How do I work through my abuse in my new relationship? I had

>>37791580
seek professional help

a therapist preferably, these aren't problems some autist on r9k will be able to solve with simple text.

you need someone to who'll spend time deconstructing your conscious and unconscious thoughts and emotional inclinations. It'll take time and won't be cheap per se but once they start figuring you out your life will become a lot more enjoyable.

no answer anyone here can provide you will be more beneficial than seeking a therapist

>>37791652
I don't really have time for a therapist. The times I would want to visit seems to be the times that they aren't allowing patients, like on Sundays.

I work 60 hours a week

Id say just take things slow. If he comfronts you about it be honest about how you feel about relationships. He sounds like a swell guy and if he is he'll understand your feelings annon.

Good luck

>>37791679
>if he confronts you about it

I haven't really shown that side of me to him yet
I guess he might catch on eventually, since every time he says something sweet to me I look away

It hurts having someone be nice to me with no alternative motive

>>37791694
>It hurts having someone be nice to me with no alternative motive

what why?

>>37791713
My ex would only say nice things to me if I did him favors

>have shit self esteem/no self worth
>be with shitty ex
>try to dress up and look cute for him
>he wouldn't say anything
>asked him how I looked or if he like what I was wearing
>"You're wasting my time, stop bugging me about this"
>complained that I didn't love him because I wasn't fucking him
>threatened to cheat on me in front of me
>cry and have sex with him
>pets my head afterwards and calls me cute
>tfw the only time someone would say nice things about me was after they reduced me to tears for sex

>>37791713
I guess it hurts because I don't know how to cope with it

I was with my ex for 6 years
Every time the guy I'm seeing now says something sweet to me, I panic a little and feel like I should do something for him

>>37791768
Why weren't you having sex to begin with?

>>37791580
I don't see the issue. He loves you dearly and you are crazy for him. Isn't this like a really good relationship? Just go with it as it is.

>>37791779
you've been conditioned like Pavlov's dog to respond in a certain way to a certain stimulus.

Your advantage over a dog is that you can be aware of this. You're already aware that your behaviour is unhealthy, now you just need to force yourself not to respond in the way you've been conditioned(much like a recovering drug addict)

And remember, you are worth more than what you do for others

>>37791804
He kind of made sex about when he wanted it

When we first started dating, I was a virgin and I told him I wasn't sure when I wanted to have sex
He raped me in the back of his car after we got in an argument

Yes, it was rape. I cried and yelled for him to stop, but like I said, I had no self worth so after a while of struggling I took it

Everything was forced on me

After I accepted all the stuff that happened, I just wanted to try to pretend our sex life was normal

When I wanted to have sex, he would literally just ignore me or tell me to go do something else

We had sex when he chose to, it was never a mutually enjoyable thing

>>37791818
How do I start building up the confidence to look him in the eye when he says sweet things to me?

I want him to know I like him and him being sweet to me is good?
It makes me want to cry, but I know I should like it and I don't want him to stop being nice

>you will never abuse and manipulate a fembot to the point of affecting all of her future relationships

Feels bad

Here's my understanding:
You use sex as method of control/power
Good behavior is rewarded with sex/gifts
Needs/fears are controlled by sex
You want to be able to enjoy sex without strings attached
Yet, you think these behaviors arn't genuine
You want to be able to take a compliment, feel good without thoughts of having to reward your partner
You want to be able to think you'll get get home safely/quickly without having to control him out of fear
You want to disassociate between good/bad behavior to see sex as a normal thing. Something of your own choosing.

Well, to that we must take little steps. We can't just leap to wellness. You haven't acted on those impulses yet. So far so good.

Man, your bf fucked you good.

you deserve every bad thing in life that happens to you
fuck off
>>>/adv/

>>37791580
>My major problem is I sexualize everything

this is a known part of being a male

>>37791580
Listen to us robots and our wealth of relationship advice. We all know how to have a nice, healthy relationship.

Follow up
1:exposure. The mind needs time to readapt. Give it time.

2:untrain.Work with your partner on this. 60 hours a week and the only person you see is your friend. Its clear you cant do this alone. Speak up when your impulses flair and have him deny you. Maybe, just maybe your brain will start to devalue your sexuality as a mechanism of power/control.
Alternatively, try using some other method of control,like candy...assuming you hate candy. You probably won't be able enjoy it no more,but this way you'll have your sexuality back.

3:commit sudoku. If all else fails.

>>37791768
Why would you be with a man like this?
I'm not saying it's your fault for the abuse, but couldn't you end it sooner?

>I want to be normal and enjoy all these things.
Normal people don't enjoy this. Romantic love is a meme and your partner is a pussy.

You are correct in having bad feelings from this. Don't let society tell you otherwise.

Reminder that Power Puff Girls Z was a mistake and whoever OK'd it should be hanged