd rather be alone
>but when I'm alone I feel lonely and want to have friends
It's a never-ending cycle

>tfw alone
>tfw literal friendless retard would rather be alone than play smash with me

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>>38182997

>Be depressed for a while
>Start taking positive steps in my life
>make money, see progress
>Depression creeps back in
>Hits me hard, everything feels similar again

This whole time, I may have just been ignoring the truth. I should have killed myself years ago

I'm in my twenties now. Still am yet to kiss a girl. I tried very hard to be a more social person but I just can't do it. I'm not a chad, but I still have huge standards. This will block me from ever finding someone.

I've been going to the gym for several weeks. I've made noticeable improvements in my strength but I still look like a twig and it pisses me off.
It's frustrating to try to bulk when you're surrounded by bodybuilders everywhere

>>38183208
it's hard to try to learn how to socialize properly when you spend your childhood indoors
that's the reason why i'm a social autist
i'd imagine it's a common story for other robots also

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You know that sinking feeling you get in your heart? I've had that for days now. I feel like I can barely breathe

>>38182997
Weekends are the worst, because everyone's out having fun, and I'm just sitting alone in my bed. I like weekdays better because I have to go to work and distract myself from thinking about how lonely I am.

It was doubly worse with the independence day weekend from Saturday to Tuesday.

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>>38183070

I know that feel, robot.

>Decide to pull my shit together
>Lose 9 kg, get a haircut and conformist clothes
>Attend uni clubs and parties
>People act fake all the time or/and never have any conversation value
>Decide to be alone
>Feel lonely again
>I want to be alone but not lonely
>Damn

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>the look on your mothers face as she enters your cold, dark room and finds you sitting in the same spot in front of the same computer again just like every other time for nearly your entire life
>the look of utter despair whenever she looks at you
how do you cope with this anons

>Want to chat with some people
>Only community I have is 4chan
>4chan has been massively overrun with reddit trash that is trying to subvert the contrarian culture by using the boogeyman card every time we shit on fags niggers or SJWs
>It's more hateful than ever
>Can feel the toll its taking on me
>Nowhere else to go
I just want a comfy community again with some casual hatespeech, and everybody has a good laugh at it again.

>>38183600
You're the reddit fag with you think 4chan is all about being 'contrarian'

>>38183585
I dont but she keeps trying to help and it only hurts worse

>>38183585
Lie to myself and do whatever small steps I can take to lessen her disappointment in me without going out of my way. Honestly sometimes you just gotta delude yourself as much as possible until you can think of a solution.

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i need more feels Bump

>>38183091
I'd play with you but my system broke and too much of a poorfag to buy one. Oh well. For Glory isn't so bad

>>38183342
Me too, it got to the point where I spontaneously cry and my family think I'm faking it and/or feel embarrassed.

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I feel guilty and awful. My only friend isn't speaking to me. There's got to be a way out. Is drowning painful? I have a shower and a bathtub. Nothing to OD on.

>>38182997
>be me
>make r9k thread about being a sad trans girl
>thread gets deleted for no reason

Sums up how I feel rn. Everything I try fails.

>>38184333
faggot

Obviously not original

>>38184289
i've stopped speaking with my friends, it's been 7 months since we lasted talked, you get used to the feeling quickly atleast

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>go off to first year of college
>instantly hate it there, feel more alone than I ever have
>slowly become a recluse
>stop going to class
>attempt suicide and fail
>Pack up a few things and just leave
>hitchhike around the country for a while
>I came back home and my parents are making me go to counseling
>tfw I have to pretend it's helping
>tfw I have to pretend I'm excited about going back to school
>tfw I'm terrified that it's all going to happen again
"In addition to my other numerous acquaintances, I have one more intimate confidant. My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known -- no wonder, then, that I return the love."

>>38184393
No, I really think they're dead. I'm scared they killed themself.

>>38184463
unless you did anything that would cause them to do so there's no need to feel guilty

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>>38184441
I need to read more Kierkegaard

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>>38184495
Everyone should. He's the only one who gets me through this wild ass ride.

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>>38182997
>tfw your dad talks to you
>you talk back
>you are 100% aware of how autistic you seem
>you are 100% aware of how disappointed he probably is inside
Why couldn't he have just had a normal son. He's not a particularly bad person, he doesn't deserve this.

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>>38182997
>make up a story
>want to make it into a tv show
>realize i have absolutely no talent or skill or resources to make it happen
this is the first time in my life i've actually wanted to do something productive :\

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>>38182997
Managed to lose some weight and get a job. But I still feel empty and alone no matter where I go. My friends are just a camouflage to hide the fact that the only thing worse than being alone is having everyone know you're alone.

>>38184490
I didn't stop them. I read their message around two hours after they sent it.

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>go through life with the attitude that nothing matters and that im eventually going to kill myself
>my actions start to show consequences
>too much of a coward to kill myself

Feeling terrible
>Just lost girlfriend of 2 years over a month ago
>Had to spend almost 1k to move states back to my home state
>Depression is literally crippling me because I feel %100 responsible of it happening
>Constantly mourn and reflect how I could have changed things for the better but it's too late
>Lost it all and my sanity is draining
>Wake up wishing I could have died the night before
>Just feel all this regret in my heart
>Chest and heart keep hurting
>Look up if you can die of a broken heart just for shots and giggles
>Turns out you actually can die of a broken heart
>Wut.png
>Anxiety ramping up because I feel like I'm literally dying of a broken heart
>Thinking of suicide at this moment

I keep pussying out. I should just do it. I did so much fucked up shit I ruined my own happiness. Had the best thing ever and I kept being a fuck up and I regret it every damn minute of my life. I'm a shame to call myself a human. I want it to end. Everything

>>38184863
Just tell her you regret it you imbecile
Unless you cheated, in that case kys.

>>38185087
I have many many many times but it's just white noise at this point and she's done with my shit. No I didn't cheat

>>38183585

Tell her you're going out, then go to a public library and camp out on their computers.

Yeah, you can't look at porn or play some games, but there's plenty of 'regular' stuff to do online or even read a real book while you're there.

>>38185124
Good, now wait, if she truly loves you she might be able to forgive your mistakes unless you fucked up that hard.

>my friends care about me, they're just busy
>I'm good at my job, I just need to get on these anti-anxiety meds and I'll be productive again
>it's ok that I'm an early 20s virgin, if it happens, great, if not, there's more to life than sex

I spend most of my energy trying to convince myself of these just to get through one day at a time. I'm just existing, watching life happen like a TV show.

>>38185124
what happened then
how'd you manage to fuck up?

>got used to seeing everyone from when I was younger moving on/starting families/etc
>as long as I had my little group of losers like me around me that I could at least wallow with

>they're all starting to talk less and when they do it turns out they're moving on and starting lives too
>my dumb ass is just sitting here wasting away with nothing to show for it

Guess I'm gonna be the "whatever happened to him" guy of my former groups in 10-20 years.

>>38183342
I get that too much nowadays

Sometimes I'll just be sitting at my computer perfectly fine and then I'll just tilt my head to stare at my desk for half an hour

Either that or I just lie down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling for half an hour or so thinking

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I write shipping fanfiction. Even more pathetic is that I pretty much only do it because I only write about guys I relate with hooking up with girls I like. I subsist off of positive feedback but get peanuts compared to other people who write similar shit. I suspect I'm shit at writing but everyone is too polite to say anything

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>my grandpa (lovingly call him my old man) gets diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer
>he says just go in and fix what you can
>doc goes in, finds its spread to his ribs, takes them and lung out
>he looks so pitiful and sad entire hospital visit
>hes usually such a rough and tumble jolly old man (think reinhardt from overwatch)
>staying over, taking care of him
>sleep in chair, he sleeps in his bed
>the huge oxygen machine hes chained to sounds like mechanical breathing
>his is shallow
>can hear him grunting and whimpering
i cant do a god damn thing about it and it makes me hate myself even more.

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Social anxiety + anxiety + depression feels.

>find it hard to start conversations
> normally just sit in the background observing
>being in groups larger than 3 sets my social anxiety off.
>am often interrupted or not heard and it feels like im not even there.
>having my parents present sets off my anxiety like crazy.
>often in family gatherings just stay in the background and observe.
>often do pic related whenever I go outside.

I just feel invisible and unnoticed and unappreciated.

>>38185528
Cont.

>I also find I talk very quietly when talking to people
>and having people make you repeat what you say because they can't hear you is the most anxiety inducing shit that can happen

>>38183543
>want to be alone but not lonely
I know that fucking feel. The only way to achieve it is through drug abuse, and I'm in a God damn sober living. I don't know if I can make it bots

>>38184599
That hit at home for me to.
I also feel unappreciated and feel worthless sometimes because of past fights and arguments I've had with my dad. Seeing how my siblings get treated I always thing why can't I be normal?

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Been listening to pic none stop in the summer so far. I feel I'm actually going to fucking kill myself. This is is horrible.

>>38185600
The Internet temporarily fills the void with memes YLYL and offensive shit, till you realize the problems that you face....

>>38183070
>>38183543
You robots must have this really unrealistic expectation of having a meaningful conversation with a total stranger at first sight. Just go talk to people for the sake of having a conversation with other people. Dont expect to find a soul mate or like-minded individuals.

>>38185618
album name?

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>>38182997
I feel... Wel it's hard to describe. My life after high school has been quite a ride

>Right outta high school, at 18, Mother pushes me to go into uni when I'm not prepared in any capacity except academically
>For three years, my grades plummet under an Accounting major I didn't care for before I finally called it quits
>Be a NEET for a year
>Aunt helps me get a retail job
>Terrible job, but okay staff
>Lose job after two years
>Finally yet begrudgingly give into doctor's suggestion for light anxiety medication

I'm twenty four now. I've fallen hard into my old NEET ways, but I've managed to work my way outta the lazy quicksand hard enough to apply for some work again. Also managed to apply for school again. This time I'm going for Mechanical Engineering, which I've carefully chosen after going through a bunch of others fields to possibly study. Then I regretfully applied for certain welfare programs due to upcoming money-related problems...

Right now, I'm just waiting for answers to all these applications. Don't know how I could accurately describe my feelings, but I've never felt worse scrambling about like this. I'm scared about all of these either falling through or me being unable to sustain them if they follow through. I'm happy I'm finally making my own life decisions, but Ive failed so many of my "previous lives". The fact that all I can really do right now is wait makes me feel worse.

>>38185506
Seeing my grandfather in the hospital with esophageal cancer and both not being there when he died and seeing him in his casket were one of the few times I ever actually let my guard down. One of the few people I legitimately cared about. Best of luck to you anon.

>>38185657
Giles Corey - s/t

>>38182997
>tfw one of my orbiters caught on because I wouldn't skype him when he wanted
>called me a heartless bitch
>said I should just kill myself
>went on a rant about how all women are shit
>tfw I think I ruined him for what few women might come into his life
I mean sure I might not have been doing the mot ethical thing but there really is no reason to spew vitriol like that. I do wish him the best though and I do hope he breaks out of this childish women are garbage mentality.

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>tfw can't stop thinking about her
I had been doing so good too

>>38185657
>hasn't heard Giles Corey
Hownewru.png

>>38182997
sometimes I feel like I'm just killing time waiting for the next milestone in my life to happen, and I've realized I've missed out on a lot of things while pissing the time away

I may ask the qt from work out today wish me luck

>>38185845
good luck, i hope it goes well for you

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>tfw can't stop thinking about him.

I saw so many things today that I wanted to show him and talk to him about but I don't want to be a bother.

>>38185774
>>38185968
Just talk to them and stop being sad about it.

>>38185193
Maybe in time. But I did fuck up many times in different situations where it could have easily not happened/handled better
>>38185198
Long story, anon. One I've told already a few weeks on here but never saved it so can't copy and paste plus other shit has happened since hen so it'd be more to talk about

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I don't even want to have sex anymore... I just want to be intimate with someone. I haven't touched someone or made contact with anyone in years. Cuddling/ romance. That's my dream. Someone I can love and show my affection to. Someone to care about...

Doing better today. Trying not to think about women, and more on improving myself. I can feel my summer of opportunity skipping away already.

I just quitted my summer job after 3days of work
Everybody was yelling at me because I was too slow, the work was very hard.
I worked in a fridge and moved boxes full of meat all day.
I started at 4 in the morning and finished at 12.30
Now I don't know how to explain that to my father, he will be very angry and disapointed what should I say when I see him?

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I feel so lonely recently. I don't know if I want a gf or just want a female friend to talk to. I don't have a huge desire for sex just some company.

>>38186274
a gf is what you're looking for, with female friends you'll still feel left out

>>38182997

>be me
>all my life alone, no real friends till seventh grade
>my family wants me to be something else
>always feel alone despite having friends and family
>meet qt.14 on college
>she understands me completely
>she got bf
>tried to move on, but she is amazing and actually...wants to know me for real
>calls and texts everyday
>we both start hooking up
>we protect each other
>we enjoy each other's company
>Bf proposed marriage to her
>despite our affair the fact that we both consider ourselves special to one another she said yes to him
>she wants to do right and i understand
>we become best buddies and we take care of each other
>suddenly calls and texts diminish
>i get worried easily
>she gets mad at me more often
>she finally snaps and says that our friendship won't last forever because her bf is a controlling freak and hates any other guy who meets her
>she still in love with him
>says she doesnt wanna break my heart at all and feels sorry for that
>i can't call her or text her as usually as i did before
>she was the only person in my life who actually understood me and liked me for who i was

I miss her, i need her right now and i feel alone again, im tired of being strong and always having to survive, i hate falling in love and i hate how everyone says that things happen for a reason....fuck

Im just tired of being strong, i just wanna be weak for a moment

>>38186184

Trust me i know that feel

>>38185968
I miss him too
I miss him so fucking much
Fuck

>>38185968

I understand this completely...after all

The person i miss the most right now isn't here either

>>38186318
Hmm maybe. I just want to get to know a girl deeply, I want to hear about all their problems and feelings. Could I not get that from a friend?

>>38186334
Yeah man, it gets further and further away the more I wait though...

>>38186256
did they give you enough training?
if not blame it on that

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I don't deserve a girlfriend. I'm terrible at all that touchy feely stuff other people do and what's more, I'm terrified of physical contact and disgusted by the thought of sex.
Why can't I just kill my romantic drive? Why can't I just be content with living a life by myself and stop wishing for something I can never ever get? Even though I have plenty of nice and expensive things why do I only really want to lie in bed next to someone?

>>38182997
Feeling pretty bad anon, a lot of my friends have recently got gfs so they are busy more often. Some of them know I'm gay but I still don't want to be and I'm not mentally prepared to date anyone. I just want to grow up and have a normal family but it feels impossible. Even if I get comfortable enough with my sexuality and get married at some point I will still never have a biological child with my spouse, its either adoption or a surrogate and choosing the father.

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>>38185968
feeling this feel too anon

I don't eat or drink much water at all to be honest, I mostly just suck cock. It provides me with most of my nutritious needs. Also I love sucking cock large

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>>38186603
that's so lewd anon

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Just got back from a week at my parents. Celebrated my 20th birthday and the 4th, and got to hang out with my friends from high school and see my family for the first time since March. I hung out with an ex girlfriend, I honestly believe that if we hadn't moved away and lived 5 hours apart we'd still be dating, she was like my ideal girl almost to a T. She's 19, and her parents were out for the day so we were alone at her house. I could tell there was still feeling for her there to (we broke up 2 years ago). Haven't dated anyone since her. Anyways we were laying in her bed listening to music and I just had a fuck it moment, her head was on my shoulder and I was stroking her hair and I leaned down to kiss her. She went with it and we made out for probably 10 minutes. I pulled back and we just looked at each other and started laughing. She said "Hey I don't think you should fuck me right now" and I dunno why but rather than killing the moment it made it so much better. Like we acknowledged we still liked each other and I could tell she wanted to have sex as much as me, but making out was enough. Plus hearing her say "you fuck me" was probably the most erotic thing I could imagine. I dunno its hard to explain but it was just perfect. We're making plans now and she's gonna come up to my apartment next week and spend Friday til Tuesday morning there. Probably gonna have sex but honestly I'd be fine if we didn't. It was just really nice to reconnect with her. I'm feeling on top of the world.
Pic related it's her.

Taking things slow with a girl I really like. Like, I've had a major thing for her for months now and have gone through stages of doubt but have kept this feeling for her. Thinking about telling her how I feel because I don't think my flirting resonates with her... And I need closure to either move on or not. Whenever I think about her it feels like I'm getting stabbed in the chest and my ribs are collapsing and I get a feeling if dread so it's definitely love.

Make a move mate, good luck

>Me 21
>No driver licence
>No job
>Anti social
>Struggles with depression

Life sucks

>>38186833
same boat my guy

Just to lazy to get my Dl

>>38186684
>Pic related it's her
Wow thought it was your typical r9k beta male

>>38182997
Recently decided to keep a journal of some kind. Didn't really have any specific purpose for it. Maybe write a thought I had pop up, make a doodle, maybe write down a song I heard that I wanted to re listen to. Really just anything I could think of just to get some thoughts outside my head.

I just can't do it. I'll think of some little line or some doodle, or something I want to say. And when it comes to actually putting it on paper I just can't. I can't stop over thinking it, I'll play through my head what I want to say then I end up thinking "nah that's stupid", "nah thats not what I'm trying to say", or I will half write something down then scratch it out.

Maybe I've trained myself to give up on my thoughts if I am not 100% satisfied with it. I will literally write dozens of 4chan or reddit replies then erase them and move on.

In fact I am surprised i finished this post.

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I just wish I had some fucking friends who want to do stuff with me

I hate being so paranoid about other people, I always assume people secretly hate me. I know it's dumb but I can never fucking get over it.

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indulging in daily neet activities A.K.A watching the first episodes of the new summer season anime
>land on Koi to Uso
>takasaki is absolute best gril 200/10 waifu material
>kiss scene is supposed to trigger happy feelings
>starts to think about how'd be nice to have that special someone
>remember highschool
>realize i've never fallen in love
>realize i've never gone through the brittle little problems of youth and growing up
>realize i've always been like this
>will never experience love in it's purest form
>will never see the world through the innocent and hopeful eyes of a child
>you'll never feel your heart skip a beat when that one girl looks your way
>you'll never play child games with your firends without a care in the world
>it's too late now
>TFW the maturity coin finaly drops at the age of 21 and you realize how much you didn't live, how much you missed out on
jesus fucking christ this is something else lads
help


(yes i'm the OP of the thread, but no thread of mine is sucessful and i just need to get this off my chest)

>>38187391
I started one almost two years ago and I need to pick up another journal soon. I write in it a lot when I feel anxious and looking through it now reminds me that a lot of my problems are self created so my bursts of anxiety now hit me less often and not as hard.

>>38186684
>her
fell for the trap meme i see

>>38187440
Yeah same. No one wants to do anything. I'm getting sick of wasting my best stories and aphorisms on people who I don't know/people who don't care/won't remember

I would be down to do so much. I just don't want to do anything alone.

I was feeling pretty shitty.
Went out for a night drive to clear my head. Didn't work.
Stopped off at Dunkin' Donuts. Only place that was open.

I guess the little old Indian man that worked there could see that I was a miserable sack of human garbage. He gave me some free donuts with my coffee.
That was the first time somebody has shown me genuine kindness in months. I feel slightly better. Even if it'll wear off around the same time my coffee cup empties.

At least it's a large coffee.

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please can someone send my fucking life
>listening to that sad album again
>looking at old pics of oneitis again
>pretending that she's talking to me as if she loves me
>pretending that some animu gril is our daughter
just end it all please I can't take another second of this

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>gay
>Im good looking, nothing really special, but I do have a few people from my past that still love me and want me
>powerbottom
>can't hold boners
>have a hot bf for 5 years, honestly because I can't muster up the courage to leave him because I don't want to be alone again
>no, its not perfect. He has no future and although he has a job, he badgers me for money and pressures me into sex, he's got a huge libido and he gets angry if I don't give him sex, even when we fucked earlier
>I love him but its straining, I of we didn't have sex, we would've fallen apart. He has no interests, and he shuts me up when I do. All he does is complain...
>handsome straight friend, two years younger than me, on the other hand, talks to me all the time
>He's really handsome, he gloats over having a big dick but he's a virgin, he's a /k/-bot, waiting until marriage
>I guess I'm the replacement for an intimate person in his life.
>Not interested in me, but he divulges his personal life to me
>I've cried myself to sleep at night because I think I love him and I can't have him
>I just want to make him happy, that's it. He wouldn't have to try, just being around him makes me happy, abnormally happy, like I'm a virgin again, he makes me forget I was a whore for older men when I was 12-15
>when he goes to marine boot camp, I want to send him sweets, fudge, candies, little cakes, so he knows someone misses him
>there are times where I do think he loves me, but then he remembers I'm not a girl, so he changes topics.

I just don't want to be a basketcase anymore. I'm tired of being a du Barry, I wanna be a du Pompadour
I wanna be loved genuinely, where I don't have to worry about being cheated on, or where I feel like I have to cheat to get compliments.
I just want someone to save me from drowning, to help me breath new air

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>remember starting college with this cool new clique arranged by sociology professor and we were a model group but didn't realize this until many years later in the world of obtuse and harshly unaesthetic people
>she went on a blind date the night before to spice things up but didn't seem too thrilled
>he was planning on moving after the semester but had the good will to ensure us he was going to work through things like he would always live with us
>i was an ex-heroin addict and had some good insights to make about the source material and the group listened with balanced, constructive skepticism
>he was a gay guy who only cared about where the bars were and had devoted his life to the clubs basically which is funny as hell because this town has 1000k people but ok.jpg

God, it was winter. It'll never happen again

>>38187673
>I'm tired of being a du Barry, I wanna be a du Pompadour
don't know what this means but it sounds hilarious

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>>38187673
>I'm tired of being a du Barry, I wanna be a du Pompadour
I pretended to be a girl on 4chan as a teenager when I used to have the highest trip count and I think this other tripfag fell in love with me but it's imprinted my sexuality ever since and I always miss him but no homo

>>38183585
I don't have license because I'm too much of a fuck my idiot to pass. How can I make her feel less dissapointed in me? How can I make it so people actually want to talk to me? It's not like I'm super not normal, I'm just really quiet in school. I don't smell, I'm not weird, I'm just quiet. Why don't they talk to me /r9k/? What did I do to make this happen? Is it just because I'm quiet?

pretty good today

my only hobby the last few months has been playing melee and today i played the best ness in the world (over netplay) and took him to his last stock

i'm still riding that high

>>38187707
King of France, Louis XV, was famous for being a womanizer, the proof was his long strings of mistresses, two of which stood out from the rest. The first was a beautiful, intelligent common woman named Madame Du Pompadour. She was his true love and his closest friend. A few years after her death, he acquired a less classy lover, by the name Madame Du Barry. She was a extremely beautiful woman, but she was a twit and had originally been a prostitute in Paris. She would feel him up at dinner and everything.

So anon wants to be a lover and friend, and not a piece of ass.

>tfw my goal is to become as invisible and ethereal as possible, like a living ghost
>drop out of contact with "friends" and acquaintances regularly, not on purpose, but because I want to keep up with my reading and shit
>they might text me after 3 months with a stupid "ur not dead r u lol"
>respond back, begin a half-assed conversation
>always pretend to be sick or something to get out of hanging out with people
>wait for the time to come when either my acquaintances move away, or I do
>let contact fizzle out altogether
>desperately hope I am almost completely forgotten after a few months
Never had to deal with anyone trying to come back into my life after half a year or so. It's like I've elected to experience the hedgehog's dilemma, having grown the metaphoric spines on purpose, but not for any real reason

>>38188054
what a gay fucking analogy, as expected from a faggot

>>38186684
this is very sweet anon

>>38184393
>>38184463
I did that back in 2014, after almost a year, a group of them came to my house looking for me. My time away from them was amongst the worst time in my life. It really meant a lot that they came to my house that day.

Was reading Solanin not too long ago, and it really made me wish I had gone to another magnet HS with the handful of friends I really liked, rather than the larger amount of friends I liked less. Then I could have joined their bands and shit, and may have been a happy, pop-punk-enjoying normie, instead of a depressive, avant-prog-listening cyborg shit. Then Naruo died in the manga, and it made me wish I could get hit by Truck-san so I could have the opportunity to look at the happier moments of my life with new clarity.

>>38188086
And so the feels thicken

>>38184829
This, holy fuck this.
Our arrogance has backfired, if karma actually existed, we'd be getting what we fucking deserve.

>>38187511
Hey, at least you and I are brothers for getting depressed at anime that is supposed to make otaku feel like they have friends. Fucking finished reading Azumanga Daioh the other day, and the graduation arc just slapped me in the face because I stopped giving a shit about my MS/HS friends in 11th grade, and thus had no one to continue into college with. Fuck anime.

>>38187211
I'm guessing you're saying she's attractive, if so I definitely agree. I know I have different taste from a lot of guys but to me she's a 8.5/10 at least and if you count her personality I think she's a 10.
>>38187562
Not a trap, I know she has short hair but I don't really thing she looks that masculine. I'd give you a little, but I actually like that.
>>38188181
Thanks anon, it does feel good. How are you doing? Hopefully well, and if not I'm sure you'll get there. The last year has been crazy rough, dropped out of college, lost a lot of friends. But I can feel myself picking up the pieces in the last 2 or 3 months, feel like this was like the climax of the first part of dusting myself off.

Gimme more feels Boise

>>38185626
This always gets to me.
Yes, I want to talk to people for the sake of talking.
But WHAT? What do you talk about unless they are a colleague at school or work/someone you know already and have common ground with?

>>38188832
conversation for the sake of noise in the air is pleasant to normies.

>>38188832
You'd be suprised what you can ask people that your have never met or hardly know and they will reply with complete secerity and honesty.

That being said, the generic school work hobbies etc conversations are just to learn about someone and are easy subjects to talk about.

>>38189080
Yeah, but it goes like this.
>So what do you study
>bla bla
>Oh cool. Do you like it
>bla bla
Done.

>tfw anxiety came back
>depersonalization
>recurring thought every 30 seconds
>constantly telling myself it'll be okay and just to let the thoughts happen


i hope it gets better lads, i really do

I hate myself and my fucked up brain. I feel like there are multiple thoughts competing for my actions almost constantly.

Exhibit A: recently, part of me has become attracted to a girl and won't shut up about asking her out. I don't know my chances but I don't really care. I won't be a good boyfriend, as I have no money, no friends, and barely any hobbies.

Now that the time approaches where I could ask her, that part of my mind shrinks and I start doubting my decision. I really am getting sick of this. It's happened before

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Everything is so fucking tiresome, my brain doesn't shut up about how everything i could do is pointless and all my methods of escapism are not working

>>38186035
What if they aren't real?

>had a three weeks of work
>prepared everything for when i'm back i'll start working out again
>prepared mealplans and shit
>while on my holiday dislocate my shoulder AGAIN
>this time destroy the bones
>have to get surgery again
i hate it
feels like something doesnt want me to be happy
everytime i've a little "time off" (read: no fucking problems) something really shitty happens and throws me back into the shitter
only good thing is a few qts stayed with me while i was waiting for the ambulance ..

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>>38182997
>Good social skills
>have circle of "friends
>Have job
>Cant connect to any "friends" or other people for that matter with out faking it
>All interaction feels superficial and pointless
>Go home surf computer feel lonely
>Perpetual sadness and loneliness feel despite having no real issues in my life

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>>38182997
Fucking terrible, solitude is driving me mad and there's no one for myself to be found.
I can get along well with almost everyone, but putting up with most is just beyond me.
Just how hard is it to find someone familiar who's fond of lenghty, in depth conversations and elaborations to then talk casually when tired or getting comfortable.

>>38189483
fucking this. who cares? im not saying they gotta like me either but those exchanges are garbage

>start excercising
>I feel better, but also extremely angry about the way my life is and begin plans to make it better
>few friends get freaked out and don't want to talk to me
> drink a lot
> stop excercising
> now I'm just back to tolerating it I guess

>parents force me to get a wageslave job
>First day
>All I do is stack shelves in agrimark
>for five hours
>I'm supposed to do this for the next two months
>fuck that, decide to go home during lunch break
>Bus drives straight past me
Pic related it's me at the bus stop

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>>38191585
I can't even attach a picture correctly today

>Thought about something which shattered my carefully put together illusions and now I'm having to deal with the fact that I'm wasting my life away because I'm so scared of failing and communicating with people that I'm not putting any actual work into following my dreams.
I want to put this feel back in the box so I don't have to look at it but it's just not going in.

>>38191724
No anon, face that fear in its eyes. Don't run away from it, find the root and meditate

Godspeed anon

>Finally got a job.
>Not just any job, a good job.
>Permanent part-time, good hours, pays me well enough that I could get off Centrelink, I know that I can do the work.
>No longer struggling as NEET and have something solid underneath my feet I can use to support myself with.
>Don't feel any different.
Uh-oh.

I don't know when I'm genuine anymore.
I've spent so long pretending to be different things in different contexts and playing up parts that I'm not sure if what I'm saying is real or if it's another character I'm playing.
When I hear people say my name and address me specifically instead of "Hey you" or some other generic term, it snaps me back to some uncomfortable state like they've got me backed into a corner.
I've gone the past six months without feeling depressed like I usually do but I'm not sure if I actually got better, if it was just a temporary reprieve or if I was just playing the part of someone who was feeling better to myself.
I feel alone in crowds.
I feel longing for something that I don't even know.
I feel like I want to lash out but I don't even know why I'm angry.
I don't know why I say what I say.
I don't even know if I want to achieve my goals because I don't know if it's what I want or if it's what I'm pretending to want.

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> Can't enjoy shit I used to
> Don't even have something to look forward to.
Really hope there are better days in store for all of us.

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I just feel completely broken. Xanax and alcohol can only help for so long.

My roommate turned into a real fucking weirdo normie. We used to be really good friends with each other when we started renting, but now it's so hard to talk to him since I can't tell if he means what he's saying or if he's saying it so he'll look cool. He's always been narcissistic, but now it's ridiculous. He went insane and tried to fight one of his good friends the other day for no reason, then said he was "hating on the comeup". He's trying to act like a fucking Soundcloud rapper; all he cares about is streetwear and weed now, plus he just started doing cocaine. I just wish I had my friend back, but there's nothing I can really do. Can't wait to move out

>React passively to something
>Called beta for just taking shit and not stepping up or whatever
>React aggressively to something
>Called beta for caring way too much about nothing

I dunno anymore

hey /feels/ i havent been here in a while i guess because ive come to terms with my problems.
It's not like im just bottling up my emotions, my brain was just finally able to stop dwelling on them.
I was a virgin until last december and i was really anxious about it, but then i had sex and i realized that it wasnt even that big of a deal after i worked myself up about it for so long.
Now that I haven't been stressing about that I've been able to focus on actually starting and maintaining friendships for once instead of pushing everyone away because muhfeels.
Honestly, i don't even think i can emotionally support a girlfriend (i.e. i have trouble caring about people).
So now that sex isnt the only thing i'm after, I'm sitting back, chilling, drinking and smoking with my friends (REAL LIVE FRIENDS) and keeping an eye out for the girl that can fill the social gap between us.
Raging social anxiety aside, I'm actually in a pretty good place rn.

Keep your heads up Robots. I know you all don't like being sweet talked like that but it's true.
Your depression/anxiety/whatever can feel like a botomless pit that you just keep falling through deeper and deeper.
While you may not be able to get yourself to the golden standard that everyone else seems to care so much about, you can at least make some changes in your life for your own sake and start climbing back up the pit
you may not get to the top, but admit it, anything is better than how you feel right now.

Have a nice day /r9k/
I am. For once.

I've disappointed the girl I love by pretending to be a normie. Now she won't talk to me, and I don't have an option to make things right. Is there a worse feel?

>>38184182
>filename
Internet rule no. 10

>>38185660
Little steps anon. The fact that you've applied for a job shows a lot about you even after what you've been through. Im proud of you

feeling pretty bad right now.

I was looking into joining the swim team for the college im going to attend this year but i have never swam competitively so the only stroke i know is freestyle.
I guess i just thought since im a decently fast swimmer i would have a chance if i got into competitive swimming earlier in my life.

>>38186319
Become disabled. Everyone cares for someone whos disabled

not too good. I was locked up in the institute a few months back for attenuated psychosis (psychosis lite version) but now after I was released ive started getting worse. Ive developed depression, anxiety and OCD. Ive also started hearing my name being called at random times in public and I don't know if im hallucinating or not. I was delusional a while ago, but now im better now that im on meds.

I just want to go off of them and let whatever monster is hiding come out so I can know if I have schizophrenia or not. These symptoms are such a cock tease, if it wasn't for my father I would've stopped my meds a long time ago.

What should I do?

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>the Internet addiction
>tfw have the entire knowledge of the human race at my fingertips
>tfw spend 8 hours a day on a good day online shitposting

Too scared to live to scared to die

>>38193087
Im not qualified to say nor do iktfb but I guess seeing a shrink won't hurt and carry on your med's


Just wanna let all the posters itt know while lurkers like me may not reply I've read all of your posts :)

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>>38183070
>have 2-3 guys in class who I talk to and have some laughs with
>they ask me to go out with them
>say no every time because I know if I accepted I'd end up wanting to be alone in my room
strange feel, I also feel the same way about being single when I see a guy with some chick below his league or just one who looks like she's fucking insufferable to be with

that feel is even stronger now that i broke up with my first ever gf a month ago, she was a long distance internet gf so we never met up but jesus do i appreciate being single and free to be alone now

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I can't stop thinking that if I'd met her sooner somehow I could've been with her. I'm certain I'd be able to get a couple of dates at least. But the timing wasn't right, and I don't think it ever will be.

>>38188500
Post >>38187211 is saying that your ex looks like a fucking dude.

The last year and a half has been pretty rough.
>quit a great job because I'm a little bitch who wanted to coast on my subpar abilities
>thought I'd find a new job quickly but I've been unemployed since then
>at that point I get junkie neighbors who blast music till 2am and scream randomly
>haven't been able to move away because lolnojob
>at that same time my tiny social circle falls apart
>speak to former friends once a month at best

I've lived through worse but having all that shit happen at roughly the same time really amplifies how shit I feel my life is.
I've been looking at joining the merchant marines or becoming an English teacher abroad just to have a way out of this shit.

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>my little cousin, who's 4, loves me more than my sister, 20ish years old.

And she's gonna grown up and forget all the drawings we did, the walks, the talks
I still remember when she approached me and made me skip an heartbeat
>was in the living room, going into my room to shitpost and waste my time as usual
>"anon can I see what you do?"
>"sweetie I'm about to study, surely you would want to play with the dolls or something else."
>"No, not really. I wanna see what you do."
>"Fine."
>we ended up playing togheter for an hour or something
>My aunt comes
>"anon we're going, dear come please"
>"I wanna stay a little bit more"

Hold me brothers. She's too pure for this world.

>>38187511
>TFW the maturity coin finaly drops at the age of 21
You are still young my lad, there is time yet. Grab life by the horns and hold tight, enjoy the ride with all its ups and downs.

>>38185528
>> normally just sit in the background observing
>>often in family gatherings just stay in the background and observe.

I dont even give a shit anymore

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>>38187511
>>TFW the maturity coin finaly drops at the age of 21 and you realize how much you didn't live, how much you missed out on
>tfw turned 22 last year
>about to graduate, my career and adult life lie just ahead
>hadn't felt anything close to love or even a lasting crush since middle school
>meet a girl at work
>fall head over heels for her
>met her too late and I'll never be with her now
>tfw she could've been my last chance at having a college/young adult romance had we met under different circumstances
It's like life wanted to give me a parting shot just to remind me what I missed out on.

>tfw had a nightmare
>scared to go back to sleep now

why am i such a coward

>>38182997
i want a girlfriend. im sick of crying in my own arms. i want to cry in someone elses. im so lonely. all i think about all day is how lonely and isolated i feel from the outside world. whenever i try to make friends i get the feeling people think im weird or annoying. nobody likes me.

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>"Alex, where are you going?! Get back here!"
>"Greet Emma for me, my friend."

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My cat had a blood clot yesterday. He was paralyzed, crying, breathing horribly. It was excruciating for him. I took it the to vet. He may not walk again. I can't deal with a cripple cat. I'll have to euthanized him.

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>finished school
>finished job training
>Dont find work for one year
>neeting hard
>get emploeyed eventually
>work for one year now, nice coworkers
>good pay
>recently dream about final school tests and how im failing them
>heart racing and experience existential crisis
>the horror from school times cones back when you know you fucked up tests
>the psychological pain you get when you realise you wont get a job with shit grades

>>38182997
>get good job
>buy a nice new truck
>live in nice place
>feel satisfied
>I still don't have friends because I moved for work
>I go to bars and drink alone hoping someone will talk to me
>hang out with coworkers once in a while but I have a suspicion they only tolerate me
i just wish I wasn't so alone

>today i feel incredibly sexually frustrated
>feel lonelier than ever
> my job is making me fatter
> i realised i sweat so bad when im nervous that it's noticeable

>>38195740
>i want to cry in someone elses. im so lonely
Bad news, women are disgusted by men that show any strong emotion, she would leave you to fuck chad in an instant.

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I'm helplessly in love with a youtuber.
Sometimes I swear I can hear them trying to talk to me through the screen.
It's giving me psychotic episodes lately.

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I'm in the lowest point of social activity in my life, even internet friends that I could text all day if I wanted abandoned me. I don't talk with anyone at uni either, i'm more lonely than ever and also I can't get distracted because I got bored with videogames and TV, so all day I just fap and browse 4chan, its been a long time since I don't have anything to look forward to,I can't take this anymore

>>38185668
>>38185506
I can kind of relate to both of you. My grandpa was my best friend. We did a lot together and I really looked up to him. One day I came home from school and heard he fell off a ladder 14 feet. He came home paralyzed from the waste down 5 months later, and my grandma stepped up and took care of him. For 4 years, he was in and out of the hospital, and then finally, his blood stopped functioning or something and I saw him for the last time in the hospital. I tried talking to him, but he was not able to speak in comprehensible sentences. That was the first time I saw my grandma cry, which was very hard to see. There was nothing anyone could do and we all knew it. A couple days later he passed away and I went back to comfort my grandma, and his lifeless body was still on the bed. Anyway, good luck with what you are going through.

I had a date this afternoon. I had a lot of fun. She was cool, laid back, and I even saw her bite her lip as she looked at me.

But of course, I'm figuring that I will never see her again because she more than likely had a bad time or though I was weird.

I'm tired of being lonely. I'm 24 and just want yo experience romance in some way and feel like someone is there for me at the end of the day. I've got no friends.

I don't care for sex, I want someone to talk to me and ask me how my day was and cuddle with every night after work.

>>38195865
I feel you. I can't even go out with coworkers because of my Crohn's disease. No alcohol, fried food or spicy food.

Depression and loneliness makes my condition worse so I'm fucked either way.

>has great work and friends
>no bf gf not interested in anyone
>very happy all the time
>sometimes cries for no reason
>i can feel ultimate sadness emotion coming up and i can separate this from thinking straight but my body reacts
>i go to bathroom and cry until i stop
>it happens at work, sometimes at home
>friends comfort me and think im overreacting to sth or tired
im trying to figure out whats going on, analize all the stuff, accept bad feelings and i dont ever force myself to be happy or anythinf. so i think im just broken somehow. is this depression? i really like myself and everything, even when i cry just wtf its disturbing af
>im crying right now

There is this large void in me that I can't just ignore. Everyday, it stares at me, reminds me everything I do is futile, no one cares about me, and if I happened to realized the very few aspirations I have, I will still not be happy. Additionally, I will grow older and less desired in a sexual and relationship sense, so I think I maybe have 10 years at most to live before it really takes a turn for the absolutely worst. Living to 35 seems like a narrow possibility for me. No one likes irrelevant, old and bitter fucks. Feel there is an enormous burden on me to just kill myself before it gets to a crucial point

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I've got the chance to turn everything in my life around, lads. Some girls have come to me, but i just can't feel anything, the depression is consuming me and sooner or later they will leave me because i didn't do anything. The feeling of seeing your only chance going away hurts so much. :/