Firm handshake didn't work

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>>38127904
"That's one down, five more places left to go. Get in the car, Shinji."

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>>38127904
you know what to do anon.
good luck brother.

>>38127904

Why didn't you apply online you fucking autist

>>38127904
>>"Go OHN LINE you fucking faggot. Go OHN LINE ahahahaha"
This never happened.

>>38127904
I like how you added the girl timidly smiles back at you at the end. Like that's supposed to somehow redeem your faggotry

>>38127904
they prefer if you do it in person though
be sure to call them every day afterwards to make sure they don't forget about you

>>38128000
It did. The last time I tried this the manager attempted to give me a wedgie. This time wasn't so bad.

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>>38127904
>>"Hello, sir. I'd like to apply for a job!"
>>Hold out hand for a handshake

>>38128000
Not OP but this same thing happened to me when i first became a neet in 2008. Mommy drove me to every retail store in town and made me ask for a manager and shake his hand and ask for a job. They all said to apply online but she would not take no for an answer. Loss prevention usually had to escort us out of the store.

>>38127904
Well youre exagerating for memetic effect but yea that happens to me everytime too.
But honestly its good to go in give them your name and then go fill out the app online.
Then when i go back in to check on the app progress they might be impressed by my 'drive'.
If they dont give me much to go on after that i ignore them unless they call me and move on to the next buissness.
Im at 57 rejected apps and once i hit 100 ill just accept my fate and do my best to enjoy life as a NEET

Online is so bad, they require you to fill out personality tests and then you have to know what they want and understand how the test works and lie accordingly, and each job takes forever to apply because you have to take all the personality tests and social skills tests and how to treat customers tests

>>38128139
I just role play for them. I fully get myself into a Chad type character, and then fill out the test as he would if he were doing it.

>>38128092
I meant the manager calling him a faggot not shaking his hand. I agree the applying online request is common.

>>38127904
You're a fucking idiot op. Most wagie jobs don't even have paper applications anymore. You do not need to do the meet and greet options unless it's some family owned business or some higher up job. Other Han that they know you're just gonna be a dog and don't need to know you personally.

I do sympathize with people that are wary of handshakes though. I usually give too weak or too strong handshakes.

>go into department store
>ask to speak to the manager
>employee sees my resume
>"Oh, yes of course! I'll go get him for you sir."
>Fat older guy walks out, looks like the nigga from the A&W ads
>"You want a job? huh!? I'll give you a fucking job!"
> grabs me by the shoulders and forces me down onto my knees in front of dozens of customers
>"YOUR JOB'S RIGHT HERE"
>undoes his belt, drops his pants (and undies), kicks them off to the side so his lower half is completely nude
>he puts his erect penis (small) into my mouth and starts fucking it
>I push myself away, and start for the exit
>he grabs my pants leg and I fall over, my face hits the ground, my pants coming off as well
>everyone is laughing and pointing
>"Wannabe fucking wagie, you get back here!"
>pulls my undies down and fucks my butt
>finishes inside me
>"Good job, you unemployed fuckin' loser."
>I get up, slightly ashamed
>turn around and try to shake his hand
>"ahahahahaaaa. GO OHN LINE FAGGOT"
>he walks away
>My pants and undies are all torn up
>I walk back home crying, half naked, and with wageslave cum leaking out of my ass and down my thighs
What the fuck did I do wrong?
Is this normal?

Haha nigga do you think this is the fucking 50s?

>>38128505
You didnt give him firm handshake

I work in HR and I don't hire people who try to shake my hand.

It's weird, I don't want to touch you.

You can see visible confusion in the faces of people who believe this meme, confusion quickly turns to panic like the handshake was the only thing they had prepared.

>>38128000
You've obviously never went to ask for a job in person. My sister convinced me that this was the way to do it. I went to all these different places and they all told me the same thing, "go online". Eventually I got to chick fil a. The manager called me a nigger and said to go online.

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>>38128571
I also work in HR. Here's how I hire people:

>Take all the applications I get and randomly sort them into two stacks
>Shove one stack into the trash

I won't have unlucky peopl working for us

>>38128571
No, they are confused because you're acting like a faggot.

>>38128741
maybe you should go ohn-line?

You fucking autists don't know a basic rule that older person is the one to reach out for handshake not the other way round ? Are you retarded ?

>>38127904
Didn't get into the college I wanted. Told my mom.
>You just need to talk to them face to face.
Mom, that's not how things work.
(4 hours later, she drove me immediately)
>Now go into admissions and ask why you didn't get in.
(Go in, get told that they made a decision and I just didn't make the cut)
>Well at least we tried. You can always apply at other schools. They all have rolling admission.
(4 hour drive home in silence)

>>38128834
Not really, the status is more important here.

>>38128715
That seems like a viable strategy. I'm not yet that jaded that I can't be bothered to at least glance at an application though.

I tent to sort them quickly into 3 stacks:

>over qualified
Almost always nos because they are never actually applying for the position that is open and they just want a foot in the door so they can start power grabbing. They only cause problems but occasionally we have room for someone like that.

>literally the same
The bulk of applications, have the same experience (usually not enough) same qualifications (also not enough).

I go through this pile pretty rapidly eliminating people based on arbitrary things.

>HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I stack these in the trash. No experience, no references, no qualifications, high school/GED educated human garbage.

Sometimes I call them for an interview just to waste their time and scare the ones who are obviously applying to keep their benefits into thinking they might actually have to work.


I generally hire out of the literally the same stack after I slimmed it down a few times. Sometimes I pick the cutest guys based on their facebook profiles.

>>38128741
Fuck off, handshaking is gross.

>>38128172
if only you could learn to do that for all aspects of life

How are you guys this bad at finding work? I was a NEET for three years and got a job within a week of looking. It may be construction but it still pays a little over $100 a day.

If you can't find work you're not looking. Just because you don't want to do the dirty cleaning or heavy lifting doesn't mean there aren't any jobs.

>>38128834
Where do you learn things like this? They didn't teach it in school.

>>38128993
>Sometimes I call them for an interview just to waste their time

>I'm not that jaded
>Does evil shit like this

>>38129171

Nice assumptions and projections, cumstain

>>38128571
How did a rude mongoloid like you even land a HR gig? Nepotism is my assumption.

>>38129266
Enjoy being unemployed and trying to figure out why while literal retards have jobs.

>>38129410
>literal retards
like you?

>>38129410

I am employed. Your "just not trying" rhetoric reeks of baby boomer.

Your post is filled with assumptions and projections you stupid fuck, you assume people here aren't applying to those dirty and heavy lifting jobs. What? Do you honestly, HONESTLY believe these jobs are hidden bastions of auto employment? How delusional can you be?

>>38129231
Oh well, they wasted my time with their bullshit application so I may as well get a little revenge.

I like leaving them in the waiting room for as long as possible then interviewing the fuck out of them.

Ask them tons of questions, make sure it's obvious that they don't even know what the position they applied for entails, maintain uncomfortable levels of eye contact and call them out for fidgeting.

It's basically a free practice interview and also it fills out my day so win win?

>>38129363
I thought it would be fun and easy so that is what I decided to do.

I mean mostly it is fun and I do like helping people within the company.

>>38128993
You obviously don't work in HR, stop roleplayingg.

Also, >>38128715 is copypasta.

Fucking faggots.

>>38129470
>Oh well, they wasted my time with their bullshit application so I may as well get a little revenge.

They wasted your time because they want a job? And your time is wasted because you get paid to look at their application? Are you fucking kidding me?

There's no way around this, you're just an asshole, own up to it.

>>38127904

YOUR HANDSHAKE MUST HAVE BEEN LIMP AND FEEBLE

>>38129461
Maybe the baby boomers are right. Have you ever considered that option?

>Go to interview
>Shake person's hand
>"You have a strong handshake, anon. I like that."
>Got the job

True story. It turned out the job was pretty shitty though so I quit after a week.

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"You mustn't have looked him in the eye while you talked to him and asked for a firm handshake. You'll do better next time, champ. Remember, you just have to ask to speak with the manager, look him straight in the eye and give him that utterly important handshake."

>>38129470
You wanna know why you get applications from these desperate people? Because you snobbish HR fucks are the ones to blame. Nowadays a janitor position requires someone to have invented the mop and the bucket. But you still apply anyway to get past the filters so that you might have a chance.

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>>38129579
"YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU QUIT? NO PROGENY OF MINE WILL LEAVE WORK UNFINISHED. NOW YOU MARCH BACK THERE THIS INSTANT, SPEAK WITH THE MANAGER, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE, AND GIVE HIM A GODDAMN HANDSHAKE!"

>>38129574

They aren't. Things don't work the way they did 50 years ago.

>>38128993

>Sometimes I call them for an interview just to waste their time and scare the ones who are obviously applying to keep their benefits into thinking they might actually have to work

HAHA this is me, someone like you has done this to me once or twice! The most recent HR bitch was sitting with 8 pages of questions (I can read upside down)...she didn't get to page 3 before giving up. Although it's nice to walk around the business district in a suit pretending I'm a normal human being.

>>38128715
I remember when I was 11 my teacher told my class about a friend he had who did this. Rustled my jimjams so fucking hard.

>>38129502
Yeah, they want a job that they couldn't possibly believe they could do.


It's like walking into the bank and trying to withdraw a million dollars knowing fucking well you're broke and don't even have an account there.

>>38129610
Wrong, we get junk application because losers feel entitled to a nice desk job without even the bare minimum requirements.

Apply to be a janitor, that might be the only thing you are qualified for.

>>38129701
Nice, at least you get to dress fancy for a change.

>>38129837
Your condescending attitude reveals what a dick you are. I already have a job myself but I can still relate and empathize with my Robros that are struggling. Especially with the dire job market these days. If you're not a larper then I feel bad for your company that has a leech getting to decide who works there or not.

>>38129837

Serious question. I have (had) good skills from working at a top 1% global university but they're out of date since I haven't used MS Office since 2006. What do if I actually want to work again?

Also that same university is hiring people one grade above my former grade and due to their current diversity quotas they're looking for someone like me again. Worth applying?

>>38128611
Bullshit at the chic fil a one. They only do paper applications.

>>38128993
> Sometimes I pick the cutest guys based on their facebook profiles.

kys disgusting whore

FUCKING IMMIGRANTS RUINED THE JOB MARKET!!! I CANT EVEN GET A FUCKING JOB AT FAST FOOD!!!!! I NEED TO PAY FOR SCHOOL GOD DAMNIT. FUUUUCCCKINNNG SPIIICCSS!

>>38128715
I hope you burn in hell nigger.

>>38129837
>Apply to be a janitor, that might be the only thing you are qualified for.

not him, but,
4chan wont even let me be a janitor FOR FREE
what makes you think that some motherfucker will pay me for it?

I never have cleaned anything in my goddamn life. Im a slob who lives in squalor.

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>>38130559
"Son, you could sit there and blame others for your problems, or you could pick yourself up by your bootstraps and find a job. All it takes is showing up there, seeing the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him that you want the job."

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>apply to Wal-Mart on line
>get called to set up an interview
>don't answer my phone

>>38132524
I missed the call and they didn't leave a voicemail. Bunch of dicks.

>>38132524
Oh god I think I jUSt nuTt

yep thats what every place does today