ITT: Venting

>>37949969
i hate how fucking ugly i am and i have gyno. i want to kill myself.

I know she's out there. I wonder what she's doing, who she's with. How she feels. I hate not being in the know.

I just torrented Morrowind but I don't have the motivation to really play. I'm too busy doing absolutely nothing.

I agreed to come in for an 11 hour shift.
Fuck this is going to be so difficult. Well, not that difficult since I can easily just read TV Tropes for most of the day but it'll be long.

>>37949969
I hate how 100% of people think tribalism is anything but cancerous and how both sides play into hands of the eternal Jew while not even realizing it.

>>37949969
Wish I wasn't so lonely. Have no real life friends and only one online friend. Shit sucks. Been trying to make more friends online but I always get ghosted. Been trying to lose weight but I haven't lost any weight in a month. It always really pisses me off when I see people complaining about being lonely when they have a gf or bf, friends, or both a relationship and friends. How are you lonely??? No one pays attention to you for 5 minutes so you get depressed? What is that? IT feels like everyone is just mocking my problems by making light of them for attention.

Why i'm hopeless. I wish i'd want to do something but everything is meaningless and on top of that i hate myself so much that i sometimes hit myself.

>>37950221
why do you feel like than, Anon?

Why can't you do something without caring if it's meaningless or not

>>37950189
don't give up though, making online friends I find is hard and they're not very reliable so
why not giving a outside club a go

>>37950254
>why do you feel like than, Anon?
There's a deep hatred for myself since young age. I dont know the exact cause but there's a self-destruction impulse.
>do something
There's nothing i find meaningful. I'm trying to fix myself through reading books but that doesnt work.

>>37950033
what's your reason for not wanting to talk to women?

my reason is that I always find that I'll just bring unwanted attention to me and will just bring awkwardness to the both of us

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I think one of my problems is I'm trying to do many things at the same time and spreading myself thin. I'm trying to get into fashion, history, sports and literature at the same time while trying to keep up with anime, video games and trying to get back into fitness.

>>37950298
that's a pain. feeling hatred for yourself is one of those things you can't cure yourself as
when you try and give yourself positive compliments, you know that all of it is BS in hopes that you'll feel better in yourself.

>>37950348
well you can accomplish a lot of things in one day with how long they can last for.

if you like doing fashion, history, sports ect then just do what you love. It's your life after all

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>>37949969
I want to turn into an atomic nuke.
This world is empty and THERE'S NOTHING IN IT EXCEPT MISERY.
I DON'T DESERVE HAPPINESS EITHER BECAUSE IM EVEN WORSE THAN THIS WORLD.

I just want to glow and turn into super dense nuclear energy.

>>37950388
That's not exactly the problem. I get anxiety when i look at the my enormous anime/vidya/movie/book backlog, the century-spanning history of the countries I want to know about and see how out-of-date I am every time I browse /pol/. I panic imagining the time it will take me to get myself up to speed on everything that I just get lazy and browse 4chan because it's easier. Still, I'm going to give it another try

>>37950471
I think I might understand a little bit.

why don't you just remove some of the backlog if you have them written down as after a month you'll just forget about the ones you skipped
ignorance is bliss and all that

>>37950361
>feeling hatred for yourself is one of those things you can't cure yourself as when you try and give yourself positive compliments, you know that all of it is BS in hopes that you'll feel better in yourself.
It's a deadend to me.

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>>37949969
Summer ruins my sleep. I hate how I always wake up in a pool of my own sweat and end up having to change clothes every few hours when going outside
It's a season of suffering. How normies actually enjoy summer appalls me

I take notes at board meetings.
There's this sickeningly hot blonde woman who is a director and she is rich and powerful.
She's never given me a second look.
I HATE that.
It made me realize that most of the assholes don't even know I'm there. They walk out and will never remember that I was part of their day or my face or anything about me.
People like me just don't exist for them.
I want to do something about this.
I'm angry. I will improve my lot in this world.

>>37949969
I think I'm asexual but my dad has been bugging me about gfs and grandchildren. What do I do?

>>37950537
I can't because then I get anxiety over knowing the fact that I'm missing out on some great movies/art/books/vidya. I'm a mess

I just messaged her again. I apologized and I just want to mend our friendship. She said she's not into me, but, for whatever reason, I'm still into her. Even though we're not "compatible" or anything. Why do I still like her? We have nothing in common, and we're not willing to change for each other. Why is love so cruel

>>37950471
I feel you on this, anon.
>Pick up hobby
>Get to amateur level
>Decide progressing will be too hard
>Drop it and get a new hobby

>>37950628
why not audio booking the books so at night you can listen to them before bed

I started that when I started to have panics at night and after around 3 weeks, I got passed 5 books

>>37950607
>I'm angry. I will improve my lot in this world.
You know what to do brother. Make them all pay.

>>37950634
have you ever considered that maybe you dont like her but rather, the 'idea' of her?

This happened to me before. Where I got really into a girl but when I took a step back I realized I only thought I had liked her for superficial reasons (like her being nice to me)

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>>37949969
I hate my old friends especially my best friend because he tought he could be popular with the cool kids and fucked his life up with heavy drinking and lsd.

Even tough i hate it i want to go back to a simpler time where everyone was happy except me at least everyone else smiled

I don't have anything to do. I want to masturbate more, but after the 2nd fap of the day my dick hurts.

>>37949969
I do fine when you're not online, then you log on and everything goes to shit, because I don't have your attention.

You log on at 3.20am and log off at 4am. Those 40 minutes were like hell for me because you did not reply.

You did go to x's house though, and sit there for a while till he logged off, and probably spoke to him too, but not me.

Never me.

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I just found out that she is in a relationship again
I havent seen her in a year at least and it still fucking hurts how much i miss her and how much i want her to be mine again, i hate the idea of her loving somebody in the same way she used to love me

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>>37950669
it's worth a try, I found just lay on my bed at night, unable to sleep. Might as well make good use of that time

Does cbt work?

My mum said she'll be an hour to get food... It's the fucking 3rd hour. WHAT IS SHE DOING ANON?

>>37950554
do you think we were born to fail?

I had a big breakdown last night and I'm still reeling from it

>>37950846
>do you think we were born to fail?
More like i fail myself because i want to negate my existence. I wasnt supposed to be here.

>>37950863
what was the break down about?

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>>37950678
That's probably it. I'm starting to think that I may just be obsessed and infatuated with the idea of her that I built up in my head. That idea of her was very different from the reality, and that's what I'm having trouble with.

>>37950883
I use to wish another sperm reached the egg first as they'll probably be less of a disappointment

how do you spend your weeks?

>>37951063
>how do you spend your weeks?
looking for a job (in IT) and just wasting time in front of laptop.

>>37950768
When I did CBT it was pretty helpful in some regards, but my therapist was also kind of a boner. He would sort of talk to me like a child, and interrupt me a lot to tell me stories about himself that he thought were related to what I was going through. Basically I learned a lot of techniques from him, then stopped seeing him and did things on my own. That was a lot better, so be careful with selecting who is treating you.

Also, I always had one doubt during CBT. When you do it, you're sort of lying to yourself everyday, telling yourself something that isn't true but that will hopefully be true in the future. For example everyday I would say to myself "I am not afraid in situation xyz". I was always sort of afraid that this was a little brainwashy. Perhaps my depression and anxiety were legitimate responses to bad life choices I had made, and simply pushing them away with mind tricks wouldn't give me the sense of purpose and fulfillment I was seeking. What I found at the end was that CBT helped me overcome my anxiety so I could then go out and do what I wanted to do, but it is still work.

>>37951191
>with selecting who is treating you.
Thing is that i'm trying to learn it from cbt book. I cant afford actual therapist.

>>37950471
I think that feeling is something you'all have to learn to deal with. There's an impossibly large amount of things we can learn about and watch in this life. I work in a library, and it used to be that when I walked through the stacks, through are millions of books spanning back centuries, I would get overwhelmed that I would never make a dent in this literature. Eventually, being exposed to that feeling everyday, it went away and I think it makes me enjoy reading books more now.

>>37951237
Honestly I feel like that would be alright. My therapist didn't give me anything I couldn't have learned out of a book

>>37951123
alright, good luck with finding a Job then

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>>37951335
>My therapist didn't give me anything I couldn't have learned out of a book
I'm going by this. Any tips that you could give? From what i've heard that doing homework is important.

>Roasties sitting next to me talking about feminists and how men should be tortured if they sleep with women younger than them.

And people say women are intelligent.

>>37951377
Doing the homework is so much of it. I don't know exactly what you're doing CBT for, but for me it was always about preparing for, and then putting myself in situations I was uncomfortable with.

Even recently, I still get anxiety when I'm in secluded places far from home like a forest or desert road. Recently I was on a road trip and had a panic attack in a mountain pass because I felt so vulnerable to the world. Even though that happened I used my CBT skills to make sure it didn't happen again for the whole trip, and that I enjoyed myself the next 3 weeks on the road.

>>37951606
>but for me it was always about preparing for, and then putting myself in situations I was uncomfortable with
That makes me wonder how i could cure my fear of intimacy and sexual aversion with help of cbt. Should i imagine myself in those situations?

>>37950987
Well usually its easy to move on in that case
Just try to remind yourself that you dont actually like her
Try to forget her

i want ambition, there are things i want so bad but i have no willpower to do them

>>37951733
what are some examples of things you want so badly?

>>37951751
lose weight and care about school
i have a shit time avoiding unhealthy foods

>>37951639
It is possible for something like that to be logistically difficult if you're not always able to put yourself in those situations. Perhaps you create a hierarchy of fear, and work your way up it. At the bottom would be something like "imagining being intimate with someone" and at the top would be "being intimate with a person" and you can fill in the levels between those two with other things that you're uncomfortable with about intimacy. You then would work your way up the hierarchy.

>>37949969
I slowly keep lowering my standars with the hope of finding a partner. Right now i'm debating between keep trying or buying an onahole or something like that and get it over with.

>>37951776
why not spend money on food with low calories instead, so like carrots or baked beans

>>37951783
>You then would work your way up the hierarchy
I see, i have another thought in my head that it doesnt matter because i'm 24 khv and it's too late to get intimate.

>>37951836
i actually just figured out a good solution
ty anon, our conversation has sparked a great idea

I want her to fucking work with me and fix problems instead of burn everything just because thats easier. I honestly got my heart ripped out and it kills me. Thought i was ready again but nope, memed on.

>>37950348
I know how you feel. There was a time were i was working, studying, doing 3 different martial arts, learning another language and playing piano. It got to me later on and i had to cut stuff out. My advice is go for what you truly have a passion for, i stuck with piano, language and 1 MA, besides work and school ofc.

>>37949969
Unemployed and struggling to get on a steady diet and exercise regimen. Also I'm trying to quit smoking and it's a real bitch. Overall I'm just trying to stay above the depression waterline for the summer.

>>37951886
no problem Anon, glad I could be of use

i dont see a point in living if im always going to be an ugly tranny but i still put myself through this hell every day

>>37951941
tranny?

any pics of yourself you're willing to share?

>>37951883
I'm sure that's a difficult feeling to overcome. Perhaps that's something you could think about with CBT, tell yourself that it's not too late to have intimate relationships. I remember I had a friend in college who at 20 years old had never kissed a girl, and he ended up dating a girl that year and having sex alongside a meaningful relationship. It just sort of happened,(you know? He met a girl he vibed with and it all clicked

>>37952088
>I remember I had a friend in college who at 20
That's the case - i'm 24, so no college or uni for me.

I'm a permavirgin who will never experience sexual intimacy with an Asian QT 3.14.

>>37952370
we'll never get to hear them talk to us
compliment us
tease us
laugh
we'll also never know what they feel like.

>>37951965
i dont share pics of myself sorry

>give up on women cuz only get oneitises who will never love me back
>give up on waifus because they're not real and will never love me back
what hope is there

I feel intense anger, sadness, boredom and anxiety constantly.
I will actually fucking want to push someone in the road for just walking the wrong way. I'm too scared to speak up about any of this because of fear of judgement, misunderstanding and not being taken seriously.

>>37952413
Makes me wanna an hero everyday.

>>37952684
None. Robots can't win. Either we accept it and live with it or we choose to an hero and end it all.

I hate that I continue to let women string me along. I can only be mad at myself really for falling for the same shit four times in a row.

I hate my job. It is killing my social life, I don't want to advance at this company so I don't care about my performance and I hate my coworkers. The only good thing about it is the fact that I can pay my bills and buy weed and alcohol. I think about wasting another year of my life at this place and it makes me want to hurt myself

>>37950051
I realized that I'm so defective that I'm not supposed to live a human life. The most fundamental human thing, connecting with people, is something I can't even do. It'd be okay if I was at least good at something so that I would have some worth but I wouldn't be here if that was the case. It's so hard for me to accept that I'm the garbage of society despite how obvious it is.

I'm not really drunk enough to vent properly, but I'll try. My life is extremely boring
>be KV, age 20
>wake up at 7 am
>shower, brush teeth, eat breakfast etc.
>go to work
>come home
>microwave and eat food I've made on sunday (I usually cook food for the whole week because I can't be arsed to cook more often)
>eat while lurking various imageboards
>go to bed at around 10 pm
>on fridays get drunk and go to bed at around 3 am
On the weekends I mostly just lurk imageboards and watch movies. Once or twice a month I'll meet up with my friends to drink beer.

Why does my mom hate me? Ever since I was a kid she's always liked my younger siblings better, aside from my adopted sister, who's the only one she hated more than me. Why do I deserve to automatically be in the wrong in any and every argument just because her older brother was mean to her?

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>>37949969
Why do I get disgusted at the sight of an obviously more feminine man? When I see a man show signs of weakness, I just want to rough them up. You know scare them for a bit. Anyone else got this?

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I want to get my boy butt fucked and I'm insanely horny but nobody to do it.

>>37949969


Got to know some girl at a party and I think I actually fucking like her. She pops up in my head atleast 10 times a day.
For fucks sake, I thought I was beyond this human bullshit at this point. Now I have to endure this agony for god knows how long.