I'm going to write out a story that happened to me

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>Have late dinner after rehearsal
>We talk about her relationships, my near-relationships, and sex
>She reveals to me that in her childhood/youth she fantasized about: Kurt Russell,Darth Vader, Bill Murray, Spock, Data, and Worf
>Actually a nympho
>Decide to reveal to her that I have always been turned on by the part in Return of the Jedi where Princess Leia is captured by Jabba the Hutt and enslaved
>Like the idea of submissive slave-girl forced to be with me against her will
>Girl finds it hot, too
>Holy shit this girl is everything
>Too bad she's married
>Jack off to her, accept that she's married, move on
>Play runs for four days, give good performance, have fun, got some laughs, ready to move on
>Invite girl to birthday party with some friends and co-workers
>She stays after everyone else has left
>We go for a drive
>Talk about sex more
>Getting turned on
>Pull over into a parking lot
>"Girl, I think I'm in love with you"
>She talks about how her husband doesn't satisfy her sexually
>Starts making out with me
>I tell her I don't want this because she's married
>Actually having raging hard-on
>Drive her back to her car, drive home, jack off
>Explain to her over email that I want to keep things platonic because I really don't want my life to change
>Can't stop being a fucking slob
>We meet up a couple more times
>We're talking at the mall
>"Anon, I bought a Princess Leia bikini"
>Flaccid to hard in .5 seconds
>Start telling her what I'd do to her if she were my sex slave
>She's clearly getting turned on
>Start feeling her up in the mall parking lot
>Go to her car
>She sucks my dick
>Say good night
>Next day feeling regretful
>Don't want change, don't want to take a chance
>She wants to meet up on Friday
>Talk to one friend, tells me to fuck her hard
>Talk to friend who is girl, tells me not to do it
>Talk to Internet friend, tells me not to do it
>Fuck
>Meet her on Friday at restaurant
>Tell her I can't see her anymore
>She storms out of my life

That was a few hours ago...
I'm sitting in my apartment right now, relieved that my life will continue to be uneventful and static for the foreseeable future.
I think I am lost