Psychological Issues #?????

>>37752670
Nope. There was one yesterday. They're mostly on.

Also hello everyone.

>>37752670
They'll never die, as long as one of us is left.
>>37752689
Hello Dan what's up?

>>37752670

Nick died.

Hello guys. Im in a pub right now so ill provably just lurk
Hope everyone is having a nice evening

Is my net dead or noone is here?

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>>37753919
>I'm at the pub
Why lie? Taking a bottle of whiskey to add to your Maccie D's milkshake doesn't make it a pub

>>37754292
Can you order whiskey at Mcdonalds?

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>>37754301
No, that's why I said 'take' as in 'take a bottle from your mom's bf's stash and hope he doesn't kick your ass too bad' nerd!

>>37754292
Hello facet, glad youre here

>>37754628
How's it going today? I felt a little bit bad because I was a bit mean to an old woman in therapy. She reminded me of my mother so I kind of laid into her.

>>37754722
Today was boring as hell.

Shit happens. Atleast you realize you made a mistake

Hello all

No one knows me, only posted a few times in begging threads, I'm the stimulants guy. I've been just vaguely following the group though. Is there some sort of time interval in which these threads are made?

Also, pls make me not lonely.

They're posted once per day. You're talking to us now, so you're presumably slightly less lonely. Problem solved!

>>37754375
10/10 second picture. Love it.
>>37755119
How's pub life? I've never been drinking, socially or otherwise.
>>37755279
Usually I check in around 1-2pm EST, thread is often up by then.

Also, as for Nick, he may or may not be dealing with legal shit involving his narc mother right now.

>>37755546
Its good, a little escape with my friends.
Drinking is pretty regular with me, but I need to get rally fucking drunk to socialize.
Last time i got drunk enough was on new year , i danced with a few girls i never met before.
Guess thats now normies feel

>>37755653
>but I need to get rally fucking drunk to socialize.
I feel you. Amphetamine can work wonders for your social life in proper doses.

Another day to aimlessly go through, i don't feel any better than yesterday, everything is so mundane.

I want to fucking die.

>>37755381
>>37755546
Thanks for the info. I'll be checking then, seems like a comfy bunch

>>37755653
I can't drink, at least not more often than as a cough suppressor when its 11pmish and everyone else in the house wants to go to sleep. I get really easily addicted to things, and alcohol almost killed my brother twice, and did kill an (step?)uncle I never met.

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>>37755758
See picture for help.

>>37755790
Tomorrow will be my vodka afternoon. After I get off work.

I'm so fucking angry at everything. I'm so fucking angry because of this stupidest thing that recently happened. I feel like a 13 year old all over again. But I can't fucking help it, my ADHD causes my emotions to explode.

But overall I'm a negative creep, I'm so fucking pathetic. I'm lonely. The only thing I want in live is to find a partner I genuinely love. But no-one wants to deal with a shitty piece of mental illness like me.

>>37755758
What is wrong with mundane?
>>37755770
Thank you Medman.
>>37755905
>work
What's a "day off"?
>>37755908
>The only thing I want in live is to find a partner I genuinely love.
This will not save you friend. I've had it once before. Believe me. It is all I want as well. But even then, your mood will not magically improve. You will have to take care of another living being. I'm not sure if you're a person who's owned a pet, but if you want to see if you could handle having a partner, get a cat. They're also needy, contrarian assholes who offer no positive value to your life. Unless you're Canadian, you can't even fuck it.

>>37755905
>vodka afternoon
That's a little short, innit?

>>37755908
>the stupidest thing that recently happened

Feel like sharing?

>>37755778
I get easily addicted too.
Thats why i drink and smoke so much, its bad but i cant help it

>>37756207
I'd advise quitting if possible. You don't want to die in someone's arms do you?

>>37755989
>I've had it once before.

I take it you're experienced and have insight on relationships? I can really use some advice and feedback for application and introspection

>>37752670
>tfw schizoidal personality

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>>37756353
It's fine, isn't it?
Or are you one of those terrible catch 22 folks who still get lonely?

>>37752670
I want to kill myself, but I'm not sure if I'm at that point yet. It's an abstract kind of feel.

>>37755546
>Also, as for Nick, he may or may not be dealing with legal shit involving his narc mother right now.

Actually, got a letter from X, 4 pages of insults and threats. Funny how everyone sends me a letter threatening to sue the same fucking week.

I'm trying to get legal insurance right now, though neither have any grounds for a serious accusation.

Shit is on!

>>37756379
most comfy thing I could have imagine
I crave for loneliness

>>37755989
A day off is a day when you don't go into work. Not really sure what you're driving at, squire.

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>>37756417
Isn't loneliness supposed to be a bad kind of feeling though?

>>37756417
Loneliness sucks. It can make you do cringy things out of desperation. Then you withdraw and become more lonely. It can become a loophole

>>37756271
Sure. Go ahead. I'm slightly socially retarded but I've had two relationships.
>>37756404
What? Wait what?
>>37756443
What are those? I think I was like 16-17 last time I had one.

>>37756449
No, it's actually opposite.
Talking with online friend for longer period makes me incredibly tired, feeling like I'm losing control.
When there is nobody around, the silence, cat doing mrau I'm most happy person

>>37756477
>out of desperation
I'm past this stage. I no longer seek validation or acceptance. I ready for death each second of my life. Nothing annoys me or gets me mad. I'm just an observer, a guest

>>37756492
>What? Wait what?

After literally months of not speaking to her at all, she thinks I'm "visually harassing" her, because I look at her sometimes. She also thinks that whenever I'm near her, I do it on purpose and that it's harassment.

I'm buying legal insurance as we speak. Then fuck it.

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>>37756547
>No, it's actually opposite.
>Talking with online friend for longer period makes me incredibly tired, feeling like I'm losing control.
>When there is nobody around, the silence, cat doing mrau I'm most happy person
But that's not loneliness. That's just being alone.

>>37756564
>But that's not loneliness. That's just being alone.
What you mean?

>>37756553
Christ, almost sounds like a bad joke. Fucking insane.

>>37756614
Loneliness is a negative emotion normal people feel when they're alone for extended periods of time, or separated from their loved ones.
Being alone is obviously not the same thing as feeling lonely.

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>>37756553
I have no words. Maybe they're trying to strongarm you with some sort of concession? I don't understand.

>>37756658
Ah, then I must not feel lonely when I'm alone. I feel comfy and happy

>>37755989
>You will have to take care of another living being. I'm not sure if you're a person who's owned a pet, but if you want to see if you could handle having a partner, get a cat.
Fuuuuck, this made me actually think. My family owns a dog and I'm the worst at taking care of it. This made me even feel worse, I know I need to work with myself but I have been doing it ever since I was a teenager. Been in therapy for two years now, it's little better but still feels like I'm going to lose my mind.


>>37756036
My mother started to nag like a bitch and I lost it

>>37756547
>I'm past this stage. I no longer seek validation or acceptance.
Just takes time then, I assume? Teach me 2b like you
>>37756492
Man, not sure where to start. I don't want to overwhelm you with meaningless details and long venting. But I'm having trouble finding the root of the problem myself, maybe it's a mixture of little things that add up.

I guess I'll start by saying that I'm in a relationship where I feel like I'm driving the whole thing and it feels unfulfilling. I don't feel appreciated and don't feel affection. We have been talking for about 3 years, "dating" for almost 1.

When it came to your relationships how were the initiatives for setting up the dates divided? Ever feel like you're the only one showing any interest, if so did it bother you?

isn't Chad here today? i miss that retard

>>37756731
Dose the nagging happen often? Stuff like that adds up anon and can trigger you. Your emotional response makes sense to me, I wouldn't feel stupid over it

Also, if you get into a relationship I'd expect nagging after the honey moon period

>>37756872
>Just takes time then, I assume?
Yes, there is nothing really to say about it. I was going through depression and this is the end of it.
Observing people talking to me from the distance showed how insignificant they are, they're just coded bioobjects. Buddhism teached me to not expecting, because it creates suffering. Just do something for sake of enjoying the yourney without purpose, like lifting, meditating. There is no purpose in life, only yourney.
Accept death as something natural, you'll never know what is it. The big unknown about it, is the most enjoying thing, like a suprise. I like to view it as end of all suffering, thus I fear no death. The perspective matters.

Hey guys. What's up, because I haven't been here in a while. For originality.

>>37757380
Not too much, ta. Nick's embroiled in a legal battle now. I made an old woman cry because she reminded me of my mother. You?

>>37757420
>Nick's embroiled in a legal battle now.

Not yet. I can only hope the threats are only legal.

>>37757040
It happens often but my reactions are not normal, it's not like I go to another room and being angry. Once I started to throw eggs, once I broke the shelf, once I broke the mirror, one my mother ran and called the police. I think I got this behavior from my bigger sister. I remember she once started to jump on my computer because I rather played runescape than help her with washing the dishes. Haha.

>>37756230
Who the fuck cares anymore

Also Im back so hello guys
Im drunk and depression starts to kick in
horaaaaay

why the fuck do i drink
i just feel horrible after it

Fuck me and fuck everything

>>37757470
>only legal
What else are you worried could happen?

>>37757503
>>37757530
I know the feel well, my friend

>>37756731
Slow steps anon. Maybe get a few fish, they're low-maintainence.
>>37756872
>I guess I'll start by saying that I'm in a relationship where I feel like I'm driving the whole thing and it feels unfulfilling. I don't feel appreciated and don't feel affection. We have been talking for about 3 years, "dating" for almost 1.
I can say for a fact that I intimately know and understand this situation.
>When it came to your relationships how were the initiatives for setting up the dates divided? Ever feel like you're the only one showing any interest, if so did it bother you?
Yes. This was my last relationship, for the last several months of it. It may not be the same for you, but my ex started behaving this way because she was fucking around behind my back. If you're the only one trying to hold a relationship together it ISN'T healthy, and you need to cut her out of your life.
>>37757503
What about the person who's arms you die in? Do you want them to live with the pain of being unable to save you? A death they failed to stop?

>>37757566
Thats pretty much the main and only reason i dint kill myself yet, i cant imagine how hard it would be for people around me

Btw my guilty pleasure. im too drunk to care if you think its gay music, its my fucking guilty pleasure
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5mE-J1WLk

>>37757538
>What else are you worried could happen?

I don't know. I think her threats are empty. Boy is she pissed off... Jesus Christ.

>>37757566
But anyway, I wish people realized that my death would be a good thing, poeple tend to get too attached to life

laso i know you had your experince with this
So I just wanna tell you you really are a hero and care so much so much about you, you were the first person to talk to me in these threads and I am so gratefull for that, please dont ever do anything to yourself, I know were just random people on r9k but I consider you my friend and thats something I dont take lightly

>>37757420
Not much. The same old thing. What's Nick wrapped up in exactly? Do you dislike your mother?

Im gonan start crying ffs

getting drunk really does things to me

The whole acting just goes down and I want to end it all

>>37757686
Who is "she"? I'm guessing you're Nick.

>>37757737

Buffalo Bill. Or X.

>>37757734
I've decided to kill myself. Make a suicide pact with me, namefag.

>>37757734
It will pass, and you will feel better again tomorrow. It will pass.

>>37757713
I'm still angry at her for a lot of things, and seeing pain and fear on that other person's face made me feel good first, and guilty afterward. That's usually how it goes.

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>>37757796
I dont think thats the answer
Life is fucked but theres always room to make it better
Dont know how, dont know when but i think there is
maybe well be lost forever but atleast we can say we tried it

>>37757851
i dont know. I think getting drunk lets out the real me
maybe illl just spend the whole day behind a mask again tomorrow

>>37757913
Both are parts of you, neither the whole.

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>>37757943
Too drunk to get this.

Also i still have this taped on

Its helps me somehow

>>37757991
It's good that there's something to help you rember happy day

My fucking cock doesn't work

>>37758073
Im sure ir there ever ever really were happy days.
Trying to remember just hurts more-

>>37757734
Fuck I know that breaking feel. Hits hard man. I've been avoiding crying for the past week, feel like it's inevitable and will happen hard one of these days. Got acsess to any meds? Since youre intoxicated it's a terrible idea to mix but I might be of use, depending what you can get your hands on

>>37757566
>If you're the only one trying to hold a relationship together it ISN'T healthy, and you need to cut her out of your life.

I've tried ghosting her on several occasions. Always fail. I feel like I'm too attached and emotionally invested. Part of it is I feel like I've linked using uppers to her, and always thus seek her company. I don't suspect her of doing things behind my back, just find lack of initiative as a sign of lack of interest. She agrees and goes along with my plans, but to me that just seems like the mindset of "sure I'll come why not, it's easy to tag along, I don't find anon totally repulsive". Not sure what the best way to go about this is. I've confronted her but never get a clear response. Should I talk to her in detail about it? I'm giving a lot of affection but I fear it may be one sided.

I'm sorry about you being betrayed and cheated on.

>>37758228
nope, never even had any meds
I dnot really like the whole idea of meds

Also I dont think theres anything bad about crying, just let it out

>>37758083
Mine is willing and able, but there are too few openings in this economy.

>>37758287
Not just the crying, it's this whole wave of extream pessimism about the present and future, that I try to distract myself from. If I face it I'll have to come to terms with somethings so gotta keep suppressing it. Maybe it will pass

Ended up thinking about how I'd torture someone for about an hour or so today. Just lost track of time. Got to be an edgelord I suppose. Can't say I thought of anything truly innovative though. My favourite was probably telling the person that they could choose to keep either dick or balls. Then a tiny bit at a time, melting them down with acid. Then 'changing my mind; a while later and doing the other. I can just imagine them whimpering 'but you promised'. I also imagine giving them a lot of LSD. Just thinking aloud here really, gents.

>>37758228
>>37758416
Oppsi, pretty obvious it's me but took out name to shitposting in other threads

>>37758416
>Maybe it will pass

I hope it will, i hope so much

>>37758448
What about bringing their families into the session? Physical pain is one thing, but being forced to watch your kids and wife being tortured in front of you is a whole other ballgame. Especially if you're torturing for information.

>>37758497
Hmm, well I was actually thinking about something that happened in the past where my gf was followed. So in that situation, I don't think I'd like to see the family hurt necessarily. I did think of spiritual torture I could include (because the obese would-be rapist was Middle Eastern). Elements like feeding the person with liquidised raw beef and later their own flesh, cooked. And whatever elements of desecration would be necessary to bar entry from heaven.

>>37758448
None of my fantasies involve grueling torture like that, but I am fascinated by brainwashing. It would be exhilarating to have a person I could mold into whatever I desired, or to perform experiments on. All in the name of holy science, mind you. I'm no hedonist.

>>37758584
Making people afraid does feel very good. That is something that I have to admit I dislike about myself.

>>37758448
Alternatively you could give them coke or amph and place them in a small room with only a few pieces of furniture and a water bottle, and tell them that's their whole water supply for the day. Not as bad as the choice of balls vs penor removal, but pretty would be entertaining to watch.

>>37758609
As far as I can remember, it was my earliest fantasy. I like the idea of inspiring and assuaging fear, ad infinitum.

>>37758650
How about LSD and waterboarding?

>>37758673
That sounds like an ouchi. Gotta start off like that tough to ensure a horrible trip

>>37758673
I like this one more

>>37758650
In my scenario I've disabled them fairly early in; smashed their hands and feet, shaved them, grated their head and bound them in razorwire, holding them in place. So I'd rather have them unable to move but able to just hang there and think but not act. Perhaps in the dark with some discordant music while I did something else. I thought about scaphism but nah too specialised and not compatible with the rest. A big part of the appeal for me would be dehumanising them in their own eyes; so after I'd had my fun with them for a while, show them an abomination in the mirror, a mess of scar tissue and cashes, missing parts of limbs. Ghoulish. I think the horror would be extremely intense. Then maybe lock their head in a mirror box.

what the fuck is goin on

>>37758673
I would be really interested in seeing the limits of what I could achieve with psychedelics and total control over the living conditions of a subject. Or drugs to mimic/produce amnesia and then some to increase suggestibility, maybe entactogens to stimulate trust in me. Just wild speculation, really, but this is my happy place. I often feel I would have a realization about my true colors if I really were given access to all of this.

>>37758811
I'm pretty certain how it would go for me. Incredibly intoxicating and arousing, then extreme guilt and a feeling of helpless despair.

>>37758673
It would work better with dmt, though it's a good chance they will be so horrified they repress the trip entirely, so I guess it depends on whether you want to scar them or send them to hell for a while.

>>37758863
I don't know that I would feel that much guilt unless I were needlessly hurting the individual, which I wouldn't do. I think mere brainwashing is ethically neutral or even benevolent.

>>37758905
That's fair enough, but I would be doing it mostly for my own pleasure I imagine.

>>37758776
So it's more about the whole power and control type thing, in the physical aspect. Is this directed to someone in perticulat (would be rapist) so more of a revenge type fantasy, or just a random, for the purpose of letting it out

>>37758294
>tfw got loving gf
>got fit
>got a job
>now my cock doesn't work
There really is no god

>>37758905
Wot would you have them do. Assuming you get into their head

>>37753754
Are you atlas the rapper?

>>37758934
I can't predict how I would respond if given this opportunity. I am very curious. If I had a nigh endless supply of brains and equipment, would I callously conduct monstrous experiments in furtherance of my goals? Would my humanity get the better of me and disable me from taken advantage of the situation even though it's practically all I want and completely in line with my philosophy? Or would something even worse emerge, something that positively delights in power over the minds of others and would turn absolutely rapacious for new heights of intensity? I'm not sure I want to know.

>>37758982
fuck thats rough. im starting to have those problems too

>>37759005
Pretty benign stuff, ideally. I'd create a class of intellectual Manchurian candidates who would be fully united behind my leadership. Assuming it's possible. I'm not underestimating the complexity of the task, it's just a fantasy (albeit a persistent one).

>>37758948
I suppose it got started with the rapist but after a while it seemed as though I started with that and it just took off for its own sake. I suppose I would need to feel as though the person 'deserved it', but that's a fiction people tell themselves to do a great many wicked things. Ultimately, I do enjoy power and control and that has come out in the types of relationships I tend to have.

>>37759069
I expect that I would fluctuate between the last and regret.

>>37759124
So use them as means to elevate yourself?

>>37759156
Not exactly, but I wouldn't hesitate to make the most of my position. It would be more about developing advanced technology under the guidance of the proper set of ideas than anything purely selfish. I would go ahead with this plan even if I knew I would have to die a painful death before any fruits ripened.

>>37759137
At this point, I think my heart is too soft to become overwhelmed by bloodlust. The one complication is my rage. I think I would be shielded from anger to a degree by the sheer excitement I'd experience on learning that this opportunity was given to me, but if something were to happen immediately prior to or after beginning operations, I don't know if I'd resist it. Probably I'd use pacifying agents on myself in contexts where I could become offended and lose control.

>>37759256
>die a painful death before any fruits ripened

Don't mean to ruin it for you, but friendly reminder that you won't see any of the fruits nor the tree if you're not around. The way I see it, it's all about the now.

>>37759348
That's not important. I'm a fanatic.

>>37759334
Well I know from experience that I can become swept along by powerful emotions like that. I'm normally quite detached from or confused by my emotions so clarify is nice.

>>37759501
I've been worried lately about my growing... enjoyment of rage. Or rather the sense of completion that follows mad destruction. It's just like successfully completing a compulsion, such a feeling of relief. It's been scaring me within the past few months/year.

>>37759572
The best answer might be to find a positive outlet. MMA or another full contact martial art perhaps.

>>37759572
I don't know why I'm posting anonymously. It's not as if anyone doesn't know who I am. I guess I like the plausible deniability of posting without a name. I haven't done it in months.

>>37759632
Whatever makes you happy, you spooky anonymous skeleton

>>37759608
We've talked about that before and it does seem useful to have those skills, but I think I would develop grudges over defeat, hindering any progress or stress relief. I'm nowhere near psychologically healthy enough to enter into that world yet. Plus, no monies. I do have a family member who might aid me financially for that, though .

>>37759689
Wish I wasn't so fat and lazy and over the hill desu. I could have been somebody. I coulda been a contender!

>>37759835
No sense dwelling on regrets, is there? You're somebody already, even if it's not as widely acknowledged as it might've been.

>>37759966
>One silver medal (regional)
I think I'll continue to dwell. Maybe I'll get good at Tekken. Even that didn't go well this evening. Figs.

>>37760045
Tekken the game?

>>37760130
Yeah, Tekken 7. Won a tournament a few days ago. Today I mostly played like shit unfortunately. I main King.