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Anonymous
What's on your mind? 2017-06-20 07:40:05 Post No. 37848011
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What's on your mind? 2017-06-20 07:40:05 Post No. 37848011
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I'm still in the same pit as always, even though life is changing around me. My mother told me that my father went to the hospital, and they tried to admit him to a psych ward, but he left, and no one knows where he is right now. When I heard the news, I almost teared up a little, but couldn't cry. I still can't feel emotion properly, and nothing I do seems to change that. On my best days, I can play a VN and almost feel some emotion, but I feel nothing 95% of the time. I know I should start exercising and eating a little better. I still haven't.
It'll be at least two weeks before my insurance comes back on, and I can see a doctor. Until then, I'll just keep moving on like a specter, pushing the days forward. Listening to the same music, playing the same games, going to /r9k/, checking the mail, and generally doing nothing of importance.
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>>37848011
There is a lot I haven't tried yet, but I feel my willpower weakening by the day. It's not the fact that I can't do it which stops me, but that my energy level as a whole is drying up. I feel like less of a person than I used to be. When you have little motivation, little willpower, and no support, it's very difficult to do these things.
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I'd love some ketamine right now
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>>37848011
>suicide
I'm wondering if I'll have the balls this time
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I feel like I'm being stabbed in my neck and chest with pencils
I can't even sleep
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>>37848011
It's all about baby steps honestly. Yeah i mean low motivation is definitely a hard thing to get over but honestly if you can commit to going to the gym 1 once a week and walk on the treadmill for say, 30 mins, than that's something to work off of. Working out has an effect on your emotion just give it the absolute bare minimum shot at the first go around and work your way up from there
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I'm in so many places at once, I don't even know. My mind is a total mess.
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>>37848222
Yeah, you're right. I should try.
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>>37848011
Are you not worried about your dad? Holy shit I would be losing my shit if my mom told me that... But I love my dad and he's never done anything bad to me. Your story could be different.
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I really want to try out ketamine for my depression but it boosts testosterone, and this time I think I can finally get my test below the normal range by fasting. heard good things though.
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>>37849088
Not really, man. Whenever I try to drum up emotions for any person, I get this blank reaction in my head. It's like whatever is supposed to be making the right emotion isn't functioning, and I come up empty. Like being sterile.
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