Criminals of /r9k/

>>37786430
>be me 7
> annoying grill lives next door always comes over and disturbs my autism sessions
> one day I poured a bucket of piss on her
> mom finds out thinks it is water
> I say no "It peepee juice

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>>37786430
I once ate some starbursts a friend offered me during a playdate. Later his mom called my mom because they had apparently belonged to his sister, and he was trying to take me down with him.
I denied ever eating them

>>37786527
I hate fucking scum like you. The Justice system needs to be fixed.

>>37786475
Where did you get a bucket of piss?
Piss bottle collectors really start early huh?

Ran away from a rape scene, the guy clearly had a gun in his pocket and I didn't even know the bitch. I was walking downtown and I noticed a guy literally trying to ass rape this girl against the wall, I stopped and stared for about a good 10 seconds, noticed his gun and I ran away. Unfortunately for me, all this shit was caught on tape. Apparently downtown here is shit packed with cameras on nearly every corner in the most strategic way. I got 2 years in prison, but could've been up to 6. The crime was "being an aid to the rapist" because I ran instead of trying to fight him off the girl. Fucking bullshit ass justice system and stupid god damn roasties l walking in the dark at night. I've done my time, and plan to never go back again. Shouldn't have been in jail in the first place. My family went through lawyer after lawyer to get me out of jail in a short amount of time.

I spent a night in jail for threatening to shoot up my school on twitter. My mom had to bail me out

Nice fucking try FBI

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>>37786740
my mugshot lol

>>37786629
Pissed in the bucket just for her

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>>37786430
>be me 17
>11 year old sister tells me about creepy guy at Dunkin Donuts
>says he's always bothering her and her other young friends
>he asks her where she lives, if she has a bf and for her phone number
>tell her to tell me how he looks
>says it's some middle eastern looking guy
>get dressed up in dark clothing
>put ski mask and bb gun in pocket
>wait outside Dunkin Donuts
>see guy behind register
>wait outside smoking a cigarette
>he comes out and gets on bus
>follow the bus until he gets off
>follow him into his apartment building
>We're both waiting in elevator with a big group of people
>he gets off
>I follow him down hallway
>put on ski mask
>he opens his apartment door
>I run and punch him as hard as possible
>push him into the apartment
>he starts yelling
>pull out bb gun and point it at him
>tell him to shut the fuck up
>he goes quiet and starts whimpering
>I tell him to get on his knees
>he does it and tells me to take whatever I want but don't shoot
>tell him I don't want anything he owns
put gun right in his face
>he starts bawling
>tell him that I know he's been harassing little girls
>tell him I know where he works and if I ever see him there again I'm going to come back and finish him off
>he promises he'll quit
>I say good
>make him tie his hands with bedsheets and make him face down in his bathtub
>hit him as hard as possible in the head
>tell him to count to 1,000 before moving
>slowly exit his apartment
>as soon as the door closes I book it down 5 flights of stairs and take off the mask
>call for a cab that's passing by
>hop in and get back home

I'm guessing he never called the cops because I never saw anything about it on the news. He also must've quit because I went in after a couple of weeks and he was nowhere to be seen.

>>37786634
You're an idiot for not calling law enforcement

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>>37786634
How do you get prison time for trying to avoid getting murdered?

>>37786834
I've always wanted to do something like this, seems like a lot of fun. Although I'm afraid that if like the power trip a little too much and try riskier things if I decided to do it again

>>37786634
Where in the ever-loving fuck do you live??

I used to do a lot of illegal drugs. I mean, it was all experimentation - no theft or addiction. But it was still illegal I guess.

>>37786430
I groped a woman (gave her a spank in her ass) in high school

>>37786634
Did he succeed in the ass rape?

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>>37786889
Yea I wouldn't normally do something like that but since it was my younger sister I thought it was necessary. It's a good thing that I was having a manic episode at the time because otherwise I don't think I'd have the balls to do something like that again.

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I sold a country for a family heirloom

>>37786962
>manic episode
I'm surprised you had the sense to plan something so intricate. Bipolar Type II?

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>>37787379
Yea, type II. I felt like an amazing rush even before my sister told me about the guy. Thinking back on it is really weird since I'm usually a bit laid back and try not to get into altercations.

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>>37786527
I just did that test for the first time ever, since I'm on this site I expected something in the 30-40 range but instead I got a fucking 7 out of 80.

Fucking 7. There really is no hope for me anymore I guess.

>>37786779
were you being serious? any way to get your record scrubbed?

>>37787602
That's a real quiz? I'd like to see it.

BTW no IQ or EQ scores are legit unless assessed by a professional. Those tests are fully interactive, extremely flexible, and not just "fill in this paper in the shortest amount of time".

I'd still like to see it though.

>>37787635
Yeah, I just googled "empathy quotient test" and that's the first thing that came up, same as in the picture. And I know, I should get tested by a professional but I don't want to talk to them about anything relating to me which would be impossible.

>>37787635
>>37787655
Turns out I'm also a brainlet since I didn't link it.

https://psychology-tools.com/empathy-quotient/

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>>37786430>be me
>working a shitty dish washing job at a restaurant
>steal wine every day for over a year
>blame it all on a ex-alcoholic black waitresses
>she get's fired while having 3 kid's to feed

>>37786634
Guess I'll be the devil's advocate. That's not an actual crime. What were your formal charges? This sounds like some bullshit LARPing. How could they find you based on cameras alone at night unless you were already in the system?

>>37786430
You can be whatever you want to be on the deepweb

I take money out of my Mom's purse, I don't give a fuck

>>37786834
I dont care what society and the law says but you are a good person for this. Good on you for taking matters into your own hands like a man. Scum like that deserves to die but making him piss his pants and quit his job is good enough

Back in middle school I used to steal lego pieces whenever I saw other kids playing with them, they never foud out it was me

I took advantage of a few mentally ill and vulnerable girls in a psych ward for teens. Was hospitalized there for a few months and I was pretty much the only guy. So these suicidal, anorexic, depressed girls, the abuse victims, the teen moms, they were all begging for attention and affection. Nothing easier than then swoop in and give her all the affection she needs by fucking them in the toilets of an hospital and let them believe we'll totally stay in touch once we get out.

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>>37787969
Got a blowjob from some psycho epileptic 17 year old when I was 14 in a psych ward.

>>37786634
Unless you live outside of America, I'm calling bullshit. The good samaritan law from Seinfeld isn't real.

i illegally download movies and shows sometimes

>>37786527
WTF I got 11 too
Hello autism my old friend