just bought my first pack of condoms at age 23

have a posh wank mate
surprisingly not too bad

>>37707817
I use them to masturbate so I don't seafood

>>37707817
>Fill one with fake blood
>Hide it under you shirt/in a pocket or something
>Poke it with a thumbtack when you need to get out of a situation

People will think you got shot or something until they see that there is no injury.

>>37707817
Ive bought condoms twice in my life and im 25.

Both were just before a date, where I didnt expect sex, but just in case

I ended up wanking in them just to see what it was like to wear a condom.

Wasn't that bad.

>>37707817
Well, if you aren't going to use them for sex, make balloon animals.

And post pictures.

Only time I got condoms is from me mom with a heavy hint that I should get laid, that was when I turned 18
I'm 25 now and they expired

>>37707831
I hate it when I seafood while masturbating. Maybe I should buy some condoms.

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>>37707817
Blood squibs.

http://www.refocusedmedia.com/how-to-make-diy-squibs/

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>>37707883
DELET THIS
NOW
pp

>>37707852
Lol I have a date this week and I did the same thing.

>>37708039
>LOL
please leave 4chan

>>37708064
Holy shit you fucking got him better take him to the burn unit XDXDXD

>>37707817
Bought my first box of standard size condoms after I fingered my gf for the first time and she gave me succ.
>tfw she tells you the condoms are too big for you
Us dicklets, when will we learn?

>>37707817
put them on your fingers in place of rubber gloves when you are preparing food.

>>37708195
Jokes on you, I will never face that problem since I'm never getting laid.

Those rubbers are pricey af. Not only i'm supposed to pay for the girl but also to pay for the condoms. Sex is too much expensive.

>>37707817
I go into stores with cute tellers and buy magnums. I like to see their facial expressions

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>>37708413
>I go into stores with cute tellers and buy magnums

Use them to smuggle drugs into a prison or something and make a lot of money and be rich.

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>cucking yourself with condoms
lmao
Only losers use condoms. Enjoy your no sensation.
>b-b-but at least the g-g-g-girl likes it

>be 22 yo virgin
>go on a couple dates with girl
>everything is actually going great
>thirs date coming up
>ending the night by watcging movies at my apt
>buy condoms beforehand
>get home, put in movie, attempt to lose virginity
>condoms are too fucking tight
>it actually hurts
>can't feel anything
>can't stay hard
>first sex experience is garbage
>a week later girl wants nothing to do with me

And that's how I learned I have a huge dick and need Magnums. I bought a small box and jacked off into one abd it was much better. I haven't had an opportunity to use them with a girl though.

>>37707896
>>37707831

Seafood? What does that mean?

>>37708705
Wow how fucking new can you be kid?
>What does that mean?
lmao

>>37708674
Did you tell her it was the big night?

>>37708705
very original sentences my friend seafood

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>>37708705
shellfish and sea fish, served as food.

>>37708748

No but it was probably pretty obvious to her.

>>37707817
do the condom challenge
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDMd6BeReAI

>>37708705

Hello summer my old friend

how do you know what size to buy lads?
normans no bully

>be me
>last week
>at qt's house
>normieflix and chill
>forgot to seafood
>she gets a condom
>ohshit.icns

>>37708747
>>37708761
>>37708783

What does it mean within the context of those posts? Obviously it's some kind of euphemism.

>>37708922
I want all these new summer faggots to go back to school and fuck off my board
You must be 18 to post here.

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>go to store
>ask for the smallest condoms they have
>mfw it turns out they're still not small enough

>>37708882>>37708747


I'm a 29 year old kissless virgin.

I'm not some dirty normie teenager.

>>37708957
lol no wonder you don't seafood faggot

>>37708895
>buy 3 pack of standard size
>try one on and jack off
>too tight with hardly any feeling? Go bigger
>too loose and the entire thing is floppy? Go smaller
>fits snug but doesn't hurt and doesn't move? Just right

>>37708942
Maybe he's a foreigner.

What kind of condom do you guys like? If I'm just having a little seafood, I like to go with the sheer ones.

>>37708968

Like some depressing lonely version of goldilocks

>>37709030
In a different way, I feel like a depressing and lonely version of goldilocks...

>>37708968
is there some guide to convert inch sizes, i am 7.5 x 6.2 will standard be fine for me?

well as a survivalist I use condoms as water sacks. You just fill em with water and carry it off. Weird to drink out of but the jungles are like that man

>>37709422
Mine 7,62 x 54 mm
Tell me when you found a converter

>>37707817

Tie them all together them swallow as many as you can then pull it out... on video

>>37708039
>>37707852
I must admit I did this too

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>>37709701
Your dick is the size of a Mosin-Nagant cartridge?

>>37707817
They are used to collect and keep drinking water in a survival situation.

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>tfw minor phimosis
Condoms don't fit right or something, it feels like I can't roll them down easily. How do I stretch properly?