/britfeel/

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>>38117298
Eggs and bakey!

How do I get a cute gf with a pudgy tummy I can sleep on

Wide awake lads. Watching 48 hours. Forgot how cheesy God the 80s were.

>>38117298
i woke up at 3am with a hangover. than god i'm a neet

>>38117412
Find a girl who has said features, ask her out, wine and dine, bang a few times, Facebook official it.

>>38117298
i'm already up, nearly 90 min into the shift at work.just hiding out in the locker room listening to music on my phone. still got a nice comfy feel from my wake and bake this morn so enjoying that while i can. off back in 2 min though. got break in 30 min again though.

>>38117466
Hope you have a nice day lad :)

>>38117466
where'd you work where you can hide without getting reprimanded?

>>38117761
I'm self employed. originale.

>>38117720
thanks lad,hope yours goes well.
>>38117761
factory work. cleaning day today though so plenty of chances to go awol. on my proper break now decided to treat myself to 90 min and have come to watch all the office qt's walk through the carpark.

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>>38117940
>self employed
>has to hide in the locker room in case his boss sees him slacking off

>>38118097
that wasn't me.was a joker

>>38117298
It's the fourth of July. Today and Tuesday are no work days. I'll be alone and/or being rejected by women.

havent been to bed yet but i want to go now and my back is killing me

>>38118216
hello me
>oriror

no-fappers from previous thread - still masters of your domain?

>>38118176
>It's the fourth of July.
Umm...

>>38118290
I haven't fapped in 5 days, starting to think there's something wrong with me. My balls feel empty for days after fapping.

>>38118310
what is the longest time without fapping you went through? ~aren

American "Moon Pies" are just fucking wagon wheels.

The bastards didn't start with nicking sausage rolls, they've nicked wagon wheels years ago.

>poured some cereal
>poured the milk
>went to the toilet
>washed my hands
>cereal was too soggy
off to a bad start

who /alcoholic/ here? just finished my first beer of the day and i plan to drink the other 21 i have today

>>38118365
Maybe a little over a week? It's only recently that I've started fapping less. Used to fap every 2 days, never fapped multiple times in a single day

>>38118517
wtf man that's absolutely ridiculous

>>38118502
and it gets worse, i laughed at your misery

nothing personal ~aren

>>38118444
on wiki it says moon pies were invented in 1917. wagon wheels were 1968. and first made by an australian company.

>>38118517
i'm borderline. have 6 each night. not got to the point of needing them in the day yet. smoking weed helps get me through the days

had to get up early to let the decorator in, he came through the door saying "i'm meant to be doing the plastering or something?" and i said "or something? that's reassuring?" and he just laughed

m8 you better plaster my bathroom correctly i swear to god

i gave you a coffee and everything

>>38118444
Nice Kevs.

I would love to see a Greggs in the US. See how they handle a piping hot steak bake.

>>38118633
decent workman bants tbf mate

I'm sure he'll do a good job

>>38118633
Did you open a pack of bickies for him too?

>>38118633
get the tea and biccies on the go. And get ready for listening to radio 1 on an old radio that's covered in paint full blast all day.

>>38118650
i hope so, and the landlords coming round too in a bit, so i can ask him how to properly move out at the end of july

>>38118665
>>38118671
no biccies in the house lads, and i've already moved to the living room to get started on some work before i have to leave for my retail gig at one

i hope he doesn't do a shit in my toilet

>>38118671
Nothing more comfy than some old radio covered in old dried plaster tbqh.

Might be because my grandad was a plasterer and I always saw such things when I went to the grandparents house.

>>38118694
>I hope he doesn't do a shit in my toilet

lmao what an irrational fear to have.

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>>38118701
this Tbh

I sometimes wish I'd just left school at 16, got an apprenticeship and gone on and been a tradesman Tbh, have a bit of time at the bottom of the totem, working on a site or sorting out people's plumbing in their gaffs but eventually working my way up to being a site manager

instead I'm stuck in fucking public policy

>>38118770
>eventually working my way up
I don't think that's how it works, you don't get a pay rise or promotion for being good at installing toilets.

>>38118795
obviously not mate but you do qualifications that makes you qualified for the job, you can't just rock up on the day with your knowledge of plug sockets and take over a site

>>38118517

I've been clean for nearly a month and haven't felt so good in ages.

I feel good when I wake up and the cravings are slowly disappearing.

Add in the fact I've lost nearly a stone. Can't believe I didn't do this earlier.

daytime
studio 66 > babestation

night time
babestation > studio 66

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>>38118817
good lad, keep it up


robot please wind your neck in mate this is original

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I fucking refuse to believe that people can work like this for their entire life's. I've not even been doing it for 2 years and I constantly want to blow my brains out. I swear everyone else much have some kinda cheat code that lets them go into autopilot and just skip the days.
>post 2dor 3d girls that you consider your waifu

>>38118749
Not an irrational fear at all, if I had my own place I would not be happy with someone else corrupting my pure toilet with their shit

>>38118823
Lad you know you can get naked girls online anytime you want right

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Morning lads

At least i'm sleeping at normal hours

who is the asshole in this story?

someone I am sharing a house with keeps waking me up in the morning at 8am loudly playing his radio on my floor with the shower. Ask him to stop he gives me a retarded rant about this is how he has done his mornings all year, and that he can make as much noise as he wants in working hours. He works a late shift noon-12ish i think?

I looked it up and legal quiet hours where we are is actually 11-6:30, so on the dot at 6:30 last few days I have been playing swedish metal at full volume while working out.

Do you think he will get the message to stop playing his radio?

>>38119081
you should sleep during the day and post at night so you can avoid any triggering normies

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>>38119085
your not doing anything wrong, keep doing it he deserves it

>>38119097
I didn't willingly reset it desu, I just had too much brain tension and restless mind the other day to sleep so I stayed up all day. I hate being awake during the day I'm very groggy and tired, feel like dropping dead. Went to walk last evening and felt like collapsing to the ground and just crying because my energy was non-existent and I felt nauseous but I battled through it haha

I have a dental hygienist appointment and a haircut booked tomorrow so I should keep the normie hours up, I'd have probably done a 14 hour sleep if not

>Xanax I ordered should be arriving any day now
>starting back up on my anti psychotic and anti depressants next week
ah yes pretty soon I will be like a real human bean again

>>38119170
i was thinking of buying some xanax but valium is cheaper and it works okay for me. which should i get?

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Just realized those posters who post about turning 18 were born in 1999.

There's people born over 2000 here and they'll be posting about their birthday next year

>>38119184
xanax for me atleast makes all the background noise go quieter if that makes sense, shuts me down more - I'd say try it atleast then if it doesn't seem worth the price difference go back to valium

>>38119130
>a haircut booked tomorrow
>he's not so much of an autist that he lets his hair grow for years on end so he doesn't have to interact with the hairdresser
ree

>>38118962
I want english phone slags

https://www.t-51.com/ashley-emma-2017-06-24/

>>38119250
>he's not so much of an autist that he lets his hair grow for years on end so he doesn't have to interact with the hairdresser

thats exactly what I've done though and its so out of control I can't wake up or go outside without having to constantly shove it back out of my face.

my mum books it and knows the hairdressers, they know I don't talk and she talks with them a bit when I walk in. Its tolerable

Spooky dream last night lads, wew gives me the willy's tbqhwyl

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-40410459

roasties btfo

>>38119085
Play stuff like Wormed and Cryptopsy too where the singers just make noises.

>>38119170
what you on the antipsychotics for friendo?

what is life like without them?

>self medicating alongside anti-depressants and anti-psychotics

ah yes, don't see any way in which this could go wrong

ah yes take your (((anti-depressents))) and (((anti-psychotics))) young man!

>>38119521
it's fine if you choose not to but don't discourage others from trying to help themselves ebin.

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>Hi there Dr Patelstein, I'm feeling a bit sad
>Hmmm nod good my flend, vut are youh doingh, day-do-daay?
>well I spend all day in my room talking with other sad people online with my blinds closed, sometimes I get up to eat once a day, usually a rustlers burger or maybe just a block of cheese. I stay up until 3am and then sleep for 12 hours
>hmmm I dink you are dipressed, yis?
>that sounds logical!
>I vill priscribe you sum medication dat vill get rid of alllll your emotion, you vill be like zombie!
>wow! sounds like this will solve all my issues, thanks Dr Patelstein!

>>38119607
this is impressive you arn't even sure which minority you want to hate

>wank maybe once every 2 weeks
>blow my load in 10 seconds
not sure how I got here

>Saw the doc today
>tell him my darkest secret
>tells me its normal
>feel kinda fobbed off
>tell him about how fucked things have got
>trying to tell him I almost killed myself
>can't form the words cause I know I'll cry
>doctor pushes the question
>tell him
>burst into tears
>he wants to know how I was going to do it
>question feels weird likes he getting off to it
>tell him anyway
>treats me super nice like a whore he just fucked on my way out
So fucking weird lads

>girl i know online told me she thinks of me when she masturbates

feels good lads

>>38119521
anti depressants are shit. i wish you could get valium or xanax on the nhs they work much better. they wreak your memory though

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>>38119404
>''Plastic surgeon Miles Berry defended the surgery, saying it could improve women's lives.''

>"I have seen patients aged between 16 and 21 who have never had a boyfriend because they are so concerned about this."

>cough while eating toast
>gets stuck in throat
>end up coughing again because it's choking me
>cough it onto the floor in the work kitchen
Luckily no one was there.

>>38119671
He was trying to work out how logically you're thinking, how robust your plan is and if there is any chance of you actually going through with it.

Enjoy your section.

>>38119708
rather take nothing tbqh

>>38119822
You got daddy issues lad, do you want to fuck your mother by any chance?

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Just got one of my teeth pulled lads.
Can't eat or drink anything for 2 hours.
Also my face will be numb for 4 hours.

Alright lads? What is everyone up to today?

Pretty chilled out here. Working on a not-particularly-urgent project and then going for a haircut later.

>>38119841
Nah just lick her arsehole

>>38119894
guess I'll get out of low priority on dota again while wasting the rest of my day haha

>>38119922
I played my first game of dota for like a year yesterday. Should probably stop now before I put another 1500 hours into it.

>>38119953
you definitely should, I barely play it now luckily but I can't bring myself to do anything else and its a gauranteed 30mins wasted

need advice from ebin pls

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>>38119995
about what lad?

>all big parcels arriving today
>still having to wait till Wednesday for the motherboard standoffs to arrive

Reee I should've just bought a new case

>>38119822
wow, lot of effort to stand there and wait for a car or ring the dentist

you must be proper tuckered out now

>>38119894

I'm working 4 days this week Tuesday-Friday and did most of my gardening/cleaning etc chores over the weekend , so I'm almost completely free today

My printer is broken so I'll quickly nip down to the library to print my Eurostar tickets for next week, but apart from that I'm free all day. I'll probably do a good 3-4 hours of Mandarin as I've been slacking over the past week and built up a bit of a backlog on memrise, got a few youtube course vids to get through too.

Other than that, might watch an episode or two of Peep Show/LOST then the remaining 8-10 hours shitposting here

>>38119866
Doxxanon, get him from the shape of his bite!

>>38120018
It's not the effort you ignoramous, it's the disrespect and inconsiderate attitude

>>38120043
respect is earned Tbh

>>38119995
>ebin responds in 33 seconds

jesus christ you do just lurk here all day.

I'm staying up all day today to reset my pattern, any advice? I feel like absolute AIDs. Also should my skin be this pale/my eyes this dark from lack of sunlight?

Feel like I should try and get a new hobby. Thinking piano or drawing but not sure whether it would just be a waste of money either way.

>>38120036

I dunno if you saw last night, but I got Sexy Kev's location from an ice bucket video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4D8BRU08ww

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@53.3956397,-2.665063,90a,35y,304.33h,45.03t/data=!3m1!1e3

specifically number 25

>>38120019
You know, I've never gotten the Eurostar. Are you going to Paris or somewhere further afield? Business or pleasure?

>>38120072
I'd take a 1-2 hour nap whenever you get extremely tired, that should make it so your tired enough to sleep normie hours, thats what I do now.

and I think my skin usually has a darker pigmentation but i'm not sure, I get huge dark rings under my eyes though

>>38120069
Yeah and if you say "hey I'll give you a lift" and disrespect me by turning up late because you didn't give a fuck how long I was stood there like a twat then fuck you I lose any respect I had for you.

Only a cunt acts like that.

>>38120103

I've never gotten it before either actually, pleasantly surprised to hear the luggage allowance is extremely generous and check in is less than half the time of an airport

I'm going to Paris for the Rubik's World Championship. Last went to Paris in 2008

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>>38120130
why didn't you just ring them half way through and ask where they were, or went and got the bus

>>38120124
>tfw 1-2 hour naps turn into 8 hour sleeps.

Yeah my eyes are so dark. I literally look so ill. hate this lifestyle tbqh lad.

>>38120167
my sleeping pattern is shit too, i normally fall asleep at about 11 and wake up at 4-5am

>>38120153
Because he kept saying "on my way" "be there soon" so I waited.

>>38120138
Are you competing or just spectating? Sounds interesting.

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homes under the hammer is an awful programme lads!put my washing on and doing the dishes is looking more appealing!

>>38120204
you're a mug then aren't you, should have told him fuck this I'm getting the bus you beta spastic

>>38120167
yeah it happens, set a really annoying alarm then get something to eat

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>>38120072
>Also should my eyes be this dark from lack of sunlight?
/tomokoeyes/ are a thing to be desired laddy

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>dad wakes me up before midday because I need to check my emails for job application replies
>obviously nowhere has replied
>i'm now sleep deprived and annoyed

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>meant to start a job last week
>couldn't start because they fucked up my paperwork
>still waiting for any updates
>told i might need to get a passport
>if i do i'll have to wait a month and half for that to arrive and then probably a few more weeks before i can start

tfw

>>38120384
they're really not, sometimes I look like a completely tired mess

>>38120384
tomoko <3

How are you up this soon? You went to sleep like 4 hours ago. Manage to resist the sleep jew?

>>38120199
>yeah my sleeping pattern is so shit lol
>I go to sleep at night at wake up in the morning haha :DDD

>>38120389
just go to the passport office and get it done on the day

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>>38120426
>tfw thought he meant 11am and 4/5pm like my regular sleeping hours

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Morning lads!

Not feeling great today desu but mummy needs me to go into town and sort some things. Kind of grateful because it gives me an excuse not to lie around all day and it might make me feel better! Going to purchase some flavoured still water to help myself stop drinking so much low calorie fizzy stuff. Want to start eating some fruit everyday too.

What are your plans for today then anons? Hope you can make the most of the day~

>>38120223
competing, it's my first World Championship although I've no chance of winning, primarily going so I can see the final live

>>38120436
that would cost anon like 150 bong to do it same day

>>38120009
>>38120009
You should fuck off mate

>>38120448
Go away you dirty racist prick with a fake nice personality

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>>38120408
>You went to sleep like 4 hours ago.
Haha, yeah... R-Right...
Been up 18 hours now I think, not sure whether I should go to sleep now or not. I could try to last throughout the day and sort out my sleeping schedule, but I know it'll be fucked within a day again and besides, it's not like I have anything I need to sort it out *for*. I kinda wanna see what daytime /britfeel/ is like though. Liking it so far

Might do lewd things, that'll definitely make me go to sleep

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>tfw on Day 10 without a shit

>>38120522
Why lad. I take like 3 a day probably.

>>38120472
>that would cost anon like 150 bong to do it same day
130, and if it's that much of an issue you have to take the hit

I did it and made a day out of it, was very comfy

>>38120448
Wank and play some mmos

>>38120492
Are you a girl? Original question about gender

>>38120522
mate have some coffee and prunes, or a big bowl of fruit and fibre

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>>38120492
been up 14 hours myself desu. I might join you on your challenge. I figure if I can make it to 8pm then it's a success.

also tfw trying to buy pic related but can't find it anywhere.

>>38120522
Time for the doctor. That is actually dangerous m8.

>>38120492
Morning /britfeel/ is normally quite nice. Just us wagies who can post at work and a collection of early morning or really late night NEETs. Generally gets worse in the afternoon imo.

I think BritNormie should take ebin under his wing, and guide him like a father figure.

>>38120543

>tfw Peterborough is a shithole, I remember that day too

>>38120522
I didn't eat for a week and still pooped on the 4th day, it was black and green tarry shit though I assume it was whatever had been rotting in my intestines making its way down.

>>38120492
>>38120566
Yep I've been up since about 11am Sunday. I tried to go to sleep last night but my brain refused to switch off so I thought fuck it.

>>38120522
enjoy surgery
i would just kill myself if i was in your situation desu

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>waiting for deliveries intensifies

>>38120592
>Generally gets worse in the afternoon imo.
>Gets worse when the personalities wake up in the afternoon from having no job
>What a surprise.

>>38120597
Ebin would just make up excuses and not listen

>>38120597
I wouldn't be keen for that. No disrespect to Ebin, but I don't think he's going to make it. He's 100% sure of his wrongheaded opinion of the world, and stubborn about his beliefs. You can't help someone like that.

It's always pretty mystifying to me. If my life was totally fucked I'd think "Well, maybe I don't know what I'm doing." But it seems like the more fucked up Ebin's life is, the more sure of himself he gets. Weird.

>>38120682
m-me too lad. Keep checking my window to see if the postie is coming down the street

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He's going to shit in the box I just know it.

>>38120740
He's clinging onto the hairline I see.

tfw my head is going to look like that soon.

>>38120740
You made it a bit easy for doxxanon there mate. Even I could do that one.

>>38120740
Is doxxing meant to be this easy?

>>38120714

Where do you think he'll be aged 30-35?

fucking hell, that comment was unoriginal

Think I'm going to end it all lads. Basically living by myself, going insane. Only person I've talked to today is the lady at the grocery store, I just want to end it all.

Is it wrong as a 30 year old to want a 3DS?

>>38120740

I'm pretty sure this is the same anon who almost got murdered by a lunatic outside his flat

>>38120802
At 30, probably in the exact same chair he's sitting in right now, doing the exact thing he's doing now.

At 35, maybe he'll be in a council flat, but everything else will be exactly the same.

He thinks he has everything figured out, so why would he ever change?

>>38120821
That sounds like heaven to most people here mate.

>>38120537
>>38120566
>>38120662
I intentionally hold it in because the bowel convulsions get so intense that they're orgasmic. Better than orgasmic, in fact. At their peak they have me desperately pressed against the wall for support in pure ecstasy. But still it takes nearly a week until I even get the vague sensation of needing a shit. I blame that on my terrible diet. I never eat fruit/veg and pretty much only eat pizza/steak bakes/chicken/potatoes
>>38120563
The one time I gorged on tangerines I did have pretty powerful diarrhoea...

>>38120838
>At 30, probably in the exact same chair he's sitting in right now, doing the exact thing he's doing now.

I don't know why but that made me laugh so much

COME ON TIM!!

>quiet please

>>38120847
>holds shits in
>because the feeling is orgasmic
/britfeel/

>>38120828
>Is it wrong as a 30 year old to want a 3DS?
who cares? Only a bit of fun.

>>38120843

Yeah, I thought it would be too, but until you experience it, it's weird. I've fantasied about how quiet it would be, etc but when there is nobody around to talk to you realise how lonely you are.

>>38120828
You might as well just ask if it's wrong for a 30 year old to want a Playstation 4 or Xbox One.

If you want one, bloody go out and buy one lad. The 30+ year olds in Japan don't worry about that when it comes to using the 3DS in public.

>>38120885
>'oh boy, I've been alone for a while now. I'm starting to feel lonely'
>'maybe I'll go outside for the first time in ages just to talk to someone'
>chavs start jeering at you within 30 seconds of going outside
ah yes

Anyone actually REEEEEE in real life?

There was a girl at my school with the surname "Cockman" and literally no one made fun of her and I don't know why

>>38120847
kill yourself degenerate
Not suprised this wasnt originaall

>>38120925
I once went on some anonymous cam room group websites, connected with my webcam whipped my dick out and spun it around like a helicopter whilsts screaming Reeeee into the microphone, it was pretty cathartic tbqh, did it a few times.

>>38120925
Not exactly but I do make loud weird noises sometimes if something fucks up (an I'm alone). Also when I get in from having to be outside for a few hours I take off my clothes and shout and swear as a form of release.

>>38120925
I once knew one guy who did it CONSTANTLY, like after every second sentence. I thank god that I'm not actually that autistic

>>38120957
Mate don't pretend like shitting doesn't feel heavenly

>>38120952
I knew a girl with the name McManus and people would call her 'Mac Man Anus'

>>38120924
That's not the right meme format lad.

>Pale as fuck from lack of sunlight due to sleeping all day and staying up all night.
>Decide to go to the beach to get some vitamin d
>Look up weather report for local beach
>Sunnyasfuck.jpeg
>Get to beach and start sunbathing
>Suddenly a thousand normies descend on the beach in scenes like the invasion of normandy
>All piling off boats
>"FAT FUCK. FATTY FATTY FATTY BUM BUM"
>Seagulls swoop down and start pecking my head until its bleeding
>A school of fish leap out of the ocean into the air
>"WHO ATE ALL THE PIES" they say in a nasally fishy voice
>Run away and cower behind a large rock

Never leave the house lads.

>>38120971
It doesnt for me. It's just another inconvenience.

>>38120952

There was a guy at my school called 'John Smith' and he got absolutely ravaged for it

>>38120984
>WHEYYY JOHN SMITH. WHAT A SHIT NAME HAHAHAHAH

>>38120984
You should have seen what they did to 'Steve Jones', brutal

>>38120984
Ave it!

Oh yes.

>>38120984

You could probably doxx him just from his name alone

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>>38120981
Fucking kek

I just wanted to use the 'ah yes' meme, I really like it desu

>>38120984
If my mom got divorced I wouldve been called John Smith luckily I escaped that fate and the John Wheenies name remains untarnished

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I just found a Google street view car on Google street view

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@52.0658808,-2.1579603,3a,19.3y,208.08h,84.03t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sL2PIT9DK265-0xC9JDlPmw!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

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>>38120984
I had a teacher in secondary school who had the same second name as me, everyone thought he was my dad

>>38120802
I'm having a cheeky cry right now desu, don't know about 30

>tfw last name is a first name
Get called it all the time.

>>38121056
>strensham services northbound
Planning your next route SS Anon?

>>38121055
>he wants to get doxxed

My fucking computer chair is broken lads, a bolt snapped off of it and left half if itself in the chair. Reeeee a new one is gunna set me back 30-70quid what the shit lads just fucking bury me.

>>38121112
No way of removing the bolt and getting a new bolt?

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Look around you and post the first 3 things that annoy the fuck out of you

>I'm forced to have the PS Store, TV and Whats New apps on my PS4 homescreen when all I want it to show is my games
>Modern houses still only come equipped with 2-4 plug sockets per room when most people have at least a phone, tv and laptop not to mention camera's, games consoles, printers, routers and tons of other shit to plug in
>Nobody has invented a baguette yet that doesn't explode into a million crumbs when you bite into it

>have to buy a new pair of glasses cause I broke the old ones
ah shit.

>>38121095

That was very well spotted anon

>>38121141
>myself
>my job
>the people around me

>>38121081
Hi Jeremy Kyle, can I be on your show? I need someone to sort my life out

Anyone have the pic of a Jeremy Kyle show where Pepe is the guest? Caption is something like 'you need to stop smoking weed and be a father to your kids'. Looked everywhere but can't find it

>>38121134
Its way up in there lad, just made the beginning of the day that much worst

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>>38121155
Maybe I can be doxxanon's protege

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>>38121172
I have this one, might be another one with that caption though

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>>38121207
Thanks anon you're an absolute star, I like this one even more

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>tfw lost the same bank card I got replaced last week

Who else here /incompetent/?

Tomoko-chan, please be my autistic gf

>>38121242
Leave /britfeel/ you useless racist

>>38121242
I may be incompetent but at least I'm not a racist

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>>38121234
Here's a larger version lad

>>38121271
Very much appreciated, reverse image search only returned 125x125 copies

>>38120838
not ebin but it took me till 29 to get a full time slavery placement. didn't move out of my mums till 35. i didn't see any future for myself in my early 20s. not saying i've got my shit together my life's still a mess but it's slightly better than it was 10 yr ago.

>>38120952
There were two kierans in my year. Dont think i ever heard anyone call them queeran. This was an all boys school too.

>>38121315
How do you handle being alone forever?

In my 30s now, and the idea is killing me

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Just made mummy cry by accident

>>38121352
Just swap her for a 7/10 mummy

>>38121341
>tfw my name is kieran but I never got called queeran
Everything went better than expected

>>38121370
i'd rather have nobody, I just feel guilt

>>38121381
Alright Queeran?

>>38121352
How did you do that laddy?
>inb4 something to do with your status as a NEET

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>>38121393
D-Don't be mean lad...

>>38121396
Was trying to tell her I can't really take living here or like this but moving out is impossible and it would appear there isn't any methods of escape and I'd rather not be alive cue condescending remarks that remind me that its even harder than I expect.

>>38121413
Queeran

>>38121081
my last name is McCoy. i was always asked if i was related to doctor who, the guy from star trek or the crisps

>>38121342
i came to terms with that in my early teens.knew i'd be alone for ever.
had a pupper when i first moved out.actually moved out so i could get the dog. had to get rid of him 3 month after though when family refused to look after him when i was at work.
got a catto now so i've somebody to talk to, but gonna have to get rid of him and move back to my mums for a couple yrs to get a debt paid off

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My girl just text me this morning asking me to go out with her before she flys out to magaluf for a week with her mate.

Might be the last time I get to kiss her before I'm tasting other mens semen on her tongue.

>>38121487
>Might be
At least you think positively.

Just began my 5th week of pulling sickies.

I cannot be stopped.

>>38121487

She's definitely going to be dumping you Anon

>>38121487
The male to female ratio in those places is absolutely insane, so odds are she's going to be a slutbucket in that environment

>male ex is driving me round to find new places to live
>i just want to stay here because I can't look after myself properly
>equally I can't live with people
i feel sick from anxiety i dont wanna find a new place

>>38121508
Dont you need a dr's note by this point?

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>>38121434
Well done for telling her lad. That was really brave. Honesty is better than pretence . Don't regret it okay!? You've taken the first step and she now knows how you feel. Couldn't be more proud of you qt!

>>38121541
post your legs
oraoorginnnlal

>>38121530
Self cert for the first week then I got a doctors note to cover me for the following 3 weeks.

I went to work for half an hour on Friday so I could switch back to a self cert for this week.

>>38121541
Go away you fake personality racist cunt

>>38121525
How comes he's your ex anon? Did he do that thing that guys do and stick his dick in a bunch of other people?

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I dreamt I had a thirteen inch member and I was doing a girl from college in the arse with it.

ANALyse that, Freud.

>>38121589
no, he's a suicidal stoner who spends literally all his money on weed and I couldn't take it anymore

>>38121611
you feel inferior to black men
-the doctor

>>38121611
>Tilde.png

just found out i got a 2.1 lads, finished on 60.5%, was a close one haha
i was going to kill myself if i got a 2.2

>>38121541
You forgot your tilde faggot

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>tfw browsing through old britfeel archives trying to find specific exchanges I've had with people so I can relieve happier times

:(

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>>38121611
You require a lethal dose of morphine in order to fix that lad

Lads I don't know his this has happened but I've just pissed on my own dick

Post fuked up shit you did as a kid

>I cut a toy puppet into pieces in front of my crying grandmother as she pleaded with me not to as it was the first gift my grandfather ever gave her

>>38121635
Well done lad I'm really proud of you. What are your plans for the future?

>>38121615
Sorry to hear that man. If the prospect of you leaving him can't stop his suicidal weed addiction, then I doubt nothing can.

>>38121654
i used an electric toothbrush on mine and the neighbour boy's willy

Hola from Spain niggers. This place is full of headscarf wearing shitskins.

I just want the post to arrive so I know how shit my day will be ffs

>>38121654
what the fuck is wrong with you. why would you do that. fuckin mental case

>>38121654
>oh, I love mh life as a sociopath
>all my friends are sociopaths too
>come with me let's be sociopaths
>haven't you heard? being a sociopath's cool

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_5uVdy5YmA

The whole weekend all I did was watch james buckley's YouTube channel and listen to italo disco

>>38121654
i shit on the floor to see if my dog would eat it. he did

>>38121656
thanks mate
not sure tbqh, haven't thought about it, would like to take some time off doing fuck all first though

A bit erect penis comes out of NOWHERE, slaps your face and ass cheeks. Whats your move after these events?

>>38121717
I call up Sexy Kev to protect me.

>>38121717
wonder who bit it

who else here likes hairy pussy. shaved disgusts me desu

>>38121627

Are you ever not thinking about black penises, /pol/lad?

>>38121644

Technically it fixed itself when I woke up... but okay, let's get fuckin' high, brother!

Pretty sure I was molested by ayyy lmaos last night.

>>38121687
Dunno, didn't have a conscience like most kids I guess. Only thing that stopped me was fear of being caught.

>Would raid relative's drawers and pocket valuables when we visited them
>Manipulated my brothers into shoplifting for me
>In my teens there were a dozen or so situations where I could've raped someone but was too afraid of getting caught to do it even though I really wanted to

>>38121654
When I was in juniors I nicked a boy in my class' rare pokemon card. He started bawling uncontrollably and I gave it back after being overcome with guilt. I wish I was a cool sociopath like you. I thought I could get away with it by saying 'I saw someone else with it and they threw it on the floor at which point I picked it up', my tiny brain not realising that person might say 'no I didn't'.

>>38121717
Stay on my guard in case it comes again and I have to beat it off

>boss yelling at me because the apprentice quit
>all because I told him I'd bum the fuck out of him if he kept just standing there doing nothing
Goddamn teenage fanny.

>>38121654
When I was 8-9 I was fascinated by dick cheese, so I would purposely pull my foreskin up and pee inside it, trying to create as much dick cheese as possible, it got to the point where my bellend was completely white and covered in dick cheese. Eventually I scraped it all off, and my penis was fine but for a solid year my bellend had about an inch of dick cheese over it.

>>38121775
It turns invisible on its return.

The only way you can locate it is by a gentle humming sound the pension makes from its tip.

The pension gives you a choice to surrender and bend over and take it for five minutes. It will leave you alone for ever.

If you stay and fight, it shall return once a year to battle you, unannounced

>>38121803
Obviously pension is penis

>>38121541
feel a lot worse now desu, I don't think its possible to take it into my own hands and do anything

>>38121785
Maybe you shouldn't have threatened to bum him desu, that's not very nice

>>38121615
bet you still enjoy getting fucked by him though you delusional faggot

>>38121644

How can a serial killer with so many victims have such a loveable kind face

>>38121813
Ita also not nice having a mouthbreating retard standing watching me all day when there's loads of stuff he can do, but won't because he has zero initiative.

>>38121810

Can't you get housing bennies and a council flat?

>>38121853
maybe but how could I even start that process? my parents just get angry if I suggest anything and I then feel too guilty

>white man drives van into crowd at mosque in london; zero deaths
>white man drives van into crowd at mosque in paris, zero deaths
>http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/gunmen-open-fire-crowd-outside-10727742 white men open fire on a mosque in france; zero deaths
Allah is preserving them, why aren't you converting yet?

>>38121853
no. gotta houseshare till you're 35, and the houseshare will be full of alcoholics/druggos

>>38121867
Its online takes about an hour at most, you'll then get a face to face interview afterwards where they'll go over everything, then you'll get your bennies in six weeks.

Tescos have doritoes on the meal deal again. Today is a good day

>>38121903
They also have tubes of pringles for 1.24

FUCKING BARGAINS LADS

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>>38121807
>Obviously pension is penis
Are you sure lad

>>38120078
Get into wine brewing lad. 20 quid for a cabernet souvinion kit from wilkos

>>38121902
what is? I think this anon is right
>>38121899

and most landlords don't accept unemployed either, I'd be trading awful living conditions for awful living conditions in some rundown house share most likely

>>38121923
That pic makes it too real lad. Am spooked now

>>38121835
With your guidance he could have become something great. But no, you were too busy thinking of bumming him.

>>38121903
>>38121920
>He doesnt shop lift bags of crips and energy drinks
Lol, your not even trying

>>38121975
>Risking the hassle of being caught and barred for the price of a packet of crisps

>>38120925
I ree'd in a club once

>>38120925
I did it at some people using a tool outside my window and they stopped for a bit while i did it

>Barclay's won't accept the authorisation code from amazon for a refund because they require amazon to fax them because lolfraud
ALL I WANNA DO IS BUY FOOD STOP MAKING IT SO HARD REEE

>>38121998
Tesco always prosecute.

>>38121998
Lad i spend nothing on food.
Just walk into tescos when its really busy and fill a coat with walkers and redbull
Maybe buy a sandwitch at the self checkout so you dont look suspicious

Its easy and even if you get caught just cover your face with the coat and sprint out

>>38121639

fembots OUT!

>>38122060
>cover face with coat
>run out
>run into wall
Reeeee

>>38122054
>Tesco always prosecute.
They dont. If you pay an on the spot fine that's the end of it

>>38121967
I taught him at the right pace. He's just a dim wit with no common sense. Only reason my boss cares is because it's one of his mates lads.

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>>38122071
B-but I'm not a woman, I'm a guy

Going t' shop in bit.
Scared of muggles tbqhl, you mad lads want anything?

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>tfw your Daimyo will never become shogun (military ruler of all japan)

>>38122140
Cherry Coke, can. Scotch eggs and scampi fries

>>38122140
Can you get me a qt moral gf please northernlad

Oh and some bourbons

>>38122080
If you have the money to pay a fine you shouldn't be shoplifting.

Shoplifting is only ok when you're destitute and you've got no choice. I did a lot of shoplifting in my time, but even if I just had a fiver, I'd pay for my food.

>>38122155
Cherry Pepsi is better. Can only find it in diet though.

>>38122139

American lesbians OUT!

>>38122140
Can you get me one of these please >>38122168, but change the gf to a bf

Bourbons as well

>>38122140
Bag of tomato snaps and a 1 quid scratchy please lad

>>38122183
>bf
>moral
Only one, pick it

>>38122140
Could I please have a box of condoms, a bottle of Gordon's gin, a girly mag, and a box of chocolate fingers desu

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Remind me to turn the oven off at 13:40 lads

>>38122053
at least youre protected

>>38122220
Turn the oven off at 13:40

>>38122220
don't burn your waffles again lad

When the fuck is "Shape of You" coming off the fucking radio? It's been on the radio like 3 times a day every day since it's come out. I fucking hate this song and chart music in general

>>38122220
Not a fan of this new autist lads.
Remember to place head in oven at 13:40.

>>38122223
I rang up again and got an English bloke and he did it for me, pajeet was a dick.

>>38122232

I'll be more careful this time

>>38122256
made me chuckle desu

>>38122255
What station you listening to lad? I stick with radio 2, more variety

>>38122262
Dunno think it's Heart.

I'd change it to Radio 1 (or better still play my own music) but unfortunately at work this is what I have to listen to. Fuck this majority female workplace

>>38122255
>Hate chart music
>Listen to the radio

?

>>38122284
See >>38122283
origoriporigiano

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>>38122255
>I fucking hate this song and chart music in general

Why are you listening to the radio then lad?

Put on Radio X or something.

>the rotting chicken fillet has burst into a blood puss pile on the kitchen floor, the flat now has a sweet sickly rotten meat odour

Us NEETs? right guys???

>>38122283
my parents only ever listen to heart. its torture. its the same music as radio 1 only with ads and a shitter host

saw a dead mole when i was out walking my dog this morning lads

>>38122294
FUCK this guy looks like me, cringe ponytail and everything

>>38122293
Just get a pair of good noise canceling headphones.

>>38122294
Is system considered metal? They seem quirky and fun too me, maybe a bit political. If they're metal they're a very friendly metal band.

this is proper "teach me how to be an adult because I don't know" level stuff but can anyone shed light on name changes. Specifically, my name was legally changed years ago and the lass who gave us the name change deed apparently fucked up and there's something wrong with the document, my new job is at the NHS and they've sent it back saying nah mate we can't take that go get another document of proof or we can't let you work here.

So we asked them what can be done and they said get a deed poll thing online, but I don't get how in the fuck that can be acceptable cos I could fill in anything on there? If the logic is "his birth certificate has a different last name on it, maybe he's stolen someone elses" then how does this piece of paper that I ordered this week, where you literally just fill in a box that says "previous name" and they print it on paper, prove that 9 years ago my name was changed? Or is it just that at a certain point they'll trust you as long as your documents line up.

im a fucking child i dont understand the world help

>>38122294
See>>38122293 and >>38122255
WEW CAN YOU BOYS EVEN READ

>>38122294
>>38122321
Ponytail mustard race, feels good looking scuffed

>>38122330

>I'll change me name to something autistic and it won't have consequences later on in life

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I'm so fucking exhausted guys. That's all I have to say right now.

>>38122309
I only listen to digital radio stations.
The ads dont bother me because it's 2 minute ads, then music for 20. Better than fucking 2 minute song, 8 minute chat, 4 minute song, 20 minutes talking shite like I call what lauran levirne ate for breakfast.

>>38122335
To be fair, I wrote it before you posted, and by the time I posted you already answered. Fuck off lad, you seem autistic if you can't comprehend that.

>>38122328
Are System Metal.
Probably? They're the same scene as Slipknot and the like so probably.

>>38122309
I swear Heart is the designated Mum station, my mum listens to either Heart or Kiss

>>38122365
>I swear Heart is the designated Mum station, my mum listens to either Heart or Kiss

rip lad, those are nigger lover stations, your mum loves blacks

>>38122363
>To be fair, I wrote it before you posted, and by the time I posted you already answered. Fuck off lad, you seem autistic if you can't comprehend that.
I-I am autistic ;_; I just get grouchy is all

>>38122360
it's literally just from my dads last name to my mams last name

alcoholic anon here from earlier, i am the stage of drunkenness where i find everything hilarious
please tell me your best joke

>>38122365
>walk into work crew room
Kerrang Radio is on
Change it to Absolute Radio

>>38122381

Why change it?

>>38122326
Doubt I'd be allowed to, since part of my job is answering phones

>>38122386
my life

oriroir

Turns out that lump on my testicle is benign
well chuffed

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>>38122386
.
.
.
.
.
>Alcoholic anon comes into the surgery
>Has consumed a lot of alcohol this morning
>Laughing and stumbling all over the place
>Wants me to give him some caffeine to sober up
>Give him a lethal dose of morphine instead

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Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Can't live for tomorrow,
Tomorrow's much too long
I'll burn my eyes out
Before I get out

I wanted more
Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
Of saving face

Today is the greatest
Day I've never known
Can't wait for tomorrow
I might not have that long
I'll tear my heart out
Before I get out

Pink ribbon scars
That never forget
I tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings
Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings

Today is
Today is
Today is
The greatest day

I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you

Today is the greatest
Today is the greatest day
Today is the greatest day
That I have ever really known

muy origineaux

>>38122422
>feel lump on testicle
>have mini heart attack
>turns out it is my testicle

>>38122386

What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

>>38122427
You are my least favourite poster.
origorig

>>38122220
Turn the oven off lad.

>>38122220
OVEN LAD

>>38122471
>>38122486

Thanks lads, perfectly golden brown

Going out for a walk. I don't usually go at this time. Hope its not busy.

>>38122456
buckled at tis one lad, cheers

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Looking out the door
I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations
As their shoes fill up with water
Maybe I'm too young
To keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so
You'll never know

Broken down and hungry for your love
With no way to feed it
Where are you tonight?
Child, you know how much I need it.
Too young to hold on
And too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away,
When he feels like he should be having his fun
Much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that, really,
He has no one

>boom, it's suddenly the year 2002

Any lads want to play firearms 2.5 with me?

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will I look strange if I'm wearing a biggish coat and everyone else is in t-shirts?

>>38122546
too busy playing runescape lad

>>38122563
How about some MSN messenger chat

>>38122500
>wagies on lunch
>biddies with nothing better to do
>middle class middle aged people who can take the day off work to go shop at waitrose for five hours and complain about free coffee
>costa mums and their ten thousand screaming kids in pushchairs
>chavs and benefits Britain
>foreigners just pottering about aimlessly
You'll be fine

>>38122546
>it's 2002
>wanna play video games.

>>38122581
>Costa mums

Jesus lad, thier the worse

>>38122546
too busy pooping myself

>tfw on google street view at 2 different locations

walked through hull city centre at 1am last night. was scary and comfy at the same time

>>38122591
Tell me about it. When I was at college I would go into town for my four hour breaks and sit in Costa to do homework and play 3DS inb4 bing bing wahoo, and all the fucking young mummies would clog up the cafe with their shitty screaming children. Was the worst. Still, I preferred the comfy sofas and overpriced coffee to the boring old college library so it worked out okay.