Back in middle school, I held hands with a girl, and she even

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Back in middle school, I held hands with a girl, and she even kissed me on the cheek. I had to move for about half a year for family reasons. When I came back, I found out she turned into a complete slut. I found out she was railing some guy from the football team. I was destroyed. The pain I felt was unbelievable. It was almost as if my brain was no longer capable of producing happiness.

I stopped talking to my friends, I stopped going out, I stopped enjoying life. For years, and years. Every single night I would stay up late listening to shitty music and browsing random forums online. Somehow, I got used to it.

I got attached to this torment. For so long I thought it was holding on to me when I realized that I was holding on to it. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to leave, but subconsciously I'm scared to do so. It's almost as if I use this depressing state as an emotional safe haven.

I know you feel like there is no worse feeling than never knowing, but I can tell you, it's worse to know what it feels like and know that you'll never have it back. Robots, what do I do? Am I here forever? Is there some way, any fucking way, that I can escape this void?