Psychological Issues (Surrogate Edition)

God damn I hate that fatass Atlas

>>37777735
I had a friend who used to be fat. He never did anything to curb his eating habit or to burn of excess blubber. He went on like that for years until one day, something dramatically changed inside of him. You might call it a change of heart about his lifestyle, particularly about whether said muscle could continue to support it. He's dead now.

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Low creativity bump

This board is making me prison gay
I need a girlfriend before that happnes

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I'm such a turbo autist that I set a timer before texting girls back so I don't seem desperate.

Hi, I'm severely demotivated to do anything and I have multiple degenrate sexual fetishes. How can I improve my life and drop these things?

Cool thread. Cool thread.

>>37778224
What does this "prison gayness" consist of? Just traps and things or have you progressed to more manly men?

>>37778241
If you're responding to her texts, do so at your own pace and don't worry about how the elapsed time might make you look. No need to present a facade of aloofness.

>>37778272
What would you like to work towards? What are these fetishes and how much distress do you experience from them?

>>37778279
Cool post. Cool post.

>>37778397
Let's find out, shall we?
>>37777777

>>37778451
How unfortunate! Someone will come along and inform us.

>>37778356
I'd like to eventually become a lot more motivated. right now, it takes me a couple of minutes to decide if I want to move around in bed or not. I'm currently mobile posting because I haven't decided if I want to get up yet
I'm sexually attracted to overweight women and traps, and pretty much anything that is submissive. These fetishes are starting to consume m life, I spend an incredible amount of time masturbating every day. I'm worried that my family may find out about this and I'll lose the last bit of respect they have for me.

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>>37778480
Here's the retarded get

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The get was extremely, extremely disappointing this time. When you see a number of that magnitude and feel at once disappointed and digusted, you get a glimpse into what it must feel like whenever Atlas is forced to step on the scales

>>37778482
Have you been diagnosed with anything in the past?

What would you like to achieve with your motivation as far as long term goals go?
What are some ways in which you would like to spend your time if you could work up the motivation?

>>37778558
I've never been diagnosed with any disorders but I think I may have a mild form of adhd at the very least.
One of my goals was to learn to play an instrument I played in highschool. I sucke at it then and I forgot how to play now and I told myself I'd make progress this summer but I haven't.

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I go to my usual spot on the farthest edge of the beach and there's fucking normies infesting it, yelling, smoking, being as toxic as ever.

I just wanted peace and quite, now i have the most disgusting part of the human race making all sorts of noises nearby me.
why the fuck would you go and park by the only car thats way off everyone else on the shittiest type of terrain away from any parking lot?

These fat fucks are the worst I've ever came across yet, this spot was so quite last year, why the fuck are filthy humans here?

I want normies to be deleted off the face of this beach NOW.

You may have noticed but lately I've been very fucking angry.
I am a short fuse bomb and that fuse keeps getting shorter and shorter.
I hope no one tries anything stupid because all I've been thinking about this week is murder, murder and murder

>>37777613
How do you do, fellow wastes of space? I am back to drinking after three years sober. Failure has never tasted this good.

Hello everyone. Also nice insult, Facet.

>>37778780
It's nice when you can make it topical. I'm well on with my vodka and watching Kiniro Mosaic. How about you?

>>37778706
What's the instrument? If you have access to one, pick it back up! With that, you can fill up some of the time you would ordinarily just wank away.

How often do thoughts involving the objects of your fetishes arise in your mind when you're focused on other things?

>>37778776
If you're going to do it, do it right. Plan to stop again, after a window designed to deincentivise continuing but maximise hedonistic enjoyment in the short term. Try not to do anything you'd go to prison for though.

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>tfw every session of introspection ends up being forgotten and I end up doing the same stupid shit over and over

the terrifying cycle of a brainlet

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>>37778841
Excellent choice. Who is your favorite? I like Yoko, but Karen is cool too desu.

>>37778841
Oh man, I haven't watched anime in so many years. I never liked slice of life though. Always seemed to be about nothing.

I'm not doing much though. I tried doing some math, but I really suck at it. Even a simple proof of irrationality of sqrt(3) gave me a really hard time. A that's some fairly entry-level shit.

So I went back to duolingo.

Also I don't really feel like drinking today.

>>37778845
I would say what it was but people I know browse this board and I don't want to indicate myself
I still have it but I haven't touched it since I graduated

>>37778900
That's why Kami-sama invented kami. Get a piece of paper and write down your insights. Or just speak your thoughts aloud and record them. Even if you don't record them, the act of speaking makes you more likely to remember.

>>37778845
My fetishes pervade almost every aspect of my thoughts at this point
I don't go out to often anymore becuase obese women turn me on and I hate the thought of being publicly embaressed by it
I've also developed an affinity to traps because of this board
I'd generally perceive myself as a switch

>>37778943
Far too early to say. Watching the first episode and laughing at the horrible Engrish.

>>37778948
I just started with Duolingo. My brother did it a while ago and it made him passable at French. It looked like fun. Japanese came on very recently, and I'm enjoying it so far. I had a crack a while ago using Ningen Japanese but packed it in through laziness. Actually enjoy languages quite a lot; I've dabbled with French, Spanish and Mandarin in the past.

>>37778970
I think you should pick it back up. Music is therapeutic, especially when you're making it yourself. It would be a good start for weaning yourself off of spending so much time on your sexual obsessions.

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>>37777613
manlet
3 inch cawk flaccid
depression
possible aspie
philosophy major
bad eyesight
not too ugly but not cute (if at all) enough
virgin
no dates
0/2 asking girls out
rejected by lots and lots of people
wasting away at home this summer, just graduated
working as a paralegal for dad, but i just enjoy it
supposed to go to law school
off my wellbutrin
dont have a proper wardrobe
parents dont understand that i need contacts and better clothes
dont have a license yet - examiner keeps failing me cuz i dont stop directly in line with stop signs
do not feel motivated to do anything
feel overwhelmed by sensory info. and by my own thoughts - cannot think straight under any kind/degree of stress

>>37778241
ima take the black pill

>>37779013
I'm concerned about recording my thoughts in that someone else may see them. That'd open up a can of worms I don't want to deal with.

Yooo, what's going on? Just got back from an opera.

>>37779069
Yeah I like it too. I can actually now understand german text (for the most part, I obviously do have to open a dictionary sometimes). Comes in handy at work, since some documentation is only in german.

Though I'm still having problems with the grammar. There is so much shit I just don't have automated in my head the same way I have it in english.

Same thing with russian actually. Can understand text, forming my own sentences is a little tricky. I did spend about a year on duolingo/memrise to get to this level though. Not sure if that's good or bad, but a year ago I wouldn't have been able to understand shit in german or russian. So I guess that's worth it.

I'd love to know japanese, I actually tried to learn it in high school (recovering weeb), but the thing with japanese is that it's a pretty huge time investment compared to european languages. And unless you use/encounter it a lot, it's not worth it. For me anyways.

>>37779211
My girlfriend's gonna become a man and I got back to drinking. That's what's going on.

>>37779211
...is this some kind of bizarre meme or did you actually go to the opera? My brother is a fan, as is my """mother""" but I didn't realise other people actually opted to go to them. Are you extremely rich or pretentious, or an audiophile or something?

>>37779161
just dont* enjoy it

>>37779256
are you per chance Nora Durst?

>>37779325
Honey I'm not that old

>>37779256
That happened to me once, but it was fine. It turned out to only be a phase. Good thing too: what a waste of fantastic tits that would have been. Point is, I stuck with her and let her know I'd stay with her no matter what. That consistency was, I believe, a crucial element to her not making an irrevocable decision.

>>37779098
My problem is primarily that it takes an extreme amount of patience and effort to learn
Like learning to be an artist, it takes a very long time before you make noticeable progress. I don't think I'll be able to motivate myself into doing that.

so mr.psychological,
tell me about not having dreams. do I just sleep like a log, or is it something deeper than that?

>>37779436
I stayed with her when she was questioning. Now she's taking hormones and making appointments to chop off her boobs, I'm out.

>>37779593
Do you fantasize/daydream a lot?

>>37779593
Everyone has dreams. Some of us just don't remember them.

>>37779734
Wew, how long did it take to come to that? Where are you from?

My stepdad has a few major health problems (he's got about 10 years left) but what upsets me the most is his catlike aversion to water. Aside from around 4 cups of tea each day (amounting to less than a litre of liquid) he drinks almost nothing, maybe 2 sips of water with dinner.

Seriously his piss is fucking brown. It upsets me because his chronic dehydration must make his other conditions worse in some way. Yet he just won't drink water. After his heart attack the doctors told him to drink more water...that lasted about 2 weeks.

Could he have some kind of fear of drinking water?

>>37779854

Typed name into the wrong field

>>37779838
As far as I know, two years. The poor girl hates being a woman, she needs a good therapist more than a sex change.

>>37780053
I agree. A decision like that should not be made without intense therapy. Anyone who will not submit to therapy is clearly afraid of the possibility that they might be mentally unwell and that, in fact, surgical genital mutilation while not mentally sound might not be the best first course of action. The trans suicide rate is 50% for a reason.

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i strongly despise my race, phenotype whatever you want to call it and hate everyone within it, i think we are genetically inferior and should be scoured from existence, everytime i look in the mirror i feel disgust and hatred for both myself and i harbor a great amount of hate for my parents who are responsible. it feels like i have a constant feeling of futility and i have an urge to commit suicide because i was born intto a life i most definitely do not want to live and ill never have a shot at one i would enjoy because my issues are gene deep.

>>37780209
>Picture
Try Innsmouth

>>37779256
Are you from the female species? Sorry to hear that, drinking helps to cope. >>37779259
Memes aside, I'm a huge classical music enthusiast. I go to concerts monthly, if it's local, its not expensive. Not really into opera but that's what they had at the moment so I decided to go

>>37780209
Are you hapa
Orggg

>>37780225
what are you talking about? do you mean the book.

that pictures from birdman

>>37780290
no but i hate them too, crossbreeding should be punishable by death. id just like to say im not pol or whatever i dont agree with most of their shit these are my own views

>>37780272
Well who do you like? I like Wagner (since before this website and thus, /pol/) Phillip Glass (he was the soundtrack to my novel writing) and of course the wealth of video game classical (link related)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpOo_OzgxOE

>>37780272
I'm a woman, yes. What kind of classical music are you into?

Went for a walk. Had to get out of the house for a while. Gonna start drinking and respond to some of youse guys.

>>37779767
im unsure, I think I may, though because I seem to lack any vivid visual imagination (ie I cant see things in my head if I try to visualize them, I can still work out logical problems that would require it tho)
>>37779770
im well aware of this, but i've been hinted that I may be repressing them and dont understand why/ or if thats even the case

>>37780209
Care to say what your race is and why exactly you think the entirety of it is genetically inferior?

>>37780389
Many people simply don't remember very many dreams. There are supplements you can take to improve dream recall and also boost the probability of having a lucid dream. Why is dreaming important to you? Are you just worried that your perceived lack is indicative of something more serious?

>>37779854
Have you tried talking to him about your concerns and asking why he drinks so little? If not, you should do so right away.

>>37780389
Is there anything in your life you should be dreaming about?

>>37780446
Supplements? I'm interested in that.

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>>37780419
mix raced, basically half black half white, with some south american and others in there.

every mix raced man who is famous has a shaved head because our hair is so fucking disgusting and subhuman we have to pretend it doesn't even exist, a lot of my insecurity stems form having curly hair which i utterly fucking despise, its disgusting, dull, frizzy and ridiculously worse than straight hair which i frequently idolize over and imagine having. we have a higher chance of being suicidal or mentally ill than any other race, we have disgusting features like huge lips and noses, our skin is just discount caucasian. we are literally just corrupted versions of other races, its fucking disgusting and i wish every one of us death.

pic related makes me want to kill someone

>>37780446
>Why is dreaming important to you? Are you just worried that your perceived lack is indicative of something more serious?
this is also
its not really important, I just never really have. I do also however worry that it means more
>>37780467
thats part of the problem, I dont know because I've only ever had dreams every few years

>>37779493
Look at it not from the perspective of how much progress you're making towards proficiency, but rather how much time you're spending not mired in your perverse preoccupations. Then you can just enjoy the activity of getting a feel for the instrument instead of worrying about your prowess.

Have you experimented with mindfulness to combat your obsessions?

>>37779209
You could always write them in code to preempt prying eyes. Or use mnemonics to remember the important stuff. Brevity, salience, and repetition.

>>37780364
Romanticism is favorite sub genre. You into any music?
>>37780341
Beethoven #1 for me. But I enjoy all the composers really, my taste ranges from Chopin, to Schubert to Brahms to Saint Seanase depending on the day and mood.

I've never been able to get into Wagner, I find his music a bit over the top and overblown, gets rather exhausting after awhile. (Personal opinion, /mu/ fire truck memes aside) Phillip Glass I've liaised to on a few occasions, some of it seemed pretty trippy to me.

How's did the novel turn out? Also, hope you're enjoying your day off, any plans for later on?

>>37779161
We can deal with the practical problems first. Have you explained to your parents that these items are necessary? What don't they understand?

Why are you off your medicine?

>>37780536
That could be a sign that there's nothing to worry about. Dream are just a reflection of what you're willing to acknowledge. If you believe there something deeper, work on it during your waking hours.

>>37780614
Here in the UK it's coming up to 11pm so this is very much my evening now. I like Chopin well enough. If you like JRPGs I'd strongly endorse Eternal Sonata - a turn-based JRPG entirely, albeit unwittingly, soundtracked by him.

Wagner is overblown but I like it OTT from time to time. Most of the time, desu.

The novel was... I enjoyed writing it and I think there's a lot of good stuff there but it was probably, at the end, the single biggest disappointment of my life. It crushed my confidence as a writer. I would really like to be able to redraft the latter half and the ending one day, but I haven't been able to write more than a couple of thousand words since I finished it because of the devastating critique it recieved some 5+ years ago.

>>37780463

He just says he doesn't like the taste or that he bathes in it so he shouldn't have to drink it too.

>>37780614
I love Danse Macabre by Camille Saint-Saens. There's also Chopin and Mussorgsky.

>>37780512
Surely you know that some people value curly hair. Often those with straight hair feel disappointed with their lot in life. My hair is very curly and frizzy as well, so I know it's a hassle. Does it make a difference to you that many people feel the exact opposite as you and would actually give a positive valuation to what you've listed?
So it's mostly the aesthetic features of your race that disgust you. Can you think of any positive aspects of your people's appearance?

>>37780633
i went off because i felt i didnt need them anymore. evidently i probably do because im starting to feel awful without them.

my parents dont understand because (i) my mom is cheap, (ii) my dad has only rarely shown that he gives much of a fuck about how i grow up/mature/learn about the world/go out into the world (his idea of parenting is paying for shit but i feel guilty whenever he incurs expenses on my account because i think he secretly resents it), (iii) my mom refuses to acknowledge or even discuss the weight that society gives to appearances (and my father definitely wouldnt appreciate my insecurities about how i look either).

>>37780767
honestly dont even bother trying, im too far gone to listen to reason, i just started crying because i looked in the mirror then burst out laughing because its hilarious how ugly i am.

and know it doesnt help at all in fact it makes me angrier that people with straight hair dislike their hair because itsl ike a rich person complaining that they are rich.

there is not a single positive aspect of my garbage race, a genetic mistake. fuck i hate being alive

>>37780491
Public Service Announcement: I do not condone the reckless usage of any psychotropic drugs, even though the hypocrisy of my warning is not lost on me. Be responsible with dosages and don't combine chemicals which could interact in dangerous ways.

That said, freshly nutmeg (containing the compound myristicin) is the single most effective lucid dream stimulator I have personally used. Taken a while before bed, it reliably produces very vivid dreams which often break through to lucidity. Do not take a large amount or try to get high from it, as the experience is widely report to be extremely unpleasant (confirmed by my own adventures) and at high doses dangerous.

More safely, 5-HTP is said to be useful for dream recall.

>>37780546
What do you mean by "experimented with mindfulness"

>>37780752
Good taste, Nora.

We feel really bad about the other day. It was fair enough to attack that degenerate whore. We felt good. We felt aroused when she said she felt fear. However, we told her that we wanted 'all of her parts to know' that we wanted her to be afraid and we felt guilt. It's been consuming us. We couldn't hate that little girl. We would want to protect her. We're sorry. Truly sorry.

>>37780713
Please continue writing, Facet. I know it doesn't mean much, but I loved what you told me of your novel. I think you should definitely finish it.

The critique is what crushed your confidence or that fact that you gave up? Are you willing to reveal some of what was said?

>>37780997
I mean hell, you're already an alcoholic, so you're at least 75% of the way to literary success as it stands.

>>37781031
Digging through my computer right now.

>>37780749
Wow. Can you get him to drink more tea at least? Have you tried to sensitively express what a silly and alarming way of thinking that is and that you're deeply concerned about his health? You know him, so what's important enough to him to entice him to imbibe more fluids?

>>37780752
Eii, used to listen to that so much when I first discovered saint saense to the point where I can't listen to it anymore. Id reccomend giving the organ symphony a shot. Here's the finale highlight
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hopaQjQFUYw

>>37780713
Thanks for the recommendations, I'll give them a go. If you're gonna redraft I'd still keep the origional as separate, that's at least what I do with my compositions. Seems to me that in art the origional is more uninfluenced and genuine. Beethoven too received heavy criticism about his Gross Fuga, and people generally don't like it, but I love it, really enjoy following the piece every time. He invested a lot into it, and was too disappointed with the turnout. But look, then there's people like me who appreciate it. my point I guess is that you can be assured that some people got something out of your work and appreciate it. Even if that is a small small proportion.

>>37781175
I did an English degree and finished not only top of my class but also received a prive for overcoming mental illness in doing so.

The MA was a real labour of love. I dedicated myself to my university and to my department, even doing voluntary work in its support. Then, I went all out on the novel that was to be my opus. I put everything into it and my overseers deemed it to be worthless. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that it prompted an existential crisis from which I have never recovered.

>>37781295
Fuck the literati. I bet it's a fucking masterpiece.

>>37780927
Mindfulness meditation. Have you ever followed a guide and dipped into the practice? I can give you an article or a video if you'd be interested. It may prove helpful.

>>37780891
What if you aren't actually ugly and are exaggerating the negativity of your features? What if, hypothetically, everyone else on earth responded to your appearance with envy and fascination?

>>37780842
If you've been prescribed meds and your doctor recommends you continue taking them, you should follow his advice.

Don't feel guilty about asking for things you need. Just explain the necessity of it and pay them back when you're able to if that's expected. Why do you think your mother is unwilling to consider the importance of appearances?

I can't find the critique. I have no idea what I did with it. I could read an excerpt though.

>>37781637
I'm curious to know what they said.

>>37781746
All very well. I looked here and there. All I can remember is 'A somewhat complex novel'. Fuck you cunts!

>>37781295
Ah, fuck. All of that seems for nothing huh. Investment and time didn't pay off as expected, I feel for you man. It takes a lot to pour your heart and soul into anything in the first place, and when you don't get out what you put in it's really crushing. Don't think I underestimated the situation with my Beethoven example, but actual stories like that are what help me in my failures, alough I've never experienced anything close to the crushing of the heart and soul after poured it out.

metapsych you seem like a cool fellow btw, maybe we'll get to chat one of these days

>>37781461
i dont care for other peoples opinions, i would still despise myself and want to die

I rediscovered these threads a few days ago and it's pretty comfy here. The crash is setting in now though, I'll try to get some sleep. Hope to talk to more of you and get to know some.

>transman
>no trust fund
>antisocial and unable to work the only jobs available to me (retail, fast food)
>not that minimum wage pays the bills anyway
>waiting on disability for depression/ arm injury made worse from trying to work retail and fast food for years
>5'4 skelly manlet so dont suggest security guard
>probably won't get it and kill myself when i end up homeless again
>skilled at art, carpentry and guitar but no motivation/ social skills to turn those into enough money to live on
>can never admit im a transman with people i get along with online because incels get all riled up that i didnt keep my tits so they could be attracted to me and try to fuck me

Hung up on my mother. She said 'Love you' and I deliberately hung up. Feel guilty. FUCK

>>37781888
how was your childhood? can't be totally your fault

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>days where i'm happy even in the worst situations; laughing in the face of confrontation and shitty situations
>other days where i'm generally completely neutral and unfeeling, can't garner any sort of happiness or sadness or anger, just ambling through the day
>days where i'm one of the two, but some minute little thing pisses me off and i go into this psychotic rage that taper intermittently into bouts of depression
>have blacked out and phased back in clear signs i got into nasty fights before
>pretty sure i've either killed or just about killed at least 2 people
>have had paranoid, quasi-schizo panic attacks before
>weed often triggers some sort of psychosis for me
>alcohol makes me extremely violent

what the fuck is wrong with me? i don't know how "manic" you have to be during your highs to fall under bipolar disorder, and i'm not sure if there is a middle ground either - nevertheless i get into violent and criminal streaks which involve suicidal amounts of carefree, wanton shit way too often and i've "waken up" in random places doing random things more times than i'd like to admit and at this point i'm pretty sure something is slowly rotting in my skull

>>37781903
Welcome! In a nutshell: extremely bad. That said, I still feel bad. I do believe that she loves me in her own way, and she's more weak than she is evil.

>>37781908
any head injuries in your past, possibly that you don't remember? that can do it, if you have insurance i recommend pushing for an fMRI.

I never have energy. Always tired as fuck.
I want to keep making art, but I hate everything I do. I feel awful every time I draw. I don't know if it even looks a bad as I think it does.
I just wish I was happy and productive lads.

>>37781937
yeah figured man. I have the same problem with my mom, she fucked up but only because she was weak. Idk. The only time ive been able to be honest with my mom is drunk texting so im not one to give advice. My gut tells me she knows she messed up a little at this point and I should just be a good kid, but it's hard, there's a lot that will forever go unspoken

>>37781956
ran headfirst into a solid wooden side and got flipped when i was like 12, been knocked around a little bit from boxing, and i got hit in the head from a piece of metal falling from a building when i was maybe 12-13 and needed stitches, but other than that i can't think of anything

if i could scrounge up the money i probably would vie for one but i'm strapped right now and have zilcho insurance

>>37781403
i would definitely appreciate that

>>37782057
>other than that

human physiology is more sensitive than we give credit to.

I'd say try to get husky insurance if ur in the US but ive been down that road with it and the most I got was a catscan without seeing the results myself.

idk. shits not easy. While I love science I hate how much it doesn't help people because of $$.

I have deeply ingrained PTSD and every time I try to kill myself I'm reminded that I'm so worthless that my suffering is less important that the inconvenience it would cause the world

but that's only when I get really depressed I'm ok right now

>>37781880
What was the motivation to become a man?

I'd like to give the madlad team a wee reading from my novel.

>1. Because I don't want it to die
>2. I want to see what people might think
>3. I want an excuse to act again

Someone pick a chapter between 1-34

>>37782321
I'm away right now, but random number generator says 3.

>>37782321
Chapter 1 my dude

>>37782444
Always start from the beginning, chapter 1

>>37782433
>>37782444
>>37782462
2 votes suggest Chapter One. Incoming.

>>37782287
its not an external motivation. hard to explain. from what i understand it is a chromosomal defect in the womb, not this trending trap stuff.
I pass as a guy now, I'd rather have been comfortable in my female bod, Id get laid more and have better treatment in society overall, its a lot easier for a young woman to talk their way into a job or whatever than it is a young "man"
idk i hate trying to explain it because its hard to, id rather just hang out with people with similar interests but it seems like as soon as i let them know im a tranny everyone's on eggshells and shit. I know it's weird, I know it's fucked up, i prefer to joke about rather than turn myself into a victim but with culture now its like I have to be extreme left or extreme right to get along with anyone, thats annoying

http:vocaroo.com/i/s07J1cWEelsZ
This isn't an entire full chapter. It's just a small excerpt of the first one:
One character - A benefits assessor (welfare?) running himself through the system

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I need some help understand my situation right now.

I think I'm a really shallow person. I'm basically obsessed with how other people view me. I either basically fantasize about how I could look good in front of people or constantly fret over how shitty I've looked in the past. I feel like I don't do anything for the simple fact of enjoying it anymore. It's always a means to an end. Sometimes I think I indulge too much in entertaining the idea that I may have some special talent for something I'm interested in, maybe that I could be successful in it.

I've realised this about myself recently, I actually think it's quite pathetic.

I was obviously drunk so it wasn't bang on for a start

>>37782760
>I was drunk
I hope to be following in your footsteps shortly.

>>37782679
There's nothing pathetic about it, almost everyone seeks approval and positive regard. Not every realizes it as you have.
Focus more on ways to improve in whatever your interested in and less on whether or not you have some innate talents. What are you interested in?

>>37782677
I'm going to listen in a minute. I would also like to just read a chapter sometime, so if you ever feel like sending me an excerpt, please do.

>>37783118
Let me know what you think, meta

>>37782279
Are you currently being treated for your disorder? If not, I urge you to do so.

Would you like to share some of your history?

>>37782241
https://www.mindful.org/five-steps-to-mindfulness/
https://youtu.be/wJVlB58sgqE
The video is a guided meditation by Joseph Goldstein. I haven't listened to all of this particular one, but he's a good teacher. Don't be put off by the Buddhist terminology, the practice is totally secular. If these are no good, I can give more.

>>37782016
Ask yourself what you really want to accomplish with your art. Are you eating healthily and getting daily exercise?

>>37783090
I hope you're right. It's just that ever since I've realised it I've noticed how much I actually affect the way I behave in order to give false impressions, or lie basically. The idea of looking good while playing guitar is more interesting to me than playing the actual thing.

And that is another thing, I use to be really interested in music. I did it for the pure love of it. Then I got it into my head that I might be able to be famous, now I've lost all interest in it. I sometimes wish I never had this sad dream of being famous, it become more important to me than music itself and now my interest in music has almost completely diminished.

Don't leave me to it please. Give me a powerful monologue to eat. To become.

>>37783616
Does it have to be a monologue? Can it be a short story? Indigestion by Barry N. Malzberg. I can't say that it's powerful or has literary merit, but I liked it when I was exposed to it while a youngster and it's on a topic I think we're both intrigued by. Just a suggestion. Or the Fall of the House of Usher or some of Spender's lines from Bradbury's Martian Chronicles.

>>37783795
Give me a link and ideally, a passage. If I try it and it hits right I might do the whole thing.

>>37783250
I'll have to listen to this later on

>>37783130
I like it so far and enjoyed your reading of it. I want more.

>>37783935
So where could I find at least an aspect of something you'd like me to read to you, online?

>can't be around people without being made fun of
>always assume the lowest social standing in any group
>even my family makes fun of me

Example:
>bring friend to dinner at my moms house
>she proceeds to tell stories of when I was 15 and was in and out of jail
>laughs at me for it
>jokes about it to my friend
Fucking kill me.

File: looking out on life.jpg (35KB, 484x497px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 484x497px

>>37781528
>Why do you think your mother is unwilling to consider the importance of appearances?
She has the same insecurities about shit that she's inherited that I too, by extension, have inherited.


>If you've been prescribed meds and your doctor recommends you continue taking them, you should follow his advice.
Yeah, I gotta get back on them.

>>37784579
Please do get back on them.

>>37784045
If someone does something you dislike you tell them about it. Your mom is the easiest fucking person to start with of all people too man. You don't just sit and take shit like this. Tell her not to tell those stories about you, be assertive. Don't stop pressing her until you get a satisfactory result.

I wanted to stay on longer, but I think I'm going to have to abandon ship. Feeling somewhat unwell, but I hope the does not apply to any reading this.