>be me
>6'2, 150 pounds, have 10/10 gf
>one day at store decide to buy some chicken tenders
>get home, excited to eat
>take one bite into it
>suddenly gain 200 pounds
>shrink 1 foot
>acquire a fedora
>dump gf, who needs her when I have my ju jitsu
>get many katanas
>piss in new daddy's mouth
>today was a good day