I feel alienated, I hate being a Saudi.

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I was lucky enough to get out of that country and move to United States.

I should be happy, I should be grateful and thankful, I should take advantage of what I have but I'm not.

sometimes I feel incredibly alienated.

I thought my feeling of alienation was caused by living in a place full of people who want to kill the 'infidels'.

I thought if I moved here I might feel less alienated.

I do feel more safe and maybe more calm, but I still continue to feel like everyone is living in a distant island, far away from me. And I will never be able to reach them.

I never felt that I belong to Saudi Arabia, but sometimes I feel like I don't belong here either. It's saddens me to see that There so many people here who hate immigrants.

I hate it when they ask me where are you from, I hate that awkward silence and the wired looks they give me when they hear my answer.

I know what they're thinking. Saudi men have one of the worst stereotypes imaginable. And I can't explain to everyone that I'm not a rich Muslim misogynist creep. I can't blame them for thinking that. I can't tell them that it's not my fault that I was born there. I can't tell them how much I hate that country. I can't tell them that I don't believe in the Quran or Muhammad or any religion. I can't tell them that I have no friends in Saudi Arabia, or even here. I just have to accept that people will always assume things about me that are far from the truth.

I feel like I left Saudi Arabia but the stigma and the Saudi stereotype still follow me everywhere I go.

But it's not just about the wired looks, it is about this persistent feeling of being so alone for years.

Why there is so much hate in this world? Why I feel like I don't belong anywhere? Why is it so hard to be happy?