Anhedonia (No pleasure) Thread

>>38026537
I'm getting there. I can't bring myself to get a job that might make me money. The thought of surrendering 1/2 of my waking hours to make "money". It isn't worth it.

This realization came with me realizing I had to give up really ever desiring much of anything. This led to me slowly becoming less and less attached to things that used to bring me joy.

I still have "hobbies" and try to stay entertained but I have no money to put towards anything. For example, I have a bookshelf of books I could read, but I can't buy any more books; I have guns I could shoot, but I have a limited supply of ammo and would rather save it; I have aging video games that may break any day and mostly aren't that fun anymore. I recently got back into drawing, but I'm limited to a No. 2 mechanical pencil and few drawing pencils I have laying around.

I think by my next birthday, I will be largely without any pleasures and honestly one step closer to killing myself.

>>38026645
Do you still retain the capacity to enjoy things?

>>38026537
dope with weed can make a good afternoon, but it sounds like you're looking for a long term solution or a goal you can work towards.

>>38026708
I don't really think so. There's no motivation left within me. I've sat and thought about all the things I could aspire to (and feasibly do, since I'm going to a good school), and nothing interests me in the slightest. If I have a whim to make some music, I do it, and that's it. The only thing I still really desire is to regain my emotions and pleasures back. The rest means nothing.

>>38026668
I don't know. I get a fleeting feeling of joy sometimes, but it's just that. I goes away as soon as whatever caused it goes away. Most of the stuff just passes the time or catches my attention. I wouldn't call it 'joy' or 'pleasure' though.

>>38026767
Yeah, that sounds like Anhedonia. From the sound of it, though, it's strongly associated with depression, and curing the latter should greatly help the former. Have you spoken to a doctor?

>>38026537
>Any other Anhedonia sufferers on this board?
Yes

>How are you guys?
Not great. I've gotten to the point where I don't enjoy anything. I find whatever I can to waste as much time as possible while being less painful than everything else. I hardly have the motivation to keep breathing.

>>38026537
Ketamine and TMS seem to be effective at treating depression. Maybe they'll get rid of this symptom too?

Psilocybin is another thing that comes to mind.

Then again, I haven't tried any of these things myself.

>>38026890
Could you tell me your relation to the following?:
- Food
- Sex
- Your former favorite passion
- Exercise (if applicable)

>>38026804
No, and I really don't see the point. There is little to no chance of fixing me without drugs which I am not going to take. I don't want to live life unnaturally. Plus, if I say the wrong thing to a shrink, they could take my guns away, and that wouldn't be good for anyone

>>38026920
I recommend you go see a doctor. Besides giving you meds, they can give you more info about your condition, and even fix it if it's something like a hormonal problem. At the least, have some kind of plan so you're not festering in the illness and potentially letting it worsen.

>>38026916
>food
I eat the same thing everyday.

>sex
Virgin. I jerk off sometimes, because I feel like I have to. It doesn't even feel good. Doing it just makes me less irritated.

>Your former favorite passion
I don't think I've ever had one. I used to play video games a lot to waste time.

>Exercise
It's limited because of physical health.

>>38026916
Not him but food and sex are bodily functions. You eat to make yourself not hungry, you fap to make yourself not horny. It's less pleasurable and more something you have to do regularly in response to an urge, like sleeping or urinating.

The thing that used to be my all consuming activity was World of Warcraft and it lost its appeal after my friends quit.

I've tried more than once to keep to an exercise regime and its probably the least understandable of everything for me. I can understand how someone might find some hobbies fun and pleasurable and motivating, even if I don't. I can't understand how anyone can enjoy working out. It's thoroughly miserable.

>>38027026
Well, I don't trust medicine men. I have no reason to expect anything more from life and if this is what hand I was dealt, I am going to deal with how I can, not how some doctor can.

Plus, I couldn't even afford going to see one if I wanted to

I feel this way too, but I'm not really depressed. I enjoy working out and have a good diet, I also enjoy making traps and eating animals in the woods near my house, but I don't have any interest or motivation to learn anything that can be my career.

>>38027063
>Well, I don't trust medicine men. I have no reason to expect anything more from life and if this is what hand I was dealt, I am going to deal with how I can, not how some doctor can.
thats how you think when youre anhedonic, depressed, and paranoid. get self aware, everybody's gotta attempt to go up a notch regardless of their inherit circumstances. im not a bastion of hope neither, but i try and force myself out there, volunteering at really shitty places really brings you back to reality.

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I don't have Anhedonia but I knew a former friend and someone else (supposedly, never really talked to him much) that has it.

when it came to my friend I tried my best pleasing him the best I could but he just seemed broken.
from the way he explained it it seems he was just bored all the damn time, even music and his variety of guns didn't give him enjoyment anymore.
it wasn't really like this, It was after he got on SSRI's that it really fucked him up.

best way I can describe him was an unfeeling/uncaring robot. from the outside at least.

>>38026907
There's actually a Ketamine infusion clinic near me, which is cool. Supposedly Ketamine cures Anhedonia immediately, though it only lasts a couple of weeks.
>>38027032
Sorry to hear that man, that's quite bad.
>>38027056
I listed those things because they're the few things I still find enjoyable (to a small degree). If I spend a day without eating, junk food is pretty good, and if I spend two days without fapping, masturbation is (briefly) pleasant.
> I can't understand how anyone can enjoy working out. It's thoroughly miserable.
Are you overweight? If you're at a healthy weight level and start slow, it ranges from tedious to really pleasant. When I was obese and tried to jog, it was unbearable because I was fighting myself every moment. Now, it's nothing. So perhaps fight to lose the weight first, and wait until exercise is manageable before you begin doing it.
>>38027173
That sounds about right. Life with Anhedonia is like watching paint dry 24/7. Nothing feels good. Even those comfy feelings like listening to falling rain disappear. I feel bad for people like your friend - from what I recall, their emotions are either hellish all the time, or they feel absolutely nothing at all.

>>38026920
>Plus, if I say the wrong thing to a shrink, they could take my guns away, and that wouldn't be good for anyone

No.

>Under 18 U.S.C. 922(d), it is unlawful for any person to sell or otherwise dispose of any firearm or ammunition to any person knowing or having reasonable cause to believe that such person has been adjudicated as a mental defective or has been committed to any mental institution.

If you're suicidal, you can and should talk to a mental health professional. There is nothing they can do to permanently ban you from owning a gun.

>>38027294
>Supposedly Ketamine cures Anhedonia immediately, though it only lasts a couple of weeks.

That's what I've heard. Ketamine works wonders for pain also.

>>38027149
Well if this was some sort of universal truth, I think I would have seen it by now. I see no reason why anyone has "gotta" do anything

>>38027368
They can't stop me per say from owning a gun but they would make it very hard to acquire one and also my parents or whatever would probably be pressured to relieve me of my firearms and not give them back.

I would honestly rather die than just about do anything.

>>38027149
Everybody's gotta do something when they have motivation. Something a person with anhedonia is severely lacking in.

>>38027472
I haven't lost my stockpile.

>>38026537
Is anhedonia so much the all-encompassing word as alexithymia might instead be?

>>38027294
>Are you overweight?
I was when I first tried exercise as a way out of depression. I lost 40 pounds in six months. I still wasn't /fit/ as a fiddle, but I wasn't obese anymore. I could run noticeably longer before getting winded. Still didn't do anything for me, I wondered every time I went out why I was bothering.

>>38027368
I went to a sped high school and the very first thing you learned there was the three reasons your therapist could break confidentiality: Hurt yourself, hurt others, someone else hurting you. More than one person there got burned by their therapist tattling on them under those guidelines. By the time I graduated nobody who'd been there more than a year told a shrink anything. I sure as hell wouldn't trust a doctor not to blab to the state about my condition. Certainly not in a place like the People's Democratic Republic of Illinois.

Your state might be different, idk. I imagine Wyoming or something would be really reluctant to come take your guns. But I still would never tell a doctor I had them.

>>38027501
>alexithymia

Thanks for descriptive word. I always just thought of myself as emotionally retarded.

>>38027489
Do you live with your parents? In a slightly liberal city? I am almost certain if I ended up in a psych ward for anything they would take them. I am not going to risk it

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>>38027410
Considering the super-short window of effectiveness, though, it makes me doubt if it's worth it. I've never bought into the whole "fake happiness" view ascribed to meds by some, but honestly that's how Ketamine treatments appear to me right now.
>>38027501
What makes you say that? I'm good at evaluating most people's emotions because they wear them on their sleeve. It makes sense as a concept, though its relation to Anhedonia is difficult to make out.
>>38027527
Maybe try Couch to 5k (pic related). I'm doing it so far and it makes picking up the habit easy.

>>38027557
>Do you live with your parents?
No.

>In a slightly liberal city?
DPRCalifornia

Your parents could take your weapons. Under federal law the only two ways you would be essentially banned from owning weapons are: being adjudicated as mentally defective, and being involuntarily committed to a mental institution. There would be additional state laws that apply in a situation like this.

>>38027647
Well, I'm saying if I went to a shrink, and let it slip that I was suicidal, they could and would involuntarily send me to a mental institution.

It isn't worth the risk

>>38027616
>Couch to 5k
that's literally the exact workout program I did, anon. I remember it very well because I did the three weekly runs after my WoW guild's three weekly raids. It was late at night when we finished so where would be nobody to see me running around the neighborhood, and I was usually angry or frustrated, and so more-than-usually energetic.

Even after several months it didn't become pleasurable or even just a habit, I had to force myself to go out every time. I never grew to like it. I didn't even stop hating it.

>>38027671
If they think you need to go to a mental institution, then you can go voluntarily and you won't lose your gun rights. I wouldn't risk it in your situation though, because if you're under 18 your parents can take your guns.

>>38027726
This may not help, but I hated it too until I started doing it on a treadmill. You have no reason to fear being judged in a gym, and it's much easier to tune out and listen to music when there's a timer directly in front of you, level ground, and automated walking/running speeds. Would that help at all?

>>38027768
I'm 20. What honestly will they do? Say I have depression, give me some pills, and maybe send me to a institution if i sperg out. I already said I'm living life the way nature intended. I don't have the power to change it, and don't think anyone should be messing with that stuff.

Every time I run I feel nauseous after. I never actually throw up but I usually have the shits for the rest of the day and lost my appetite.

>>38027821
>I'm living life the way nature intended
Nature is arbitrary. You're free to take your shitty life and live it, but why accept that when there's potential for more? If you're truly Anhedonic, you know as well as I do that this lifestyle isn't worth living.

>>38027799
I can't categorically say no, having never tried it, but I do doubt it. It wasn't so much that bad feels outweighed good feels when I was working out, it was that there were no good feels. Some /fit/ people talk about how they feel so good after exercising, I didn't. I felt tired and sore, and I hated that. I couldn't and can't understand how some people love it and find it motivating. I didn't feel proud or accomplished or anything either, even after several months. It probably didn't help that the two main reasons for working out seemed distant and unreachable (as they still do). "You'll get girls, bro!" Well, no, I didn't, and I was in college then and am a neet now, so if anything that's even less likely than it was. "But you'll be healthier!" True. But also, big deal. Being healthy is only a means to an end, it enables you to live the life you want to live, and do the things you want to do. If you don't have things you want to do it's just a nagging "Anon! Eat your vegetables!" pain in the ass.

>>38027821
You'll most likely talk to a mental health professional. They will analyze your problems and develop a plan to deal with them. I went to groups that were a complete waste of time. The only progress I've made is talking to psychologists. I'm unable to understand and explain emotions. They normally ask a lot of difficult questions.

If they think medication is needed they will prescribe it. You will only go inpatient if they believe you are an immediate threat to yourself or others.

Constantly wanting to end the pain of existence is not the way nature intended, for me at least.

>>38027948
The actual "feeling good" part takes a long time to get to. It builds up over time. Even though I say that as a beginner, I mean it in a subtle way. It's not outright pleasure, so much as a lot of signs from your body that you're doing something good - like feeling lighter, less sluggish, more in-tune with your body. I'm often closest to happiness right after an exercise. It's tough to describe, and I don't blame you if this still doesn't sound appealing. If your willpower won't allow you to exercise, there's nothing you can do.

Just, as someone currently in the pits with Anhedonia, I recommend it. It gives you a sense of progress and hope that basically nothing else does - not even meditation. I listen to the same music, go on the same websites, read the same damn shitposts on /v/, so in a sense, it's all I have. If you have a chance, I suggest you give it another try.

didn't know there was a diagnosis for this, it feels to be exactly what I have. haven't been able to enjoy a single thing for the past few months. did you guys get it gradually or was there something in particular that set it off? is definitely the latter for me.

>>38028293
Mine was gradual, took around two years to complete. What set yours off?

>>38028293
it was more like I'd always had it and only realized it as I grew older, as people around me and society expected me to start taking initiative in running my own life, instead of just always telling me what to do every day

>>38028318
there were some bad events before, but when I fell in love for the first time and fucked it up I got the feeling of emptiness and it's never gone away. why do you think yours developed?

>>38028442
Chemical imbalance, or complex PTSD (though I doubt it). It sucks that we know so little about this symptom, considering how devastating it is.

>>38028442
>I fell in love for the first time and fucked it up I got the feeling of emptiness and it's never gone away.

This.

I don't think I've ever felt truly happy. In elementary school I developed a habitual smile and laugh but it was always empty. It takes a lot to make me smile; only my best friend can do it.

I've been pretty academically accomplished, but I haven't felt proud or excited when I get perfect scores, enter college, get an internship, etc.

I also don't think I have any passions or interests. I'm always initially curious in new topics, but when I learn then them through, they become bland. It seems other people have overarching passions and goals that drive them through life. I wish I could feel what the feels like.

>>38028663
Same, only I was bored with academics. I got terrible grades because of required homework I would never do.

The only motivation that's gotten me this far was hoping the next place I go to wouldn't be as shitty as the one I was currently in. I'm not interested in anything anymore.

>>38028663
>>38028826
Have you ever done anything violent? Try taking a boxing class or MMA and get punched in the face. It's a fucking rush. It's not really "pleasurable" but getting knocked the fuck around will at least kick in your survival instincts and you'll start to feel like a living being.

>>38028996
>Have you ever done anything violent?
I was in a basement one time and beat a bunch of rats until they were immobile or dead.

>>38029069
Fuck yeah. Try doing that more regularly. Not like you're doing much else?

>>38028996
Also I already have too much brain damage from shit like that.