Psychological Issues #75

Hello, hello!

How are we doing?

>>37729592

Tired.

You?

>>37729680
I feel kinda strange. I'm now officially 25+ KV.

Feels strange. It's like this big milestone in my life. I guess?

>>37729719

Happy birthday, Dan.

It's just a number. You're so fucking young, though, holy shit.

>>37729781
Thanks. Age is just a number. I remember one guy who would always say that when hitting on young women. He would always say

>What do you mean she's too young? Age is just a number.

To which we would add

>And jail is just a room.

Of course he meant like 16/17 year olds (perfectly legal), nothing too fucked up.

Anyways yeah. Thanks. I don't feel young though. I feel like I was reading a book and accidentally turned a few pages at once. Oh well.

>>37729443
Hello everyone and also happy bday Dan

>>37729869

I feel young, not sure if that's a good thing though.

Are you throwing a party soon?

>>37729899
Diky vole :D

>>37729901
Yeah there is gonna be one with my family etc in two weeks. I'm gonna buy a shitton of white rum and make cuba libre. You can call me faggy all you want, but it's something that pretty much everyone can drink. Not stuff that you have to develop a taste for like vodka, whiskey etc.

Other than that, I'm not sure. I might buy some whiskey and shit. Actually a couple guys I know are gonna be graduating from college in a couple days. I'm probably gonna get some booze (this time hard liquor, because these guys are no strangers to it) and we're gonna celebrate it together.

If you feel young though. That's more power to you. Although I do find it a little surprising that you do feel young. I guess it's in the mind. Also today when I was in the city, I didn't rage so much. Whenever I wanted to go on ranting in my head how I usually do, this thought popped up. Something like "Man, you're fucked in the head, don't rant so much. Also whatever you're thinking is wrong.".

>>37730055
>Man, you're fucked in the head, don't rant so much. Also whatever you're thinking is wrong.".

Good move, analyse your thoughts, keep yourself in check, they won't happen as often, you'll get it back under control.

>>37730055
> I'm gonna buy a shitton of white rum and make cuba libre. You can call me faggy all you want

What's gay about it? It's great for casual drinking, I also love white rum

>>37730125
>What's gay about it?

It's a drink that, in Dan's country, precedes a lot of anal sex between boys.

>>37730125
Well I know some fags who would call it a "lady drink". But as you said, for casual drinking it's fucking great. I'm probably gonna get some captn morgan too.

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>>37730159
Dude thats also my country

>>37730159
Allow me to clarify here.

No.

It's just that men who drink any booze that can't be set on fire (other than beer) are considered unmanly. Well among the people I know anyways.

>>37730213

Hhahaha, I forgot about that.

Lady drinks are the best, because you drink them around ladies. Getting wasted with men is too homo for me.

>>37730225

I got "tested" in Poland. Managed to drink 9 shots of vodka, whereas I never drink at all.

Would I be considered manly by your people?

>>37730195
Unless you dont drink Frisco and shit like that Im pretty sure Its not gay.
I also drink gin and tonic when Im at home, some people told me its also a "lady drink" but i dont really give a fuck

>>37730250

I drink orange juice and ice-tea. And Corona is a good beer in my opinion.

>>37730234
Most of the people I know dont even drink vodka so Id say its pretty good.
I'd personaly probably throw up after that. Vodka does that to me all the time

>>37730280

I spent the night in hell. Puking and feeling like I couldn't breathe.

>>37730291
Hopefully you'll stop breathing forever soon.

>>37730234
Well that's not so bad for a westerner! I mean that's the amount that would prevent you from being shittalked.

Though I'm not a very heavy drunk and I can drink about 20. At pace of about I don't know. 4 shots per hour.

>>37730229
>Getting wasted with men is too homo for me.
Yeah, that's the truth. You wouldn't believe how many times have I seen guys just hugging each other while drunk. Actually once I was drinking with guys from my middle school (the ones who took me in when I was being bullied) and during a single evening they first got angry at each other, then they calmed down and punched each other with brass knuckles for fun (not kidding, they were smiling) and then they hugged each other and were talking about how we're friends.

I woke up with huge nasty looking dark blue bruises on my arms from the brass knuckles. Shit looked like broken glass except on your skin.

They're very different class of people compared to the ones I know now who went to university etc. Much more violent, direct, genuine. Hard to explain.

>>37730291
I get throw up drunk quite rarely, I like to think that Im quite good at drinking.
But shit happens, especially here.
I live in a part of country thats very popular for making their own alcohol (it's called slivovice) but holy shit its fucking horrible.
I cant drink it at all, maybe coz im from a city and this drink is very popular in villages.
But everytime I go somewhere out of town and local friends bring their own bottles of this a tiny bit of me dies inside just from seeing it

>>37730334
>Well that's not so bad for a westerner! I mean that's the amount that would prevent you from being shittalked.

That's what I was told. My reputation is made in Poland now.

>Though I'm not a very heavy drunk and I can drink about 20. At pace of about I don't know. 4 shots per hour.

That was about our rate. But I never drink, so fuck... Never again!

My dreams are becoming my reality. I just daydream all day about living in a happy bright world full of cute things and then I sleep as soon as I get home from work so I can lucid drean.
I havent completely lost touch with reality but given the choice I would ditch reality in a second. Only dreams matter now.

>>37730334
>and punched each other with brass knuckles for fun (not kidding, they were smiling)

You must write an autobiography of your life growing with the 40k Orks.


WAAAAAAAAGGHHHH

>>37730373
>growing with the 40k Orks.

kek

>>37730348
>but holy shit its fucking horrible.
Man how come? That shit's fucking great. Actually my grandfather makes his own calvados (like slivovice but from apples). People have been quoted saying that it's terrible and most people immediately puke upon first tasting it.

They say that only someone from my family could drink something so terrible in big quantities. And they're right.

I know it's been a while, sorry to just pop back in like this with my problems
Since my bf broke up with me, I've been just lost, I know what I want in the long term but I have no idea where to even begin
If you've got any advice on how to get on track or "sort myself out", it'd be appreciated

>>37730399

Hello you, remind me of the circumstances of your breakup.

>>37730393
I dont know, I just fucking hate it so much, it was the first drink I ever had as a kid and the taste gives me fucking ptsd

>>37730411
I told him I still love my dad and he said it wasn't fair to him

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>>37730357
As far as drinking goes, I can tell that you have potential.

>>37730373
Yeah, actually one of the guys is a nurse (a very fierce fighter who is constantly high). One time one of the guys actually his arm open with a saw (pic related). The nurse guy had to stitch him up because it was bleeding like crazy and about half an inch deep.

He did it on a dare. Apparently he didn't whine or show any signs of feeling pain.

I don't think the world is ready for this book yet.

>>37730436

A dumb reaction from him. Your love for him could have grown.

Give me some memories from your childhood. Anything.

>>37730464
>I don't think the world is ready for this book yet.

I am so ready. All these Orkish shenanigans make more sense than my childhood. A dare makes sense, even if it's insane.

>Czech this shit out, motherfucker.

>>37730464
Holy shit I wouldn't want to meet you guys at night

>>37730436
How is it not fair to him? He still had you, didn't he? I guess moving on and trying to find a new person you like would be a good move.

>>37730507

If you're scared, you're not drunk enough.

Amirite.

>>37730507
But also im almost 2m tall and weight almost 100kg, most people tell me that i'm quite a mountain.

But I cant fight for shit so I just trust in my pissed of skyscraper look

>>37730541
*off

pissing of skyscraper would be cool af tho

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Happy birthday Dan. Remember it's 25 candles on one cake, not 25 cakes like someone I could mention

>>37729443
Hey Nick. Just swinging by to say hello.

>>37730564
also Im already a bit drunk so sorry in advance for my grammar

>>37730593

Helloo. Can't believe someone said helloo before.

>>37730585
But I really want 25 cakes...

>>37730593
Hello Hero, good to see you here

>>37730421
Man we should meet up. I'll teach you to drink.

>>37730541
Yeah these guys I mentioned are all relatively short. The tallest one is maybe 6'1" (185cm).

Point is they are very much used to feeling pain and they don't have the psychological block that stops most people from being aggressive. It's just the experiences they've had. Most of them come from abusive families, where their fathers were either alcoholics, divorced (not around) or extremely authoritative and prone to violence.

>>37730620
>The plot twist is that Atlas is actually Lex Luthor

>>37730635
>Yeah these guys I mentioned are all relatively short. The tallest one is maybe 6'1" (185cm).

Relatively short... Fuck off. Anywhere past 180 is tall.

>>37730610
I'd believe it. Originality is dying.
>>37730620
Same to you Atlas.

>>37730665
My point was that only two of them are taller than me (178cm) the rest are shorter.

>>37730585
Holy shit, you're getting really creative with these insults. Quite impressing.

>>37730714

He's pretty good.

An endless well of abuse.

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>>37730714
>>37730747

Thanks m8s, keeps me from being bored for a few minutes each day.

>>37730500
>I am so ready. All these Orkish shenanigans make more sense than my childhood.
There is something so direct and straightforward about the shit they did. Your torture must have been much more hidden and less explicit.

>A dare makes sense, even if it's insane.
Yeah, still it was strange. "I'M GONNA CUT YOUR ARM OPEN!" "SO DO IT YOU FAG!" And he did.

>>37730780
>Your torture must have been much more hidden and less explicit.

So much so I never saw that it was abuse until a few months ago.

Your people are nuts. In a cool way.

>>37730635
Yep, exactly the type of guys I wouldn't want to meet at night.

Me and my friends are pretty civil, never got into a bar fight or anything like that really

>>37730833
Honestly the guys I mostly hang out with today are also like that.

It's funny because the guys who are educated, went to college are usually much more civil. The people from good families. But they just lack something. They lack the fierceness for the lack of better words. Often they fold very soon, are offended or really hurt by insults and manipulation. It's like they mostly saw the "good" world so any glimpse at the shit and ugliness truly shocks them because they're not used to it.

Not all of them are like that obviously, but often it's like that. If you grow up with orks and then live with people, the orkish side is still there and it shows itself.

>>37730820
Well at least now you know.

>Your people are nuts. In a cool way.
Well, it's not that cool honestly. It's just violence.

>>37730953
>Well, it's not that cool honestly. It's just violence.

Needs major group therapy, on a national level.

I need to lie down.

>>37731042
Take your time Nick, I think thread has enough regulars here to stay up for a bit.

>>37730953
>It's like they mostly saw the "good" world so any glimpse at the shit and ugliness truly shocks them because they're not used to it.

i think thats the other extreme, I hate these sunshine assholes, fucking normies

>>37730470
>childhood memories
My dad and I used to build Legos all the time, we built a bunch of Star Wars stuff a long time ago
>>37730515
I asked him to make a commitment, then tell him I love another man (and to boot it's my dad)
I gotta go to work, I'll be back in 4 hours max

>>37731337
Ummm... Zoidberg?

>>37731194
They don't have to be sunshine assholes.

The point is, if they went to good school in nice neighborhoods and their families have money and are mostly middle class, then chances are they just never saw this shit that we did.

Like in middle school alone. One guy blew his fingers off with a homemade explosive and ended up mutilated. One girl took meth. One guy would bring 7.62x39 bullets that he stole from his relatives and would try setting them off and throw them at people.

I mean, they just come from different worlds. Which is great for them, they can focus on studying, having happy lives, etc. They have money to pay their kids hobbies and do stuff. They truly are higher class.

>>37731364
>>37731194
Doesn't it make you bitter as fuck thinking about how easy most people have it growing up, and how their consequent worldview guarantees them a better life experience? I know I am.

Im so glad Dan confirmed my slav steriotypes, i find those kinds of stories absolutely hillarious. would like to see more.

i also just shat a toiletbowl full of blood, thinking im fucked now

>>37731592
Were not even that slav, pretty much right between

Also doctor ffs asap

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>>37731592
Ah, it's probably fine I wouldn't worry about it.

>>37731483
I don't know man. I mean I usually am very bitter.

On the other hand, these experiences. Every single day at work there is something stressful. And when someone is complaining about being treated poorly, I just think to myself "What the fuck? This is being treated poorly?". That's because I compare it to being humiliated and beaten up like I was used to.

Point is, people like us. We have drive. We're the orcs. Maybe for these people, for these people with nice lives. Maybe if we go back enough, there was someone who was fucked up beyond recognition. But someone who had the drive and who didn't stop because he was used to swimming in shit. Chances are that we won't have it easy growing up anymore. But maybe the experiences we have can help us make it easy for our children?

I'm a little drunk now obviously, but could it not be this way? Our threshold to shit is extremely high. Where people with good life experiences will be surprised, we've seen it all and much worse. Maybe there is a way.

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>>37731666
That's a really positive attitude, good point. Not sure if you're right but it would be nice if you are.

>>37731592
>>37731621
Yeah it's pretty funny how Czech people can be anywhere from almost germanic in looks and behavior to drunk slav. For example I live in an area that is full of little hills. Not high hills, but it's very hard to find a flat surface. Thanks to that this area is very industrial full of carpenters, blacksmiths (actually my ancestors were blacksmiths). People here don't believe in god much and drink a lot and are said to be very aggressive.

But if you go 30 miles to the east you come to the flat area of country full of god believing, kinda meek farmers.

If you go 30 miles to the north you come to the part of the country that was formerly sudeten (part of the german reich during WW2, big german minority, quite different people).

If you go 30 miles to the south you find the wine growers. Flat terrain with very chilled people who live off tourism.

And if you go 30 miles to the west, it's the hills where everyone is cousin and people mostly grow potatoes.

It's interesting.

>>37731592
>would like to see more.
I don't know. There was this guy who we accidentally almost killed by driving a nail into his skull (long story). Nowadays he works as a prison warden and is absolutely fucking psychopathic. I talked to his brother (it's the nurse guy who stitched up that other guy after the saw incident) and he was having a coffee with him and apparently his brother (the warden) kicked this little dog to death because it barked at him right in front of the cafe. Just kicked it to death until it stopped moving.

I guess slavs will be slavs.

>>37731740
I'm not sure if it's positive. I think it's practical though. I'd like to think that for every family that is now middle class there was in the past some guy like us. Someone fucked up who saw the worst in people and thanks to that he never stopped because he was used to shit. And so he just pulled through, gave his children a good starting point through his hard work and eventually bam. His grandchildren are the "sunny" positive people because they never had to deal with the shit their grandpa endured.

I think it can be us. I mean sure, Chad had a great support from people around him. We didn't have too much of it. Often times we were tortured (sometimes quite literally). I mean what could happen now that would be worse than the shit we know?

Every fucking day I'm surprised that people are treating me the way they are not much worse.

>>37731621
>Also doctor ffs asap
yeah, i'll call for an appointment tomorrow

>>37731635
i sorta think that it actually is fine. i've felt physically strange and shit in general for years, this is the first objective symptom though.

>>37731884
havent laught this hard in so long. which is sorta fucked up considering the story. i suppose coming from the easy life you've been talking about it's something about the whole story that's just so absurd

>>37732095
>havent laught this hard in so long. which is sorta fucked up considering the story.

You are fucked.

>>37729443
I dunno if I'm autistic or not. I'm intelligent, I've always had awkward interests but that's it. In middle school my life was a disaster but once in high school it became better. But I feel like I can't really enjoy hanging around with others even though I want to. Any advice?

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>>37732095
>>37732113
The bit about the little dog gave me a modest chuckle as well. I hate those little rat bastards. Well, except dachshunds

>>37732157
>The bit about the little dog gave me a modest chuckle as well.

You are really fucked.

Fucking hell.

I'm outta here.

im literal schizo that's my issue.

>>37732113
I don't think that's the problem honestly. He just doesn't take it seriously. To him it's like watching a .webm on /gif/.

>>37732095
>i suppose coming from the easy life you've been talking about it's something about the whole story that's just so absurd
Yeah that's the point. It sounds so absurd and violent you don't probably take it seriously. Point is, it was very real.

How about another slav story? Not sure which to pick, maybe how my father converted an air gun into a lethal weapon (something able to pierce 4" of solid wood), that's not such an interesting story though. He just adjusted the chamber to take alarm cartridges (not sure if that's a word in english). These things only make noise but have PLENTY of power. When he was first testing it, it shot through two through two gates made of solid wood.

Tonight could actually be slav story time. Maybe I'm gonna try to pick some stories that are more upbeat.

>>37732146
>But I feel like I can't really enjoy hanging around with others even though I want to. Any advice?
Maybe it's just the people you are with aren't right for you? You don't have to get on with absolutely everyone.

Are there any people you enjoy hanging out with?

>>37732203
You in therapy?

>>37731884

Im pretty sure someone killing your dog is a good reason to go on a killing spree

>>37732403
So which is it? Lex Luthor or John Wick?

>>37732403
Oh man. I wish you wouldn't have said that.

Someone poisoned my dog in January. Burrying him was one of the few times I saw my father just break down and cry. And I'm pretty fucking sure my new neighbor did it. We've had the dog for 3 years and no one complained or said a thing. They moved in and under 6 months later the dog was poisoned (the vet said it couldn't have been natural or accidental, he would have to eat a bucket of poisoned rats in a couple hours).

I'm just trying to find it myself not to take revenge. Or at least not in a dumb way. I mean dying by puking/shitting your guts out is fucked up.

>>37732157
>>37732302
>>37732113
i liked the start the most. how can you even manage to accidentaly put a nail through someones head. that's like intention to kill, way beyond what would be "normal violence" to me.

>slav story
fuck yeah! i read one a long time ago, still not sure if it was true or not.
3 shitfaced slavs started arguing about who was the most manly in the group.
to prove his courage the first slav grabbed a chainsaw and cut his foot off.
the second slav one upped him and cut his whole leg off.
the third slav, intending to beat them both grabbed the chainsaw and managed to cut his own head of.

>>37732332
thank you for answering Dan. Well... I dunno. I'd say I do, but sometimes I feel like I'm just lying to myself, I don't know even why. Sometimes I ask to myself if I believe in what I say, specially at night. There's that girl I love, and I ask to myself if I actually love her.
I have a friend I enjoy staying with, but sometimes i feel like he's just exploiting me like everyone else is. But then I wake up the next day and I feel guilty because I'm blaming an innocent for my failures.

>>37732418
Where is the autistic retard option?

>>37732484
Damn, sorry dude. I'm way too attached to animals, don't know what I'd do.

>>37732332
yeah man, therapy is the only thing keeping me from offing myself

I'm 19 and I have a pretty strong urge to cuddle with my cousin, who is 20. Not sex or anything like that. Only had one gf. She used me for rides and shit. She probably didn't even like me 2bh. What's wrong with me?

>>37732508
>i liked the start the most. how can you even manage to accidentaly put a nail through someones head. that's like intention to kill, way beyond what would be "normal violence" to me.
It was completely accidental. We always had these fights where we would take hazel branches (about 2"-3" in diameter) and fight with each other and try to beat each other up. Hazel is nice since it's bendy. Doesn't break bones but hurts like shit. I remember being a "POW" which meant one guy was choke-holding me and were others beating me legs with the sticks trying to make me "sing" and tell them where the rest of my buddies and the caches are. We had these "gang" wars except they took place in the woods where we had hideouts (caches) with booze and weed and tried to fight over the territory. It was very fun though. I was actually known very well for enduring pain even back then. Even when my legs were covered in bruises and I could barely walk the next day, but I wouldn't sing.

Point is one of the guys adjusted his stick (sword, baton, whatever) with these guards to protect his fingers, you know? He put them into the hazel stick with nails and accidentally one of the guards fell off and the nail ended in someones head. We were about 14 back then. I remember talking to his parents having to explain how we almost killed their son. That was one intense meeting. I'm honestly a little surprised we didn't go to prison.

>>37732514
Man I don't know how to say what I want to say without sounding cliche. Only thing I can tell you is that you should believe your gut. And by that I mean, you should try to look at things without your insecurities and distortions.

What do you mean you're not sure if you love her?

Also how could people exploit you?

I just need more information.

>>37732514
> i feel like he's just exploiting me like everyone else is. But then I wake up the next day and I feel guilty because I'm blaming an innocent for my failures.

I feel like that often too.
But the last few weeks talking in these threads made me feel better about myself so I dont think about it that much now

>>37729443
I wrote >>37732628 can you give me advice? Don't just tell me to stop caring what everyone thinks

>>37732748

These people are toxic; defend yourself, take your distances. Do whatever it takes.

Be tough. There is no reason to take shit from anyone, anyone at all.

The one time I stood up to such bullshit, I destroyed a kitchen and flew through a door. Go wild. The only thing I regret is apologising afterwards.

>>37732606
>yeah man, therapy is the only thing keeping me from offing myself
Is it helping you? If so, you just have to keep doing it. Honestly if you really have problems, the professionals know how to help you. They know their shit.

You know sometimes how you're doing something and feel like there is no progress but then one day you realize there is actually a big progress that was made? Like it just dawns on you. So don't give up. All I can say.

It's cliche as shit.

>>37732604
I contemplated many things. Point is, the village I lived in is full of dog people. And so the new guys are now forever known as the guys who poisoned "Dan's" dog. I mean sure, I don't have any direct proof. But just think about it. Had the dog for 3 years. No one complained at all. New guys move in. Within couple months the dog is dead. Doesn't help that they don't talk to anyone at all, they're completely keeping to themselves.

Honestly I'm thinking of confroting them. I was at our garden the other day and saw one of them (the family of the new neighbors) so I stared him the fuck down. The guy just honestly hid from me. He actually walked behind the corner, waited for 5 seconds, looked from behind the corner (just his head) to see if I was still staring at him (I was), then hid again. I think they will eventually be stupid. You know how it is, they will brag in the pub to someone. That's how I'll know. I know everyone in that pub.

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Thought i will never change, I thought everything will be the same forever.

But now that im contemplating things i see that I've changed alot through the course of 365 days, can't say if i changed for the better or worse.

A year ago I were very suicidal, i would drive to the outer edges of town to find somewhere i can be alone at, have a smoke and listen to music for hours upon hours.
now I can't bring myself to do stuff i used to love, i lost all motivation.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore so all i do is wish for death all the time.

I don't want to stay in this world anymore, I can't.
I can't do anything without over thinking it.
I hate humans, i hate the primal instincts of superiority and self righteousness.
I hate sexual desires, i hate the entire human race, one big filthy pile of trash built on incest.

I want off this wild ride for countless reasons.

Noone can fix my outlook on life, no one can help me, no one even bothers to help me.
Im just another lost cause.
All i can wish for is a quick and painless death during my sleep.
Fuck this shitty universe.
Fuck this website.
Fuck the human race.
My anger cannot be comprehended by a simple living man.
I am the worst human you can ever come across, even if I don't show it, even if i pretend to be a friendly looking cuck.

I have enough anger to keep a sun shining for twenty decades and a short fuse to launch it at anyone who's going to piss me off.

I'm a man with nothing to lose, i will ruin the life of the next person to piss me off.

I've had it with the fuckery of you humans, i will no longer tolerate your toxic behaviors, i will no longer sit idle and turn the other cheek.

>>37732730
I know, let me explain.
It feels like I'm just trying to force myself to love her just because then I could say "Hey guys! I'm in love! That means I'm a human again, am i rite?". Some days it's just normal, I look at her photos and I wait for the right moment to come and try something. But then I have those "apathy attacks" and I start to behave like this. Either way, I'm lying. But when am I, when am I not? That's what I ask me every day... who's the liar?

I'm the second best student in my class (guess who's the first...). Most of the girls for example can't care less about me, but when they need help with "muh latin tests" they are all so sweet and so fake... but I don't care and I help them. While this certainty is limited just to a few people, during those "apathy attacks" I was talking about before I just feel surrounded by traitors. But deep in my heart I know they aren't... but when everything starts going for the worst, I just keep yelling "they're traitors! they've always been! they'll pay!" But, after 20 minutes, I'm praying asking for mercy because of my words. Sometimes I really believe I'm mad.

>>37732899
>Noone can fix my outlook on life, no one can help me, no one even bothers to help me.

Have you tried a therapist?

>>37732730
some shitheads around here used to fight with hazel braches aswell. i never participaded. i was terrified actually since pain was not part of the easy life i wanted.

it does sound like great fun though. im no supporter of an easy life, i feel like it's just made me miss out on a lot of things. instead of having fun i've just keep concerned in keeping optimal circumstances.

did you get any repercussions at all?

>>37732899
>Noone can fix my outlook on life, no one can help me, no one even bothers to help me.
You know that saying. You can bring the horse to the river, but you can't make it drink.

>Im just another lost cause.
Or you're telling that to yourself to justify inactivity.

>I'm a man with nothing to lose
Is it really the truth? I thought that for a long time, but as I was sitting with the barrel to my temple, I couldn't find it in myself to pull the trigger. And I'm not being figurative here. Sure, you could be dishonest here. What's the point of that though. Ultimately, you have no choice. You have to be honest with yourself. Do you REALLY have nothing to lose?

I have quite a similar outlook on life as you. Except I think my rage has gone down a little. Point is, why are you like this? And be concrete here. Just say some instances. Something.

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>>37732899
>I am the worst human you can ever come across, even if I don't show it, even if i pretend to be a friendly looking cuck.

>I'm a man with nothing to lose, i will ruin the life of the next person to piss me off.

Sorry but I find this way too funny

>>37733092
>Sorry but I find this way too funny

Course you would. Most of you are a bunch of empathy-retarded fucktards who wouldn't feel compassion if Jesus Christ fucked them in the ass with it.

Get a fucking grip.

>>37732859
Dont know what kind of a fucking monster youd have to be to poison someones dog, thats too fucked up even for me.

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>>37732955
Sorry, but for what fucking purpose?
I don't wish to continue living.
Every chance of recovery I've had was crushed and taken away by life.

I do not want to get better anymore, i do not want to put up with such a cruel world, i gave up hope a long long time ago.
If I'm ever going to kill myself i have a list of people i will take with me.
Forgiveness has limits, I'm done with the disrespect and abuse, rage knows no family and doesn't care about any bonds, i will take justice in my hands and show this cruel joke of a life the limit of one man pushed too far.

>>37733038
Exactly, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.


>>37733092
Its a light hearted angry, angry rant.
Nothing i said is expected to be taken seriously, I'm just getting things off my chest and writing whatever comes to mind, because I'll forget about it otherwise and it'll weigh me down.

>>37733038
>>37732949
Not wanna be a pain the ass even to the few souls who listen to me, but what should I do?

>>37733000
>did you get any repercussions at all?
None at all honestly. It wasn't deliberate. And whenever I see that guy, we talk, he's normal enough. Except psychopathic. It's like this funny story now.

>Oh man, you remember how we almost killed Milan?

I remember our class teacher talking to us about it, but no police. Not even my parents know.

>>37732949
>"Hey guys! I'm in love! That means I'm a human again, am i rite?"
I know all too well what you mean. It just feels great to be attracted to someone. It's this warm, fuzzy feeling. It makes you feel human. Like you said. Ultimately I feel that people like you (and me) just need intimacy. I don't mean sex necessarily. I mean human contact. You ever told her how you feel?

>Most of the girls for example can't care less about me, but when they need help with "muh latin tests" they are all so sweet and so fake
You shouldn't let yourself be exploited this way. I mean you know fucking latin? You seem like a very capable, smart guy. Yet I think your problem is that you don't have the confidence. Why not?

>>37733198
>If I'm ever going to kill myself i have a list of people i will take with me.

Don't invole the FBI into this, thanks.

You want help, I know it, you know it.

I assume you have never tried therapy. I urge you to.

>>37733132
Dont start this shit again.

Its a huge fucking difference between needing help and saying that you will "ruin the life of the next person to piss me off"

I remember very well how you shitted on people for not being able to take a joke few weeks back and you do the same

>>37733204
did the nail actually hit his brain? like did he pass out or something and had to be taken to the hospital?

>>37733203
I'm sorry. It just takes time sometimes to respond.

>>37733198
>Exactly, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
You DO want to help yourself. Don't you fucking dare tell yourself that you don't.

>>37733149
I guess he barked? Then again if they told us he is annoying them, we would have taken precautions. My father could have been taking him to work, we could have put up some barriers. There were many things that could have been done. They never said shit though. Just poisoned him. Actually I was at work when I heard he got poisoned. I do trainings at work often and about 2 minutes before the training started my father calls me about how our dog died this horrible death, trying not to cry himself. So I just you know, put down the phone and walk in front of the clients, my heart pounding, my eyes being red from the anger and had to train them for the whole day pretend like I'm not thinking about the best ways to set the neighbors house on fire.

>>37733255
>Dont start this shit again.

Make me.

>Its a huge fucking difference between needing help and saying that you will "ruin the life of the next person to piss me off"

Sometimes, it's the same. It's the same here.

>I remember very well how you shitted on people for not being able to take a joke few weeks back and you do the same

I don't. I never shat on anyone for that. Maybe you're thinking of Meta, but there was no joke in what I had said, merely an assumption of meanness on his part, and a context you know nothing of.

This thread doesn't exist to make fun of people who come here, even if they sound so edgy that you can't help but laugh in their face.

>>37733204
I met her one year ago. In the first 6 months I was completely numb, mostly because I didn't even have a phone in the first three months. I started making friends just about February, before I was a joke to everyone. I "fell in love" at the end of the first term, but at first I didn't even try to get close, because I felt I didn't even deserve to be by her side, and I didn't have the right to burden her with my supposed complexes et cetera. I just said to myself, "well, let's wait some time until I get better". I hat to wait the end of the second term. Then I had a dream, where... you can imagine. And I started to think of doing something. Just to say, I talked to her for the first time on the 7th of June. After the end of the school, I needed 7 days to find the strength to ask her what beach she goes to. If everything goes well, I hope I'll get to do something by August. But not before.

yeah, I know, our educational system is pretty strange. I attend to a school were we study all the typical subjects, with the addition of Latin and classical Greek. It's not that hard if you consider that we are Italian and at least the first is not that far from the language we speak every day, all you have to day is studying it every day.

>>37733240
It can't be helped anymore, going to a therapist would be a waste of time, money, and motivation.
Im just offing myself at the next shit life throws at me.
I dont care what will people think, im going to a better place, even if that place is hell, its alot simpler than living another day and suffering mentally and physically.

For 22 years this poor heart has been working its ass keeping me alive, now it's in a bad shape, the pain can sometimes be too much, the shitty healthcare here doesn't seem to comprehend the problem and can't give me a proper diagnosis, just these shitty pills.
Every day im dying, we all are dying but at different rates.
With every breath it hurts more to keep living.
I just want to die peacefully, whatever comes next, heaven or hell, nothingness or reincarnation, it's better than this life.
What god would allow this?

>>37733377
Sorry, but im one guy whose given up hope and has nothing to life for.
Its shocking it know, but i want the sweet release of death.

>>37733377
Oh, don't worry. I was just afraid you didn't see the message.

>>37733375
I'm not sure if it got his brain. It went through the skull that's for sure. It was I don't know. 3" or 4" nail.

He didn't pass out, he just started rubbing his head and then he went limp, like if he was drunk. We had to talk to him to keep him awake and took him to the hospital. We stopped some random guy who took us there. The guy could barely walk, but he was not passed out. More like vegetable.

>>37733419
>It can't be helped anymore, going to a therapist would be a waste of time, money, and motivation.

It can be helped.

Spend more time describing your condition.

>>37733396
Im too tired to argue, especially with you since I like you.

I just had a fucking giggle, Im not trying to shit on anyone here

>>37733510
>Im too tired to argue, especially with you since I like you.

I am defeated.

>>37733412
Good job on doing anything. I mean it. On the other hand, why do you doubt yourself so much?

Man I would like to study Latin though. I mean why the fuck do european languages not have ablative? Other than latin and maybe albanian? I don't know.

>>37733419
>Its shocking it know, but i want the sweet release of death.
It's not. I was where you are. When push came to shove, I found out I was wrong. Don't think that now I'm all rainbows and sunshine. I just know that I don't want to kill myself. And chances are you don't want either. And the sooner you admit this to yourself, the less time you waste.

Like me. Fucking hell man it's my 25th birthday today. I've wasted so much time and I'm gonna waste some more because you can't recover instantly. I just wish I wasted less. And chances are you will feel the same way. All you have to do is be honest. Only with yourself.

I don't know what to say, so I'm mostly lurking. Also hi

>>37733489
Why can't you accept that I don't want to be helped?
You don't care, I don't care, we're just two strangers on the shittiest place on the internet talking about their pain.
You wont even notice if i leave,
No one would, someday I'll let go, stop struggling, no one would know about it for at least two weeks.
They'll grieve for a while, circle jerk about how much they miss me,
Have dick measuring contests of who loved me most.
While in my living days no one botherd hitting me up, no one botherd listening to what i had to say, talk over me as i never were there.
I gave them enough signs, i showed them a glimpse of my suffering, they never botherd to help me.
Why should i keep living alongside selfish people?
Don't give me any bullshit about it getting better.
I have nothing to live for, never will have anything to live for.
No one cares if a person dies, i honestly won't give a fuck if a friend died.
At this point it's no point, grieving doesn't do shit.


>>37733643
I've never been more honest that today on this image board.
I don't want to live another day, but until i have the reason to end it all I'll have to keep struggling.

Happy birthday anon i know it means jack shit but it's all i can give.

>>37733721
>Why can't you accept that I don't want to be helped?

Because I knew someone who didn't want to be helped. He's dead now.

Of course I care, unlike many people here, I do care.

Don't give up.

>>37733643
>Good job on doing anything
What do you mean?
>Why do you doubt yourself so much?
I guess because once I could afford the luxury of not being as nice to others as I'm now and I was really, really, really, really narcissist. Then I met a girl online, I became her friend, but like always after two weeks I fucked up and I never spoke to her again, even though I think she's willing to forgive me if I showed to be deserving... I just don't have the strength to dare it. I have fucked up a lot of relations before, but this one was really hard and my self-esteem crumbled. It happened almost voluntarily, because I don't want my pride to ruin every single fucking thing I do anymore.

Huh, it may be because of ambiguity. In latin the ablative case alone means a hell of a lot of things, and I'm not exaggerating. In Italian, for example, we don't have any case at all. We just use prepositions, as you do in english.

>>37733721
>I've never been more honest that today on this image board.
Well, once again I'm gonna use my experiences here a little. On /r9k/ or 4chan in general you can say anything. Does that mean you're honest though? It's a different thing. Just because you get a platform where you can say anything doesn't mean you really feel like it. Sure, it feels good to say shit you wouldn't have said IRL, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's how you really feel. You get my point?

>Happy birthday anon i know it means jack shit but it's all i can give.
It means a lot actually. Thanks.

I'd like to get some drinks with all of you.

>>37733783
*relationships, pardon. I hate making those silly mistakes.

>>37733451
damn, thats really messed up. glad he managed to survive

>>37733754
You know, in shaming people for having low empathy - mostly caused by traumatic live events - you're not making a great case for empathy.

>>37733844

The post you linked to has nothing to do with "shaming people with low empathy", I don't even see how you got to that conclusion.

Every once in a while, however, it's good to have a reality check and be told that you can't tell each other, because you're the same in that regard.

>>37733783
>What do you mean?
Well you asked her. Talked to her. And if you like her, you get a chance to spend more time with her. If you like her (like I think you do), it's gonna be time well spent. And if she likes you as well, it's gonna be time MUCH more well spent.

>I became her friend, but like always after two weeks I fucked up and I never spoke to her again
How did you fuck up exactly?

Also it's so interesting about the languages. For example the fucking articles. What's that shit supposed to mean? Slavic languages don't have those. Why does german used dative for what's ablative in latin, while slavic languages use mostly genitive? Who came up with this stuff. I'm really enjoying this part of language learning.

I'm absolutely unfamiliar with romance languages though. Was thinking of picking up spanish later, but I'll see.

>>37733878
>Of course I care, unlike many people here, I do care.
This comes across as catty and passive-aggressive.

>>37733938
>This comes across as catty and passive-aggressive.

To you. If you can't care for a dog getting stomped to death, don't think too much of your caring ability beyond the conceptual level.

As to "catty", feel free to rebaptise me as such.

>>37733966
I think that lots of regulars here really do care.
Not sure about me but atleast im trying to

>>37733966
And me. As he said, we didn't choose to lack empathy, and rubbing the fact we're inferior to anyone in that field isn't nice.

Even if it's a fact, there's a way to say it. Sure the event that triggered your post was a reason, but it's things like this that sets me off around here.

>>37733966
This post is exactly what I'm talking about. You're making an exclusionary, moralising judgement. It's direspectful and you feel entitled to behave with disrespect because of that judgement. That is not helpful. To be clear I'm not offended, I'm just pointing out a flaw that you demonstrate from time to time.

>>37734027

Maybe getting set off isn't such a bad thing. How much time a day do you spend on your empathy? How much work do you put into it? I rest my case.

Politeness is the way to a lot of things, but rarely to the truth.

>You're making an exclusionary, moralising judgement.

Yes. There are people who giggle at animals beaten to death, and there are those who couldn't. As to moralising, there are those who find it immoral to do such things.

I have no problem with my position and stand by it. I see it as a good thing that you both feel like retards for being unable to relate. At least you know something's wrong.

>That is not helpful. To be clear I'm not offended, I'm just pointing out a flaw that you demonstrate from time to time.

Just because you think it's a flaw doesn't make it one. I think you occasionally need to face normal reactions, not that I did it for that specific purpose, but if I always adapt to your abnormal ways of thinking, you'll never see how abnormal you are.

>>37734158
Let me be clear: I know I have problems, and am trying to fix them. I come here to get help, not to be told that you're superior because you have an awesome score for empathy, and we don't. As facet said, it comes as passive-aggressive.

I get it. You take pride in your empathy. But it isn't the first time you remind us you're so awesome on that part, and it annoys me. Again, there's ways to say things, and being polite is one of them. Even to say the truth.

>>37734312

Dont want to start the flames here but I gotta I agree with Frenchy on this, sometimes it gets really damn annoying.

>>37733911
I was the arrogant, narcissistic, self-centered shit I've always been, but most people were lucky enough to never know me deep enough to despise me because of my true personality. To be fair, I don't even think I was that bad, but probably to her I was. She claimed I was always talking about myself, and that may be true, but I was asking for help while she believed I was just seeking praise like every good narcissist.

There are no articles. I seriously couldn't believe it when I was first told.
Talking about the use of the dative in German, in Greek they do the same, for example. They don't have the ablative. I think its use in Latin is pretty much an exception.

Now it's time for me to go, and I don't hope this thread will last enough for me to return. Do you have any junk email we could use, or something?

>>37734312
>I come here to get help, not to be told that you're superior because you have an awesome score for empathy, and we don't. As facet said, it comes as passive-aggressive.

The idea that it makes me superior is yours. I never made that judgement call.

>I get it. You take pride in your empathy.

Neither here nor there. I reserve the right to reprimand people for laughing at things nobody should laugh at. That has very little to do with what I think of my empathy. If you think having empathy makes me unique, you're wrong. Here, maybe, but out there, most people are closer to me than you and the rest. You guys are exceptional, not me.

I'm glad you feel bad about your hindered empathy, it's a good sign, but the idea that I feel awesome about my own empathy and am trying to show off only reveals how you feel about it, not how I do.

I don't care about being polite and if I want to be aggressive, I won't be passively so.

>>37734381

Of course you would. You, Facet, French, have the same thing in common.

Understand this: I don't care if I come across as annoying. Deal with it.

>>37734405
I will not post my email here. But I will post a throwaway.

[email protected]

If you wanna talk, you can send me your real email to the throwaway and I will respond to you with my real email. I know it's complicated, but putting my email here is just bad news.

>>37734493
As I said, I like you

But now you just sound like a dick

>>37734569

For what exactly? Because I dislike you guys giggling at animals being beaten to death? And you want me to feel bad for your hurt feelings? Do you see the disconnect?

>>37734493
As long as you realise we're not picking up any life lessons from this. It's not making me realise anything, or feel bad because I laughed at something you didn't find funny. I just think you're acting like a dick.

>>37734615
>As long as you realise we're not picking up any life lessons from this

That's your problem, not mine.

>It's not making me realise anything, or feel bad because I laughed at something you didn't find funny.

If you didn't feel bad, you wouldn't have a titty attack like you're having now, just like the others.

> I just think you're acting like a dick.

You even use the same term.

Let me get this straight: you guys laugh at animals being beaten to death, but God forbid I point out your psychopathic lack of empathy for the poor creature, because that's being a dick.

I am fucking dreaming right now.

>>37734600
Just to be clear I never "giggled at animals being beathen to death".
Youre just not helping anyone by this no matter what you say about it, you just get people pissed off here.
Either you try to help or shit on poeple for not feeling sorry about others. Cant do both

>>37734473
Who reminds us constantly that we don't have empathy, something normal people do, even if we know that very well?

>The idea that it makes me superior is yours
>I reserve the right to reprimand

I didn't want to argue. I'm going through some mental shit lately, mainly discovering new things about my own problems. When I come here, I try to have a nice time, and when something sets me off, I try to apply what works the best to dismanttle a situation that could become shitty. Hence my politeness, my choice of words, and trying to understand your side.

>>37734600
>you
I didn't. Don't generalize to everyone. You want to be a dick, fine.

>>37734668
>Either you try to help or shit on poeple for not feeling sorry about others. Cant do both

Help won't always come in ways you find enjoyable. I've stated my case several times here and I no longer know what you disagree with or find me a "dick" for.

>>37734690
>Who reminds us constantly that we don't have empathy,

Constantly? Aren't you exaggerating a little?

>You want to be a dick, fine.

I'm going to be a dick somewhere else, so you can preserve a happier mood for the thread.

Just no more animal cruelty giggles.

Well this just put me in a real shitty mood.

Gotta go to sleep anyway so good night guys

>>37734830
Sleep well Atlas, sorry you got bullied unironically today

>>37734782
See you later then, Nick

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>>37734782
Constantly is exaggerated, yes. As much as saying everyone here giggled at the death of animals, which I don't find appealing, but can try to comprehend.

Much like I'm trying to comprehend your current state.

>>37734830
Good night, here's a cute picture c:

hi everyone, going outside and seeing strangers makes me anxious, halp it was not always like that

I just wanted to share some crazy slav stories ...

I wish I hadn't. Guess it's a good catalyst for conflict.

>>37734892
What makes you anxious about them?

>>37734892
Did something change for you? When was it different?

Well my presentation went alright yesterday. It seemed like most people liked it. Just got a few more things to take care of and then I'm officially a NEET until I find a job. I don't want to be a NEET.

>>37734926
i really don't know, i just fear them
>>37734927
same, idk, i just really noticed it today because i went out for a walk and there were people running everywhere doing sport and i felt so fucking uncomfortable, i freaked out and tried to find a shorter way to come home
>actually managed to get lost for 15 minutes

>>37734934
Glad to hear that, Charlie. Could you say what it was about or would you rather not? Being a NEET temporarily is fine, just don't get stuck there.

>>37734925
Cyka blyat comrade, should have waved the white flag

But in all honesty it's not your fault. The issue was there for a while, and your story was just a pretext to talk about it.

I do want to hear more slav stories though!

Wish I could contribute, but my stories are from someone that lived a "nice" life, as you guys described before. Except an almost drowning experience that would pinpoint who I am if I told you guys about it

>>37734975
You don't fear for no reasons. What do you imagine they could do to you? Or what could you do that makes them get to you?

>>37734975
In that case, try headphones. You could listen to something specifically soothing. I would think there are audio files tailored to that exact purpose.

>>37735018
thx
>>37734976
well for some people i always fear that they'd just beat the crap outa me, like some drunk people or just obviously violent punks, but there... they were just doing sport all running everywhere i really don't understand what happened

>>37734976
I'd rather not. You hit the nail on the head with the paranoia comment yesterday. I don't even have a fake discord or email I use on 4chan because I don't trust myself to not leave tracks leading back to a legit email or something. Also I don't think the presentation was particularly interesting, just some generic IT stuff

>>37735005
>Wish I could contribute, but my stories are from someone that lived a "nice" life, as you guys described before.
I wish I had stories I like that ;_;

I have a few, but they're mostly exceptions.

>>37735082
Why would they beat you up? What would be their reason?

>>37735097
My stories are rare though. And they could pinpoint who I am. I just can say I almost drowned in a flooded river and people recorded me; I visited some gorgeous places that are protected by the UNESCO, but mostly I play videogames alone.

>>37735201
well, they're natural bullies and i'm no fighter so easy prey i guess

>>37735088
I can appreciate that, no worries. Good to hear it went well anyway. Kind of strange that you're an IT guy and you wouldn't have insight into how to keep yourself safe online though.

>>37735082
That is quite unusual. If you're able, you could carry a weapon or at least take a self-defence class perhaps?

>>37735221
No one is a natural bully. But let me assume a couple of things:
>you were bullied in school
>you have low self esteem
>you have something that you want to hide when in public

Am I far off the truth?

>>37735254
weapons are not allowed in my country
>>37735259
>yes, until highschool, that was years ago
>yes
>no
but that's no super secret i'm well aware of that and am used to it

>>37735254
Having a self defense tool won't solve his anxiety though.

>>37735305
Next time it happens, be rational. Why would they start to beat you up? Oppose your anxiety with facts.

But then again, it doesn't solve the core problem: Why would they start to beat you up in the first place? What makes you feel like it could happen?

Join the fight!

We are The Void. Make it count.

http://pixelcanvas.io/@-3,-96

>>>/b/735920939

We've taken Pacman down. Deus Vult.

>>37735370
told you idk, maybe they're just dumb and like to do that, maybe they'd want to have fun breaking my face, or maybe they want to take my phone or money, so many possibilities that lead them to do that

i want to say that i don't live in a shitty neighboorhood tho, someone actually tried to beat me only once

>>37735254
It's more I know what to do, but I'm just too untrusting of both myself and any services I would need. I could totally spin up a virtual machine and use several proxies to create fake emails without using the same IP or MAC address that I use on my legit emails and such so I could connect with other anons outside of 4chan. It just seems like too much work and I'm sure I would fuck something up along the way like logging into the email or chat service without using the virtual machine or proxies.

>>37735466
Aren't you expecting your past situation to arise again, involuntary? Besides, you were bullied too, and I bet both left a scar on your mind. Even minor.

Remember, no one is a natural bully, and no one would go after you especially without a reason. And I doubt you have a reason to begin with. To be picked up.

Again, fight your anxiety with your reason. Argue with yourself, and don't let that bitch anxiety win

>>37735594
ok, will try this

Anyone still up? I still wanted my slav stories, damn it

>>37735731
I'm still lurking while writing up a paper. I don't really have any slav stories though.

>>37729443
I have a question about some things that happened in my childhood.

Me and my sister would have to go to my parents bed every night for a little while, naked, and if we wore clothes we would be made fun of. This continued until we were about 10 years old. Until about the same age, the whole family would massage each other about once a week. We were all naked (though there was no sexual/genitals touching). And I remember my mother being very insistent on seeing my genitals and some mole thing that I had next to my penis, even when I didn't want her to look.

I had a lot of problems with boundaries as a kid, would get naked a lot of the time without knowing it wasn't normal, that kind of thing, and since I was maybe 12 or so have had a lot of body image problems and trouble about sexuality.

The strange thing is though, that my parents were in most other ways quite nice. They were friendly, didn't hit us, bought us nice things, spent time with us etc.

Was it normal or abuse?

>>37736375
It's not normal in any way. Quite possibly abuse.

>>37736375

It's abuse. Completely abnormal and makes no sense. Ask them if you still can.

>>37736427
>>37736432
The thing that makes me question whether or not it was abuse is that they were nice to us, definitely treated us better than most of my friends parents treated them, and gave us a lot of freedom.

>>37736472

Makes no difference. It's sexual abuse.

>>37736472
It's fine, it wasn't abuse, it was family bonding. Don't let people convince you it was abuse because you were naked. Don't worry about it, it's in the past anyway.

>>37736472
>The thing that makes me question whether or not it was abuse is that they were nice to us,
Abuse does not depend on whether or not the abuser is nice or not. To give a rather extreme example, a pedophile being nice to the child he is molesting would be abuse regardlesss.

>>37736472
>What is grooming

>>37736530

Fuck off, pedo.

If you felt bad, and if it's something nobody else does, it's abuse. Trust me, this was abuse.

There's no rational reason for this bullshit, your parents are mentally ill.

Most abused people never realise abuse took place, because everything seems so normal when it's your childhood.

>>37736651
I don't think it was grooming, because they never went beyond inappropriate nudity/touching, and continued to be nice to both of us after we stopped having to be naked, massage etc.

>>37736677
>because they never went beyond inappropriate nudity/touching
And what did they do after they'd molested you?
>and continued to be nice to both of us after we stopped having to be naked, massage etc.
It's still abuse, no matter what rationalization you put forth. Abuse is abuse, regardless of how nice the persons committing are before, during and after.

>>37736677
Maybe it's just been awhile since my last youth protection course, but grooming is independent of the actual abuse. To me, you're literally describing grooming while saying it wasn't grooming.

talk to me on discord if you want to talk to a complete stranger about what you feel.
Tremblay#8224

>>37737641
>Tremblay#8224
You're an asshole

>>37736375
so your parents were basically nudists

>>37733721
if you dont want to be helped what is even the purpose of posting in this thread?

Hello psych issue friends.

Can any of you kind anons please link that test with all the narcissism and negative traits stuff in it? The one that determines how much of a dick you are basically.

>>37740757
nvm google is my friend.

>>37740757
>>37740778
Could you share the link? I always like taking those tests