Dear faggots (yes traps count), Why do you think you're

>>37990763
Everyone around me was having sex and I didn't see what the big deal was. Then I realised I was asexual.

bumping because I want to respond, but I'm hungry, and also I might type a long response. idk. bbs.

>>37990763
When I realized not a single girl will ever want me.

orgniralo

absent father figure only seen him once a moth through most of my developing years.he was a beta aswell anyway (his first wife literally turned lesbian after being with him). raised by a single mother. constant rejection and bullying by girls my entire childhood.first porn i ever saw was gay shit thanks to a weird friend i had. the list goes on.

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Alright... I had to take a moment to respond, because I think this is a really interesting question. Because, I see a lot of people here trying to "turn" gay, and it's sad to me, because for me, it was simply an overwhelming desire. Even though I never acted on it.

To start with, I'm 32. I still consider myself a virgin, because I only tried being sexual with a few guys at 31, and I never enjoyed it.

But, I can tell you about my evolution. At age 8 or 9, I was interested in girls, and imagined being married- I guess just because I wanted to have a good and respectable life. I had a so-called "girlfriend", and I even went so far as to ask if she'd breastfeed our kids. But really, I wasn't serious about it- I was just competing with my friends I think. ...But, I was also not afraid to be a class clown, and one time, I impulsively kissed a popular boy on the cheek. He got pissed off about that, haha.

I figured out how to masturbate at age 10 or 11. No one showed me or told me about it, but I was just very interested in sex. I can't remember if this was before or after, but in 4th grade, this girl really liked me, and just declared herself to be my girlfriend, and walked around school holding hands with me. I really felt so, so good and empowered holding her hand- that's the closest thing I would ever have to romance in my life. But the teacher saw us after about a week of that, and told us to stop. Somehow, I never thought of kissing or having sex with her- I just really, really loved holding her hand. But she was a little nuts, and at the end of that school year, we were giving reports that we had months to work on, and she totally had nothing prepared; and at that moment, I was glad that I was no longer associated with her.

(continued...)

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>>37992888
So, how about the gay stuff? Well, I really only lusted for girls until about age 15. I thought of how great it would be if I could go in a bathroom and touch a girl's breasts for like 5 seconds. But I knew it would inevitably last longer than that. I also thought about dicks a lot. I thought about horse dicks, and how great it would be to touch one. I'd lick it and everything. Around age 15 is when I discovered that touching my ass made an orgasm like 10 times better. I was hooked. I started wishing that some old man would just throw me into the back of a truck and rape me. But I never wanted to think of myself as gay. I hated the obvious gays, and still do. I tried to force myself to fantasize about girls. I wanted so badly to be respected among people.

One time, around age 15, I was in the school library, and I was looking through an encyclopedia, and I came across definitions of "sodomy" and "bestiality" and stuff, and it turned me on so much, I really almost came in my pants. I was so close, and I had to seriously stop reading, because I was about to do it right then and there. Like, 10 seconds away. I had to not move, so my dick wouldn't brush up against my pants. (Oddly, I don't think I ever jacked off in a school bathroom. Seems incredibly odd that I didn't, but I think I was just so terrified that anyone would find out. Goes to show how absolutely fucked up my life was.)

But, for various reasons, I never made sex a priority in my life. Now I understand it was because I hated myself, hated my location, and hated society in general. I didn't want to make any connections with it. I told my school friends that I simply had no sexual desire. There were people at school who I admired, male and female, but I never had a real crush on any of them. I never imagined sex with them.

>>37992926
By college, I had had it with being a virgin. There was a girl I liked, and I asked if she had a boyfriend. She said yes, sorry, but she was flattered. I was still trying to be straight, but I really had no idea how sex would work out, since the best sex I could imagine was me being fucked.

I was getting into popular music and I was dressing very weird. I wish I had just accepted that my role in life was supposed to be female. That I needed to be attractive to men, and start thinking that way. If only I knew that there were certain products and techniques that could make my hair look better, it would have changed my whole life. But no, I dropped out of college, and back with my parents, I felt too much like I was being a prissy little bitch, so I just gave up. I shaved my head for about a year. I wish I had just moved away from my stupid family, and everyone I ever knew.

By age 19, I could no longer deny it to myself. Gay sex would be the ultimate. But I never acted on it. Even by age 26 or so, I was still pursuing girls here and there. I don't know what I thought I was going to do with them. I've never thought realistically about my life. I now realize that I've always had "Body Dysmorphic Disorder". I have subpar genetics, and I can't love myself, and I consider myself to be a cripple in that way. It doesn't matter what other people think- I'll never feel right about sex.

>>37992926
Are you really gay? Seems that you'd be bi.

>>37992936
Anyway, I think about faggot psychology a lot. What makes a person gay or straight? If you notice, cripples and weirdos are usually gay. That must have something to do with me, since I'm like a cripple. I think of myself as physically inferior to just about everyone. Having my own life, standing on my own two feet, working, was never sustainable for me. So I think my mind was pushing me in the only direction that would be sustainable- being people's sex toys. I really love men's bodies, and I'd want to be used by them. (...Unfortunately, now that I'm 32, I don't even have a nice body for them, so it's just impossible.)

And it would be such an easy life to do so. I'm a lazy, lazy guy. The idea of guys doing the jobs, and me being their bitch slave- sounds great. I read a story online about the life of a young male prostitute. It just sounded like the best life- having everyone else adore you. I've always wanted to be the center of attention, because I feel like I deserve it.

But anyway, people like me are probably more inclined to gay sex, because it's nature's way of weeding out subpar genes. Maybe I would have sex with a female if I was rich and accomplished and felt good about myself. But it's not my life's goal. It's probably because I don't feel good enough to impregnate anyone. I think they should go with a better guy. And, as for the vast mojority of females, I just don't care what they think. I think they're stupid. More and more in my life, it's become that stupidity is the biggest turn off for me. I don't care to get them off at all. ...But, if there's someone I felt was in the same boat as me, I'd probably try to have sex, male or female. It's become more of a mental thing than a physical one.

>>37992965
Christ, its like looking into the future.
the similarities are way too weird.

>>37992965
But then, as I've read online, there are lots of other shades of gay. I'd say at least half of guys would be down for a gay or bi experience. But, I think it's good that people don't mention it. Because if you open that door, it makes it really tough to hang out with guys. If you know that possibility is there, then it makes things awkward- or, it will make people mad if nothing happens. Like, what- I'm not good enough for you? So it's good to live in a society where we assume that most people would not do gay shit.

>>37992947
I hope that reading all this answers your question. I might do a hot chick if the opportunity was right there, but really, I'd just love to be loved and used by men. That would be the ultimate for me. I really feel that was my place in life, and I should have just gone for it. I don't wish I was female, but rather, just an awesome, lovable guy.

>>37993035
>I'd just love to be loved and used by men.
What would be your ideal man?

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>>37993060
I'm attracted to everything I'm not. I like a strong, muscular, possibly hairy body- probably someone in their 40s who has life figured out. And probably a lower class worker, who's conscience is clean about their job, and doesn't do useless or backstabbing shit for a living. I'd like to be their cute, stylish boy twink who drives them absolutely crazy, and services all their friends too :) Like I said, pretty much plays the female role in life. But, unfortunately, that's not possible anymore.

I also like the big, fat daddy types. Just basically someone a lot bigger than me, which has always been a problem, since I'm 6'2". I've always wanted to be shorter, even before I had this fantasy.

(If I had seen gay propaganda when I was younger, like pic related, I think there's no way I would have been able to be in denial for so long.)

>why
Combination of genetic and environmental factors.

>ye old faggot shit
Yep. I used to watch Britney Spears music videos even though I hated the music while doing my "special sit" aka gyrating myself against the carpet. I had intense friendships with other girls and would feel irrationally angry when they talked about their dream weddings and Baby Chad. I was a tomboy who chased cute girls with worms because I thought they looked cute flushed. I drew big anime tiddies. When a boy kissed me in eighth grade I felt disgusted but assumed all girls "laid back and thought of England". My best friend fell off the school roof, had a seizure and my reaction was to kiss her face when I realised she was okay.

>experience
Broken home. No dad. Tomboy personality. Weird Catholic nonsense. Nuns. Mostly male friends. Repulsive stepfather. MTV. Anime. Streaming babby's first porn sites almost exclusively focused on the bodies of women. Mom had tons of lesbian friends she was oblivious to but I knew and caught on to them hitting on her.

>traps count
My fucking sides.

>>37990763
y-your gay!!

>>37993018
Yeah, don't make the same mistakes as me. (If you're still around.)

Which, sadly, I think is pretty friggin obvious to everyone today. I grew up in an era without 4chan, and my family didn't even have cable TV.

I didn't realize that love was everything. Society fucks you up. But, without saying too much... it's all bullshit. All of it. I wanted to be the hero of the world. I wanted to be better than everyone who was just selfish. But selfish is the only way to go. That's my humble advice :(

On that note, I wish I had drank more alcohol. I only tried alcohol after being severely depressed for 3 years, at age 21. But even then, I was too embarrassed about it. I only drank socially, not alone. Not until I was 29 or so.

But, I don't know if it's just because I'm a cripple. There was an episode of Andy Griffith where this bum tells young Opie the same pessimistic things. And somehow, he was proven to be wrong. I felt bad about it.

Anyway, bumpin' just because I want my story to be read :'(

I have absolutely no idea.

Raised with three brothers (I'm the second oldest). No sexual contact with them or my friends. Father and mother both present. Catholic upbringing and 12 years of catholic education.

But the first time I saw a porn magazine when I was about 12 I knew I was attracted to cocks more than pussies and tits.

Average guy with an average body and cock. Dated girls (mostly when friends hooked me up with dates, never looked for them on my own), had sex with a couple but never found it satisfying. First time I had sex with a guy was the first time I felt sexually comfortable.

>>37992965
A disproportionate number of cripples and weirdos here lol, so probably not a good place to take a sample of. You'll go away thinking the whole population, gay or straight, is mostly crippled and weird.

Anyway my turn to blogpost. I guess I don't really count because I'm bi, but I'm on the gayer side because I like girls more and I like girlier guys.

I've had a stable and pleasant upbringing. Mom's a SAHM, dad's a successful businessman, they conformed almost completely to normie ideals but still I love them and I know they love me. If I have to find an environmental factor, all I can say is that I've always been a solitary person. I do sports recreationally, I volunteer, I do lots of such normie activities for the fun of it, but I've always been bad at socializing with people and still am, I would rather be alone.

I can't blame anime either, which I got into as a teenager, because I also watched lots of movies and read lots of books featuring strong, muscular gritty straight men. But I did have depression for a while. I dated a girl, and all the sexual/physical contact was amazing, but she turned out to just be experimenting and left me. I tried dating a chad type, his personality was ok but I was disgusted by his body. Also sex with me as the straight submissive is horrible, and somehow completely different. Just in case that was a fluke, I try being sub again with another guy but it was still horrible. He was a pretty boy type however and I realize I love that type and I absolutely love dominating men. Can't blame the dom desires on my short height either (something something napoleon complex) because I've found myself to be a switch with the women I've been with. I guess it's good that I'm a "don't knock it till you try it" person or I never would've found those weirder aspects of myself. If I never gave it thought, I would get married to a chad, have horrible sex and then think that is just a mandatory part of life.

I started fapping when I was 2, my first boner was to some soft core shit, didn't see pussy, assumed girls had dicks

Been gay ever since

Always been gay.
Women never excited me as much as men.

>>37994594
>assumed girls had dicks
Im pretty sure that a lot of futa fetishists are virgins because they've never seen vagina in real life.

>>37994852
I was around long before futa and on-line porn and thought girls had dicks, too.

>>37990763
I think most gays were molested by family members when they were kids. That's why they in turn become incestuous pedophiles. I'd estimate probably 90% of the gays on this board spend a significant amount of time grooming and trying to seduce underage boys for sex. Probably even their own siblings.

>>37995123
Well, I guess you must believe my story is in the 10%. I wish I was molested. It would have set me on a better path. And I hate my father and brother, because they're stupid.

I dunno when I started to become a living Trap. I just, sometime, started to become jealous of other female's looks. Why am I fucked up...?

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isn't anybody going to listen to my story?

(bumpin because I wrote all that shit)