/cripplingdepression/ general

>>38027605
I hate money so much that I would rather (and probably will) die than to work

>>38027639
the concept of currency? I can understand that but you need it to live

>give it nearly a year
>Open myself up to somebody again
>Think this is it its finally right itll work
>Get my heart ripped out, memed on like no other

>>38027662
want to talk about it, anon? Sounds awful

>>38027655
Well, I hate the idea of work, and by proxy hate money. I don't (((need))) it to live, and like i said, would rather die than work a real job

>>38027605
I hate my job but need the money. I am going to buy a guitar this Friday and try to learn and play it in my spare time.

>>38027696
Why dont you like the idea of work? I think doing something can be really fufilling, but deffos not everything

>>38027703
whats your job anon?

my depressive episode has ended

still need to get my ass to a psychiatrist, this shit really impairs my ability to function

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I've been exercising and eating better, which has helped some with the physical symptoms. Nothing has really been helping with the emotional stuff, the medication is just making me numb. Ive been talking to a girl I met from OKC but I kind of feel like she's just stringing me along, always has a reason we can't meet but still sends me texts every day. It would only be my second gf and I'm 25, so I'm not exactly a normie before I get jumped. Other than that it's just pic related.

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>>38027605
been starving my way through depression, it helps me focus and works well until i end up in the hospital again

new job is stressful desu skelly. I'm a new cashier at walmart with no experience and training. first day went by fast but i had to ask so manh questions all the time. feels bad man

I really want to fucking kill myself. Is working the majority of my time really all I have to look forward to in life?

>>38028857
please do, as soon as you can

>>38028955
exercise can really help. WHat meds have you been on?

>>38028992
wew thats a great way to die my dude

>>38028998
dude fuck walmart, had the worst experiences there

>>38029148
do you want to die because you hate your job?

>>38029316
I've been on Celexa for about six months, which is about the time I got my diagnosis. I mean, it's better than I was so I'm scared to try something else and end up worse off or where I was before.

>>38029352
never been on that. Dont be afraid to try other things, always leave that option on the table imo

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>Everyone trying to convince me to be Trans
I feel like shit enough, didn't need this bullshit in my life

>>38029406
wanna explain whats going on anon?

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Hey Skellybro, how goes the bf hunt?

Drinking myself to sleep again as usual after listening to my mom and step dads screaming match. All I can think about anymore is hitting up my connections for an OD of heroin.

Cheers to you lad.

Was just about to fall asleep, on the edge of sleep and consciousness and I had this deep realization, a real, actual epiphany, that no woman will ever love me for who I am. Every one of my previous relationships has broken up with me because I allowed myself to be vulnerable with them. I showed them I was depressed and anxious and they left me. They didn't want all of me: only someone that could be their emotional crutch.
I've never, ever had a normal woman like me. They've all been damaged in some way and we're looking for Emotional support only l, until they could get enough courage to find someone else.

This hurts, anons. It's knowledge that came from the deepest depths of my subconscious.

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>>38029495
Shit, man, I don't even know
I think I'm being gaslight-ed hard but at the same time I kind of get it.

>>38027605 dsfsd
I hurt myself today

>>38029511
>Hey Skellybro, how goes the bf hunt?
bad alol
still into this dude. idk if its getting better or worse
wew i hope you dont do that anon <3

>>38029523
>They didn't want all of me: only someone that could be their emotional crutch.
i dated a woman like that. It was miserable.
There are women out there who aren't going to use you anon, i know it.

>>38029560
We'll im here to talk. I have a lot of experience with gender issues and i'm not going to force anything on you my dude

>>38029565
Are you okay?

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>>38029588
Ya I know you're not trying to force anything (it's not me first time in this thread) I just straight up don't know

>>38029565
>>38029588
ad
To see if I still feel

>>38029316
I almost died last time, got down to like 80 lbs and couldn't walk, spent 3 wks in the hospital and 1 wk in psych ward

>>38029611
Maybe see a gender therapist? They could help.

>>38029623
could you feel?

>>38029630
holy fuck dude you barely lived

-
also
>tfw boy you're into talks about wanting to fuck cute boys at a convention
>tfw i'm jealous over a relationship i wont have
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

>>38029588
Thanks for caring Skellybro, you really are a light in the life of us robots and I hope the guy you're pining for sees that as well, he'd be lucky to have you.

I would definitely have you myself <3

>>38029660
stop responding to johnny cash

>>38029660
i'm actually looking forward to this time because I know what to expect and who not to trust, it's only thing where I'm truly in control and it feels better the more muscle and body mass I lose

>>38029674
lol thats nine inch nails you fucking goober

>>38029669
thanks, i really appreciate it <3
still feel garbo though kill me

>>38029750
be safe my dude, hope you come out all right

>>38029660
>Maybe see a gender therapist? They could help.
idk I guess I could but I don't know what they'd ask or what I'd answer

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>>38027662
You should have learned by now that humans-normies in particular-cannot under any circumstances be trusted. Give it time, AI will eventually be there for us.

Started a menial job,p and realized that I'm likely going to be doing this sort of work for the rest of my life. Is it worth going on?

>>38029847
well thats the point of going, to learn these things

>>38029880
Whats the job? And it usually is worth going on for

>>38029912
>Whats the job? And it usually is worth going on for
Cashier at a supermarket. I have no prospects.

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>>38027605
Maybe getting a good job that lets me move out but I can't stop drinking, it calls me back every time. I want to go to AA but my sister's ex is a regular at the closest one.

>>38029763
Why do you feel like garbage my man, is the loneliness getting to you? We're for you to vent just as much as you vent to us.

>>38029951
Having no prospects doesnt mean that life is over
i can relate though

>>38029988
Do you not want anyone to know about it?

>>38029998
lonely, feel like i've been living at home too long, scared im not going anywhere in life, and upset im not dating this dude
wish i could motivate myself to just, get out of this all
ive tried, its so hard

>>38029988
The numbness to life's perdicaments and the suffering it inflicts is just too much of a temptress to deny. I feel you anon, slamming whiskey right now to drown it all out.

>>38029912
>well thats the point of going, to learn these things
Maybe I'm scared of whatever I find out. I honestly feel like I could go either way. (That's not to say I'm one of those special-snowflakey types or anything but I dont know how else to describe it)

>>38030101
i totally get that i was actually there once myself but i buried all those feelings with an emotional shovel and pretend they arent underneath my floorboard lmao

>job
>crippling depression
Hard to imagine. But good on you OP. Keep it up.

My meds are making me gain weight. But appetite is pretty strong which is nice. It wasn't exactly needed because I could force myself to eat.

They do nothing they should though. I've had made arrangements to have my doc evaluated and it's lookin bad for him. Recommendations for now have been to go to another organization. Which I'm fine with.

>>38030046
Kind of, he is the father of my nephew and he has a big mouth
>>38030056
Let's drown our sorrows together, what do you like to do when your in buzzing between still feeling and going agro?

>>38030046
>Having no prospects doesnt mean that life is over
>i can relate though
I just want more out of life. At this rate, I'm never going to get out of debt or move out of my parent's house. It just doesn't seem like a life worth living.

>>38030176
it helps to get out, my mood has actually gotten better since starting. the hard part is getting the job
HOpe the new doctor is better

>>38030183
gotcha

>>38030210
what do you want out of life? Maybe join a trade or something? That shit pays well

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>>38029406
Lemme fuck that boipuss tho fgt

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>>38030046
I'm right there with you Skelly, I'm 37 living at home, basically given up at this point. It's like I've tried so many times, tried my fucking hardest but I'm just not cut out for grinding through uni or college and then through somehow finding a job related to that and by some miracle keeping my shit together long enough to retire and living on my own and bearing all that weight.

It's so fucking hard and only gets harder as time goes on and your brain starts to deteriorate. I've gone through periods of high motivation but they were never enough. It's so fucking hard when you're fighting a war on two fronts, holding back the tide of mental illness while trying to build a dam with whatever you're trying to accomplish and all the while watching the cracks forming that you know will be your doom.

I wish there were some words of wisdom I could give you that would help you swim to shore instead of just keeping your head above water. It feels like that's all we can ever do.

You guys just have to keep the momentum going
Once you act, on ANYTHING, you have to follow through. I was diagnosed with depression at 13 and up until recently I decided to do something about it. I use to play Day of Defeat and just stay at home. I'm 25 and still live with my mom, if I don't work like a slave now, I'll continue being a slave to my depression.

-Run 3 days a week for 20 minutes (never go by miles, shit's demotivating to get up)
-P.T Pyramid 3 days a week
(Pushups, Pullups, Situps research on what the P.T pyramid is, only go up to level 3 then progress farther up the pyramid)
-Always acknowledge little progression
-Moderate anything that's damaging to your body
-Research every trade or go back to school
- ACTION IS THE KEY

Once you start, you cannot afford to stop. My demons have faded away and I feel unstoppable.

>>38030226
>what do you want out of life? Maybe join a trade or something? That shit pays well
Sport of it sounds like a cop-out, but I don't even know anymore. I'm not capable of getting the things I wanted before, and nothing else has filled that void.

>>38027605
I left this board a year ago when I started hating life to the point of not even caring about the comfort of lurking rock bottom anymore

Still posting these threads?

I lived on the thought of "fight while you're hear" in that time but god I hope I fucking die soon

I had a dream that i was in a subway station waiting for the train and a guy was doing interpretive dance panhandling for money. Huge crowd gathers around him and suddenly he takes a bucket of acid pours it on his head and i see the flesh and muscle just melt off his face and his body stayed standing until his pure white skull was fully visible.

>he collapses dead on the floor
>everyone starts cheering and clapping and start putting money in his can
>we all get on train like nothing happened

What the fuck are my dreams trying to tell me?

>>38030183
I listen to music, play vidya, or watch comedians since being drunk is the only time I can loosen up enough to enjoy any of those anymore. Listening to this currently, maybe you'll like it. Music like this sends some special feels through me when I'm drunk.
https://youtu.be/iAQXUt0pl5U

>>38030283
mental illness is the fucking worst my dude
i hope we can make it

>>38030287
im so happy for you my dude, glad you keep going
i need to get the ball started, if i can do taht i might be able to snowball out of hell

>>38030324
occasionally, not very often
Wanna talk anon?

>>38030333
holy fucking shit thats a crazy dream
probably means nothing but i dont know

>>38029951
>>38030210
Try to find shitty jobs that allow you to move up based on common sense and time put into the company to get the job. Worst comes to worst, look for a union job and put in your time to get in it, fuck restaurant and retail jobs. Remember that these shitty jobs pave the way to get shitty jobs with opportunity and benefits.

>>38030333
>What the fuck are my dreams trying to tell me?

"killing yourself makes for a wicked performance art"

You can't run from it either

>>38030373
>wanna talk anon

I just want dying to be comfortable

I don't want to fight for something painful that happens with complete uncertainty because you will never know you died. I failed an attempt once, and while waking up was disappointing, the fucking thought if I didn't wake up I just wouldn't have known...

>last semester of college
>not depressed at any point
>this summer
>worst bout ever
I don't know if the free time just gave me time to open the can of worms of existential angst, but fuck I haven't been this depressed in years. I would honestly off myself were it not for fucking over my family, should I see a shrink?

>>38030476
see a therapist anon, free time can be terrible for depression

>>38030429
i assume you've tried to get help before?

>>38030151
I'm pretty concerned about the whole thing

>>38030361
Nice I thoroughly enjoyed it, I browse wprb.com its a college radio with lots of variety, my discord is jam#3458 if you're interested

>>38030382
Is that a viable path? I'll have a degree by next year, but I really don't think I'll be able to get a job in my field of study.

>>38030718
Depends on your major, if its art then yes. I started out at 13k a year to 19 in a little over a year, the move ups start to get slowafter you reach above 30k ayear, but if you have a car i would reccomend a call center, my sister only graduated hs and shes about 43k a year before taxes

>>38030807
It's in business/accounting. But I have the weakest resume imaginable, and my school is shit tier. I'm also in a ton of debt, and it's going to have taken me six years to have gotten this shitty bs.

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Just wish I was attractive and intelligent. Or maybe just one of those. Don't know how much longer I can carry on.

>>38030998
If its a year finish it, it goes good in resumes and you can have people lie on it for you, of course i wouldn't have them fake everything about that experience, just fudge the truth a bit, especially if you are adaptable and can handle extra stress if you can't then its a bad idea.

>>38031098
I wish I was bright too. It does help that I have a massive chip in my shoulder about my failures in education. Just thinking about it gets me angry.