One day when you're buying bananas at walmart a fairtrade

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One day when you're buying bananas at walmart a fairtrade banana starts talking to you. After discussing the weather for some time the banana gives you three options:

1. For one year, you're only allowed to sleep outside in public toilets. If you get too comfortable in one place you're automatically thrown out and need to sleep somewhere else. If you sleep anywhere else that's not a toilet you're thrown out into outer space. If you succeed you receive a toilet in solid gold after the end of the year.

2. A close friend or relative offers you a job as a porn star. Under the name "The Scatman" - it's exclusively about scat porn. If the videos sell better than expected you get "The Scatman" tattooed into your forehead and a check for $4 million.

3. You're sent back in time to the year when your mother was 35 years old and transformed into a pair of shoes she never used. You then spend two years in a shoe box in her attic. If your sanity is intact after the 2 years you'll wake up as the female mouse mechanic in chip n dale rescue rangers.

Bonus: You get the ability to transform into someone else's dildo between 10 PM and 6 AM. For example, you're thinking about a certain girl and her dildo and suddenly you're inside her drawer. The senses while in dildo form are like a combination of your penis and your mouth. You also get the ability to drastically boost your own and other people's libidos.